"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[elaine567]

Realistically I realise it's better not to hold on to the hope of him coming back, but a huge part of me still feels like it was the right person wrong timing, you know?

 

I think a lot of people get that feeling, but the truth is, that after 1-2 years that "right" guy simply doesn't seem so "right" for us, after all.

[kevcon64]

Homebrew,

 

 

My ex is GIGS she is 23 and I am 40. When we first dated she chased me and I pushed her away because she was so young. However, after I fell for her I moved fast and moved her in with me. Then a month after she moved in I lost my job and was depressed. I was living off of savings so I didn't feel comfortable taking her out and on trips like I used too. She started to become cold and I caught her in a lie. So I started looking at her phone and she was flirting talking to other guys at work. She was meeting these guys after work for a drinks and then lying to me that she wasn't. We were together for a year and she quickly starting dating these guys after we broke up. She was serious with one guy 3 weeks after we broke up. She told me that we are different and that she was settling being with me. I am the typical nice guy and put this girl on a pedestal. I truly fell in love with her and was trying to get her feelings back like it was in the idealization phase. With the ling and talking to other guys I became insecure and controlling.

 

 

After the break up I chased her and about once a month I would get drunk and text her expressing my feelings. Probably a total of 5 times within a year but other than that I have been good at no contact. Recently we met and she told me she doesn't love me and that I need to move on. I have a good job again and things have been getting better. I have dated but I am still in love with her. I think about the idolization phase when I felt a connection with her I have never felt before. I feel that she just lost attraction for me because I was depressed, gained weight, lost confidence, and was controlling. I feel that if I can get my stuff together I can get her attracted to me. However, the last time we met she said she doesn't want to be friends and that she doesn't want me to contact her for eight months and then we will see if we can be friends. At this point she has been dating one guy sense we broke up and he is playing games with her, she is chasseing him. She has been with him as long as she was with me. He is 36 and used to date her when she was 18 while he had a girlfriend. She told me how she was crazy for him and showed up at his house trying to talk to him. I feel like she loves him. I am in better shape than this guy and he isn't great looking. However, he takes her on trips and his family owns a winery.

 

 

I have limited my drinking so I don't slip up and contact her. It feels like she has totally forgotten about me and would be fine if she never heard from me again. I am trying to move on but just like everyone else I still have hope for her. My questions for you are... In your opinion how long will this phase last and will she ever give me another chance? How can I get her to respect me again? She lives an hour away from me and she deleted me from social media when I used some online tactic to post pictures of me with other women. How can I get her interested in me again? I fear that if I just walk away I will never hear from her again.Thanks,

[elaine567]

I fear that if I just walk away I will never hear from her again.Thanks,

 

Let's hope, for your sake.

She doesn't sound like a keeper, sorry!

Kick her off that pedestal and work on your own issues before you get involved with any more women..

[sly_fly1]

Yeap. My gf did this to me. It was crazy. N still i cant believe how two ppl can be so close n then one betrays the other. Were back together now. Took about 8 months of me been heart broke. Fighting n never givingup. Were happy now n i know i have to let go of the past. Her reason was because she was going threw a phase. Wear she wanted to party hard. But when the drugs n boose wore off... it hit her. But i still feel the nice scar she left

[SLee]

So.. it's been about 2-3 months since my ex bf of 3.5 years and I broke up... due to GIGS, maybe. I'm not really sure. I thought we had something really amazing, we got along really well in many aspects. However in the final 6-8 months of our relationship leading to the break up, I felt he distanced himself emotionally. We never really fought.. mostly him no longer willing to open up or communicate with me. I tried giving him space, tried being supportive, tried everything but nothing worked. I felt he still cared for me, but had somewhat emotionally checked out. After months, I decided I couldn't take it anymore, and asked him to step up and communicate with me, to care enough to work on us. Instead, he told me he can't. He felt too uncertain about his future, his career, he's unsure if he will still want to be with me in the future.

