"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[kevcon64]

After My 30 days I did what the program said to do. Jealousy was part of the program, post pics with other girls on Facebook. She just deleted me and from all social media. She knows me too well that I was head over heals for her. Then I met up with her and asked to work on things. She said she knows I am not the one for her and that she thinks there is something better for her. I then went on a binder and lost myself texting her a couple times within three months vomiting my feelings onto her. She eventually asked for space and to leave her alone. She is only 23.

[jessyy]

After My 30 days I did what the program said to do. Jealousy was part of the program, post pics with other girls on Facebook. She just deleted me and from all social media. She knows me too well that I was head over heals for her. Then I met up with her and asked to work on things. She said she knows I am not the one for her and that she thinks there is something better for her. I then went on a binder and lost myself texting her a couple times within three months vomiting my feelings onto her. She eventually asked for space and to leave her alone. She is only 23.

 

Oh, I see. Were you her first relationship? How was the relationship with her as a whole? What were some of the issues that lead to the break up? Did the breakup come out of nowhere? Or was there fighting leading up to it? Sounds like to me she wanted to explore other options which is a sign of G.I.G.S, but it could also be that she was just not happy in the relationship and lost all of her feelings towards you. Begging and pleading is a sign of being desperate and needy, which made her probably even less interested and push you further away. However, begging and pleading, crying and yelling are perfectly normal ways to react when one is being broken up with. We have all been there... they are normal reactions. We feel like we need to do everything possible to stop the breakup from happening and to make the dumper realize our love for them. Sometimes we think by acting in such ways we will make them realize that THEY are making a mistake by breaking up with us and they will rethink their decision, however it has the opposite effect. They see us acting needy and it makes them look at us like we are weak, have no pride or respect, and very dependent on them. If you show that you are happy without them, independent and a person of high worth and value, they will see that and become attracted to that because all of a sudden you become unattainable. I am guessing you were that person before you met your ex, you can be that person again. Work on yourself because right now you are filled with all of these overflowing emotions and you they are hindering your ability to think logically. Once you work on yourself and find your inner happiness and be okay without them in your life, only then will you be able to make the right decisions as to what you want to do about getting your ex back. You may even find out that after you take time to work on yourself that you may not want her back anymore. Who knows? If you and your ex are meant to be you will be. I am a firm believer in destiny. I believe that just because you guys are not together now doesn't mean you can't be together in the future HOWEVER take time to get yourself together and only then will you be able to find out what your heart really wants.

[kevcon64]

No I wasn't her first relationship. I am an old fashioned NICE guy . I put her on a pedestal and treated her like gold. If anything I was too needy and made her feel guilty for going out with her "guy friends" who she ended up dating after we broke up. She would try to cause a fight and I would just laugh it off and not let her. I think she lost the passion during our relationship but she kept it going because she liked living at my place. Really things were amazing when I let her do what she wanted she would go back home an hour away on her weekends and then stay at my place during the week. I caught her in a lie and I started looking at her phone and noticed she was talking to many guys. Seems like she wanted her cake and eat it too. However, I never felt like she cheated she seemed like she was trying to make friends then when they would start getting romantic she would push them away. At this point I told her I felt like a roommate and not her boyfriend and if this was how our relationship was going to be we should break up. She stopped going home on the weekends and we spent the weekends together going to the park and doing boring things. I thik she started to get bored. We stoped having sex as much and when we did if felt like a stripper that didn't really want to be there she was without emotion. Our weekends together and spending more time together I fell more in love with her. She was very cute and I loved having her around. She gave me butterflies the whole time. I never felt the connection I felt with her. Eventually She lied more and more then when she wanted to go bowling with some guy I told her fine I will go with you and she made excuses why she didn't want me to go. She went bowling and when she got home I had all of her stuff packed. I broke up with her but she convinced me to stay with her. She really tried after this and things got a little better. However, checking her phone she was still talking to the bowling guy. Meeting him after work for happy hour then ling to me about it. She told one guy that her and I were not meant to be. I told her I was looking at her phone and called her out on all of her bs. I am older than her and I kept making excuses for her that she is young because I really loved her. It is her special sayings and mannerism's that I miss the most. How she would lay her head on my chest and tell me how amazing I am. Now she teats me like trash and she has NO respect for me. I am sure most are going to say move on she is not a good person but I truly feel like she is and feel she is just young and confused. I was tring to hard to lock her down and I feel like she felt like she was losing her freedom so she rebelled against me.

