"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[polarissucks01]

Thanks. I still love her a lot and its super hard to let go. I'm trying. NC is helping. Just once in a while my mind is a cruel entity and puts pictures of her and him holding one another and being intimate. I try not to think about it, but it just pops in there.

[Liverpool Bloke]

Yea I get that too Polaris & so annoying because I am not even slightly jealous of any of her other guys,I think they did me a favour helping to get that vile woman out of my life,just the thought of them feeling smug stresses me out.Our brains should have a reset button to get over these irrational thoughts I reckon.

[Mythodea]

I think everyone's story and input is great to be shared but, I would like to hear more solutions rather than problems. I think we all can identify on our own if our ex had GIGS so I think it's best if we instead focus on bringing solutions or courses of action.

 

This is obviously only intended for those who despite GIGS, still think that person is worth fighting for and want to do so. If you actually felt favoured that your ex went away or are just not interested in getting back with him/her, then it's not for you.

 

What are some ways to go about GIGS? What do you guys think would be a solid plan of action?

[thelostnoob]

Intro

hey, new to this forum. Thanks for this great post about G.I.G.S. The first post explained my life. jk, but it's very similar in that my ex can be linked to the first symptom. and possibly wishy-washyness

 

Intentions:

Trying to add my experiences for others to see and also get opinions as well. I myself like looking at different situations or scenarios.

 

Summary:

She started questioning point of relationships since really you should love yourself first for happiness and being self-sufficient and independent. Also it was going to be long distance. We break up because I also pushed her too far asking for too much. A week after the breakup, I initiate friendship, and we've been talking constantly, mainly through text, but recently calling just a little bit, but she isn't a phone person and sexting and she's coming over in the end of august from out-of-state to clean out her old apartment, and then hang with me and stay at my place for the weekend. I don't know what to do. Is this a good thing? Do I just stay chill and see what happens? I do want this to keep going and its still so much fun. but ultimately, I want her to be my gf. I think. I am going to see what happens during the weekend when we hang, and then decide on what to do.

 

Story:

 

Both 22. So she cheated on her ex with me. Their 3 year relationship was going down the drain. I know, not a good start, but i believe in second chances and not judging. She does not lie as well. She told her ex the next day because she was guilt ridden, as an example. This was from beginning of Summer 2013. We started doing friends with benefits. Turned into us getting attached to each other after 5 or 6 months. and then i guess i was more attached. We ended things a few times because I pushed her and wanted more, and she needed convincing because it was going to be long distance after we graduated (i know, needing convincing is another red flag). Until finally, she ended it after a year during summer 2014. She is also going to grad school in another state for 2-3 years. Her reasons: She does not know why a relationship is necessary if all you really need is to love yourself and be independent and self-sufficient. It's also long distance (even though people believe that its impossible, I think if you really want it, you can make it work).

 

We were both angry after. However, we valued each others friendship i think. I wanted to be friends and get passed the breakup quickly (thinking i actually could) and I talked to her after a week. Since then, we're friends. We talk constantly and "sext" and she is flying out to my city near the end of august. She has some business to take care of but she is staying at my place and hanging for the weekend.

 

I still like her. I think. I am concerned that I am continuing this type of relationship because of my possessiveness. I do not want her hooking up with other people at all. and I do not want her to run away again. so I am done pushing her. I do not think I can ask her to be my gf anymore. I was thinking about just being chill and "seeing what happens" as all the posts before me warn against. I was thinking maybe keeping the connection open will be good for the future, and maybe we will get together.

 

But this is only leaving me wanting more. We talk all the time. But when she is busy, she doesnt. She is very career-oriented. I am doing my own things as well, but I can always make time to talk. And i would love to talk more. Especially with the person I like. And notice I said "like." I am not sure what love is. Because I had a serious 2 year relationship before where I thought what we had was love. I guess i was in love with her, but now im not. And that sucks actually, to think that there is always "another fish in the sea." That blows. I believe in trying 100% until you can't anymore. However, I do not know when I can't anymore and should stop.

