LucreziaBorgia Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Scottie, stop trying to see hope where there is none. Seriously - you are just hurting yourself at this point. I'm not trying to be mean, but all along I saw where this was going. I've had friends who were strippers, escorts, etc. and trust me - they use people. Sure, they have friends - but they don't use them as an atm machine - they only do that to clients who are willing to be used. Walk away before this gets worse. I doubt you will see that money. If you do, it will be from another guy just like you who is lending her money out of the goodness of his heart - only to have it paid to some guy who did the same for her. Robbing Peter to pay Paul, so to speak. She is putting some serious distance between you two - they do that when the client starts thinking that 'friendship' is real and expects them to act accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Just to update you.... We have spoken a lot the last few days, yesterday she talked to me for 15 - 20 minutes. She said it was nice to be able to talk to me because I am one of few who know what she does, she thanked me for it. Today - she's cut me out, she's leaving her job and when she's paid me back she will stop talking to me. She's changing her number ect and she is going to leave my money on my car windscreen! Guess people were right, she just used me. I did ask her if our friendship was Genuine and she said it was, she saw me as a good friend. I didn't have the balls to tell her it was me who posted the letters. I am moving on.... Yes move on and let this go. She used you and the reason why you can't comprehend that is because your heart and emotions are taking over and you can't see this whole situation from an objective view. Once you heal from this, you'll look back and realize how this woman screwed you over. Even you asking if she was genuine (like she is going to deny it) put her in a spot where she once again had to lie to you. Sadly, you kind of asked for it because the red flags have been flashing at you for a long time and you've chosend to ignore them, ignore all our advice. Anyway, I hope you didn't lend her thousands of dollars. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scottie Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 I am trying to move on, I feel ok about things, I am not to down about it, there isn't anything I can do..however..she text me today... "I will be dropping £100 a week into your work place starting from next friday because its my little boys (Not going to mention his name) birthday too" Not sure what that has to do with it but still? Maybe the note had some effect? Link to post Share on other sites
QuestionReality Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I agree with all of the previous posts in the sense that she is using you & not planning to pay you. However, that being said. She's offered to make payments how many times now? 3 or 4? via Text? I'd be keeping these to start building your small claims case and for a great rebuttal to her obvious stance in court of " it was a gift" .. to show that she obviously knew it was a loan agreement. I'm assuming your in the UK by the slang and such, so I can't comment on any laws there, but I would venture that small claims works the same there pretty much. Keep all of these payment promises that never materialize & start looking at this situation from a legal perspective vs an emotional one. Good luck =) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 I am trying to move on, I feel ok about things, I am not to down about it, there isn't anything I can do..however..she text me today... "I will be dropping £100 a week into your work place starting from next friday because its my little boys (Not going to mention his name) birthday too" Not sure what that has to do with it but still? Maybe the note had some effect? Time will tell if this is just words or if she truly does drop off the money she owes you. The second part, about her kids bday..A little zing to make you feel guilty, make you feel sorry for her. She's good. I hope you mean what you say too, do all that you can to move on and do NOT get involved with her at all ever again. Once you get ALL your money, IGNORE her. How much she did borrow from you? You never answered that question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scottie Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 Yeah she is trying to make me feel guilty I can see that now, all the stories about her heating breaking, her gass running out ect. I am not getting involved in all that now. She borrowed so she has to pay me back. I can't really see her paying me back on friday - I predict that I will not hear from her, she will wait for me to call and then she spins a line. Well not this time, I am not chasing her. I went to the CAB but they could only suggest going to a small claims court which would cost. They did advise me to go back to the police again. I did but was told "Sorry Sirs its a civil matter" She may pay up because the notes have clearly frightened her. She's sweating big time. I'll update you all! Thanks for the advice, this has been a very big learning curve. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 For me personally, someone who steals money from me isn't a friend. I could never trust this person to be in the same house as me, around my friends, or whatever. If they justify something like this, I would question what other horrible things they justify. If getting the money back is important to you, or material, then I would go to small claims court. I'd stop ****ing around with these deals with her. I mean, I quite honestly don't understand where you are coming from wanting to be friends with a person like this. I wouldn't make a big deal of it, I don't see the use. I also don't think dealing with hate with more hate is really appropriate. If she asked why I don't talk to her anymore I would tell her, but beyond that I wouldn't do anything. I wouldn't stir the pot at all, and would do my best just to cross her off my contact list. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 She didn't steal the money, Scottie willingly gave it to her, on loan, and she IS/WAS supposed to pay him back. Go back and read his other thread(s). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scottie Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 Well yesterday was the day she was supposed to drop £100 into me. I had a text from her work phone at 4:30 in the afternoon, (she won't contact me on her personal number anymore) .... "Sorry I have not phoned you about the money you lent me, I am still waiting to borrow it off of someone else, sorry" **** it game over. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Well yesterday was the day she was supposed to drop £100 into me. I had a text from her work phone at 4:30 in the afternoon, (she won't contact me on her personal number anymore) .... "Sorry I have not phoned you about the money you lent me, I am still waiting to borrow it off of someone else, sorry" **** it game over. Are you serious? what a nut job and a cereal user people like that become very good at manipulation they can play people like a fiddle to get what they want. You bet your socks shes got some other poor sob on the other end getting ready to give her the money..lol Sounds just like this other chick I know who use to love to ring me to go shopping when the sales were on. Amazingly enough she never had any cash herself I smartened up I advise you to as well call it a wash and tell her to stick it and never contact you again.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scottie Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Are you serious? what a nut job and a cereal user people like that become very good at manipulation they can play people like a fiddle to get what they want. You bet your socks shes got some other poor sob on the other end getting ready to give her the money..lol Sounds just like this other chick I know who use to love to ring me to go shopping when the sales were on. Amazingly enough she never had any cash herself I smartened up I advise you to as well call it a wash and tell her to stick it and never contact you again.. Serious about what sorry? Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Serious about what sorry? Its a saying you have never herd some one say "are you serious" before? I couldn't believe how she is now acting thats all.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scottie Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Oh I am with you now, I am in England so we dont use that very often. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Well yesterday was the day she was supposed to drop £100 into me. I had a text from her work phone at 4:30 in the afternoon, (she won't contact me on her personal number anymore) .... "Sorry I have not phoned you about the money you lent me, I am still waiting to borrow it off of someone else, sorry" You can kiss your money goodbye. She has no intention of returning it. End of story. Scottie, it's time to move on and forget about her and the money. Lesson learned, I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
beerman101 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 We either got take people as they are or just dead them. This person can have some good things about her but when it comes to money she can't be trusted. Certain people can't be trusted with money,it's ironic most of my friends who can be trusted with $ never borrow money. The saying we can trust them to bury a body but not with 5 bucks is so true. I would tell her it's bs that you can't just toss me 10 a week,it's coming to point where I should just forget the money and have nothing to do with you. Maybe once your not there she will appreciate what she lost and pay you back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scottie Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 To be honest I dont think anything will work anymore. I turned my phone off for two weeks and I did have a voicemail asking me to ring her back but that was only because I asked her to talk to me when she text me the last time about not being able to borrow it off someone else! I dont care anymore, she got what she wanted. I've meet another girl who I really like so my head is with her now. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Well, she has your address, right? If she wants to give you the money, she'll find a way. Good for you! Glad to read that you met someone else! One thing, do NOT lend this new girl any money!! Link to post Share on other sites
