Lent friend money

[cdrqueen8]

you've been a great friend to her so I dont think that she will get it wrong if you'll tell her frankly that you already need the money you lent her. Dont just ignore her coz even if she's a friend who is easy to lose, your money with her will be lost too if you'll do that. Talk to her. Personally or through telephone. We can solve anything through a good and professional conversation.

[Scottie]

So, what happened? did she give you back the money? OR is she still giving excuses and treating you poorly, as to why she can't she repay you?

 

No, her latest excuse is she had to buy a car from her ex-partner and the gearbox went and she had to use her credit card to pay for it.

 

1. How did she pay for a car if she is living on her benefits.

2. How did she pay for a gear box again as she is only on benefits

3. How did she get a credit card if she is unemployed?

 

She said she wants to pay me back but when she gets some money together, but everytime she says that another excuse comes into play.

 

I really don't know what to do anymore.

[whichwayisup]

I'm going to say this, you need to hear it. She used you and she is NO friend. Friends don't do what she's done and there is no excuse as to why she couldn't pay you atleast 20 bucks a week. She has no intention of giving you your money back.

 

SO, either kiss it all goodbye and walk away from her forever, or stand up to her, give her a deadline, and tell her you want your money back. If you let her walk all over you, and give her MORE benefits of doubt, sorry man, you're the big fool here... Again, she is NOT your friend. She used you and doesn't care either.

[creighton0123]

Scottie,

 

It seems this has gone on long enough. I had a very similar situation with previous friend of mine, someone I considered my best friend. I let her live with me for reduced rent, which she wasn't able to meet. She ended up owing me upwards of $2700. She got that down to $1100 and then bailed. The excuses then piled up. She didn't have the money, but was going to send me $100 a month until she paid me back. She had to buy new tires for her car. Her fiance was in the hospital. Her grandfather in Florida died. She got sick and had to pay medical bills. Her fiance sent me some money, etc. etc. etc.

 

Eventually, and I predict this, she will get tired of it all and will cut off contact.

 

Never, ever, ever lend a friend (or family member, for that matter) a significant amount of money without getting it in writing. If they then fail to pay you back, take them to small claims court.

 

She is playing games with you. In not paying you back even a small amount, she is showing that she doesn't care much at all about your situation - you have bills to pay as well. She is not treating you like a friend. She is treating you like a collection agency with no power to collect.

 

You can either take her to court (without a written loan agreement) or cut your losses. She is showing you no respect or honesty. She isn't even showing you initiative enough to say "Hey, here's 10 quid now. It's really all I can spare". Do you really want a friend who will take advantage of you like that?

[LucreziaBorgia]

 

1. How did she pay for a car if she is living on her benefits.

2. How did she pay for a gear box again as she is only on benefits

3. How did she get a credit card if she is unemployed?

 

 

Like I said in an earlier thread, with her being an escort (even if she is on hiatus which I seriously doubt she 100% is - she may be taking under the table jobs to stay on benefits) she likely has a lot of 'regulars' ie: 'friends' like yourself who feel bad for her and give her money/credit cards thinking that she is a genuine friend. I would wager as long as she continues to dangle the 'friend' card she will continue to get what she wants from them with no intention of ever paying them back - until they hopefully wise up like I'm hoping you will.

[Scottie]

I'm going to say this, you need to hear it. She used you and she is NO friend. Friends don't do what she's done and there is no excuse as to why she couldn't pay you atleast 20 bucks a week. She has no intention of giving you your money back.

 

SO, either kiss it all goodbye and walk away from her forever, or stand up to her, give her a deadline, and tell her you want your money back. If you let her walk all over you, and give her MORE benefits of doubt, sorry man, you're the big fool here... Again, she is NOT your friend. She used you and doesn't care either.

 

I know she used me, thats quite clear but what can I do, I have tried everything, I asked about £10 a month and she agreed, she then she couldn't do that, she wanted to give me more than that when she some work come in - but she keeps telling me no work has come in. But I know for a fact she has been working. I've got times and dates of when her car was parked at her work place.

 

I cant force her to do anything can I? I can ask and ask and thats as far as I will get. Maybe I should try and meet with her a talk. She has allready said that she would be willing to see me again. Maybe if I try and talk to her?

[whichwayisup]

You're being so passive, like you're afraid to get angry with her, show her you are frustrated and fed up with her excuses. Tell her to give you the money by a certain date, and if she can't, you'll be taking her to small claims court. Or, give up completely, walk away and forget her and the money. To sit and wonder and once in a while ask her politely to give you the money isn't working anymore. Excuse after excuse after excuse. If I were in your shoes I'd be PISSED. She has cash to spend, she's just choosing not to give it to you! Wake up buddy.. She screwed you over, think with your head not your heart. She isn't who you think she is.

[Scottie]

You're being so passive, like you're afraid to get angry with her, show her you are frustrated and fed up with her excuses. Tell her to give you the money by a certain date, and if she can't, you'll be taking her to small claims court. Or, give up completely, walk away and forget her and the money. To sit and wonder and once in a while ask her politely to give you the money isn't working anymore. Excuse after excuse after excuse. If I were in your shoes I'd be PISSED. She has cash to spend, she's just choosing not to give it to you! Wake up buddy.. She screwed you over, think with your head not your heart. She isn't who you think she is.