 

She is also shy and kind of antisocial. So maybe she is just keeping me around for the company. Although she is trying to make friends and I am happy about that. I want her to be more social. Back to my possessiveness, and I guess insecurity, I don't want some other guys taking her though. And she barely drinks, so the chances of her hooking up with another person is lower. BUT anything can happen. When a girl wants it, she can get it easily.

 

Maybe I do not have the balls to end it. I keep going over these what-ifs and am not sure what to do. I am waiting till the end of august to make a move. Whether it be continuing this type of weird friends that talk all the time and have sex, or cut off all ties completely.

 

Conclusion:

I am not sure what is the best move. I want her as my gf. but, looking back at past problems with her, I am not sure anymore. She was hesitant to move forward with the relationship. She didnt want to do long distance. However, i pushed her a lot. asked for more. she caved a few times. and thats how we got here. I have learned my lesson about pushing, but it might be too late. Everything is so effing delicate.

 

Yea, so I am confused. Maybe cutting ties completely is a good idea. lol. We both have things to figure out I guess. I will decide once we hang out near the end of august. Opinions and comments would be appreciated. Please ask if you want some parts explained. I was trying to be as concise as possible so it probably blows. Also it was kind of a steam of consciousness thing.

 

Thanks to all the guys and gals for reading this.

 

The confusion is real.

[stormer59]

The original post literally had what happened to me today down to a t. 8 year relationship with my first love, high school sweetheart, only real girlfriend. Her reasoning was almost exactly what you posted. I am confused and heartbroken beyond belief. I have told her never to contact me unless she plans on trying to make things work. Hopefully, I can sustain not talking to her and that she does the same for me. I am very glad I found this thread to know that I am not the only one to go through such a heartbreaking ordeal.

[mrty]

Very interesting, very insightful. Was dumped a few months back seemingly for no reason. IT was a 3 1/2 year "relationship". It was hard heartbroken all the rest of it. I worked away a lot she would go out with friends at weekends while i was away. This guy from the town moves back home while i was away they drank in a group together got on well as friends she spoke about him often and they text each other. I wasn't over the moon about it but she's her own person she can do what she wants. It did cross my mind that this guy had turned her head and i did ask her but "no no no you have nothing to worry about". Fair enough then. Anyway i found this week that she is dating this guy she said it only started a couple of months ago which i know to be false. She cheated on me with him when i was away helping a sick family member. Im not saying this is a case of grass is greener but it really rang true to your post i haven't put in all the details with the split but all the symptoms in your list were there. I'm devastated all over again and all the healing and mending i did was all for nothing. I really do hope it is the case and she come back some day so i can tell her were to go in no uncertain terms. I know thats petty and i do want her to be happy just not with this guy.

[AquanoxSerp]

Oddly I'm a female experiencing this with a guy who's 36. He's definitely doing a GIG and I know he will want me back someday but he is too deluded. I told him not to contact me unless he wants to make this work and I went NC on him. Still extremely hard and am heartbroken over us. We were together off and on since we were 15. He was my first love.

[AquanoxSerp]

Sorry homebrew but I don't think GiG dumpers deserve slack if they previously begged those of us who had GiG not to move away

 

My ****ty ex did that and what did he do? The same damn thing and went straight for selfish self satisfaction.

 

Frankly what you're asking for is pretty much having your cake and eating it too, and nope not going to cut anyone that slice of pie.

[bleedinjlove]

Hey guys,

 

It's been a while since I've been on this site... Nearly 6 years to be exact. I can't believe I'm back. Good news: I finally found an amazing relationship. It came shortly after my really horrible relationship. But it was everything that I had been looking for and more.

 

Ellie and I dated for nearly 4 years, but she is 3 years younger than me. So 16-19.5 for her, 19 - 22.5 for me. It was a difficult age difference, but we lived in the same city and went to the same college. More on this later.

 

Our relationship was near perfect. We were fully integrated into eachother's lives, Christmases, Thanksgivings, etc. We were so in love and so happy for so long, I don't think that really ever faded. We bickered, had minor issues and a couple fights the way that most big relationships due. We even broke up once when I went to study abroad, but got back together shortly after. Anyway, by all intensive purposes - we were in a healthy, normal and loving relationship.