[nns91]

Haha-- sorry I am only laughing because how does she know there are better options?? Sounds like she is basing these options off of physical appearance. Looks fade! People need to get off their high horse and come to the realization that there are always going to be better looking people out there but just because they are more attractive doesn't mean their personality is going to match it. I mean come on!! That is ridiculous to me. The fact she said that screams "inexperience" because someone can be drop dead gorgeous but be a cheat, mean, liar, etc. Same thing with my ex, although he didn't verbally say what your ex said to you, his intentions said it. He told me that he was finding other women at his job attractive and felt that he shouldn't be feeling that way-- that he only wants to have eyes for his partner.. that to me is a bunch of CRAP. For one, no way in heck are you ever going to NOT be attracted to other people while being in a relationship-- it is human nature!!! While with my ex, I found other men attractive and heck yes there was curiosity... I am only human and the unknown is tempting HOWEVER! was it worth leaving my ex (a good, beautiful man, with a great personality and warm heart and soul) for the unknown? NOPE! not for me. I don't care if a model approached me, doesn't mean he is going to treat me right, be there for me when the going gets tough, and be faithful. But then again I have different expectations.. and because my ex is very attractive I guess it doesn't help that several good looking women were and are approaching him-- it raises his self-esteem, ego, confidence and makes him feel like a man. But to me he made a huge error, because I don't mean to toot my own horn but I have the whole package and he knows that and he knows he is taking a huge risk. Our relationship as well became mundane, but that wasn't completely my fault. Takes two to tango... if something is lacking speak up don't call quits.. that is pathetic and childish. Relationships are built on communication and honesty.. if all the sudden the relationship loses its spark or passion then someone needs to speak up! Not just say- "oh the spark is gone that means our relationship has come to an end..." Love does not equal passion and spark .. that my friend is lust and people get that confused all the time.. they think oh the spark and passion are gone that means I am not in love with my partner... love is not feeling butterflies or being nervous around each other that is lust... love is comfort.. love is being there through thick in thin. Lust may die down, but love remains. You may have become mundane but that is going to happen in a relationship with time.. it isn't always going to be an adventure.. things in our lives change. She was wrong for leaving just because their was a lack of spark and adventure... she could've told you "look let's do this or that because I feel our flame is running low," you know? Don't worry, right now she is under the impression, just like my ex, that a relationship isn't hard work, that it is suppose to be easy and everything is suppose to be just given to them and not worked for. They will learn.

 

I know exactly what you mean in regard to the family situation. My ex's mom cried when she found out and his whole family was shattered. They thought we were going to be together for the long run and get married. It was a shock to everyone... as well as my family. My mom even called him "son". But you see all of these things can be very overwhelming for someone who doesn't have much experience.. and to feel like everyone knows I was the one and we would get married but for him to be feeling confused... that can be scary. Your ex will come to her senses...

 

I mean look! she had a rebound and he left her for his ex! It happens all the time.. she was his rebound too! One of the biggest reasons people leave relationships is because they get too comfortable and it can be a scary thing and the main reason why people return back to their ex is because they miss the comfort. They realize damn I loved how I could be myself with so and so, I miss the small things, I miss not feeling so nervous or scared I am going to say the wrong thing because I know that person accepts me for who I am.

 

I think your ex is slowly starting to realize her decisions were based off the wrong criteria. Don't be surprised when she comes running to you letting you know she was a fool and made a huge mistake. I WOULD NOT TAKE HER BACK RIGHT AWAY. That is like a big no no and I will tell you why. First off, she betrayed you. She left you for some other guy based off of curiosity. She left you hurt and in pure agony. She ripped your heart out and left you blindsided. For days you probably replayed the breakup in your head and through out the whole day wondered what you did wrong, why you weren't "good enough," and why she can't love you like you love her. For days, you sat there looking into space contemplating her decisions and hoping and praying that she would come running back to you begging for your forgiveness and to take her back because you are the one for her. She put you through all of this misery and for her to be able to walk out hands clean and think she can just walk back to you anytime she wants thinking you will bend over backwards for her and take you back? NO WAY! Make it hard for her-- don't play games of course, but how do you know she won't do this again to you? She needs to work for your trust and respect again. Don't just give it to her without her working for it... because she needs to realize that you ARE a catch and you would make ANY girl lucky... she needs to realize that you have so much WORTH and VALUE. Her decisions need to have consequences or it will just be this vicious cycle.

