he has yet to confirm our date TODAY

[threebyfate]

I wasn't talking about holding the cards. I was talking about her emotional state constantly being hot and cold. One minute, she talks about the emotional attachment she has for him the next she's talking about his " issues". When it comes down to it, she just wants validation that she's not the one at fault for why he doesn't want a relationship.

 

Now all this power play because she thinks she's getting the upper hand. How is she getting the upper hand when she secretly expects him to respond?

All the parameters were laid out more than once in this game, which includes him not responding and almost demands that he not respond.

 

Northern_sky knows this is a substantial possibility, especially considering the addendum of "take care and good luck" in her last email to him. I'm not worried about her ability to handle this little exchange.

[BobSacamento]

All the parameters were laid out more than once in this game, which includes him not responding and almost demands that he not respond.

 

Northern_sky knows this is a substantial possibility, especially considering the addendum of "take care and good luck" in her last email to him. I'm not worried about her ability to handle this little exchange.

 

Next look at the players. You have one that has a lot invested, the other doesn't give a crap.

[xpaperxcutx]

All the parameters were laid out more than once in this game, which includes him not responding and almost demands that he not respond.

 

Northern_sky knows this is a substantial possibility, especially considering the addendum of "take care and good luck" in her last email to him. I'm not worried about her ability to handle this little exchange.

 

 

Yeah okay I'll give you that, you laid it out for her perfectly. But to expect her to execute it is reckless considering her " personality". I'm more worried that that she'll start obsessing about his " lack" of responses than anything else.

[gentlewaters]

I wouldn't make some kind of insidious competition out of it. Take him at his word: he forgot because of his friend. But just figure that means you aren't on his mind, and figure the relationship is not what you want. So cut it off. Either don't respond or message anymore, or just send a quick and honest "goodbye".

 

Getting the upper hand is pointless and never all that satisfying. Talking about getting the upper hand can be fun, but it's pretty bad form to actually try to do it.

 

I'd like your opinion please about if she just told him the truth, that he made her sad by not contacting her to schedule the date. Do you think his heart is made out of stone? Do you think he would think he has "power" since he made her feel bad, and that it is not good for women to be truthful to the men they like? I'm curious about men's perspective on that.

[threebyfate]

Next look at the players. You have one that has a lot invested, the other doesn't give a crap.

But if you notice her responses, they're not terribly invested so he's not going to know how she's feeling.

 

Yeah okay I'll give you that, you laid it out for her perfectly. But to expect her to execute it is reckless considering her " personality". I'm more worried that that she'll start obsessing about his " lack" of responses than anything else.

Reckless? That's your opinion.

 

I have greater faith in northern_sky's ability to handle this.

[GooseChaser]

I don't like that the relationship wasn't exclusive after two months, and that is-- well, was-- something to be concerned about. Still, I think you guys could have worked this out. He could have been informed that that was a problem, and told that it was hurtful that we forgot to confirm the date. Communication! x_x He gave the option of rescheduling, but looks like it's over. That's the end of that, then, for better or for worse.

[welikeincrowds]

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

[Pfiend101]

I think you over reacted. He offered to make alternate plans immediately. Then you act like a spoiled brat playing these games. No wonder he doesn't want to date you.

[johan]

I'd like your opinion please about if she just told him the truth, that he made her sad by not contacting her to schedule the date. Do you think his heart is made out of stone? Do you think he would think he has "power" since he made her feel bad, and that it is not good for women to be truthful to the men they like? I'm curious about men's perspective on that.

 

I think that's the honest truth, and she should be capable of telling him that. I think he would respond with equal honesty.

[Star Gazer]

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

 

Exactly my point.

[Star Gazer]

I wouldn't make some kind of insidious competition out of it. Take him at his word: he forgot because of his friend. But just figure that means you aren't on his mind, and figure the relationship is not what you want. So cut it off. Either don't respond or message anymore, or just send a quick and honest "goodbye".

 

Getting the upper hand is pointless and never all that satisfying. Talking about getting the upper hand can be fun, but it's pretty bad form to actually try to do it.

 

That's exactly it. I've seen nothing from this guy - throughout any of these threads - that suggests J is a game player. To the contrary, this guy has been upfront and honest about what he wants, or doesn't want, from the very get go. His actions have matched his words: Shadow/Sky is not on his mind, not his priority, not someone he wants a relationship with. To twist his actions into gamesmanship is just...way off.

 

The only person playing a game here is Shadow/Sky. Her words suggest she doesn't care, but obviously she does.

[threebyfate]

I wouldn't make some kind of insidious competition out of it. Take him at his word: he forgot because of his friend. But just figure that means you aren't on his mind, and figure the relationship is not what you want. So cut it off. Either don't respond or message anymore, or just send a quick and honest "goodbye".