 

I spoke to her on the phone today, I asked if I could meet with her to talk. (I haven't seen her for six months) She asked what was up and why had I changed my attitude towards her, I said I hadn't, she said I had a completley different attitude to the last time I spoke to her. She suggested that I meet her for her services again, I said no.

 

She made something up about her heating broke on xmas night, she said she is skint.

 

I am going to hopefully meet with her tomorrow if she can get someone to look after her kids. I am going to nip this in the bud, she has to pay me back I've been to soft, but I have to be carefull because if I get pissy with her she will just cut me off for six months like she has allready done, we had a row four or five months ago about her paying me back.

Edited December 29, 2010 by Scottie

[Scottie]

Ok she may have used me for cash but tell me this, why would she get so close to me?

She phoned and talked for 45 minutes once when she was down and had no one to talk too, she was in hospital a few months back and she rang me, she has talked to me about her depression, her relationship with her ex, she has told me lots of personal stuff about herself, her kids ect. She has even shown me photos of her kids, why would an escort do that? Even if she was conning me she wouldn’t do that I am sure. And why give me her personal number? If you are going to con someone you don’t give them you’re phone number, she has a work phone which she could have used, she had no reason to give me her personal number.

[LucreziaBorgia]

why would an escort do that?

 

Because it creates enough sympathy between the two of you for you to be comfortable enough to lend her money as a 'friend'. Is it a con? Somewhat - I'm sure she genuinely liked you (clearly not romantically) but genuinely liking someone isn't going to stop them from taking an opportunity when they see one.

[whichwayisup]

Ok she may have used me for cash but tell me this, why would she get so close to me?

She phoned and talked for 45 minutes once when she was down and had no one to talk too, she was in hospital a few months back and she rang me, she has talked to me about her depression, her relationship with her ex, she has told me lots of personal stuff about herself, her kids ect. She has even shown me photos of her kids, why would an escort do that? Even if she was conning me she wouldn’t do that I am sure. And why give me her personal number? If you are going to con someone you don’t give them you’re phone number, she has a work phone which she could have used, she had no reason to give me her personal number.

 

She buttered you up, got you soft and weak, thinking you two had a friendship..You may have been HER friend, but she wasn't YOUR friend. Friendship is a two way street. When people use other people there is no logic or anything. Don't try to figure out why she did this or that. Bottomline is, stand up to her to (who cares if you piss her off, she's taken advantage, and knows it too) get your money back, tell her to borrow it from her mom or get a bank loan but you need that money NOW. Or, cut bait and leave it be, forget about her and move on with your life.

[Scottie]

She buttered you up, got you soft and weak, thinking you two had a friendship..You may have been HER friend, but she wasn't YOUR friend. Friendship is a two way street. When people use other people there is no logic or anything. Don't try to figure out why she did this or that. Bottomline is, stand up to her to (who cares if you piss her off, she's taken advantage, and knows it too) get your money back, tell her to borrow it from her mom or get a bank loan but you need that money NOW. Or, cut bait and leave it be, forget about her and move on with your life.

 

I spoke to her on Thurs, we were going to meet because I wanted to talk to her in person and tell her SHE HAS TO PAY ME BACK. We spoke on the phone but she was shopping we couldn't really talk and she couldn't meet me so I text instead - I said "We need to come to an arrangement that you will pay me back some of what you owe by a certain date or an agreement that you will pay a certain amount a month, its gone on for too long now, I am worried that our friendship is at risk and I really don't want that, what do you think?" I had no reply.

 

I called on friday and had no reply.

 

So I did something a bit silly last night. I went to her address and I was going to knock on the door, but I saw her and her partner leave the house with the kids so I didn't. I put a note through her door saying "Your playing a very dangerous game, be carefull" Her website has now gone off line completely and she isn't answering my calls. I was only trying to warn her and its gone completley off the rails. I didn't want any of this and she caused it. I am really really very low at the moment and I really don't kknow what to do anymore.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Walk away Scottie - that money is gone. If you take this any further you will find that the price you will pay will be far more than what she owes you at this point.

[whichwayisup]

I spoke to her on Thurs, we were going to meet because I wanted to talk to her in person and tell her SHE HAS TO PAY ME BACK. We spoke on the phone but she was shopping we couldn't really talk and she couldn't meet me so I text instead - I said "We need to come to an arrangement that you will pay me back some of what you owe by a certain date or an agreement that you will pay a certain amount a month, its gone on for too long now, I am worried that our friendship is at risk and I really don't want that, what do you think?" I had no reply.

 

I called on friday and had no reply.

 

So I did something a bit silly last night. I went to her address and I was going to knock on the door, but I saw her and her partner leave the house with the kids so I didn't. I put a note through her door saying "Your playing a very dangerous game, be carefull" Her website has now gone off line completely and she isn't answering my calls. I was only trying to warn her and its gone completley off the rails. I didn't want any of this and she caused it. I am really really very low at the moment and I really don't kknow what to do anymore.