 

Over the past few months, I felt like we were in a little bit of a rut. Obviously we loved eachother, but things just dulled a little bit. I've been in another long term relationship so I kind of know that this is part of the experience. But the sex waned and we were kind of stagnant as a couple -- mostly because she was still in college and we weren't quite ready to move in together.

 

About 2 months ago, Ellie broke up with me and I can't believe it. I can't help but think that she could've been the one. Ellie's reasoning was about as sound as it could be. Essentially she said,

 

"We might need that break we always talked about. I love you, and I am in love with you. But I don't know what life is like without you. I'm so comfortable, and it's been the greatest 4 years, but I just don't know how to stand on my own. This is horrible for me, I just feel like I need to do this. I need to know how high my highs can go."

 

I'm trying to reconcile this. Especially since its very similar to a GIGS break-up. We are pretty much on no-contact, but we have contacted eachother a few times to catch up (mostly initiated by her). But now I found out that not just 2-months into our breakup she's "kind of seeing" someone that she has (brief) history with. That's pretty painful to hear, but I figure it's a rebound.

 

Anyway, how should I proceed? Should I close the door and what could be an incredible relationship in the future?

[Copelandsanity]

Anyway, how should I proceed? Should I close the door and what could be an incredible relationship in the future?

 

How you proceed is give up on her and move on with your life. I've been through the jugular and the one thing I'll forever be proud of is dumping her out of my life and moving on, as much as it hurts. You never, never want to be someone's second choice. You have to have more self-respect.

[bleedinjlove]

How you proceed is give up on her and move on with your life. I've been through the jugular and the one thing I'll forever be proud of is dumping her out of my life and moving on, as much as it hurts. You never, never want to be someone's second choice. You have to have more self-respect.

 

You don't believe in taking space in a long-term relationship to explore what you want individually?

[nikahexplorer]

Interesting but may be not same for all.

[superhuman123]

hey guys and girls, I found this one helpful and legit to solve your problem.

trust me guys, it works Make Your Ex Desperate To Have You Back...

[robert93]

Hi.I am in a similar situation I'm 21 she is 19 and she left me for someone else and because she wants to have fun.She is hanging with the wrong people now they're all close to 30 years old.Her family wants us togheter and they love me.But I am leaving in 2 weeks to another country.The thing is YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON.Just for now if you want your ex back.For now it's time to move on with your life.Think about it if you are getting back togheter now it won;t work at all because she/he is still confused and well you know you can't trust them anymore.You want them back but deep down you know it won't work is this right?This happens on young couples because of the lack of experience.I had my experiences before but she never been in one serious relationship only with me.Also I was her first.The thing is let them go for now and if he/she realises that you were great and loving person she/he will come back eventually.But this is best to happen after a couple of years.Then you will be over them and the space between you two is larger.I't won;t bother you the fact she or he dated someone else during that time because you did it too and it is like you first met.If you moved on there's a great chance of getting back togheter and having a good relationship because you forgot or accepted what happened and you don't live in the past anymore.This time is also for them because they've had their experience and now they became more mature and want to settle down.They know what a relationship means and they realised their mistakes.So the ultimate advice is to move on love yourself enjoy life and live the life as it guides you.Things always change and we have to be open for changes in our life.Go with the flow because you never know what's waiting for you behind the corner who know's maybe one day will be your ex.Let go of the past let go of the ex and you will see that you won't need someone to make you happy you only need yourself.

[matt55]

Hello.

My ex and I dated for 2 years/4 months, and it was the best time I've ever had, and we were both in love. We argued of course but always sorted it out. We always surprised each other, never took each other for granted etc. She was always the one bringing up family and children(she loves children) and that. I'll admit now though that sometimes we were too comfortable with each other. I should point out, we were each others' first everything, except kiss.

