Cracker Jack Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Um, all the above shows is that he wants to spend time with you in some fashion; not that you're suddenly not good enough to take out. Why even try to make a negative out of nothing?
Author OceanGirl Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 I just feel like he doesn't really like me and is gonig to use me for sex from now on...
elaina Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Oh wow. This gets better and better. I responded and asked him to tell me when and where for dinner. His reply? "I was thinking of coming by your place after work" OK, so now that we have had sex I am suddenly not good enough to take me out for dinner? He is suddenly not going to make any effort to go out? I was at least hoping to go out. Please tell me if I am being unreasonable It's hard to know what he's thinking, but I personally would be thrilled if the man I am interested in was going to come to my place after work! I'd be deciding what to wear and how to fix my hair and call a friend and joke with her about it. I don't understand why you are getting all upset about absolutely everything he does? Are you excited to see him? Do you care about him as a friend/lover? I am not sure what you are thinking. If you want to go out somewhere with him, when he gets to your place, say, hey I would love to go out! Can we please? as you grab his hand and walk him out to his car, (make sure to give him a twinkle in the eye and a flashing smile as you do this) and just have fun and yeah talk about the serious issues in your relationship too, but enjoy getting to know him and being a friend too! Do you have friends who are single males? Do you want to be friends with your lover as well?
harmfulsweetz Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 So he just texted me and says that he wants to have dinner on Wednesday night and try to work things out (this after ignoring me completly for over 6 hours). I know I did the same yesterday but I thought he was better than that. I thought an "eye for an eye" is not something emotionally healthy people do. SG, I am sorry, I couldn't face that other thread and I still can't. I was very emotional when I wrote it and knew I was going to get slammed and I just couldn't/can't take it. The thing is, in order to improve and amend for our wrongs, and maybe truly see the bad in what we do, you need to be able to confront criticism.In all honesty, I just don't think this guy has a hope in hell's chance of impressing you, or doing right by you because you will interpret it the other way. You complain now about him ignoring you-yesterday he was contacting you too much. Which is it? Which way would you like him to be? Sorry, but I honestly hope the guy has the sense to not bother anymore with you. I just think you do indeed need a break to work on your issues, because you have some deep ones apparently.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 I feel kind of bad now.. He said that he wants to pick up groceries and cook together (rather than me having to do all the cooking)... So I said yes to that:rolleyes:
elaina Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I feel kind of bad now.. He said that he wants to pick up groceries and cook together (rather than me having to do all the cooking)... So I said yes to that:rolleyes: Yeah!!! You see? OceanGirl, have fun! He wants to cook with you! That's great! Enjoy getting to know him, k? What are you going to wear?! I wish you the best!
Kamille Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I just feel like he doesn't really like me and is gonig to use me for sex from now on... :rolleyes: Sorry. I shouldn't react with impatience but... What??? Really??? You're going from "he's forcing contact on me" to "he's using me for sex"? Why do you always revert to the most extreme scenarios and always put a negative spin on them? The guy wants to come over so that you guys can talk things over. Punto. You don't have to have sex if you don't want to.
Citizen Erased Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I just feel like he doesn't really like me and is gonig to use me for sex from now on... I am not saying this to be a bitch, I think you know I'm trying to help. But you have nobody to blame for him expecting sex to be in the equation now but yourself. It's what happens when you sleep with a guy 3 times. A lot of the reason I told you not to sleep with him so quick was because I just knew you would think this. He may have wanted somewhere quiet to work things out. Or he could just want some. Text him back and say you'd rather go out for dinner.
Citizen Erased Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I feel kind of bad now.. He said that he wants to pick up groceries and cook together (rather than me having to do all the cooking)... So I said yes to that:rolleyes: Ah I didn't see this before I posted. That's actually sweet, I love when a guy cooks for me. Please don't ruin this for yourself. You were so happy about him the other day.
harmfulsweetz Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 You're putting assumptions onto things when really there should be none. You're assuming he won't take you out because you're not good enough, and he just wants sex from hereonin, but a guy that phones 5 times and leaves 5 voicemails to me, doesn't sound like a user. He sounds like he likes you. I don't have a clue as to why you would instantly assume that in his suggestion. I think you should give him a chance, openly, without inferring things that aren't there, and see what happens. If you don't like him, move on, tell him so. But there's no sense in messing around. You are indeed your own worst enemy here.
sweetjasmine Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 OK, so now that we have had sex I am suddenly not good enough to take me out for dinner? He is suddenly not going to make any effort to go out? He's not making any effort? He's the one who called you multiple times after the weekend, and you're the one who ignored him. And now he's not putting in enough effort again? Take a step back and re-read everything you've written. You're all over the place. It doesn't make any sense at all. I just feel like he doesn't really like me and is gonig to use me for sex from now on... How do you think he felt after you initiated sex 3 times and then turned off your phone, ignoring him all day? You initiated the sex. But he's the one who's using you? You're unsure if you even like the guy, but you still say yes to him. But he's the one who's using you? So what do you think he's doing wrong? What does he need to do differently to show he's making an effort and not using you?
Eclypse Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 SAC I don't mean to sound condescending or anything but in your earlier thread you were complaining about how he never contacted you. Someone asked you how often do you want contact from a man and your reply was "at least once a day" and now that that's been done it's too much? What exactly is the issue here? Why do you keep jumping to conclusions? If you aren't attracted to this guy then you should just tell him that and move on. It happens.