 

We're both approaching 30. I can relate to his fear of the unknown about the future, but I’m disappointed after 3.5 years he was unsure about me, esp when I was so sure about him. So I told him I can't keep being the only person willing to invest in a relationship while he sits back and just sees how things turn out. He said he loves me, but he doesn't want to waste my time, as he is just too uncertain about the future in general at this stage to decide if he wants to commit to me for the rest of his life. Well, despite saying that I rather not be in a relationship if he wouldn't put in the effort, I missed him too much and sought to reconcile 3 times within the first month of our break up, but he refused all my attempts. Said that he had been thinking about ending the relationship for a while now and believes it's the right decision, and told me to move on. I don't understand. Our relationship was strong when we found out his mother had cancer, and throughout her cancer treatments followed by his 9 months unemployment period. She eventually got better and he found a new job.. then our relationship deteriorated and he became unsure about everything. I don't know why.

 

We've had no contact for 2 months now. I feel I'm doing a lot better than 2-3 months ago, but I still miss him every day. His sister once messaged me after our break up to check up on me.. and said that she believes in her opinion that the years her brother and I have been together were the happiest years of his life. I don't get it. If he was happy, why did he become unsure about me? Is it GIGS? Quarter-life crisis? Is it because he's never really dated anyone else (I was his first girlfriend), so he wants the opportunity to see what else is out there? Or is it me? Is it because he feels he isn't financially secure enough to think about the idea of settling down and wants to focus on career? Do guys end a perfectly happy relationship with a girl because he feels he needs to be further up the career / wealth ladder and he can't accomplish that goal if he's in a relationship?

 

As you can see, I have no clue what happened. Some people said in this thread that in the case of GIGS, there's a good chance dumpers come back after a long period of time. I don't even know if I was technically the dumper or the dumpee, but I'm still holding on to the hope he'll come back. At least for now.. because if I try to convince myself he'll never come back, I kind of start to lose it and want to contact him to try work things out. Is there really nothing I can do but to just NC forever until he's experienced whatever he needs to experience? I don't hold a grudge or hate him for choosing to do what he thinks is best for him... I just wish I had some answer...

we'llneverknow, your situation sounds similar to mine. Same amount of time and everything. The last few months he drifted from me as well. We're both college students and I think he broke under pressure with work and school, which he's been struggling balancing.

 

I feel your pain. Realistically, I need to move on and work on me and leave it behind me. But it kills me that he threw away everything we had, as the relationship was wonderful the majority of the time, except for the past few months.

 

Enjoy your upcoming adventure and live your life. That's all you have right now and it can be a really good thing.

[we'llneverknow]

But it kills me that he threw away everything we had, as the relationship was wonderful the majority of the time, except for the past few months.

 

Hi SLee,

 

I know.. it's especially painful because the relationship was just about perfect. You felt so certain about him, and for years you felt that certainty reciprocated back to you until suddenly, no explainations, he's confused. It's like he's stabbed you in the heart, but tells you he doesn't know why he did it.

 

I understand you might be a bit resentful at your ex for throwing away your relationship for an empty dream. I did too before finding this thread. It's helped me to realise that people really are an accumulation of their experiences. It's human nature to be curious, I suppose. It really doesn't matter what age they're at, if they haven't experienced certain things, they can't learn from their mistakes. Wisdom comes from mistakes, and mistakes comes from experience. There really is no way around it, unfortunately.

[kevcon64]

Sly Fly1

 

 

Hi,

Question for you. Did your ex push you away and tell you things like she does not love you and you should move on? Or were you two cordial and you still communicated with her? My ex told me she needs space and has absolutely no interest in me. She is dating multiple guys and has the most interest in one guy that pushes her away.

[sly_fly1]

Sly Fly1

 

 

Hi,

Question for you. Did your ex push you away and tell you things like she does not love you and you should move on? Or were you two cordial and you still communicated with her? My ex told me she needs space and has absolutely no interest in me. She is dating multiple guys and has the most interest in one guy that pushes her away.

 

Yeap, she threw everything in the book at me, said she didn't love me, said she hated me, couldn't give me reasons why she was doing what She was doing, took off with the new guy, every week or few days she contacted me leaving bread crumbs, it went on for about 8 months or w.e, every time she messages me I was there, I was so heart broke i didn't know what else to do, I was like a zombie slave, n when we were together she would just act distant n cold n she would get mad at every thing I'd do. Like id pik her up n if I drove slow she'd scream at me n if I went fast she'd get mad, if I made a joke she'd get mad, it wore me out, I gave her one last chance. N she blew , we were hanging out n she caught a cab to the other guys house. N I caught her.