 

Anyway, we both went to the same university (college), and during freshers week, she ended up cheating on me with a boy from the flat next to hers. No-one expected this, not her mum or friends either, she had been cheated on before. She told me immediately in tears, saying it made her realise how much she loved me etc, and I forgave her, and I knew I could move on from it as I loved her. Anyway.. Thursday after the incident, she breaks up with me, citing her reasons as she feels guilty, as well as she wants to be able to kiss other people or even further as she hasn't before, as I was her first. She also hadn't had time to miss me (even though in the time before university, it was mainly always her wanting to see me, even when I had just left her house to go home). I fought for her, but accepted it. I still love her dearly and miss her every day. She also said something along the lines of she wish she had met me 3 years later as she can imagine starting a family with me as i'm 'perfect' to her.

 

In the weeks since, she has posted photos of her and this boy, which she knows I'll see, as well as sending me snapchats of them specifically. I have also just found out that she is now dating this boy, even though she said she didn't want that. It hasn't even been a month. I want to classify it in my mind as a rebound, yet as he is in such close proximity, they are with each other pretty much every day and so I am not sure.

 

I refuse to believe that she could have moved on so quickly after such a long time and going through so many experiences and having such good memories together, yet it feels like she doesn't miss me at all, doesn't think of me or anything and that absolutely kills.

 

We have texted briefly in these weeks, she sometimes asks me if I am going out with my flatmates in the evening, if i'm going to the same place as her, etc.

 

My question is: What should I do? I desperately want her back, and I want to talk to her, yet I am unsure how to approach it, especially with this other boy around. I want to fight for her as she is my dream girl and I'll do everything I can to make it work, I just don't know how to approach it as I said. I understand her wanting to maybe experience others, but surely she isn't if she is with him? He is also not her type at all, and he has cheated on his previous girlfriends, and as weird as it sounds, I don't want him hurting her by doing that. I am using this time to better myself of course, I've started jogging, etc. I also have fit in much better with new flatmates and go out and enjoy myself with them. Part of me feels as though, if she see's me out enjoying myself with them, she'll realise that I do genuinely want to go out clubbing and stuff, be the boy dancing with her, and a whole host of other things.

 

Any help would be very much appreciated, and sorry it wasn't as brief as I intended! Obviously I know i'm not going to force her to be back, and I will move on and not wait for her.. yet it was such a terrific relationship I find myself not wanting to shut off every possibility. I just wish I knew how she felt - probably liberated at the minute but could that pass? I don't know.

 

Is this possibly GIGS? Judging from what I've read from Homebrew and others who have posted, it seems to be..

 

thank you.

[Herpderp]

Hello.

My ex and I dated for 2 years/4 months, and it was the best time I've ever had, and we were both in love. We argued of course but always sorted it out. We always surprised each other, never took each other for granted etc. She was always the one bringing up family and children(she loves children) and that. I'll admit now though that sometimes we were too comfortable with each other. I should point out, we were each others' first everything, except kiss.

 

Anyway, we both went to the same university (college), and during freshers week, she ended up cheating on me with a boy from the flat next to hers. No-one expected this, not her mum or friends either, she had been cheated on before. She told me immediately in tears, saying it made her realise how much she loved me etc, and I forgave her, and I knew I could move on from it as I loved her. Anyway.. Thursday after the incident, she breaks up with me, citing her reasons as she feels guilty, as well as she wants to be able to kiss other people or even further as she hasn't before, as I was her first. She also hadn't had time to miss me (even though in the time before university, it was mainly always her wanting to see me, even when I had just left her house to go home). I fought for her, but accepted it. I still love her dearly and miss her every day. She also said something along the lines of she wish she had met me 3 years later as she can imagine starting a family with me as i'm 'perfect' to her.

 

In the weeks since, she has posted photos of her and this boy, which she knows I'll see, as well as sending me snapchats of them specifically. I have also just found out that she is now dating this boy, even though she said she didn't want that. It hasn't even been a month. I want to classify it in my mind as a rebound, yet as he is in such close proximity, they are with each other pretty much every day and so I am not sure.

 

I refuse to believe that she could have moved on so quickly after such a long time and going through so many experiences and having such good memories together, yet it feels like she doesn't miss me at all, doesn't think of me or anything and that absolutely kills.

 

We have texted briefly in these weeks, she sometimes asks me if I am going out with my flatmates in the evening, if i'm going to the same place as her, etc.