 

Getting the upper hand is pointless and never all that satisfying. Talking about getting the upper hand can be fun, but it's pretty bad form to actually try to do it.

:lmao:

[gentlewaters]

I think that's the honest truth, and she should be capable of telling him that. I think he would respond with equal honesty.

 

 

Thanks Johan,

 

Yeah I wish she had just tried it... telling the truth. I don't think he would have thought bad of her at all for being sad at him not contacting her... maybe he would have learned more about her and how she thinks/feels.

[northern_sky]

That's exactly it. I've seen nothing from this guy - throughout any of these threads - that suggests J is a game player. To the contrary, this guy has been upfront and honest about what he wants, or doesn't want, from the very get go. His actions have matched his words: Shadow/Sky is not on his mind, not his priority, not someone he wants a relationship with. To twist his actions into gamesmanship is just...way off.

 

The only person playing a game here is Shadow/Sky. Her words suggest she doesn't care, but obviously she does.

 

I feel like this makes it sound as if it's me in particular, when it's really his thing. He's been upfront in saying he's not looking for a relationship with anyone right now.

[BobSacamento]

But if you notice her responses, they're not terribly invested so he's not going to know how she's feeling.

 

It doesn't matter what she says it's that she said anything at all.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Oh, well! It's over an done with now, and Shadow had fun, too, so all's good.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I feel like this makes it sound as if it's me in particular, when it's really his thing. He's been upfront in saying he's not looking for a relationship with anyone right now.

 

What's the difference? You've been desperately trying to wrangle him into one, and it hasn't worked ... just like he said at the beginning.

[Star Gazer]

I feel like this makes it sound as if it's me in particular, when it's really his thing. He's been upfront in saying he's not looking for a relationship with anyone right now.

 

That's not what I intended at all; please stop twisting words and just read them at face value.

 

Either way, read your own admission. He's been upfront in saying he's not looking for a relationship with anyone right now. And guess what? His words match his actions. How is he a gameplayer? He's not.

[northern_sky]

What's the difference? You've been desperately trying to wrangle him into one, and it hasn't worked ... just like he said at the beginning.

 

Really, just stay out of my threads. Everything you say is mean and unhelpful.

[threebyfate]

It doesn't matter what she says it's that she said anything at all.

No response is the same as responding. Responding might get you finality where in my experience with these kinds of idiots, no response equals an open door in the future.

[northern_sky]

That's not what I intended at all; please stop twisting words and just read them at face value.

 

Either way, read your own admission. He's been upfront in saying he's not looking for a relationship with anyone right now. And guess what? His words match his actions. How is he a gameplayer? He's not.

 

No, he's not. But what he did is lame and inexcusable, even for a friend.

[threebyfate]

No, he's not. But what he did is lame and inexcusable, even for a friend.

It's moot if he's a game player or not. What he is, is an arrogant and selfish jerk. So don't worry about justifying your actions.

[Star Gazer]

No, he's not. But what he did is lame and inexcusable, even for a friend.

 

Okay, so we agree he's not a gameplayer. So why play games with him, when he's not playing along??

 

Sure, what he did was majorly lame. A friend is all he's ever really been - at best. And arguably, this behavior warrants dropping a "friend" like that. If he were a female friend, being that flaky and not keeping her plans with you, would you play this silly game? Or would you just nix her from your life?

 

He's proven he's not worth your time or energy.

[threebyfate]

Okay, so we agree he's not a gameplayer. So why play games with him, when he's not playing along??

 

Sure, what he did was majorly lame. A friend is all he's ever really been - at best. And arguably, this behavior warrants dropping a "friend" like that. If he were a female friend, being that flaky and not keeping her plans with you, would you play this silly game? Or would you just nix her from your life?

 

He's proven he's not worth your time or energy.

He's already been nixed with "take care and good luck". If he responds again, what does that say about him?

[Mme. Chaucer]

No response is the same as responding. Responding might get you finality where in my experience with these kinds of idiots, no response equals an open door in the future.

 

I don't think Shadow has any intention or interest of stopping the drama that she has orchestrated with this guy. From all I have read, I believe that she wants advice on how to keep picking at this scab, as it were, as long as humanly possible. Having ammo with which to "poke" him is helping to prolong it and fueling the drama.

 

That's her prerogative, of course. Since she posts about it with amazing detail and frequency here on LS, I feel that my comments and input are completely appropriate even though she does not feel that way. My hope is that some other person who might not like to be a train wreck might follow all of this and see the alternative perspectives offered. Of course I know that Shadow, or Northern_Sky, has no interest in any alternative approach than her usual tried and true pattern.