 

She called me a few days later n I exploded on her, I got my point a cross in tears and anger, I think everything I said to her snapped her back into reality, and that's when I was really gone, I stooped caring about her, I made sure that she felt how I felt by the words I said to her,

 

The tables turned when I stopped caring, when I just didn't give a f and I hopped that she would get hurt, n then she did, she n my step kid got into a car accident,

 

N guess who she called me.

 

Later on that day we sat in the car, n she cried n cried n apologized and explained n begged.

 

I never felt sorry for her, I gave her attitude n did not feel guilt or show any sympathy.

 

Not to mention the new guy was beating her up.

 

Months after that we slowly started a new relationship, a year n a half later, we are back together , n the way you used to be .

 

My only advice

 

You can either be there or not, but what she is doing is using power n manipulation to control you,

 

She's getting under your skin on purpose

 

Rule number one, if you can't beat me, join em

 

Play her game, date a bunch of chicks, post it on fb, get yourself out there, n don't do it to spite her, do it for your self, yea she has the upper hand. But it's only because she is doing it first n not caring, you need to stop carring, because the moment you stop, she will start, asking any of us older guys,

 

My baby mom dumped me along time ago, n I was heart broke, she did the same thing my new gf did to me, but it wasn't until I started dating my new gf that I stopped carding about the other one, n it made my bb mom furious ,that's when she took me to court , but that's another story.

 

So go out, live it up. Bang chicks, ignore her, n stop caring, don't contact her, but if she contacts you, then you can reply, but if she contacts you saying she misses you or loves you, do not say it back, she no emotion, no care, no nothing , trust me

Edited April 24, 2015 by sly_fly1

[trytobeoptimistic]

Yeap, she threw everything in the book at me, said she didn't love me, said she hated me, couldn't give me reasons why she was doing what She was doing, took off with the new guy, every week or few days she contacted me leaving bread crumbs, it went on for about 8 months or w.e, every time she messages me I was there, I was so heart broke i didn't know what else to do, I was like a zombie slave, n when we were together she would just act distant n cold n she would get mad at every thing I'd do. Like id pik her up n if I drove slow she'd scream at me n if I went fast she'd get mad, if I made a joke she'd get mad, it wore me out, I gave her one last chance. N she blew , we were hanging out n she caught a cab to the other guys house. N I caught her.

 

She called me a few days later n I exploded on her, I got my point a cross in tears and anger, I think everything I said to her snapped her back into reality, and that's when I was really gone, I stooped caring about her, I made sure that she felt how I felt by the words I said to her,

 

The tables turned when I stopped caring, when I just didn't give a f and I hopped that she would get hurt, n then she did, she n my step kid got into a car accident,

 

N guess who she called me.

 

Later on that day we sat in the car, n she cried n cried n apologized and explained n begged.

 

I never felt sorry for her, I gave her attitude n did not feel guilt or show any sympathy.

 

Not to mention the new guy was beating her up.

 

Months after that we slowly started a new relationship, a year n a half later, we are back together , n the way you used to be .

 

My only advice

 

You can either be there or not, but what she is doing is using power n manipulation to control you,

 

She's getting under your skin on purpose

 

Rule number one, if you can't beat me, join em

 

Play her game, date a bunch of chicks, post it on fb, get yourself out there, n don't do it to spite her, do it for your self, yea she has the upper hand. But it's only because she is doing it first n not caring, you need to stop carring, because the moment you stop, she will start, asking any of us older guys,

 

My baby mom dumped me along time ago, n I was heart broke, she did the same thing my new gf did to me, but it wasn't until I started dating my new gf that I stopped carding about the other one, n it made my bb mom furious ,that's when she took me to court , but that's another story.

 

So go out, live it up. Bang chicks, ignore her, n stop caring, don't contact her, but if she contacts you, then you can reply, but if she contacts you saying she misses you or loves you, do not say it back, she no emotion, no care, no nothing , trust me

Thank you homebrew, your thread really helped me to understand my ex a bit.

We were together for 2.5 years and lived together for 2 years, three weeks ago he just left me out of the blue, saying the thinks you wrote, still loves me, can imagine that i be his future wife, but he just wants to be free right now. He contacted me several times since the break up, but more in asking how i am and telling me how great his party life is. He also came by the place where i work and pretending he would have forgotten that i might be working there. At some friends he said that he hopes that we get back together to others he said he did the right decision.

