My wife told me she had an affair - with a friend.

[Mimolicious]

Hone, your M is as your SN- ARTIFICIAL! Give me a break!

Your W sounds like she knows how to work her way and manipulate your immature mentality. You'll learn! Don't worry... you'll learn.

 

Good luck!

 

P.S: I love the way that you use all sorts of names for your "friend", yet want to paint your W as such a sweet girl. If you are going to get angry, get angry evenly.

[Owl]

The more I read about the "cult" the two of you were in, the more I'm wondering if it didn't leave the two of you emotionally damaged and/or incapable of actually establishing good relationships with each other.

 

It almost sounds like it's the only basis of reference the two of you share together.

 

Here's the deal...you need to decide what you want to do.

 

You can't make any headway, any progress at all in ANY direction until you PICK a direction.

 

Either decide that you're willing to try to reconcile with her...or decide that it's not possible and divorce is your option.

 

Then, depending on your goal, figure out what you need to do in order to reach that goal.

 

Right now, you don't seem to know what you want, so you're just sending out tons of mixed signals...which she has no idea how to deal with either. Because you haven't decided which way to go...you're just sitting there in the same spot you've been in.

 

Pick a direction...and start moving towards it.

[USCGAviator]

Get away from this woman as fast a as you can and start your grieving. That is unbelievable what she did and for you to even consider working this one out astounds me.

[Jonah]

+1

 

Totally agree. Showing yourself as needy is the worst thing to do.

 

Contrary. Act like you don't care... But if you do take her back, it is all or nothing. The spirit of my post is in reply to "she has no right to ask for a ride". Anyone who claims there is no downside to keeping your spouse "tied to the whipping post" is not considering the consequence of dealing with a scorned spouse that will sacrifice all to exact vengeance on the "holier than thou". It might be years later, but woe unto the half forgiver for the unforgiven will serve no quarter when the destruction ensues.

[jnj express]

Hey Artificial----If this guy calls/bothers your wife one more time----go to court and get a R O on him----just tell them he is stalking your wife

 

That being said the bottom line as to blame is not with the scumbag, your beef is with your wife----she is the one who took vows with you, she is the one who completely DISRESPECTED YOU

 

She may be intelligent---but I am not sure she has very good street sense----falling for this guy's line that he is gonna commit suicide, leave's something to be desired about her thinking processes.

 

She should have come and talked to you about her loneliness, she should have forced you to listen----WHY DIDN'T SHE?????

 

Caving into his continued pushing at her, she knew what she was doing, and she knew it every step of the way----Using the cult, is not a reason for violating wedding vows

 

You say the last year has been good----has that been by her design---in that she knew she had done wrong, and she was scared if you found out ( and obviously she was dealing with a crazy, who might have told you just to spite/hurt her) she would possibly end up out on the street divorced/single, and she wanted no part of that scenario---so hence all of a sudden things got better----yet for one whole year she looked you in the eyes every night and said everything was fine---so she continued cheating, cheating for a whole year by ommission.

 

You are not gonna get over this anytime soon----just looking at her day after day is gonna trigger your subconscious----so the question really becomes---HOW DO YOU WANNA SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

 

This isn't about her---it is about YOU, and what you can handle

 

If you do decide to R., with her, make sure one of your conditions is that she sign a POST--NUP, with a duress clause------also i think she needs to take a polygraph just to make sure you actually do have everything in the way of info., about her cheating

 

Stand Tall---the sun will come out tomorrow

[brickhouse]

I feel really bad for you and find myself in the same boat, only I found out about my W's affair over a year ago. It sounds like you just recently found out about it and are going through the early stages of grief that my MC told me about.

 

Then again, I don't know how much stock I put in them because after a year, I'm still on the second stage - anger...I remember those darkness drives myself and the helpless feeling that my world had just ended.

 

I don't mean to rub salt in the wound but I don't know how I would handle if the affair involved my best friend - my wife cheated with a coworker and she has since left the company including all contact with him (or so I believe). One of the main points the MC stressed was the she must have ZERO contact with the other person and had to vow to tell me immediately if there was any. I don't know if that is realistic or possible in your situation.

 

The positive is that you say you still love her. If there is ANYTHING to build on, it would have to start with love. Unfortunately, I have none for my wife...

 

Good Luck.

[whammy]

Me personally, not trying to condone violence, but in this situation i would be violent. I would ring the guys door bell and punch him in his face when he opens the door...then roll out. I woudnt care if I got arrested or sued. first of all, he wouldnt get much and would only be hurting his new GF (my wife) and second of all I have no criminal history... and with the situation im sure I would get probation at the most.

 

Then i would tell the wife im done and leaving and going to go enjoy a life with the one person that i cant trust and cares about me the most...ME. and if she wants me back...shes got alot of work to do... if she can even catch up with me.

 

a condensed version would go something like this.

Edited January 9, 2011 by whammy