 

My question is: What should I do? I desperately want her back, and I want to talk to her, yet I am unsure how to approach it, especially with this other boy around. I want to fight for her as she is my dream girl and I'll do everything I can to make it work, I just don't know how to approach it as I said. I understand her wanting to maybe experience others, but surely she isn't if she is with him? He is also not her type at all, and he has cheated on his previous girlfriends, and as weird as it sounds, I don't want him hurting her by doing that. I am using this time to better myself of course, I've started jogging, etc. I also have fit in much better with new flatmates and go out and enjoy myself with them. Part of me feels as though, if she see's me out enjoying myself with them, she'll realise that I do genuinely want to go out clubbing and stuff, be the boy dancing with her, and a whole host of other things.

 

Any help would be very much appreciated, and sorry it wasn't as brief as I intended! Obviously I know i'm not going to force her to be back, and I will move on and not wait for her.. yet it was such a terrific relationship I find myself not wanting to shut off every possibility. I just wish I knew how she felt - probably liberated at the minute but could that pass? I don't know.

 

Is this possibly GIGS? Judging from what I've read from Homebrew and others who have posted, it seems to be..

 

thank you.

 

 

Dumpees love to use Gigs as an excuse for the breakup.

Nothing is wrong with them, just that the dumper is having Gigs.

 

I went through the same thing. But for a relationship to fall apart, both parties have to be at fault. She cheats for a reason. She has gigs for a reason, and she does things for certain reasons. Probably felt u weren't good enough anymore, just like how my ex dumped me. Instead of convincing myself she has gigs and just mope around, I worked on all my flaws to improve myself. Indeed for me right now, the grass is greener on the other side.

[Adferger1]

Wow, this was a great post. Thanks a lot.

It makes me understand my breakup a little better. I dont know if she broke up because of the "grass is greener" syndrome.

All she said was that she had lost feelings, and she was so stressed out due to life changes, that she needed to focus on herself....

 

Could be... She had a hard time explaining why the feelings were gone... And she seems very interrested in making sure I am still in her life. However not very interrested in actually having a conversation with me. She just needs to know if I am there...

[winnerwinnerchicken]

I dont know if mine is considered gigs. I was this girls only boyfriend, we were together for 5 years. This other guy started to show her attention and she just pushed me from her life like I was bad. We did have a great relationship. No use worrying about the past I guess. I doubt i'll ever hear from her again.

[matt55]

Dumpees love to use Gigs as an excuse for the breakup.

Nothing is wrong with them, just that the dumper is having Gigs.

 

I went through the same thing. But for a relationship to fall apart, both parties have to be at fault. She cheats for a reason. She has gigs for a reason, and she does things for certain reasons. Probably felt u weren't good enough anymore, just like how my ex dumped me. Instead of convincing myself she has gigs and just mope around, I worked on all my flaws to improve myself. Indeed for me right now, the grass is greener on the other side.

 

I appreciate the reply mate. I'm not sure, I mean I wasn't exactly the biggest social person, I didn't always go clubbing or stuff like that, or didn't always kiss her at parties and stuff, I don't know if that made her feel unwanted slightly or what, but then part of me feels that I did so many other things for her to show she was wanted..

 

Yeah man, I have been going out enjoying myself, she texted me the other day on Halloween saying if I see you tonight I'll talk to you. She did see me at the club, but didn't come and talk to me, even though when I glanced at her she was looking directly at me no matter who was speaking to her, even when the boy she's dating was speaking to her. To be honest, this boy even came up and spoke to me and apologised for what happened, and he has my respect for that. I've also hit the gym and that to work out.. so am working on building my body and social skills :-) hopefully she recognises that.. if not, her loss I guess?

[unforgotten]

Hello everyone. Me and my now ex girlfriend were together for almost exactly 7 years. She's 22, I'm 25. She dumped me even though we were planning our future together and she was always telling me how she would never leave me. I can recognize plenty of the symptoms and it seems to be "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome.