Jonno_S Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 (edited) Never, ever, ever lend a friend (or family member, for that matter) a significant amount of money without getting it in writing. If they then fail to pay you back, take them to small claims court. She is playing games with you. In not paying you back even a small amount, she is showing that she doesn't care much at all about your situation - you have bills to pay as well. She is not treating you like a friend. She is treating you like a collection agency with no power to collect. You can either take her to court (without a written loan agreement) or cut your losses. She is showing you no respect or honesty. She isn't even showing you initiative enough to say "Hey, here's 10 quid now. It's really all I can spare". Do you really want a friend who will take advantage of you like that? I agree with this partly (the part in bold). I was told once when I was young and impressionable that the best way to lose a friend is to lend them money. I have given friends money when they ask for a loan, but I don't lend it. What I decide at the time I am asked is whether this friendship is meaningful/real to warrant my giving them money and if so, I won't give more than I can reasonably part with, both economically and emotionally. If they want to pay it back, I accept or may even remind them of it (if, say, they were to come into money) but I never expect it or get disappointed if it doesn't happen because I sever it emotionally at the time I decide to do it. The mistake the OP made is lending it and thinking he'd get it back. As most have pointed out, you set yourself up for disappointment. And what's worse is that you have been kind of stuck with this unresolved issue tethered to your leg far longer than she will ever have thought about it. There are some people who look for reasons to kick the friendship when they do wrong, rather than do whatever it takes to make it right. I don't understand this reaction but it often exists. I had a situation once where I did something nice and the person reacted badly and when I finally confronted her about it, her response was, "I thought you were mad." Well, I was mad but I explained what made it worse was her not fixing what it was that made me mad. She got it, did the right thing, and we moved on. To my mind, if you're interested in this person in any way (GF, friend, whatever), tell her that the issue is over, consider it a gift, and move on. If you don't care about this person, then stop torturing yourself and just move on, but the loan is done and there is no hope whatsoever of seeing it paid back. I tell clients, when they lose money, that they learned a $1,000 lesson which is better than a $10,000 lesson. We've all learned these lessons the hard way. P.S.: My good friend Art lent me $1,000 last year. Paid back in full, with a dinner, w/in 3 months! Edited January 29, 2011 by Jonno_S Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scottie Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Well, she has your address, right? If she wants to give you the money, she'll find a way. Good for you! Glad to read that you met someone else! One thing, do NOT lend this new girl any money!! No she dosen't have my address, she knows roughly where I work though. Thanks, no I wont lend money to anyone ever again! Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 No she dosen't have my address, she knows roughly where I work though. Thanks, no I wont lend money to anyone ever again! Scottie this isn't just for you, it's for everyone... Don't lend money to others unless you don't care about getting it back .. This goes for family, friends, et al.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scottie Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 Well I finally met up with this girl. She said she was sorry, she has taken the piss, she does want to pay me back but she has been really struggling. She said she wants to get back on track. She promised she was going to get it sorted out, she even shook my hand. We chatted, held hands and hugged and it really felt she was genuinely sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Well I finally met up with this girl. She said she was sorry, she has taken the piss, she does want to pay me back but she has been really struggling. She said she wants to get back on track. She promised she was going to get it sorted out, she even shook my hand. We chatted, held hands and hugged and it really felt she was genuinely sorry. Time will tell. Just shield your heart and see what her future actions show you. Sounds like she told you a sap story. How many times has she been "shopping" with her mom, or going out, having fun? ALOT. Go back and re-read your older posts. She's had plenty of time to give you back money bit by bit, but has chosen not to. Even 10 bucks a week could have been a good effort on her behalf. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 There is no better way for her to put off paying you back than to show you what appears to be genuine emotion. It is unfortunate that you folded so easily. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Well I finally met up with this girl. She said she was sorry, she has taken the piss, she does want to pay me back but she has been really struggling. She said she wants to get back on track. She promised she was going to get it sorted out, she even shook my hand. We chatted, held hands and hugged and it really felt she was genuinely sorry. If she was genuine about paying her debt, she would have either paid you in part of full when you met up. She apparently has money for personal shopping. Excuses and promises are just more of the same. As others have said, she's using friendship as the ploy not to pay you. All you can expect is more of the same, if you choose to keep in contact with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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