 

 

Yeah!!!! I know what you mean!!! I don't think she is not basing it off of physical appearance. I think it might be more like an immediate gratification. I think she is going through this rebellious phase that most people had in high school where they try to fight against parents' ideology.

 

I don't know what else she wants when she has someone who selflessly care for her and always be there for her ? Is she scared of settling down ? I am not asking her to settle down anytime soon. Apparently, she is all for trying different people and fail now, which is a valid point I guess. However, I fear it might be pretty destructive when it comes to graduate school since it gets pretty stressful.

 

I don't know if she is rethinking or not since she seems to be happy right now and she does not really text me that often. It does not seem so since she seems to be pretty proud of her decision. I have no clue why she asked me for help while she could ask others ????? That is the most bugging thing. I am doubtful she is gonna come running back with her big ego and her attitude about experiencing life now

[jessyy]

No I wasn't her first relationship. I am an old fashioned NICE guy . I put her on a pedestal and treated her like gold. If anything I was too needy and made her feel guilty for going out with her "guy friends" who she ended up dating after we broke up. She would try to cause a fight and I would just laugh it off and not let her. I think she lost the passion during our relationship but she kept it going because she liked living at my place. Really things were amazing when I let her do what she wanted she would go back home an hour away on her weekends and then stay at my place during the week. I caught her in a lie and I started looking at her phone and noticed she was talking to many guys. Seems like she wanted her cake and eat it too. However, I never felt like she cheated she seemed like she was trying to make friends then when they would start getting romantic she would push them away. At this point I told her I felt like a roommate and not her boyfriend and if this was how our relationship was going to be we should break up. She stopped going home on the weekends and we spent the weekends together going to the park and doing boring things. I thik she started to get bored. We stoped having sex as much and when we did if felt like a stripper that didn't really want to be there she was without emotion. Our weekends together and spending more time together I fell more in love with her. She was very cute and I loved having her around. She gave me butterflies the whole time. I never felt the connection I felt with her. Eventually She lied more and more then when she wanted to go bowling with some guy I told her fine I will go with you and she made excuses why she didn't want me to go. She went bowling and when she got home I had all of her stuff packed. I broke up with her but she convinced me to stay with her. She really tried after this and things got a little better. However, checking her phone she was still talking to the bowling guy. Meeting him after work for happy hour then ling to me about it. She told one guy that her and I were not meant to be. I told her I was looking at her phone and called her out on all of her bs. I am older than her and I kept making excuses for her that she is young because I really loved her. It is her special sayings and mannerism's that I miss the most. How she would lay her head on my chest and tell me how amazing I am. Now she teats me like trash and she has NO respect for me. I am sure most are going to say move on she is not a good person but I truly feel like she is and feel she is just young and confused. I was tring to hard to lock her down and I feel like she felt like she was losing her freedom so she rebelled against me.

 

I understand, trust me. It is very very hard. I hate when people say move on to me because in all honesty moving on from someone you love so dearly is so painful. All you do is think about the beautiful memories you spent together and how you first met and all the small things, like you said her laying on your chest etc. I can't help but to remember those times myself. It is really hard. Every day I think about the good times and wonder if he thinks about them too.. or if he even remembers them. Who knows what is going on with them. People change all the time and maybe if your ex hasn't had much life and/or relationship experience she is trying to figure it all out. My ex is definitely exploring.. he is going to parties and hanging around people he never hung out with before, especially this one guy that he talked crap about ... My ex is a home body. He loves just being at home doing nothing! I used to have to drag him out to parties or to go dancing. It isn't like him at all. It is really hard because I feel like I don't know who he is anymore but at the same time he is exploring and trying to figure everything out.. one day he will wake up and wonder wtf he is doing with his life but definitely not anytime soon. I am just letting him be because he needs to get his s**t together. I know he is very confused just as much as I am because now looking back I realized that he has been wanting to explore his options for a while... One night he came over and we were lying down talking and he said to me "do you think if we were to breakup and we bumped into each other with new partners, we would fall back in love with each other and go back to each other again?" At first I just thought it was a hypothetical question because girls pull that stuff all the time lol .. so I just responded "I think if we are meant to be then yes".. we then made up this whole story of how we break up meet each other again with new partners and end up getting back together with each other... yeah at the time it was funny and cute but now I am like this fool was planning this.. the worst!!!