 

We started young. She was 15, I was almost 18. We are each other's first sexual partners. She said she was thinking of leaving me for quite some time and she would remember this guy who she really got along with in school before she met me and how he was actually everything she thought she later had in me and when our relationship would got cold she would remember him. Then they actually texted each other for 2 months or so before she'd broke up with me or maybe they'd even see each other I don't know. They'd share feelings to each other etc. etc. She said she wants to end our relationship but would not give any good reason just that she doesn't feel the way she should and doesn't imagine she ever would again. You could barely get anything out of her. I would cry and everything and she'd even break down telling me we would try harder but I could see something would be lying on her mind. Then I'd keep pushing her and after two weeks or so she'd tell me about that guy. I did everything wrong then, cried, begged, apologized, bad mouth the other guy etc. etc. She would even break down and tell me she still loves me more than him and that we should give it a try but then her mood would swing especially when the guy would text her and she just said she won't be able to do it. She would even get mad at me, throw things from the past at me, telling me how I'm not being sincere and how I won't change and I'll be exactly the same in two weeks etc. She'd also say sorry and don't worry about any of the stuff, let's just both move on. She'd also cry before how I wouldn't want to remain friends with her and that she wants us to remain in good relationship.

 

Me, her family and everyone would tell her to clear her head and don't rush into anything and she said she wouldn't and how she isn't in a hurry and will be good for her to be some time alone but just after a few days after ending it with me she would already be seeing this other dude and things would move fast. He has a child from a previous relationship and they'd take her for a walk and hold hands, he'd post a photo on a fb where they look like a happy family. It's a bit comical.

 

Immediately after the breakup we saw each other often since we do some common stuff and my relationship to her would vary a lot from ok let's remain friends to f*** off, I can't believe what you did to me. She would be really hyped and even euphoric, all dressed up looking nice and I'd say her behavior is kind of fake and everything isn't going so well for her as she tries to show it. She also acts strange at home her parents say.

 

Later when I went through that initial depression phase I'd give myself some time off and after 10 days I'd contact her. She'd respond in a matter of minutes. Then I went to the fitness and she appeared there talking normally to me, laughing, our eyes would meet and she'd smile, she would look over to me and start talking to me etc. She was more into having conversation with me than I was and we'd even go for a walk, she wanted to know what I was up to and how things are doing for me. She was quite relaxed and enjoyed talking to me telling me this is what she wants, that when we see each other we wouldn't be strangers and that we'll talk more soon. All along the break up she has this attitude towards me: what happened happened, I'm happy now (acting all hyped and euphoric), I want to move on and I want you to move on as well but let's remain friends. The same day we'd text some more about some non related stuff and she was completely normal like nothing has happened at all. Than I'd start to wonder maybe it's time for me to go into that NC mode if I want us to be together again one day. The real reason behind the break up was that I wouldn't give her enough attention, she didn't feel wanted, loved and needed anymore and of course this is exactly what the other guy is giving her now. I'd normally be all for NC but I'm kind of afraid since the other guy is in the picture. What do you think? Is this GIGS or is it something else. What should I do? If going for NC, should I tell her that it's the best for us to not talk or should I not say anything and just ignore? I don't know how this would appear since I don't want her to think I'm mad at her since we had a nice talk the last time we saw each other... I'm so confused and sad about this situation!

Edited November 25, 2014 by unforgotten

[Soccercrazed487]

