Girlfriend insanely jealous over my female friend

[loverofloveandstuff]

You are friends with a girl who probably wants to sabotage your relationship with your girlfriend. You've already said that your girlfriend is justified in the way she's feeling.. How would you feel if she were to be friends with a guy she's attracted to who tries to hit on her and is rude to you?

 

It has nothing to do with you being 'independent.' That is just totally disrespectful.

[Citizen Erased]

Why your girlfriend is with you still I have no idea. And why you're with her and not this other chick is even stranger.

[KraftDinner]

I love it when someone is put in a ridiculously unfair position and then is accused of being "insanely jealous."

 

Accusations like that are usually a sort of ego-stroking themselves... like, "Oh, look how crazy these chicks are for me" or whatever.

 

I think the OP is being incredibly disrespectful to his girlfriend. Of course, she has the choice of staying with him or not but if it was a woman coming on here talking about how she was always rubbing her boyfriend's face in the fact that a platonic male friend was interested in her, I think there would be a big outcry here.

[yoga18]

I see where your coming from but I don't see what your doing as fair. Your calling the "relationship" with the other girl a friendship. A friendship to me well its based on respect. Your "friend" isn't respecting you and worse she's disregarding your girlfriend and disrespectful to her as well. You know she wants you and unless she decides to back off and really work to maintain a platonic friendship she Unfortunately needs to go. You say you care about your girl??? Why should she sit by and watch this ummm how should I put this hoe bag come in and try to steal her man. Trust me I know girls like this and I guarantee she makes sure she is polished to perfection when your around. She isn't celebrating your new found love she contemplating ways to eliminate your girl. Wake up dude cause guess what if the shoe were on the other foot you would be so pissed you couldn't see straight. I have guy friends and not once have they ever pulled **** like that. They know that I'm with someone and they respect that. If they didn't they would lose their balls and a great friend.

[yoga18]

You said insanely jealous....sounds to me like your girl is very sane and smart. We women know one another and your ummmm again "friend" isn't going to be done until she puts the moves on you. I would be very care of her obviously doesn't respect friends, relationships, hell she is one of those women that wives dread....just sayin we know the type. If it looks like a pig and it sounds like a pig and it eats like a pig then it must be a......????

[freestyle]

OP, if you truly love your gf, why would you put her through this kind of stress........???

 

Does her peace of mind mean anything to you?

 

And how can you be chummy with someone who has openly dissed your girl?

 

Your gf might be acting cool at the moment, but chances are very good that her resentment is building, more and more all the time. How could it not? And it's also very likely that she's questioning your loyalty to her....you're being buddy-buddy with someone who's been disrespecting her, and very likely trash-talking her.

 

Your female "friend" is NOT being a true friend. A real friend doesn't mess your love life. Ever.

[EnigmasMuse]

I wonder how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot? Your g/f had a guy friend that liked her, and she was attracted to him as well.She tells you how she feels about her guy friend. Her guy friend makes it clear to you how he feels about your g/f as well. She also makes it clear to you how shes not dropping her guy friend, I'm assuming you would be ok with it?

[yoga18]

I mean no disrespect but I truly hope your girl breaks up with you and finds an amazing man. You don't deserve her. I would claw someone's eyes out if they talked about someone I loved! I think you like this situation. I say this bc its very clear what you should have done and you refuse you want them both. Don't be surprised if she gets tires of YOUR crap and moves on. You have allowed this oh what did I call her earlier ummmm oh yea hoe bag to act a certain way around you. You have never stopped her. It will be interesting to see what your made of

[bittermelon]

From what you've said already, it seems your girlfriend has legitimate reasons for not liking this girl, and I think your friend is being very disrespectful for saying these comments about her, touching you, etc. knowing that you are in a relationship with someone else.

 

Also, for you, the fact that you actually admit to enjoying this kind of attention from both women makes me wonder about your actual committment to your girlfriend. When are you and your friend going to cross the line and become more than friends? It sounds like you're already on your way there, it's just a matter of when.

 

If you feel this strongly about this friendship that you would continue to put your girlfriend through this stress, you need to leave your girlfriend and let her find someone who will put her first before all others. And if you do truly love your girlfriend, your relationship will not get a chance to develop into the next level as long as this "friend" continues to be involved.

 

Make the choice, but don't string them both along! It's not fair to either one of them!

[Angel1111]

This friend of yours is playing games and your gf knows it. Your friend is testing you to see who's more important to you; who you'll be the most loyal to. From now on, whenever this friend touches you or flirts with you, you should put a stop to it - out of respect for your gf. You don't have to be mean about it, just remove her hand and say, 'hey, I've got a gf now.' If you don't do that, you're sending signals to this girl that she has a shot with you; you're also sending the message that you're not that committed to your gf. Your gf is picking up on the same signals. If you don't stand up for your gf, then you're going to lose her eventually.

