he has yet to confirm our date TODAY

[LexiB]

If you really think so little of this guy, why spend such a great amount of time and energy thinking about him, discussing every nuance of what he says with numerous people, playing mind games on him, etc. I don't understand that. I realize that there is a lot of false bravado at play here and you are really obsessed with him, but why not move on already.

 

This, right here. In strategizing to come up with cutesey little comebacks to send him, you're clearly indicating that you hope he keeps responding, which in turn indicates that you're FAR from over this.

 

Be the big girl here and just let it go already.

[Star Gazer]

Also, not in defense of this man, but how would you like it if you were on the receiving end of such passive aggressive game playing? When I read on your other thread the exchange between you and one of your friends mocking his email or texting style (don't remember), I cringed, thinking of how you would react if you learned that he was doing something like that with his friend regarding YOUR personal communication with him. Your world would be shattered.

 

I seem to recall her somehow reading his IM conversation with someone about her, and it was far from complimentary. Or maybe that was another guy.

[threebyfate]

I agree with Mme. Chaucer. I used to like to play little games like this, but in the end they didn't make me feel any more empowered. I do think that if you were on the receiving end of your actions over the last day or so, you wouldn't be feeling so great. Why not just try straight-up NC? Sure it may feel good now to play these games; I can still see the appeal in them, but that's just more time you're wasting focusing on him instead of getting past him.

It's not a one-size fits all for every individual or situation. You and northern_sky are different personality types who date different personality types.

[gentlewaters]

Maybe it doesn't make YOU feel empowered, but it helps me detach. We all have our ways of coping. I actually feel better already.

 

Would it make you feel worse to tell the truth to him?

 

Like, "hey it hurt me that you didn't call me to set up the time, cause I really liked you and was looking forward to it."

 

Is that uncool, to tell the truth and to show vulnerability to the guy you like? Just curious.

 

If it is, then I hope that you let this guy go and wait for a guy who would rather fall on a million spears than hurt you, and who you can tell the guy if he does something that makes you sad.

[Star Gazer]

Maybe it doesn't make YOU feel empowered, but it helps me detach. We all have our ways of coping. I resent this attitude that there's only one right way of coping. If it helps me move on, then I'm going to do it. I actually feel better already.

 

I really don't think it does, though. It continues the game, and when he eventually stops trying, you'll be upset. It's as though you don't want the exchange to ever end... you want him to continue trying. You want him to continue showing some signs, however minuscule, that he's still interested.

 

In order to get control over your emotions, you need to control this situation by nipping it in the bud, not continuing it.

[threebyfate]

Would it make you feel worse to tell the truth to him?

 

Like, "hey it hurt me that you didn't call me to set up the time, cause I really liked you and was looking forward to it."

 

Is that uncool, to tell the truth and to show vulnerability to the guy you like? Just curious.

 

If it is, then I hope that you let this guy go and wait for a guy who would rather fall on a million spears than hurt you, and who you can tell the guy if he does something that makes you sad.

I'm going to suggest that this isn't the way to handle this guy, considering his personality type and northern_sky's. Also suggested is that you review both northern_sky's background, as well as this guy's.

[northern_sky]

I'm going to suggest that this isn't the way to handle this guy, considering his personality type and northern_sky's. Also suggested is that you review both northern_sky's background, as well as this guy's.

 

I intuitively feel that you're right, but I'm curious to hear the reasons behind it.

[tigressA]

I really don't think it does, though. It continues the game, and when he eventually stops trying, you'll be upset. It's as though you don't want the exchange to ever end... you want him to continue trying. You want him to continue showing some signs, however minuscule, that he's still interested.

 

In order to get control over your emotions, you need to control this situation by nipping it in the bud, not continuing it.

 

This is what I really wanted to say, but Star said it much better.

[gentlewaters]

I really don't think it does, though. It continues the game, and when he eventually stops trying, you'll be upset. It's as though you don't want the exchange to ever end... you want him to continue trying. You want him to continue showing some signs, however minuscule, that he's still interested.

 

In order to get control over your emotions, you need to control this situation by nipping it in the bud, not continuing it.

 

I'd think it's hard to play a game if everyone makes up their own rules. I think she should just be truthful with him, but maybe that would hurt her too badly, I don't know.