I am now trying to get out of his life, i'm thinking of telling him that i need space, that we can't be friends, it would be to hurtfull for me, and i would live to much in hope and that's not okay.

just wanted to share my story. i realised now that it makes no sense in fighting for the realtionship.

[luke160691]

My ex and I met when we where 19 years old she was in a relationship with someone else but we immediately fell in love. She left him for me after meeting for the first time about 2 months down the line and we where head over heels in love we where best friends and lovers and did everything together.eventually we moved in together about half a year later and a year after that we had a baby together we was never happier and never more in love roll on to December 2014 out of know here my ex said she didn't no what she wanted anymore and she went to get mums for a week she was adamant that it was the end that we was split but she came back after the week and said she wanted to try again from December to about middle of March 2015 things where better but still rocky after the arguing and tempory bump in the road. We both started new jobs and was settled with our 3 year old son and new house and then she decided that it was the end again but this time she meant it.within a few weeks she has packed up and left to go back to her hometown with our son.we split up civilly and there was never any badness never any reason and never a bad thing that happend in our time together we where both loyal loving and devoted parents and partners. The day she left she said she still loves me but she wasn't sure what she wanted and that she would be respectful and not see anyone or party for a while we both said that's fair. 2 weeks ins she had slept with someone and a week after that she was in a relationship with this person.who is the complete opposite of what she goes for in a person. She became extremely cold and cruel and hurtful to me and her friends and family messaged me worries about her lifestyle and deciosions she was making especially as she is a mother.there was nothing I could do as she would not speak to me even tho 2 weeks before this woman was in love with me as she had claimed.I struggled with the loss and was quite needy at first texting and ringing her but eventually her nastiness pushed me away. We had booked a holiday for May 2015 for the family and it was supposed to be cancled due to the break up but we decided to go for our son and to clear the air between us and move on. I got back from this holiday today. After a week that was perfect we got on fine she said she loves me but doesn't want me now and to wait and see what the future holds that she misses me that she gets jealous when I speak to other girls and that it's my fault she got into a relationship so fast ? I'm so confused as to where I stand with this woman and what to do. We both agreed that after today there would be no more contact at all other than for our son. But she said she misses me already ? Even tho she is with someone else and acts like she has never been happier. Any advice would be appreciated as I'm lost

[mossycup]

I only saw this post because I was curious what GIGs meant. I AM SO GLAD TO READ IT. Because that is exactly what happened to me a month ago. I feel SO much better hearing a perspective on it, because yeah, it is effing crazytown to experience it from someone. Reading this post, I feel less crazy and more at peace. Thank you!!

[mossycup]

I totally am with you. I got GIGed about a month ago pretty much out of the blue but, when he told me, I just said to him "I hear you and I respect you. I'm not holding you to the decision you are making today, but I will respect it. I was going to marry you and so I will always love you, in some form or another. I wish you well." He was very touched by that. After that, I just left him alone. He reached out once in a ridiculously casual email, which hurt, but to which I responded the following week in kind with a casual email. It's been a month, I am still in pain and agony, obviously, since we were really happy together and really good together, it seemed, and yet I think he freaked out when we decided to move in together. He wasn't ready and for some reason didn't hear me when i said there was no hurry, that we didn't have to.

 

I really appreciate what you are saying. He said in the break up he wanted to have utter and complete freedom. I wanted to tell him that in the long run he would not want that, but I knew it was not my business to tell him what he wanted. Because really, I don't know. Only he can know what he wants. I love and respect him so I want to honour his choices and his ability to make choices. Even if it really hurts me.

 

I'm going on with my life and feeling pretty ok and I feel a lot of love in my life, with my friends, cat, work, hobbies. A part of me is holding on for reconciliation, but, as another poster wrote, I'm not sure I'd actually be able to recover from the GIGs betrayal. And anyway, that doesn't matter now, since he might never return. But I can feel good that I showed him respect and unconditional love in the break up, like I showed him during the relationship.

[mightycpa]

There's a SYNDROME? are we sure about this? It's not just our ego rejecting the fact that we did things wrong and she lost interest...?

Two things about that:

 

1) You don't need to do anything wrong for people to lose interest,

 

and

 

2) Everybody does stuff wrong, so it isn't that.

