JustJoe Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I agree with Tami. I would never return a gift, even if it was something that didn't exactly float my boat. I was always taught that it's the giving that counts, not the gift.
that girl Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I agree with Tami. I would never return a gift, even if it was something that didn't exactly float my boat. I was always taught that it's the giving that counts, not the gift. Personally, I never exchange or return gifts even if it comes with that exchange/return receipt. So you'd both keep a sweater that was two sizes too small because it is the thought that counts? I'm all for good manners, but the OP's girlfriend doesn't appear to have thrown any kind of fit over the shoes. They just aren't shoes she would wear and she would have prefered a less practical present. Now maybe she should have bit her tongue about not liking the gift, but I don't think she should have forced herself to wear the shoes and the OP probably doesn't want his gift to collect dust. To my mind, this is a minor issue. Have a little talk about gifts and be done with it.
Kamille Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 The gift was thoughtful and I understand why the OP is upset at his gf's reaction. I don't know how long OP and gf have been in a relationship, but, in most relationships, there comes a point where both partners have to communicate about what, to them, constitutes proper gift-giving etiquette. I mean, if things work out, you will be exchanging many gifts in the future. Communicate. She opened the conversation about gift-giving by being honest about the fact that she didn't appreciate a practical gift. That's part of her gift-giving philosophy. It could be that she was raised in a family where gift-receipts are regularly tacked on to gifts. OP obvioulsy believes that she should at least recognized the effort that went into thinking about what to give her. He should tell her this. Neither of them is right and wrong. She communicated her beliefs about gift-giving. Now it's his turn to communicate his beliefs about gift-giving to her. This really isn't a deal-breaker. Refusing to communicate your needs, however, could be a deal-breaker.
durkadurka Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I think that just means that they cared about you and didnt want you to throw money at them like that. Far from it, they were offended I offered. It created quite the issue.
elaina Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 She's all like "I'm sorry babe, please don't be sad. I just don't want these. I'll buy some shoes for the gym someday..." I don't get it, my feelings are way hurt. I'm pissed off, I can't get out of this funk. I think it's mean how she reacted and I kind of want to stay home tonight and let her just be with her friends. Am I being ridiculous? No you're not being ridiculous. You gave her a very nice and thoughtful gift. What color were they? (Just curious!) I'd be upset too if someone said something like that to me, because it is a bit rude, but at least she's honest. I don't know if that counts for anything? Maybe ask her what she likes and for her to be specific so she won't blow off your gift anymore? It's pretty sad though that now you might be afraid/unmotivated to get her something. Has she ever gotten you a gift? I wonder how she would feel if you did that to her?
atlnay Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I hear what you're saying, but I give men more credit than that. I think they can learn to please women and give them what they want, just as women can learn to please men. Yea I think that too and I TOTALLY agree. Altho I "briefed" my guy with what I would like, after he said, "Yes, please tell me and give me directions to the store too!" (and we laughed) to his credit, he's done enough thoughtful sweet stuff to surprise me. That shows me I do have one that listens to me and observes my apt enough to pick up on the little things I like. But he now has a few concrete things to fall back on. I think working in retail for yearssssssssssss let me see people storm the stores the week before xmas driving themselves crazy looking for the PERFECT gift, only to go into work the day after xmas to be greeted by all these pissed off customers returning the PERFECT gifts has left me a bit jaded and cynical about pressuring someone with unrealistic expectation and otherwise ruining a festive occasion. As now the OP is salty. So yea my approach isn't the most romantic, it gives the guy a huge out, but at the same time, I actually enjoy my gifts, he has not extra pressure to feel like he didn't please me. I'd like to think because I took a realistic approach, I dunno, it makes him like me a little more, allowing him to naturally make the extra effort anyway (which he has) and I am pleasantly surprised, versus being disappointed. YMMV As for OP if this experience is a blip in his relationship, I think a bit of dialogue can help them clear the air a bit. If, however, it's a harbinger of other behaviors by his girl, he may need to figure out his next move relationship wise.
dispatch3d Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Yeah well, I don't really care enough at this point to get her what she really wanted, whatever that was. way to be reactive and controlled by your emotions . Her biggest mistake is giving so much disapproval and criticism over something you actually put a lot of thought and effort into. Not sure she fully realizes that.
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