 

It's pretty sad when people don't care about others and dating ends up to be a facade that easily tears to pieces and not a beautiful union of 2 souls who get to know and accept each other for who they are.

[gentlewaters]

I intuitively feel that you're right, but I'm curious to hear the reasons behind it.

 

Northern Sky,

 

If he's not man enough to handle the truth of how you feel, he is not the right one for you, and playing a game with him is just going to hurt you more than he has already then. I don't even need to read any other info... if you're scared to tell him the truth to him, then he's not worth any more of your time.

[threebyfate]

I intuitively feel that you're right, but I'm curious to hear the reasons behind it.

This guy believes he holds all the cards. Opening up even more would give him more cards to hold. You're not interested in continuing with him so why be open? What you're currently doing is empowering yourself at his expense, since YOU are controlling the convo with the opportunity to cut him a bit at a time. If he stops communicating, then that's the end result of what you want. If he continues to communicate, then you get to play more until he finally stops. Or if things get heated on his side, you drop him like a hot rock by not responding and leaving him hyperventiliating with no place to vent.

[xpaperxcutx]

I'm going to suggest that this isn't the way to handle this guy, considering his personality type and northern_sky's. Also suggested is that you review both northern_sky's background, as well as this guy's.

 

TBF, I'm confused why you would want Sky to " handle" him. She could have just said goodbye at the first sign of disinterest, she doesn't need to go in circles being hot and cold every few days. It's unhealthy.

[gentlewaters]

This, right here. In strategizing to come up with cutesey little comebacks to send him, you're clearly indicating that you hope he keeps responding, which in turn indicates that you're FAR from over this.

 

Be the big girl here and just let it go already.

 

Yeah. And yeah wait for a guy who you don't need to feel like you want to play games with, but who you can tell the truth to. Communicating how you feel and understanding the other person is so important in a relationship

[Star Gazer]

This guy believes he holds all the cards. Opening up even more would give him more cards to hold. You're not interested in continuing with him so why be open? What you're currently doing is empowering yourself at his expense, since YOU are controlling the convo with the opportunity to cut him a bit at a time. If he stops communicating, then that's the end result of what you want. If he continues to communicate, then you get to play more until he finally stops. Or if things get heated on his side, you drop him like a hot rock by not responding and leaving him hyperventiliating with no place to vent.

 

If he stops responding when she's expecting/wanting a response from him (which I think she truly does - I think she wants him to demonstrate he's still interested), she'll feel a loss of power and control, and feel hurt.

 

I think she'd hold the cards if she just ended it, nipped it in the bud NOW, not continued the back and forth. Because if/when HE decides not to respond, she'll be hurt and feel the loss again.

 

Don't give him the opportunity to decide whether to respond. Take that opportunity away. Finish him. Finish this.

[northern_sky]

If he stops responding when she's expecting/wanting a response from him (which I think she truly does - I think she wants him to demonstrate he's still interested), she'll feel a loss of power and control, and feel hurt.

 

I think she'd hold the cards if she just ended it, nipped it in the bud NOW, not continued the back and forth. Because if/when HE decides not to respond, she'll be hurt and feel the loss again.

 

Hence why I suggest she do something akin to your "...2020..." response. Finish him. Finish this.

 

I actually sent him that response a few minutes ago.

[threebyfate]

TBF, I'm confused why you would want Sky to " handle" him. She could have just said goodbye at the first sign of disinterest, she doesn't need to go in circles being hot and cold every few days. It's unhealthy.

Because this is a learning experience about how to handle these losers where she's not always at a disadvantage.

 

I'm trying to figure out where you get the circular thing? This is the first opportunity that I'm aware of, where she's holding the cards even if he believes otherwise.

[threebyfate]

If he stops responding when she's expecting/wanting a response from him (which I think she truly does - I think she wants him to demonstrate he's still interested), she'll feel a loss of power and control, and feel hurt.

 

I think she'd hold the cards if she just ended it, nipped it in the bud NOW, not continued the back and forth. Because if/when HE decides not to respond, she'll be hurt and feel the loss again.

 

Don't give him the opportunity to decide whether to respond. Take that opportunity away. Finish him. Finish this.

I disagree Star.

[BobSacamento]

Northern Sky,

 

If he's not man enough to handle the truth of how you feel, he is not the right one for you, and playing a game with him is just going to hurt you more than he has already then. I don't even need to read any other info... if you're scared to tell him the truth to him, then he's not worth any more of your time.