[jessyy]

Yeah!!!! I know what you mean!!! I don't think she is not basing it off of physical appearance. I think it might be more like an immediate gratification. I think she is going through this rebellious phase that most people had in high school where they try to fight against parents' ideology.

 

I don't know what else she wants when she has someone who selflessly care for her and always be there for her ? Is she scared of settling down ? I am not asking her to settle down anytime soon. Apparently, she is all for trying different people and fail now, which is a valid point I guess. However, I fear it might be pretty destructive when it comes to graduate school since it gets pretty stressful.

 

I don't know if she is rethinking or not since she seems to be happy right now and she does not really text me that often. It does not seem so since she seems to be pretty proud of her decision. I have no clue why she asked me for help while she could ask others ????? That is the most bugging thing. I am doubtful she is gonna come running back with her big ego and her attitude about experiencing life now

 

I know exactly what you mean. I treated my ex like a king and loved him so deeply. I would do anything for that man.. in fact I did do everything for him. Well everything I could at least. I feel like he took me for granted.. as I probably did the same. However, that wasn't enough for him to want to work on things in our relationship. He rather explore, which I can understand. I can't be too upset because he doesn't want to go through life wondering what if. Better now that we have no real commitment to each other then if we were to have a place together or be married, that would really suck. He will find his way, just like your ex will find hers.. maybe it is with you eventually or maybe not. I know it is hard to see yourself with anybody else right now and you don't have to. Just take it day at a time. Keep yourself busy and improve yourself.. become more SELF-EMPOWERED and SELF-SUFFICIENT. Become a better man for yourself and nobody else. Center yourself. She is out there living her life doing whatever she wants knowing you are there whenever she needs you. You need to do the same. That doesn't mean you have to date if you aren't ready. Date yourself if anything. Personally, that is the healthiest thing. Get to know yourself.. that sounds silly but truthfully it will help you in the long run.

[DK666]

Apologies for wall of text but here goes:

 

I posted here before a year ago or so about my breakup with my girlfriend. We got back together after about 5 weeks, but upon reading more about GIGS I have come to realise that she has likely been experiencing it for most of our time together.

 

We have had 4 break-ups, the latest one having just happened and the reasons she gave led me to finding out about GIGS.

 

Breakup #1: 5 months into the relationship, she went out partying for her sister for the whole weekend, didn't bother to reply to any of my texts or calls, and when we did talk and I expressed frustration, she ended it. We reconciled the next day.

 

Breakup #2: This was the biggest breakup, that I posted about last year. We had a big argument about her secretly booking a holiday away without me, again with her sister and the sister's husband, plus all their kids. It took 5 weeks of NC and me being seen dating to finally help her realise that she didn't want to be broken up.

 

Breakup #3: This happened about 6 months after our big breakup. She basically got all excited saying she was going out for a car ride with her ex-husband. This didn't sit too well with me as I thought it was a bit disrespectful towards me, we argued a bit and then I dozed off. She went off and sat by her self for a few hours thinking over and over and over, and came back up and tried to break it off with me. After a couple hours we got past it and she agreed to go for it again.

 

Breakup #4: This is the one that's just happened. Everything has been fine up till today. She came round to see me for lunch as she usually does and she seemed off with me. She hadn't said she loved me on the phone, and she didn't kiss me when she came in; both things she usually does. We sit down and she starts expressing doubts about being in a relationship with me. Saying she misses the single life and doesn't like having to compromise on anything. She said she loves me but not as much as she did, that there's on-one else and she just wants to be on her own. Despite a couple of hours of talking, she refuses to even try with compromises on my part in terms of giving her more space, saying that she knows she'll just enjoy the space and want more. The last couple of weeks I've had stuff on and haven't stayed at her's so much, she told me that she's really enjoyed it and hasn't missed me.