 

I think it's an inexperience thing when you're young. Now that I've been around the block a few times, I'm a lot more circumspect about what a relationship is really like after a few years. Even the really good ones are a pain in the ass from time to time. Comes with being human, I think.

 

Sometimes, it's timing, and other times, it's the fit, or lack thereof.

[GammaLeonis]

Wonder if my ex gf has this issue.

[jessyy]

Homebrew or anyone else,

 

I need your help. I am desperate at this point. My story is very very long. But to cut to the chase my bf of almost 4 years broke up with me about a little over a month ago. It literally came out of nowhere- smacked me right in the face. I couldn't breathe, literally felt like the air was knocked out of me. He told me that he had been having doubts for a little over a year. It scared him that I was so sure he was the one for me. Keep in mind I was his first long term relationship and first true love. Our relationship was a bliss (at least for the first 3 years) we became best friends. We shared everything with each other. Nobody knows him the way I do and vice versa-- so cliche I know but in all honesty it is the truth. We were so madly in love with one another. We were there for each other through it all- community college, university, depression, parental problems.. etc. Recently, the past year I brought up moving out and marriage. I have a feeling he got cold feet and ran. The night he broke up with me he said that he loved me but didn't know if he was IN love with me.. which is crazy to me because he was literally head over heels for me .. he also said how he cares so much about me and just wants me to be happy.. he said he will always be there for me and hopefully we can be friends.. (in my head I was calming myself because I so badly wanted to take a stick and beat him with it). I felt friendzoned-- the worst! Anyway, he said he just wanted to be single and free! He wanted his independence. He felt like our relationship got to deep in the comfort zone and we let life get in the way as well as we forgot who we were as individuals (which is true, that I will admit). However, I laughed about the comfort thing because in my opinion I find it special when you can be comfortable with your partner but I guess to him it was a bad sign. He also said that he wants to be in the honeymoon stage forever, which I also laughed because I guess that shows how inexperienced he is. Everyone has told him time and time again that it is called a phase for a reason but he wants to figure it out himself. He asks my best girlfriend how I am doing and he tells her he misses me so much but he couldn't live with the doubts. OH! and he also has told me along with our friends that just because we aren't together now that doesn't mean that we can't be together in the future... he is just trying to figure things out and find out what his heart wants. The night he broke up with me I asked him straight up if he was going to date other people and he said (taking a deep breath) yes I want to date other people about 2 weeks later he is dating this girl (I found out from a friend) and he told him that she is like me in many ways.. and also that there are many things he likes about her but also many things he doesn't... My ex sent my friend a text the other day that said "I miss her and sometimes wonder if I should have given it another try but idk if i miss her friendship and not our relationship.. all the small things we used to do and say!".. I have been in NC with him for 15 days (some days I feel like caving but I tell myself that I need to have pride and respect myself and that usually does the trick for me as a woman to not cave and text him lol). During our break up, which went on for a couple days because first we had a break which was what caught me off guard and then it lead couple days later to the breakup because he just couldn't lie to himself... that breaking up is what he "needed to do". I never saw him cry so much in my life. He bottles up his emotions and so being with him for 4 years I probably saw him cry 2-3 times but during our breakup, probably like 10 times. It was very emotional for both of us. He copes by playing sad depressing love songs on his guitar like "Dreaming with a broken heart" by John Mayer. All these really conflicting signs. We made love twice while being broken up (only in the very beginning-- I know, I know big no no!!) However we did and he told me that it was so perfect and magical! Those were his exact words and when he is with me he is so happy and he wants to stay but as soon as he leaves the thoughts come back to him that breaking up is what needs to happen... he said he doesn't want to have doubts... he wants to be sure. I think at the end of our relationship we got lazy and started taking each other for granted and the expression is right, you don't know what you had until it is gone. I wish I could have a second chance to do things right because I feel bad but the same token he could have done things differently too. We just expected things from each other.

 

Anyway, does this sound like G.I.G.S to you?

[jessyy]

Little less than a year** not more.

[mossycup]

Jessy, I am recently dumped myself so I don't have clear answers for you but I really empathize. I don't fully understand what it takes to make a relationship work - many good things can be there but the person can still leave. Someone above said it is about timing - as you get older, you start to appreciate more how rare it is to meet someone you are happy with - but even when you are older, people still leave. It is very confusing to me. I think probably we will know more and understand more as time passes, but right now all there is, is the pain and betrayal. And then moments where you know, at least I love myself.

