OceanGirl Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I didn't open up my last thread. I couldn't bear to look at all the criticism. This morning, I decided to to attempt to work it out with him. However, he is refusing to talk to me and is now completly ignoring me. He is an emotionally healthy, genuinly open guy who didn't really put a foot wrong. Wow, I ****ed that up royally. I am gonig to take a break from everything. Dating, LS... Thanks to all the posters that genuinly tried to help me but it looks like I am beyond help.
JungleLover Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 It's not over if you don't want it to be. If he really liked you enough to leave 5 voicemails then he will talk to you again. People did criticize you in your other thread but did treat the guy unfairly by ignoring him. I even responded but I do not think it was harsh. Sometimes we need harsh criticism to change ways that really really needs to be changed so I do think some of the replies were needed. With all of that said, I hope you didn't try to reconcile just because of all of the criticism. If you were not feeling the guy and felt that the sex was bad, there isn't any thing wrong with you not wanting to continue on with the man but you did owe him an explanation for not wanting to see him anymore. I strongly feel that if it is not a one night stand which mean there has been 2 sexual encounters along with going on a least one date, you owe it to the person to explain why you won't see them anymore. People get attached and hopeful after sex and going out on dates.
Pfiend101 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 If the sex isn't good you IMO should try coaching the other person. Letting them know what you like. It's just an excuse to bail. If you like the person enough the sex can be fixed.
Knittress Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 If the sex isn't good you IMO should try coaching the other person. Letting them know what you like. It's just an excuse to bail. If you like the person enough the sex can be fixed. Disagree. You can teach anyone the steps to a dance, but that doesn't mean they can boogie.
JungleLover Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Disagree. You can teach anyone the steps to a dance, but that doesn't mean they can boogie. But it can take a while for two dance partners to learn each other dance styles so that they can have some chance of one day at least having some sort of fun on the dance floor.
Pfiend101 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Disagree. You can teach anyone the steps to a dance, but that doesn't mean they can boogie. Lol. Perhaps the gentleman in question hasn't been with 100 women in the past 3 months and isnt some crazy stud. Of course he can learn. Unless hes a total idiot.
somedude81 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Disagree. You can teach anyone the steps to a dance, but that doesn't mean they can boogie. Wow what a terrible mentality. So I take it you've never gotten better at anything you weren't amazing at the first time you did it?
naya1 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 i think its still salavageable ocean..just be open and honest and tell him what really happened. but dont tell him that the sex disappointed u. and btw i think that sex really sucks at first, and u can work it out as the time passes by. like, i mean to say, it gets better.
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 SACWA/OG, I really don't understand why you start threads and then intentionally don't return to them. I'm assuming the same will be true of this thread. So why should we even bother responding to your threads? Like, ever? That said, yes... I think you're right that you need a break from dating. A LONG one. And seeing as you start threads on LS and don't return to them to see the advice that we all spend our time and energy giving you, for the benefit of your fellow LSer, I suppose a break from here is warranted too.
Cracker Jack Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I really hope you get better, SaC. I honestly believe you want a fulfilling relationship, and that you want to be happy--but at some point, you gotta give others a chance to make you happy, which means eliminating that negative thought process crap. You don't want to continue going through life projecting your insecurities on others; it's not a good thing to do. Hope things get better for you.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 (edited) So he just texted me and says that he wants to have dinner on Wednesday night and try to work things out (this after ignoring me completly for over 6 hours). I know I did the same yesterday but I thought he was better than that. I thought an "eye for an eye" is not something emotionally healthy people do. SG, I am sorry, I couldn't face that other thread and I still can't. I was very emotional when I wrote it and knew I was going to get slammed and I just couldn't/can't take it. Edited October 4, 2010 by OceanGirl
Kamille Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 (edited) No. Nothing here speaks of an eye for an eye. Taking six hours to reply to one text is reasonable. Not to mention, it is in conformity with his usual style. And, let's throw in the fact that he was in emotional turmoil yesterday and likely has to make sure he takes the time to reflect about what he wants and needs before getting in touch with you. He took the time he needed, just like you took the time you needed yesterday. There's no need to demonize him or yourself. I'm curious about one thing: why would you want to attempt to work things out? Do you or don't you like the guy? Edited October 4, 2010 by Kamille
Author OceanGirl Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 Kamille, the only time he really took that long to reply is when he was surfing. Apart from that, he always responded within about an hour. The problem is, I don't know what I want. I can't just confidently say "there is no chemistry" the way other people can. In the last 2-3 years my longest "relationship" was 2 months. And before that, I only really had one LTR (which was seriously f-ed up and went on and off for almost 5 years and was full of drama and me being a complete doormat). I am doubting that I have emotional capacity for a serious relationship. So I am not really sure if the problem is this guy or me.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 In colclusion, I don't know if I like him or not
Citizen Erased Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 FTR you have nothing to be afraid of in regards to checking your previous thread. You really can't judge him for ignoring you, seeing as you did it to him. It would be incredibly wrong of you to do so. He was probably upset you were avoiding him and then when you did contact him he got annoyed. I don't blame him, that's how I would react. He calmed down and he contacted you, that's what you should focus on. Most people would think well eff you and ignore you, not try to work things out. Last I saw you don't really like him, the sex was awful and you're not interested. Why were you even trying to get in contact with him?