 

I think she is actually making it very clear to him. His dating tactics and her reaction to those tactics kind of make it obvious the interest level of each of them. He didn't seem very serious.

[xpaperxcutx]

Because this is a learning experience about how to handle these losers where she's not always at a disadvantage.

 

I'm trying to figure out where you get the circular thing? This is the first opportunity that I'm aware of, where she's holding the cards even if he believes otherwise.

 

I wasn't talking about holding the cards. I was talking about her emotional state constantly being hot and cold. One minute, she talks about the emotional attachment she has for him the next she's talking about his " issues". When it comes down to it, she just wants validation that she's not the one at fault for why he doesn't want a relationship.

 

Now all this power play because she thinks she's getting the upper hand. How is she getting the upper hand when she secretly expects him to respond?

 

Quoting S_G

If he stops responding when she's expecting/wanting a response from him (which I think she truly does - I think she wants him to demonstrate he's still interested), she'll feel a loss of power and control, and feel hurt.

 

I think she'd hold the cards if she just ended it, nipped it in the bud NOW, not continued the back and forth. Because if/when HE decides not to respond, she'll be hurt and feel the loss again.

 

[Mme. Chaucer]

Maybe it doesn't make YOU feel empowered, but it helps me detach. We all have our ways of coping. I resent this attitude that there's only one right way of coping. If it helps me move on, then I'm going to do it. I actually feel better already.

 

Try to remember this next time you believe that someone has been messing with you so they can feel "empowered" or to "cope" or to "move on." I have a feeling you still have a lot of that coming your way, as I get to know how you conduct yourself in relation with other people.

 

What are you "coping" with anyway? Move on from WHAT? You are in an insignificant little quagmire 100% engineered by you all by yourself with a guy who has been upfront about what he wants (more importantly, does NOT WANT) from / with you from day one.

 

Since he was upfront, why continue messing with him and then making him out to be the bad man?

 

Being obsessed with a person does not justify amoral behavior.

 

Sorry I'm too uptight for you. But I'm more sorry for you.

[northern_sky]

I wasn't talking about holding the cards. I was talking about her emotional state constantly being hot and cold. One minute, she talks about the emotional attachment she has for him the next she's talking about his " issues". When it comes down to it, she just wants validation that she's not the one at fault for why he doesn't want a relationship.

 

Now all this power play because she thinks she's getting the upper hand. How is she getting the upper hand when she secretly expects him to respond?

 

Who said I expect him to respond? I think my last email pretty much pulled the trigger, which is good. But not before I had a little fun.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Who said I expect him to respond? I think my last email pretty much pulled the trigger, which is good. But not before I had a little fun.

 

Excellent! So you had your "fun," now you're a happy camper, you are done with J, and it's all over. Yay. The tedium has ended at last and you can move on to your next ... situation.

[northern_sky]

Try to remember this next time you believe that someone has been messing with you so they can feel "empowered" or to "cope" or to "move on." I have a feeling you still have a lot of that coming your way, as I get to know how you conduct yourself in relation with other people.

 

What are you "coping" with anyway? Move on from WHAT? You are in an insignificant little quagmire 100% engineered by you all by yourself with a guy who has been upfront about what he wants (more importantly, does NOT WANT) from / with you from day one.

 

Since he was upfront, why continue messing with him and then making him out to be the bad man?

 

Being obsessed with a person does not justify amoral behavior.

 

Sorry I'm too uptight for you. But I'm more sorry for you.

 

To be honest, the level of condescension in your posts makes it hard for me to take them seriously.

[johan]

I wouldn't make some kind of insidious competition out of it. Take him at his word: he forgot because of his friend. But just figure that means you aren't on his mind, and figure the relationship is not what you want. So cut it off. Either don't respond or message anymore, or just send a quick and honest "goodbye".

 

Getting the upper hand is pointless and never all that satisfying. Talking about getting the upper hand can be fun, but it's pretty bad form to actually try to do it.

[northern_sky]

Excellent! So you had your "fun," now you're a happy camper, you are done with J, and it's all over. Yay. The tedium has ended at last and you can move on to your next ... situation.

 

Wow.....

 

Your posts reveal more about you than they do about me.