[jessyy]

Jessy, I am recently dumped myself so I don't have clear answers for you but I really empathize. I don't fully understand what it takes to make a relationship work - many good things can be there but the person can still leave. Someone above said it is about timing - as you get older, you start to appreciate more how rare it is to meet someone you are happy with - but even when you are older, people still leave. It is very confusing to me. I think probably we will know more and understand more as time passes, but right now all there is, is the pain and betrayal. And then moments where you know, at least I love myself.

 

 

Hi Mossycup!

 

It really hurts. I hate sounding so cliche but I knew in my heart that he was the one and for the longest time he did too. My family treated him like he was part of the family as did his. His mom cried so much when she found out we were breaking up. I hate how he has these unrealistic expectations of a relationship-- honeymoon phase forever, and having a love like a romantic book (if he ever read a romance novel he would realize that they always end in tragedy lol). All the "reasons" he gave me like our relationship getting too comfortable, or lack of communication and intimacy.. all those things could have been worked on ... there was no reason to call quits especially when we were so close and our love was so pure and comfortable... also 4 years is nothing to be wasted!! Love is not feeling butterflies, hot passionate sex all the time, filled with I love you's and getting gifts .. Love is comfort.. Love is work, it is not easy... Love is hopefully one day raising a family with someone you can call your best friend. I feel like my ex looks up to Hollywood movies as what relationships are supposed to be like and man he is dead wrong... I know I was his first long term relationship because his other longest was 3 months lol but how can give up on something so quick? That is why I believe he has g.i.g.s because any other decent human being with his head on his shoulders would have been like look we need to work on a,b,c because those things are slipping and then you work on those things!!! I am just so blindsided because honest to God I felt like I met my soulmate. We had so many beautiful memories and now it is so sad to think that is all they are now are memories and our journey together has ended. These 15 days NC have been so tough... and I thought that by now he would have checked up on me... but nope, don't think he cares that much. I am pretty sure this new girl is a good distraction for him... everyday I hope that he will drive up my driveway with his arms wide open, crying telling me he made the biggest mistake ... but that doesn't happen... only in the movies... I just thought he was different... but come to find out he wasn't... hurts me to think 4 years meant nothing to him... I shouldn't have pushed the moving out together and marriage thing so much.. I know that really got him scared and running for the door.. I wish I could take it back and just have waited for him to bring it up... I just couldn't help it because I just saw my future with him and I know he did too.. but I think he was enjoying the relationship as it was moving ... he doesn't have a stable job and he still wants to go get his Masters so there is a lot he needs to think about and I guess all of this serious commitment was too much on his plate.

[aboucher21]

I have recently experienced this syndrome and it sucks. I had a great girl but because there were a few things I didn't like about the relationship I got G.I.G.S. I didn't know why I lost feelings and I didn't know what else to do besides breakup. The symptoms of this post all lined up with me. I came to my senses several weeks later but it was too late. She began to move on and just wanted to be friends and would need time if we even thought about getting back together. I wonder if I made a mistake everyday and its tough. My advice to anyone that's experiencing this syndrome is exhaust every possible option first before you make an irrational decision and break it off like me. You don't know what you have until its gone.

[jessyy]

I have recently experienced this syndrome and it sucks. I had a great girl but because there were a few things I didn't like about the relationship I got G.I.G.S. I didn't know why I lost feelings and I didn't know what else to do besides breakup. The symptoms of this post all lined up with me. I came to my senses several weeks later but it was too late. She began to move on and just wanted to be friends and would need time if we even thought about getting back together. I wonder if I made a mistake everyday and its tough. My advice to anyone that's experiencing this syndrome is exhaust every possible option first before you make an irrational decision and break it off like me. You don't know what you have until its gone.

 

How long exactly did it take you to realize you made a mistake? Did you date anybody during this time?

[aboucher21]

How long exactly did it take you to realize you made a mistake? Did you date anybody during this time?

 

It took me 3-4 weeks which I don't consider to be a long time but no I have not dated anyone else. I honestly cant even begin to think about being with someone else right now.

[jessyy]

It took me 3-4 weeks which I don't consider to be a long time but no I have not dated anyone else. I honestly cant even begin to think about being with someone else right now.