So, my gf of 4 years and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. I'd say it was mutual, but I was basically forced into making the decision for us. Long story short, our relationship over the past 6 months has turned into more or less a really great friendship. The sex life died. But we had discussed working hard to get things back to the way they were, she assured me she was willing to be patient and put in the effort. But that all changed in the matter of a week. The excitement and attraction definitely faded. I came to visit family after halloween, and while visiting my gf became distant, when I asked her what was wrong she said that she loved me but really enjoyed the time on her own. She is 22, and hasn't really been on her own. She told me that being able to come and go as she pleases and not have to report to anyone was something that she really enjoyed and she didn't know if she wanted me to come back or not right now. She told me the only thing she can tell me right now for sure is that she has no clue what she wants. Let me say that she sucks at making decisions, she can't even choose a type of soup or soda in the grocery store. So I decided it would be best to just come get my things, and move back with my family while she goes ahead and experiences the freedom that she obviously needs. She did not protest or really say to much about it, other than she didn't know what she wanted and would like the time to find out. I have not asked her to come back, or begged or pleaded with her in anyway. I've simply told her that I love her, and that I understand what she needs to do and if/when she changes her mind I will always be here for her. We didn't speak for the first 8 days, then I found out she had gone on a date with a new person and slept with them only a few days into our breakup. I kinda got on her case about doing something like that so soon…I apologized the next day and told her it wasn't my place to say what she can and can't do or be angry with her for doing what single people do. We then talked non-stop for the next 4 days, she even asked me for advice on getting rid of the new chick that she was "dating", she tells me every time she goes out to dinner or starts texting another person. She's said that she misses her friend (being me) and that she wants to be friends. We went to a movie and hung out at her place this past sunday, and it was like old times, minus the listening to her talk about other women and how she's transitioning into being single. She says it's hard being completely alone and very scary..but she has not implied in any way that she wants to try again, nor have I asked her if she would be interested. I did tell her before our movie friend date, that my intentions will never be honorable, that I will always be her friend and always be there for her but I will at the same time always want to be with her. She still accepted my movie date and my friendship. I'm not sure if that's just because she's lonely, or she wants me around for if things don't work out for her in this new "single life". She also tells me that she doesn't know how to be alone, she feels like without someone desiring her it means she is completely alone, and needs to have someone in her life.recently told her that I don't want a long term commitment from her, nor do I want her to only be with me, but I would like the opportunity to go on dates with her without being friend zoned. If she wants me to be in the friend zone only, then I have to let her go for now so that I can recover. We haven't spoken in two days..and I don't plan on speaking her unless she contacts me, or I accept the fact that us reuniting just isn't an option. Let me also say, that 2 years into our relationship she needed a time out, and ended up dating someone else, but came back after 2 months. So, the her leaving, wanting to "sow wild oats" isn't anything new to me… I just wonder if anyone else has had an experience like this, and if it their significant other came back or not?. Could she be suffering from GIGS? The girl she is now dating also just came out of a 2.5 year relationship a few days ago..I guess they could be rebounding with each other.

 

I want her back and am willing to wait patiently. My concern right now is for myself, simply because I just graduated from college and am trying to make myself into the best version of myself. I know I can't give her 100% in the security and being a complete team player when I'm not where I need to be. Bettering myself is my #1 priority. I also feel that she needs this time to find herself, she needs to experience new people and different things in order to get it out of her system..if she stayed with me and never experienced life, she would never be able to give me 100%.

[flowerpower1]

I'm not sure if anybody is still on here, but I think this may have happened to me? Can anybody help confirm?

 

We have been together for 5yrs since we were 16. He broke up with me randomly 3 weeks ago, literally the day after we booked our holiday.

 

He told me he felt nothing for me and wanted to go out with this other woman. He arranged the 'date' (she said no to a date, but yes to drinks as friends. Apparently she is attracted to him but doesn't want a relationship), but cancelled and said he wanted to get back with me.

 

 

He then broke it off again with me 6 days later for no reason, later to reveal he is still thinking about her. He has not asked her out yet, but they have their xmas party saturday.

 

He said he still wants to be friends and will update me on what happens with them (if they become a couple) and his job. He wants to know what is going on in my life and even said who knows we could get back together.

 

If I impliment nc now, what are our chances of getting back together?!

[Always Pondering]

I'm not sure if anybody is still on here, but I think this may have happened to me? Can anybody help confirm?

 

We have been together for 5yrs since we were 16. He broke up with me randomly 3 weeks ago, literally the day after we booked our holiday.

 

He told me he felt nothing for me and wanted to go out with this other woman. He arranged the 'date' (she said no to a date, but yes to drinks as friends. Apparently she is attracted to him but doesn't want a relationship), but cancelled and said he wanted to get back with me.

 

 

He then broke it off again with me 6 days later for no reason, later to reveal he is still thinking about her. He has not asked her out yet, but they have their xmas party saturday.

 

He said he still wants to be friends and will update me on what happens with them (if they become a couple) and his job. He wants to know what is going on in my life and even said who knows we could get back together.