 

So that's where I am now. This all happened a few hours ago, I came home and found out about GIGS and it seems crystal clear now. During this latest breakup she actually seemed to be taking it worse than I did. I obviously am still madly in love with the girl and hope for reconciliation, but as of the last messages we exchanged I am going NC.

 

I think I've covered everything. I am really hurting right now because this whole situation seems surreal, the reasoning for breaking up seems basically like a load of crap.

 

So yeah that's it.

[dumbass2]

"hope for reconciliation"

 

Looking for round 5? If this is a boxing match, I hope it just ended after 4 rounds because you are getting the crap beat out of you. Throw in the towel. Accept defeat already.

 

4 break ups? I don't know what to say if you can't see a problem with you and this girl. She may have a problem, but you need to stop analyzing her and take a look at yourself. Why on earth would you go through all this?

[DK666]

I know, it's dumb. In fact we should swap usernames.

 

I think I've just fallen for this girl in a major way. I know for a fact how much she loves me, and I know that she has also been pushed around by her family (especially the sister I mentioned), she has told me that the first two breakups wouldn't have happened if her family hadn't gotten involved. The third breakup was kinda a near miss, talked her off the ledge kind of deal. This latest one is the worst so far though, and it's been completely down to her with no family involved (that I know of).

 

Her friends are always telling me how much she talks about me and how much she loves me, so I think she's panicking about not being able to have the single life available if she wants it for too much longer (we're both 36). I worry that she'll regret it in a few months and that I'll be past the point of wanting to sort it out. She did say to me today that she doesn't think she is partner material and will just have to grow old alone, she has resigned herself to that fate it seems.

 

Thanks for your reply btw, I know you are completely right. I'm an idiot for hoping for reconciliation. I'm also hoping that typing all this crap out will have a cathartic effect.

[pidgeon1010]

I know, it's dumb. In fact we should swap usernames.

 

I think I've just fallen for this girl in a major way. I know for a fact how much she loves me, and I know that she has also been pushed around by her family (especially the sister I mentioned), she has told me that the first two breakups wouldn't have happened if her family hadn't gotten involved. The third breakup was kinda a near miss, talked her off the ledge kind of deal. This latest one is the worst so far though, and it's been completely down to her with no family involved (that I know of).

 

Her friends are always telling me how much she talks about me and how much she loves me, so I think she's panicking about not being able to have the single life available if she wants it for too much longer (we're both 36). I worry that she'll regret it in a few months and that I'll be past the point of wanting to sort it out. She did say to me today that she doesn't think she is partner material and will just have to grow old alone, she has resigned herself to that fate it seems.

 

Thanks for your reply btw, I know you are completely right. I'm an idiot for hoping for reconciliation. I'm also hoping that typing all this crap out will have a cathartic effect.

 

How do you know for a fact she loves you? Her actions say otherwise. I don't know any couples who love each other and are in a committed relationship who break up as much as you two have. Usually, such relationships are toxic and it never works out. It sounds like you just eat up everything she says hook, line and sinker. The holiday she secretly booked must have been her family's fault too. "I am not partner material" means she is not ready for a committed relationship with YOU. I doubt she has ever been "all in." I think the best thing that could happen to you is for you to be over her by the time she is ready for reconciliation and more than likely breakup#5. What a roller coaster "relationship"!

[DK666]

She wasn't always cold, most of the time she did show a lot of love, but yeah I agree with you that she probably was never "all in" when you look at all the breakups. You're probably right that I need to be over her and move on without worrying about whether she will ever reconcile.

 

I just am in shock and feeling confused as hell right now. At least with the other breakups I kind of saw them coming. This one has just blindsided me.

[Nina17]

My ex broke up with me last year due to G.I.G.S. and on reflection I didn't go NC entirely when I should have done and we rushed and got back together after only 2 months.

 

Recently we have broken up again for the same reason. There has been no cheating and neither of us had been with anyone during that time previously.

 

 

Is it possible to get back together twice, any positive stories?

Feeling like maybe because we're young this is just a case of immaturity and perhaps fear of commitment as we would have been coming up to 2 years.

 

We were and are still extremely fond of each other.