 

So, basically you threatened her and that note could be taken in a bad way. No wonder she's disappeared online and not returning calls/texts. Anyway, its' time to move on and forget about her and the money. you aren't getting it back, that's a fact.

 

She owes you money and she's out shopping??? She put one over on you Scottie. Believe that!

 

Good luck and I hope you CAN let this go.

[Scottie]

I text her this morning asking her to get in touch because I was really down and depressed. She rang me, she couldn’t really talk because her mum and kids were with her but she was on the way home so she said she would ring me later.

 

A bit later she texts “Sorry if i have not phoned you back, i’m still out. I’m worrying about you, are you ok? I text “Not really if i am honest, i feel really crap. We need to sort this money out if you think anything of me” She text “Yeah I will, we do need this sorted out” A few texts later “I will drop 20pounds in on Tuesday. Sorry for how long this is going on”

 

Maybe my note has made her realise she needs to pay me back and I am not willing to let it go?

[whichwayisup]

I have no idea. It is possible she now just wants to give you your money and get on with life. She could be just playing this the right way as to not piss you off, set you off.

 

Get your money and end the friendship. It's unhealthy one for you. Seems since she came into your life, you've changed and thought about her way too much, almost like you're inlove with her.

 

She isn't into you that way, hope you know that. Sorry I don't mean to hurt your feelings but this girl isn't long term relationship material.

[Scottie]

**** I am in deep ****. She has gone to the police and they are going to look into this. She is in a right state, she thinks she might get petrol bombed or something. She says that if her ex finds out then he will take the kids away from her and if she looses them she will slit her wrists and kill herself. I tried to calm her down on the phone and I told her not to talk silly and made her promise she wouldn't do anything silly. She dosen't know it was me and she dosen't suspect it was me.

 

What the **** has happend here, this is not me atall, how can we go from close friends to this over six ****ing months.

 

What can the police do?

[whichwayisup]

**** I am in deep ****. She has gone to the police and they are going to look into this. She is in a right state, she thinks she might get petrol bombed or something. She says that if her ex finds out then he will take the kids away from her and if she looses them she will slit her wrists and kill herself. I tried to calm her down on the phone and I told her not to talk silly and made her promise she wouldn't do anything silly. She dosen't know it was me and she dosen't suspect it was me.

 

What the **** has happend here, this is not me atall, how can we go from close friends to this over six ****ing months.

 

What can the police do?

 

TELL HER the truth, that you sent that note! You're a sitting duck, man. Watching her world turn upside in fear that her ex might come after her, that she may lose her kids..You're letting her believe all that, and it's not even true!! Fess up!!

 

Again, you two were never really friends. She used you and you used her, for selfish reasons and now what you have with her is an UNhealthy thing.

 

Anyway, tell her the truth, that you wrote that note.

[LucreziaBorgia]

At this point you need to tell her the truth about the note, and that you wrote it because you were frustrated and simply wanted your money back. Look - she is frightened, but she is still not going to pay you back.

 

You may have thought you were close friends, but for her you were just another regular who she took money from with no intention of paying back.

 

For your own sanity and safety, back off. Forget the money. Tell her goodbye and walk away. If you push the issue you will sorely regret it.

 

What will the police do? All she has to do is say that you are a client who became obsessed, who gifted her money, and when she didn't reciprocate your feelings, turned the 'gift' into a 'loan' and are using that to stalk and harass her. You know who the police will believe, so please.. walk away while you can before you get yourself arrested.

[Scottie]

She phoned me asking if it was ok that she told the police I lent her the money, I have a voicemail and text to back that up.

 

The reason for telling the police I really dont know, she wants to come clean about her working as an escort as well as other things (Not sure what)

 

She said she is giving up the job now because her kids are at risk, she is going to borrow from her friend to pay me back in full. So she says.

 

She said she is going to ring tomorrow.

[Scottie]

Just to update you....

 

We have spoken a lot the last few days, yesterday she talked to me for 15 - 20 minutes. She said it was nice to be able to talk to me because I am one of few who know what she does, she thanked me for it.

 

Today - she's cut me out, she's leaving her job and when she's paid me back she will stop talking to me. She's changing her number ect and she is going to leave my money on my car windscreen!

 

Guess people were right, she just used me. I did ask her if our friendship was Genuine and she said it was, she saw me as a good friend.

 

I didn't have the balls to tell her it was me who posted the letters.

 

I am moving on....

[donnamaybe]

I don't think you'll be finding any money on your car windshield.

[Scottie]

Doubt it!

 

Can anyone explain her behaviour because I really don't get it.

[donnamaybe]

She's a user and a taker. Just consider it a valuable lesson learned, and don't make the same mistake again.

[Scottie]

We were talking on the phone, she was going off on one at me...

 

She said "I can't keep talking to you on the phone all the time!... I am sorry I didn't mean it to come out like that"

 

I was upset so I hung up, she called me seconds later, I cut her off, she text me "I am sorry, please answer you phone" She rang again as I was texting.

 

Is she just stressed and using me to release the pressure, they say you hurt the closest people to you when you feel down because you feel comfortable doing so.