northern_sky Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 OK, this is a question on which LS could really be helpful. On Tuesday the guy I've been seeing for two months asked me on date for some time tonight after canceling our Tuesday date because he was sick (which he genuinely was, I have evidence ). He asked me twice, and seemed sincere about wanting to go, and I agreed. We didn't set a time or place, though, and he has yet to confirm. It's 8 am here. I should add that I'm thinking of breaking things off with him anyway. Long story, but we're not exclusive because he doesn't want to be (apparently with anybody), and I'm realizing that it's too painful for me to continue to see him knowing he may be seeing other people. But I do want to see him tonight, at least to break things off in person if that's what I decide. The fact that he hasn't confirmed our date yet is also pushing me over the fence into breakup territory. I mean isn't it a bit ridiculous at this point, or am I overreacting? At what point today would it become rude for him to not have contacted me yet? And if he reaches that point, would it be appropriate for me to send something like: "Hey, I haven't heard from you about our date tonight, so I'm assuming it's not happening." Or is that too passive aggressive? I want to sound mature but also communicate that I'm pissed. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 I dunno, but 8am is still early if a tentative time had already been set (say, Sunday night). I, at least, wouldn't have been awake at all at 8am on a Sunday. Here's a novel idea: Why not just wait and see? If he doesn't confirm in time, break up with him. If he does, go with the flow? Note: I don't agree with the ways he is treating you in other aspects of the relationship. But as that isn't in the topic, I'm sticking to the topic instead. Link to post Share on other sites
GolferGirl123 Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 I get the impression that there is some ongoing drama with you and/or this specific person? But I haven't read any of your other threads, so apologies if this advice is completely out in left field... If you've been seeing this guy for 2 months, why can't you contact him? Is there some reason you can't text/call him and say something along the lines of "Looking forward to our date, what time are we meeting?" (yes, what you wrote in the OP is passive aggressive), or "Not sure if you planned anything yet for our date today, but I'm really excited about this restaurant/exhibit/coffee shop/window shopping/whatever, maybe we can check that out?" If you're pissed that he hasn't confirmed your date yet, and you want him to know...I suppose you could just cancel the date yourself - "Hey, I haven't heard from you about our date tonight, so I made other plans. Maybe some other time." Which is still kind of passive aggressive, but sounds way less bratty (IMO) than "...so I guess it's not happening." Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 Would have been better if you had taken some initiative and asked him what the deal was yesterday or even the day before. Much better alternative than leaving yourself in limbo like this. ...unless you enjoy letting your schedule completely revolve around a guy. Just shoot him a text sometime when you know he'll be up and ask him if you're still on for later. Done. If you're satisfied w his answer, go. If not, move on. Highly recommend you start making plans of your own in the mean time though. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 IMO, since he has not confirmed time and place at this late hour, he has forfeited his opportunity. You now have an open book for other potentials and plans. Exercise your options. If he calls, merely express your regrets. I would say the same thing to him if you had been the one asking him out on a future, yet nebulous, date. The person asking bears the responsibility. It would have taken him a minute to call you and 'hey, looking forward to seeing you on Sunday. I'd like to take you to xxx and I'll pick you up at xxx.' Link to post Share on other sites
BobSacamento Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 So pretty much your Sunday is shot because you have to wait for him to call you. Does he realize what kind of predicament he has put you in or is he truly that stupid? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 And yes, definitely, plan your day as if there wasn't an appointment. Because there isn't, yet. If he calls later and it doesn't fit in, too bad for him. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 Yes, Sky, you're overreacting again. If you guys are friends why don't you call him? Why do you always feel like you have to tread water with this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 8 AM is very early. Wait until about noon and then text or call him and see if you are still on and what the plans are. Actually I'd assume we are still on (as he DID ask you out) and say something like "Hey there, what are the plans for today?" and see what happens. I don't see anything wrong w/ you confirming. I do see something wrong w/ sitting around all day wringing your hands over whether or not you are going to see him. Find out for yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author northern_sky Posted November 28, 2010 Author Share Posted November 28, 2010 well, it's 12:30 pm and I still haven't heard from him. I'm surprised. I expected better from him. I think I'll not contact him and if he gets in touch with me last minute I'll let him know I'm sorry, I made other plans. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 well, it's 12:30 pm and I still haven't heard from him. I'm surprised. I expected better from him. I think I'll not contact him and if he gets in touch with me last minute I'll let him know I'm sorry, I made other plans. Why don't you be the better person and call? It takes two to date, not one. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 Okay... To be fair, you guys didn't have specific plans/a timeframe. On the other hand, does he expect you wait around all day til he is ready to call? Hmm. Why are you against contacting him? Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 well, it's 12:30 pm and I still haven't heard from him. I'm surprised. I expected better from him. I think I'll not contact him and if he gets in touch with me last minute I'll let him know I'm sorry, I made other plans. But you're still in limbo. I have a feeling that if you don't proactively settle this yourself, you're gonna be checking your phone every five minutes to see if he's called/texted you. This is ultimately going to lead to you feeling like sh*t at the end of the day when you see that 1. he hasn't and 2. you're not going to get the chance to vindicate yourself - and the fact that you essentially waited on this guy all day - by blowing him off. Just settle it and be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author northern_sky Posted November 28, 2010 Author Share Posted November 28, 2010 But you're still in limbo. I have a feeling that if you don't proactively settle this yourself, you're gonna be checking your phone every five minutes to see if he's called/texted you. This is ultimately going to lead to you feeling like sh*t at the end of the day when you see that 1. he hasn't and 2. you're not going to get the chance to vindicate yourself - and the fact that you essentially waited on this guy all day - by blowing him off. Just settle it and be done. Actually, I just did. I sent him an email that said, "Haven't heard from you, so I've made other plans." Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 Actually, I just did. I sent him an email that said, "Haven't heard from you, so I've made other plans." A little passive aggressive for my taste but since it seems this relationship was on it's last leg anyway (based on your first post)...mazel. Enjoy your day Link to post Share on other sites
Author northern_sky Posted November 28, 2010 Author Share Posted November 28, 2010 He wrote this back: Oh crap, I am so sorry. My friend --- is in town and I've just been totally preoccupied with him. I am awful, there's really no excuse for this. Can I buy you dinner another night this week to make up for it? I don't think there's anything happening in my week besides work, so the schedule is wide open. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 If he had called, I might have listened. Texts? Looooser Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 His actions and words are very clear that it's all about him, when and how it's convenient for him. In his mind, he holds all the cards. THAT'S what the proof game does.Here's my response from the other thread. I think the background in the other thread is very pertinent. He's a selfish loser. Link to post Share on other sites
Author northern_sky Posted November 28, 2010 Author Share Posted November 28, 2010 Here's my response from the other thread. I think the background in the other thread is very pertinent. He's a selfish loser. Agreed. TBF, what would be the perfect dismissive response to what he wrote? I need your help here. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 None, nicht, nein.... Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 None, nicht, nein.... Agreed. Sky you have a clear break to go complete NC. Isn't this what you wanted? Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 Agreed. TBF, what would be the perfect dismissive response to what he wrote? I need your help here. "No, no, it's completely okay. I totally understand. See you next year when we both have more time. :)" Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 I would be like "thanks, but no thanks. Take care." His interest level is very low. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 LOL, that's my style. In addition, I add 'take care'. Link to post Share on other sites
a_woman Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 Agreed. TBF, what would be the perfect dismissive response to what he wrote? I need your help here. It's one of those rare times when I wouldn't grace someone with a response Link to post Share on other sites
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