Woggle Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Just drop this guy and let him move on. He simply can't win with you so do the most decent thing and let him move on before he goes nuts.
carhill Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 OP, sometimes real communication is more effectively done in private than in public. Enjoy the dinner. Pick a good wine
CLC2008 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 OP, sometimes real communication is more effectively done in private than in public. Enjoy the dinner. Pick a good wine I agree. Asking for advice is one thing. Pubically listing a detailed account of shared physical intimacy and inviting the general public to comment on it, is offputting. I'd advocate a little more privacy with someone you are currently dating.
Sphere Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 "I do think it's possible to go through life and never fall in love, or find someone who loves you." - Morrissey! I think this sums you up SACWA, you just aren't cut out for dating, romance etc and I think you shouldn't bother with it. I just don't think you are mature enough or emotionally and mentally healthy enough to have a serious relationship with anyone and I don't think you ever will. I think you would get the most enjoyment out of life as singleton doing whatever it is that contents you and makes you feel happy. There's plenty of men and women out there who never marry, find a partner and settle down and have children. The man I've quoted above confirms this to be true. Enjoy life, SACWA. Best of luck.
tincanman99 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I see a train wreck on the horizon with this. Leave the guy alone and stop sucking him into your drama. If you have issues they are your issues not his issues. If you are so concerned about sex you should not have slept with him in the first place. Leave him be. You already said you dont really like him, that he is below you, blah, blah... You just want the attention.
Kamille Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 "I do think it's possible to go through life and never fall in love, or find someone who loves you." - Morrissey! I think this sums you up SACWA, you just aren't cut out for dating, romance etc and I think you shouldn't bother with it. I just don't think you are mature enough or emotionally and mentally healthy enough to have a serious relationship with anyone and I don't think you ever will. I think you would get the most enjoyment out of life as singleton doing whatever it is that contents you and makes you feel happy. There's plenty of men and women out there who never marry, find a partner and settle down and have children. The man I've quoted above confirms this to be true. Enjoy life, SACWA. Best of luck. From I gathered from OG-SACWA's threads, this is precisely the issue. She feels some sort of pressure, possibly from her mom, to find someone. It could be that she feels this would prove she's attractive. Beauty is a quality she has reported to be incredibly important to her mom. I'd need to go reread the thread, but I think her mom believes beauty leads to happiness via having men fall madly in love with you. As we can all agree from her avatar that OG is stunning, she is clear proof focusing solely on making men fall madly in love with you is not the key to happiness. So to oversimplify, this quest for a partner could be nothing more than a quest for her mom's approval. It has nothing to do with OG's own priorities. I know I'm playing armchair psychologist now and in no way should my comments be taken as verdicts. They're potential explanations. But OG, I wish you would take the time to think about the question raised by so many in so many of your threads: What can a man do to please you? When and how will you know a man makes you happy? I wish you would shift your focus from making men fall in love with you, to trying to open yourself up and be honest as you get to know these guys.
Ariadne Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I feel kind of bad now.. He said that he wants to pick up groceries and cook together (rather than me having to do all the cooking)... So I said yes to that:rolleyes: Yeah, I figured he wanted something more familiar and cozy so that you guys could talk. Try and treat him like a friend coming to visit and don't put the pressure that you have to be head over heels. Just see how this goes, maybe he is very supportive to you, maybe he'll be a great partner, maybe sex will get better, maybe you'll get more attached. You never know. Try and enjoy the dinner without much pressure and let it be. At least he can be your friend. Take care and love you always.
russian2 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 sorry but this guy needs to get as far away from you as possible. Ive never seen someone say one thing, and then criticize someone for doing the same thing, and then thinking another thing all a the same time. You need to stop dating for a long time until you become mentally healthy because no matter what he does it will never be good enough. i feel bad for him
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Kam, I think it's quite a stretch to blame OG's mom for her issues. As for OG's priorities, what are they? She doesn't even know. She initiated sex with the guy - in his car - and then accused him of using her. She ignores him, then got angered when he takes time to respond to her. He can't meet her needs or do right by her because she has no idea what would make her happy. Don't you agree that she needs to let this guy go and stop dating for a while until she gets herself sorted out?
welikeincrowds Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Kam, I think it's quite a stretch to blame OG's mom for her issues. As for OG's priorities, what are they? She doesn't even know. She initiated sex with the guy - in his car - and then accused him of using her. She ignores him, then got angered when he takes time to respond to her. He can't meet her needs or do right by her because she has no idea what would make her happy. Don't you agree that she needs to let this guy go and stop dating for a while until she gets herself sorted out? God damn, you are always on point. It's too bad OG never seems to want to listen to you.
Kamille Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Kam, I think it's quite a stretch to blame OG's mom for her issues. I am not blaming OG's mom. I'm saying OG's focus while dating seem to stem from her own perception of some external pressure to find love. This is what incapacitates her from actually defining her own priorities. We're all responsible for how we internalize external pressures. I do think it's important that she identify where she feels the pressure is coming from though, so as to be able to stop internalizing it. Don't you agree that she needs to let this guy go and stop dating for a while until she gets herself sorted out? Yes, I would and have encouraged OG to put her own wellbeing first.
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Yes, I would and have encouraged OG to put her own wellbeing first. How should she go about doing that? And what about this guy's wellbeing? Seems really selfish to "use him" (or any other guy) to meet the needs she should be meeting on her own (whether that's valudation or her mother's approval)...
AndrewJDC Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 OG has got drama queen written all over her. I once went out with a fruit cake, as pretty as she was it was mentally draining and I wish I'd never met her. Tell the guy you're screwed up and dint want to hurt him. Personally I think you just want the attention, from him and the forum. sad really...
Recommended Posts