[DK666]

My ex broke up with me last year due to G.I.G.S. and on reflection I didn't go NC entirely when I should have done and we rushed and got back together after only 2 months.

 

Recently we have broken up again for the same reason. There has been no cheating and neither of us had been with anyone during that time previously.

 

 

Is it possible to get back together twice, any positive stories?

Feeling like maybe because we're young this is just a case of immaturity and perhaps fear of commitment as we would have been coming up to 2 years.

 

We were and are still extremely fond of each other.

 

Really sorry to hear that Nina. Like you I was in a relationship for about 2 years and as you've probably already seen above I had several breakups (2 minor and the one major one which was last year for about a month) before this latest breakup a couple of days ago.

 

What I can tell you is that yeah it is possible to make up more than once, but whether it will last after that is another matter entirely. GIGS seems to take a long time for someone to get past; possibly years, so if you are hellbent on figuring things out with him, you have to be aware that this may happen again.

 

4 breakups for me with my ex. Day 2 of NC at the moment. I still love her with all my heart and I'm finding it really hard to not call or message her at the moment, but as much as I REALLY hate to admit it, this latest breakup may be for the best.

[jessyy]

Hey everyone .. so my ex of 4 years broke up with me about 2 months ago (pretty sure due to gigs) and right when I am moving on and getting to know other men and going on dates and having a fun time being single ... the ex is slowly starting to creep in and text me.... idk it always seems like when you are moving on they come creeping back... seems like he is getting bored of his 20%.. gotta love the 80 20 rule.

[Speirling]

I so wish I'd read this a couple of months ago... Spot on. Thanks for helping me understand.

[sunglasses]

I'm just trying to understand what happened.

 

GF and I were together for about five years, in our mid 20s right now, and in the middle of long distance which would last for a couple more years. From what she said, I gathered that there was a mix of communication issues (which in my admittedly biased opinion were addressable) and loss of feelings (that may have been initiated by her thinking about said issues).

 

During the breakup (which was pretty amicable, no yelling or anything) she said things along the lines of:

 

• I'm not in love with you, but I still care about you. (When I asked what's the difference, she said "I don't know how to describe it other than being in love.")
   
  
• You're so great.
   
  
• I'm not saying that I don't want to be in love with you, it's just that I'm not, and to me that's the end.
   
  
• Maybe I just have impossibly high standards.
   
  
• Don't beat yourself up over this, I don't think you did anything wrong.
   
  
• I still want to be friends, but I feel like it's up to you to decide if you even want to talk to me.
  

 

However, she also seemed pretty sure about things, said she was thinking about this for a couple months, said she thought there were incompatibilities (but wouldn't tell me what when I asked, other than the communication thing), and said she felt like there was a wall now when I asked if she could ever see us revisiting things if the right circumstances arose again.

 

I realize that it doesn't matter if it was GIGS or not, I'm just trying my best to understand how it fell apart.

[sunglasses]

bump, anybody?

[BriNyc82]

How do you know for a fact she loves you? Her actions say otherwise. I don't know any couples who love each other and are in a committed relationship who break up as much as you two have. Usually, such relationships are toxic and it never works out. It sounds like you just eat up everything she says hook, line and sinker. The holiday she secretly booked must have been her family's fault too. "I am not partner material" means she is not ready for a committed relationship with YOU. I doubt she has ever been "all in." I think the best thing that could happen to you is for you to be over her by the time she is ready for reconciliation and more than likely breakup#5. What a roller coaster "relationship"!

 

 

If things are this hard and there's no kids, no marriage, imagine how much harder it will be once other factors are involved. My friend's mother always tells me that things better be damn near perfect before you get married b/c it only gets worse.

[NVO]

I'm just trying to understand what happened.

 

GF and I were together for about five years, in our mid 20s right now, and in the middle of long distance which would last for a couple more years. From what she said, I gathered that there was a mix of communication issues (which in my admittedly biased opinion were addressable) and loss of feelings (that may have been initiated by her thinking about said issues).

 

During the breakup (which was pretty amicable, no yelling or anything) she said things along the lines of:

 

• I'm not in love with you, but I still care about you. (When I asked what's the difference, she said "I don't know how to describe it other than being in love.")
   
  
• You're so great.
   
  
• I'm not saying that I don't want to be in love with you, it's just that I'm not, and to me that's the end.
   