Edited October 10, 2010 by Angel1111

[that girl]

I get not wanting to lose friends for a relationship. Generally, it is a bad sign if your significant other asks you to drop friends.

 

But you are never going to be able to have a relationship with a friend like this in your life:

I would never cheat, but there's a definite attraction with this girl and she's made it obvious to me that she's interested too without having to say it. My girlfriend got upset with her the last time we all went out (co-workers and friends) because this girl wouldn't look my girlfriend in the eye at any point.

No sane person would put up with a friend who is basically trying to get with their significant other.

[Star Gazer]

the situation broken down:

 

"another girl likes me and my g/f can't stand her because she knows it. But i'm not willing to give up the female friend due to previous baggage and if i'm honest, enjoy the ego stroke."

 

+1,000,000.

[florence of suburbia]

2. I want to be FRIENDS with this girl.

 

Well then what was the point in broadcasting to your gf that this girl is attracted to you? All you accomplished was to ensure gf's jealousy. You're the one who made the friendship impossible.

 

From an onlooker's perspective you get off on having two girls fight over you, and you came on here to brag about it.

[Leigh 87]

I only get jealous when the girl is hotter than me. But I am a minority...... MOst girls care if another girl likes their guy , period. For me though, I am only bothered if the girl is hot. Then I wouldf feel bad if a guy I was with was round her.

 

Have not read your entire post, but dos the girl who likes u KNOW her boundaries, and do you think she is willing to ignore her feelings and embrace your friendship?

[dispatch3d]

She picks up on it because I was honest and told her that it's blatant to me she wants me. She touches me, gives me these looks that say it all and all that.

 

It's important because we click as friends ignoring any physical attraction, and I lost a lot of friends because of my ex. I'm not willing to do that again, I'm doing what I want and not letting a girlfriend dictate who I can and can't be friends with.

 

They are absolutely ready to fight each other though, and I won't lie...I like that in the attention getting sort of way. I mean this girl said "No one wants to see him and his weird girlfriend together" as I walked away, loud enough for me to hear it.

 

so don't tell your girlfriend any girl is interested in you anymore. Problem solved.

 

For the situation you have created, I just wouldn't feed into her drama. I'd just take a step back and watch idly. Tell your gf to control her **** she's overreacting. Since you even admit you enjoy the attention you are def. enabling it in at least small ways.

[Engadget]

Well then what was the point in broadcasting to your gf that this girl is attracted to you? All you accomplished was to ensure gf's jealousy. You're the one who made the friendship impossible.

 

From an onlooker's perspective you get off on having two girls fight over you, and you came on here to brag about it.

 

Because I'm honest, and I never told my girlfriend I'm attracted to this other girl despite people posting that I said that. My girlfriend would have figured it out anyway, when they first met the other girl refused to look her in the eye and that told her everything she

needed to know.

I

I've had female friends I was attracted t o before and remained just friends with, but one caused major issues with my ex, but my ex sucked.

Edited October 10, 2010 by Engadget

[BellaBellaBella]

I would never cheat, but there's a definite attraction with this girl and she's made it obvious to me that she's interested too without having to say it. My girlfriend got upset with her the last time we all went out (co-workers and friends) because this girl wouldn't look my girlfriend in the eye at any point

 

That was your orignial post. I think part of the confusion is that I and I believe most people here read you are attracted to this "friend".

 

I would like to ask you, why you didn't tell the "friend" not to disrespect your girl. This would seem to alleviate a lot of problems.

[Engadget]

I would never cheat, but there's a definite attraction with this girl and she's made it obvious to me that she's interested too without having to say it. My girlfriend got upset with her the last time we all went out (co-workers and friends) because this girl wouldn't look my girlfriend in the eye at any point

 

That was your orignial post. I think part of the confusion is that I and I believe most people here read you are attracted to this "friend".

 

I would like to ask you, why you didn't tell the "friend" not to disrespect your girl. This would seem to alleviate a lot of problems.

 

To be honest I'm not one hundred percent on her saying that about my girlfriend. I don't think she could have been talking about anyone else, but I could have heard another conversation. If I was sure I would have said something.

[yoga18]

Your bullsh*t is too much for me. Here's the deal YOUR so-called friendship is inappropriate. You and she have both crossed the line and have been disrespectful to your girlfriend (she NEEDS) to dump you. I'm more angry with you bc its your job, not the other girls to make sure your girl is taken care of, feels in with your friends, etc no no no not you. You allow your trashy sidekick to just stick the knife in, talk poorly to your other friends and basically disrespect her in front of everyone. Wow I wish I had 10 mins with your girl, cause your problems would subside. I feel really sorry for her. Your are disrespectful and yet you actually seem proud of it.....a little narcissistic don't you think

[freestyle]

Whether or not your friend was actually trash-talking your gf--her actions were disrespectful-not looking her in the eye, for one (HUGE snub)--

 

and touching you in front of your gf was incredibly disrespectful, and brazen.

 

I think your gf has every right to be upset, pissed off, and questioning your loyalty to her.