 

If I impliment nc now, what are our chances of getting back together?!

 

It sounds like they've met while you two were a couple and even though he may not have physically cheated on you (who knows), he's clearly vested some interest in this girl/woman while you two were together.

 

What's disturbing from reading this is it's almost as if you're totally okay with him keeping you hanging around while he figures out if a relationship will develop between him and this woman. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he's cheated already, physically. The 'friends and who knows, we could get back together' line is something that's heard all over this board, it usually ends in the same way.

 

You must snap out of it though. While I was reading this, all I got was "this woman seems to be completely fine being a second choice to him and always there for him even if he treats her like crap". You really shouldn't stand for that.

 

G.I.G.S or not, NC is most definitely something you should do here. He treats you like garbage and his actions sound very selfish. I'm not trying to sound like a jerk, it's just the truth. To answer your question, NC will give you the best 'chance' out of any choice out there in your situation but honestly, you should go NC to get away from this jerk. If you were someone besides yourself right now and you read your post, you'd be surprised at how much of a selfish person this guy is based on his actions.

 

You're 21, probably young and beautiful to many others out there. Don't sell yourself short to this guy who doesn't respect you while he explores his options with this 'woman'.

[memoboy]

Same story here more or less. Was VERY familiar to read many posts in this thread.

 

Ex broke up a 2 year relationship. A big LOVE relationship. We were madly in love. Yeah, I had a stressful period in the end while she didn't have much going on at all, we got into a bit of a routine, and then we had this pretty random fight. But that was practically the first and only fight we had. She wanted some space or pause to think then, but there was also one other dude in play. I got jealous and I cracked and broke down and overwhelmed her. So she wanted out and we broke up.

 

She feels the grass might be greener, she feels lost and has a quarter life crisis. She has never needed to support herself financially although she is over 24 years old. Her mother has always paid for everything. She feels bad for it now. She cannot make her mind what to do with her life. It feels she is spoilt. She has quit all her schools and cannot find the life field she is looking for and is stressed out about it. And now probably feels that being single again could help to explore better.

 

She really wants to move out of the country. As she thinks things would be better for her in another city and country. During this time after breakup she has tried to go to three schools in different countries now but didn't get to go to those. I think now she finally goes to one for 5 months as an exchange student.

 

She says she still really cares about me and loves me still. Says, it's very hard for her to let go of me. And she often thinks she is making a BIG mistake. But is confused. But also giving hints I should move on and that we cannot really be together. Been 5 months since breakup and during this time period 3 times she has wanted to come closer to me again, to come back into my life. Mostly when she heard I had some stuff going with other girls. We have event spent some intimate time together again. But she has always pulled out. She says she doesn't want to loose me as a friend etc.

 

Hard stuff since I still love her. But this limbo is not good for me and I cannot keep communicating with her as friend. Well, when she really does move away now, I guess then it's going to be easier to let go.

[runredlights]

I'm going through a very similar situation. Dated my girlfriend for 3 years and within a one week period she cheats on me when she was blackout drunk and then confesses that she has been feeling very conflicted, confused,been bored, said were in a rut wants to be independent, hates her friends, doesn't like her major anymore, and feels like she could be happier with someone else.

 

I am 23 and my ex is 20. I took her virginity and she is also the only person she has ever dated. When we did break up she was bawling and explicitly expressed that she still loves me and is in love with me. This is soo hard and her answers are almost down to a T to what homebrew is expressing.

 

This seems like someone who is clearing house and has a massive case of the gigs which could be a product of her age (even though it had never been an issue in the past but i think it finally surfaced). Or it may have been long overdue and she just realized that if she was able to cheat then she had to come to terms and just do it now before she hurts me anymore.

 

I feel like I don't even know this person anymore. Once a sweet and loving little girl has turned into a monster in my mind. I know that i don't deserve this and no one does. I'll never allow myself to be someones plan B and just that fact that she can't commit and handled this so cowardly was enough to make me not want to be in the relationship either. I just don't understand at all, but I'm going to run FAR before i let this person hurt me anymore. I know I must move on.

 

Any advice is welcomed. Thanks guys and gals.