  
• Maybe I just have impossibly high standards.
   
  
• Don't beat yourself up over this, I don't think you did anything wrong.
   
  
• I still want to be friends, but I feel like it's up to you to decide if you even want to talk to me.
  

 

However, she also seemed pretty sure about things, said she was thinking about this for a couple months, said she thought there were incompatibilities (but wouldn't tell me what when I asked, other than the communication thing), and said she felt like there was a wall now when I asked if she could ever see us revisiting things if the right circumstances arose again.

 

I realize that it doesn't matter if it was GIGS or not, I'm just trying my best to understand how it fell apart.

 

I found out about GIGS too, and some of it describes my break up perfectly. The thing is, and I can not agree more with some of the posters in this thread, it's dangerous to try to label your break up as GIGS. Sure, there might be some similarities, but it's possible that your ex was simply done. So it's a good thing that you realize this yourself!

 

Seems like her feelings decayed over time. There was some distance between you, so I don't see that as a complete surprise. Moreover, if she tells you that you did nothing wrong, that's probably true. Sure you may have made some mistakes, but from your post I can tell that you were ready to fight for this thing right? So, she was the main obstacle in all of this.

 

It's a good thing that she does not blame you for the break up. Good for you, so you don't have to blame yourself, good for the chances of reconciliation. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to give you false hope. But keep it this way, so she will remember you in a positive way.

 

Go NC and move on. Enjoy your time alone. Get to know yourself. You will improve over time, believe me. Think about the things you want to improve if you find yourself in a new relationship (maybe the communication issue you talked about?). If she texts you, you can reply if you like. As long as there is no cheating or abusing involved, I'm a proponent of open communication lines. But because she broke up with you, you should let her take all the first steps. And maybe in a year or so you will start communicating again and you can see for yourself if you want to take things further from there. I believe that if you want a reconciliation to work, there has to be some serious time apart. I've seen a lot of people getting back together after two months and blow the whole thing up again. And don't be surprised that if she ever tells you that she wants to give it another try, you have moved on and are happy without her.

Edited July 30, 2015 by NVO

[nicolesk]

So my ex dumped me after almost 2 years of being together. No one at all saw it coming, there were not signs of anything being wrong. However since the breakup, he has been with a new girl. How can that happen that quickly? I'm thinking it has to be a rebound. He doesn't look nearly as happy with her in pictures as he did with me, and I heard that from many people. So I mean I know this is very vague but I want to know if this really could be a rebound and if he will end up coming back? It seems to be that why since there was no rhyme or reason behind why we broke up. I haven't talked to him since because I decided I'll give him space if that's what he needs. I just want opinions if it could be a rebound and whether or not there will be a chance of him coming back. I could also go into more detail if needed. Any opinion is appreciated!

[sunglasses]

I found out about GIGS too, and some of it describes my break up perfectly. The thing is, and I can not agree more with some of the posters in this thread, it's dangerous to try to label your break up as GIGS. Sure, there might be some similarities, but it's possible that your ex was simply done. So it's a good thing that you realize this yourself!

 

Seems like her feelings decayed over time. There was some distance between you, so I don't see that as a complete surprise. Moreover, if she tells you that you did nothing wrong, that's probably true. Sure you may have made some mistakes, but from your post I can tell that you were ready to fight for this thing right? So, she was the main obstacle in all of this.

 

It's a good thing that she does not blame you for the break up. Good for you, so you don't have to blame yourself, good for the chances of reconciliation. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to give you false hope. But keep it this way, so she will remember you in a positive way.

 

Go NC and move on. Enjoy your time alone. Get to know yourself. You will improve over time, believe me. Think about the things you want to improve if you find yourself in a new relationship (maybe the communication issue you talked about?). If she texts you, you can reply if you like. As long as there is no cheating or abusing involved, I'm a proponent of open communication lines. But because she broke up with you, you should let her take all the first steps. And maybe in a year or so you will start communicating again and you can see for yourself if you want to take things further from there. I believe that if you want a reconciliation to work, there has to be some serious time apart. I've seen a lot of people getting back together after two months and blow the whole thing up again. And don't be surprised that if she ever tells you that she wants to give it another try, you have moved on and are happy without her.