 

I've been in your gf's shoes before--a guy I was dating had a female friend who wouldn't look me in the eye, and would openly flirt with my guy in front of me--and smirk at me when he wasn't looking.I also found out later that she was trash-talking me behind my back. I almost dumped him over it---we had to have several discussions about boundaries and appropriate behavior with opposite sex friends.I'm not against OS friends, I have a couple of guys who I'm close to---but the moment they disrespected my guy, or attempted to sabotage my relationship----they'd be kissing the curb.

 

Please, please try to imagine the shoe being on the other foot--and don't put your gf through this kind of hogwash.If you truly care about her-then you care about her peace of mind---set crystal clear boundaries with your friend.

[BlueRidgeMTs]

Your bullsh*t is too much for me. Here's the deal YOUR so-called friendship is inappropriate. You and she have both crossed the line and have been disrespectful to your girlfriend (she NEEDS) to dump you. I'm more angry with you bc its your job, not the other girls to make sure your girl is taken care of, feels in with your friends, etc no no no not you. You allow your trashy sidekick to just stick the knife in, talk poorly to your other friends and basically disrespect her in front of everyone. Wow I wish I had 10 mins with your girl, cause your problems would subside. I feel really sorry for her. Your are disrespectful and yet you actually seem proud of it.....a little narcissistic don't you think

 

 

This post is 100 times correct!! You, OP, are being a disrespectful pig. You are WAY, WAY out of line by having a friendship with a woman that you KNOW is attracted to you, and who you may be attracted to also.

 

And you blame your girlfriend for being jealous???? You say you don't want to lose friendships?? Your little 'buddy' is not a true FRIEND. She is some chick that has the hots for you, and you for her. THAT IS NOT A FRIEND! That is a ticking bomb waiting to go off. You need to figure out if you truly love and respect your girlfriend. If you do, then dump this so called 'friend' of yours. If you don't, then break up with your girlfriend and let her find a guy who won't be drooling over some skank, and lying and saying she is just a friend. UGH! People like you disgust me.

[BruceLeroy]

You know, part of havin purely platonic friends and expecting your partner to trust yer character is one that won't cheat is to be the kinda guy who makes yer GF feel at ease.

 

You've shown her you don't care who trash talk her, who would rather see her gone, and who try to get your friends amused by being a **** to your GF. And you're being one of the amused.

 

You can't expect her to feel at ease with yer character if you seem aligned with people who **** on yer GF. Why would she trust you? You enjoy making her feel like an outsider.

[EricaH329]

Hey stranger! It's been awhile!! Glad to see you are dating again!!

 

I wish I could say that I read through this entire thread, but I didn't. I just read a thread that was like 50 pages long and my eyeballs are about to fall out of their sockets, so I figured I could just give my advice based on the OP. I apologize if any of this has already been said.

 

It's always difficult dealing with a girlfriend (or boyfriend) that doesn't want you to keep in contact with a friend. For whatever reason. It sucks. And it's hard. I totally get that. And I can see it from both sides of the story.

 

On one hand, you have this girl that you care about and want to make happy. On the other hand, you should never give up (good) friends for someone you are dating.

 

In this particular situation, you've already admitted that you know your friend is attracted to you. That alone is enough to make your girlfriend mad (when you hang out with her). The intention isn't platonic any longer once one person is attracted to the other. No matter what sort of 'front' the other person tries to put on, they will always be on their best behavior to impress someone they are attracted to.

 

With that said, if you really want to stay friends with this girl, i'd suggest respecting your girlfriend and not bringing them around eachother. I'm a little baffled as to why you did that to begin with. I wouldn't hang out with the other girl alone, and I wouldn't keep in constant contact with this other girl. It's all about respecting both sides. This other girl (unless a best friend of yours, which i'm assuming she isn't), should be able to understand and respect the fact that you need to take some space from her.

 

Again, I apologize if all this has been said already.

[tigressA]

The thing I don't get is that in past threads you called your girlfriend your soulmate, kept saying you never felt like this before in your entire life, etc. Remember all that??

 

And yet you allow such blatant disrespect of her and your relationship with her, admitting that you enjoy the ego stroke.

 

[EricaH329]

The thing I don't get is that in past threads you called your girlfriend your soulmate, kept saying you never felt like this before in your entire life, etc. Remember all that??

 

And yet you allow such blatant disrespect of her and your relationship with her, admitting that you enjoy the ego stroke.

 

 

In my opinion, I believe everyone enjoys an ego-stroke from time to time. Especially when in a relationship with another person. Makes you feel like you are still attractive to people outside of the relationship. However, I don't believe you should allow it to interfere with the relationship you are in.

 

If he is hanging around this girl purely for the ego stroke, i'd consider him wrong. If he truly does care about her in a platonic way, then I don't see the harm with being friends with her. That being said, it doesn't negate the fact that he has been disrespectful to his girlfriend, which is something I believe he should work on.