 

 

I understand. Even though I am on the other end. It has been 16 days NC and everyday I feel like I am going to cave, but something stops me and I make it another day. My ex is actually dating someone else though so it is really hard to come by. It is just so hard since, for me, it came out of NOWHERE. I am really happy I was able to be his first long term relationship and first true love because I know I gave him many happy years and great memories. And luckily, he had a great first because their was no lying, cheating, and fighting. It was smooth sailing. So I know I set the bar high. However, he has nothing to compare it to and I guess that is his problem now. It is a shame, but reading through these posts it's part of growing and maturing. Being his first came with a price.

[aboucher21]

Hi Mossycup!

 

It really hurts. I hate sounding so cliche but I knew in my heart that he was the one and for the longest time he did too. My family treated him like he was part of the family as did his. His mom cried so much when she found out we were breaking up. I hate how he has these unrealistic expectations of a relationship-- honeymoon phase forever, and having a love like a romantic book (if he ever read a romance novel he would realize that they always end in tragedy lol). All the "reasons" he gave me like our relationship getting too comfortable, or lack of communication and intimacy.. all those things could have been worked on ... there was no reason to call quits especially when we were so close and our love was so pure and comfortable... also 4 years is nothing to be wasted!! Love is not feeling butterflies, hot passionate sex all the time, filled with I love you's and getting gifts .. Love is comfort.. Love is work, it is not easy... Love is hopefully one day raising a family with someone you can call your best friend. I feel like my ex looks up to Hollywood movies as what relationships are supposed to be like and man he is dead wrong... I know I was his first long term relationship because his other longest was 3 months lol but how can give up on something so quick? That is why I believe he has g.i.g.s because any other decent human being with his head on his shoulders would have been like look we need to work on a,b,c because those things are slipping and then you work on those things!!! I am just so blindsided because honest to God I felt like I met my soulmate. We had so many beautiful memories and now it is so sad to think that is all they are now are memories and our journey together has ended. These 15 days NC have been so tough... and I thought that by now he would have checked up on me... but nope, don't think he cares that much. I am pretty sure this new girl is a good distraction for him... everyday I hope that he will drive up my driveway with his arms wide open, crying telling me he made the biggest mistake ... but that doesn't happen... only in the movies... I just thought he was different... but come to find out he wasn't... hurts me to think 4 years meant nothing to him... I shouldn't have pushed the moving out together and marriage thing so much.. I know that really got him scared and running for the door.. I wish I could take it back and just have waited for him to bring it up... I just couldn't help it because I just saw my future with him and I know he did too.. but I think he was enjoying the relationship as it was moving ... he doesn't have a stable job and he still wants to go get his Masters so there is a lot he needs to think about and I guess all of this serious commitment was too much on his plate.

 

 

At this point all you can do is give him space and do not contact him. I was in his situation and I promise you he is hurt and confused just as you are. He needs to sort out what he wants. YOU need to try to move on and better yourself. When I saw my girl moving on that's kinda what kicked me in to gear. You have to take of yourself while you give him time to figure out what he wants.

[nns91]

I guess I am on the same boat here. Check out the link below if you guys want to read my story. A month out, I am in a much better state now compared to the first 2 weeks. I have kept NC. She contacted me to ask me about some school work/computer stuff today after telling me a few days ago that she won't check back for a while.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/532453-g-i-g-s-not

[jessyy]

At this point all you can do is give him space and do not contact him. I was in his situation and I promise you he is hurt and confused just as you are. He needs to sort out what he wants. YOU need to try to move on and better yourself. When I saw my girl moving on that's kinda what kicked me in to gear. You have to take of yourself while you give him time to figure out what he wants.

 

 

Thank you so much. It really helps talking to someone who has been where he is right now. Before our breakup he told me he needs to find himself and learn how to make himself happy and love himself. He said he knew who he was with me but it was hard understanding who he was without me. He felt like I was his only source of happiness. When you were experiencing g.i.g.s did you think about her everyday? Did you wonder what she was doing? I am going no contact (it is so hard though) and I am giving him his space. I know he is seeing someone else but I'm not letting it affect me. I'm keeping strong but I hope he is like you and one day realizes his loss. I just feel like I'm worth it to be chased and fought for and I feel like after 4 years together he would feel it to. Did you feel like you fell out of love with your partner and if you did what made you realize you didn't really fall out of love and that it was just the green grass syndrome that kicked in?