 

I keep obsessing about this - is it GIGS, is it not GIGS, will she change her mind?

[Kehv]

My ex left me after 6 years basically out of the blue. She was with me almost every single day (she did not live with me due to cultural differences). Ofcourse there were some fights but nothing major. We had often talked about getting married, having kids .. everything, even one week before the breakup.

 

At one point she said she would go out with friends that evening. I felt something was not right that night, the next few days she was acting strange and eventually broke up with me 3 days after the evening she went out.

 

At first she did not want to give any reason but because I started to ask all kinds of things, like if she met someone else but she just gave me a few stupid reasons instead. 3 days after the breakup she came to get her remaining stuff out of my appartment, we talked for 1,5 hours and I even flirted with her and I could see she loved it but eventually she sticked to her decision.

That night I just knew something was off, so I checked her facebook and my worst nightmare came true. She indeed had been going on a date with a colleague instead of going out with friends and perhaps she even slept with him already, I dont know.

 

I was completely broken. The love of my life left me in just a few days for someone else. I needed answers so I just went over to her house. Eventually she told me she was in a relationship with the guy already and had sex with him (2 weeks after the breakup). Ofcourse this was another blow for me since we both lost our virginity together.

 

In the 3th and 4th week she wanted to hang out with me several times, ofcourse I fell for it and even had sex with her 1 time.... because apparently I was way better than the new guy.... and she wanted to be friends with me.

 

Last time I saw her she even told me she and her new bf were going on a holiday (8 weeks after our breakup...)

 

Eventually I messaged her that we could not be friends since we've been in a 6 year relationship, that's when I started my no-contact. She first responded nicely to my message and said she was sorry I feel that way and that she never did me any harm (wtf?). Since I did not respond immediately she messaged me again with a more angry message saying something like "If you dont want to see me again, Fine!"

 

I do think she still cares for me but the thing im worried about is the fact that the new guy simply has a better career than me, which I can not compete with. Still... I've treated her well in the past 6 years so she can't get over me that fast... can she?

 

I don't know if this guy is a rebound or if this really is 'the grass is greener syndrome', but she indeed thought she could do better but I'm afraid she actually made the right choice...

[Kehv]

I'm just trying to understand what happened.

 

GF and I were together for about five years, in our mid 20s right now, and in the middle of long distance which would last for a couple more years. From what she said, I gathered that there was a mix of communication issues (which in my admittedly biased opinion were addressable) and loss of feelings (that may have been initiated by her thinking about said issues).

 

During the breakup (which was pretty amicable, no yelling or anything) she said things along the lines of:

 

• I'm not in love with you, but I still care about you. (When I asked what's the difference, she said "I don't know how to describe it other than being in love.")
   
  
• You're so great.
   
  
• I'm not saying that I don't want to be in love with you, it's just that I'm not, and to me that's the end.
   
  
• Maybe I just have impossibly high standards.
   
  
• Don't beat yourself up over this, I don't think you did anything wrong.
   
  
• I still want to be friends, but I feel like it's up to you to decide if you even want to talk to me.
  

 

However, she also seemed pretty sure about things, said she was thinking about this for a couple months, said she thought there were incompatibilities (but wouldn't tell me what when I asked, other than the communication thing), and said she felt like there was a wall now when I asked if she could ever see us revisiting things if the right circumstances arose again.

 

I realize that it doesn't matter if it was GIGS or not, I'm just trying my best to understand how it fell apart.

 

Exactly how my breakup went. She said I was a great guy, she still loved me, she still wanted to be friends and she said she had high standards (which is true). The thing is, she met someone who has a better career than me... not sure If i can ever get her back if that's the most important thing to her.

[SoThatHappened]

Career schmareer...

 

She came back to bang you because you're better in the sack than the new guy. That's a good reason to smile in my book.

[Kehv]

Career schmareer...

 

She came back to bang you because you're better in the sack than the new guy. That's a good reason to smile in my book.

 

indeed and that's why I fell into the trap of doing her one last time She was so pleased with me afterwards, I thought I could persuade her to come back.

 

She even told me sex is important, but to women it seems other things are more important like earning more money.......

 

Since she has the grass is greener syndrome, I doubt she will come back to me for the sex as she might think she can find someone who is perfect in everything.