Author OceanGirl Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 FTR you have nothing to be afraid of in regards to checking your previous thread. You really can't judge him for ignoring you, seeing as you did it to him. It would be incredibly wrong of you to do so. He was probably upset you were avoiding him and then when you did contact him he got annoyed. I don't blame him, that's how I would react. He calmed down and he contacted you, that's what you should focus on. Most people would think well eff you and ignore you, not try to work things out. Last I saw you don't really like him, the sex was awful and you're not interested. Why were you even trying to get in contact with him? I am worried that my standards are too high and that what I am looking for is impossible to find. I am scared that I would rather live "inside my head" than have a real relatinoship. BTW I still haven't responded to his dinner invite.
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 It's a good idea to treat other people the way you wish to be treated. That includes guys.
anne1707 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 BTW I still haven't responded to his dinner invite. So does that mean you are ignoring him now (again) As I said in your other thread, this poor man cannot do right by you. Therefore if you have any respect at all for him, you will call him and tell him you are not interested. This head in the sand approach is not doing anybody any favours. You obviously expect him to respond to you - how about showing the same courtesy and respond to him.
Citizen Erased Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Are you going to be able to figure out the answer to that sitting at home? I doubt it. You have a guy that in all respects sounds like a good guy. He's actually interested in you, he didn't screw you and run away. If you can't give him a chance, who are you going to give one to? You barely know him, you're judging him by the few dates you've been on and the awful sex you had because neither of you know each other at all and I'd imagine sex in those circumstances is anything but awkward. I doubt I'd be thinking he's the man of my dreams if I was in your shoes.
Citizen Erased Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 It's a good idea to treat other people the way you wish to be treated. That includes guys. I couldn't agree more. People are people, no matter their gender. Being in possession of a penis doesn't make someone not also have feelings.
waynebrady Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 It's a good idea to treat other people the way you wish to be treated. That includes guys. Most women shure don't seem to feel that way at all.... You just need to look around this forum and other similar sites to see that women have double standards when it comes to dating and relationships.
Citizen Erased Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Most women shure don't seem to feel that way at all.... You just need to look around this forum and other similar sites to see that women have double standards when it comes to dating and relationships. I agree, but please don't turn this thread into man v woman. There's enough of those threads.
leftfordead2 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I feel bad for this guy. You complain about him showing low interest when he doesn't reply your text within 6 hours or so. Then you ignore him when he calls you and you label it forced contact. You contact him and he replies 6 hours later, you label that as ignoring you and saying it is "an eye for an eye." He asked you out for dinner, you're not replying him again. Do you even see the irony in this? It seems like nothing he does will make you happy or satisfied. When he doesn't contact you, you say no interest, when he does, you turn off your phone. I hope this guy doesn't get emotionally scarred by his experience with you and treat other girls like what you're doing to him now.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 Oh wow. This gets better and better. I responded and asked him to tell me when and where for dinner. His reply? "I was thinking of coming by your place after work" OK, so now that we have had sex I am suddenly not good enough to take me out for dinner? He is suddenly not going to make any effort to go out? I was at least hoping to go out. Please tell me if I am being unreasonable
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