ARDriver01 Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Well, it's been quite some time since I've been on here. Things have been wonderful until last night. I got my girlfriend of over two years a pair of Nike Free running shoes with the Nike Apple chip because she's getting the iphone4. Yeah, uh... She wasn't stoked and doesn't want them at all. I got them to replace her running shoes from the 90's. She was always complaining about them so I got her the best shoes. She says that she doesn't like running or going to the gym. She only goes 3 times a week and runs with the dog every other night because she HAS to and isn't excited about new running shoes, no matter how great they are. She's all like "I'm sorry babe, please don't be sad. I just don't want these. I'll buy some shoes for the gym someday..." I don't get it, my feelings are way hurt. I'm pissed off, I can't get out of this funk. I think it's mean how she reacted and I kind of want to stay home tonight and let her just be with her friends. Am I being ridiculous?
theBrokenMuse Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I don't get it, my feelings are way hurt. I'm pissed off, I can't get out of this funk. I think it's mean how she reacted and I kind of want to stay home tonight and let her just be with her friends. Am I being ridiculous? No you are not being ridiculous. The way she reacted sounds very ungracious. If someone puts a lot of thought into a gift I would never, ever think to complain about it, even if I wasn't really crazy about it because I'd know that they were really trying to please me and that is all that really counts.
Rorschach Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I do find it a little strange that somebody would actively tell you they didn't like their present, I mean they might not use it often, or stick it in a closet somewhere, but to out and out say 'I don't like it' is rude...
USMCHokie Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Well...if it were me receiving a new pair of running shoes, I'd be appreciative, but I'd actually ask to go back to the store to get the ones I normally get...unless you already knew the exact pair I buy every time...running shoes have become very specific to particular people's running styles, gaits, and foot characteristics...and hell, some people are even picky about the color of their shoes...so buying the "best" shoes may not be the best shoe for her... That being said, it was a little bit shady for her to blow off the gift like that...is it possible that there are underlying issues in your relationship...?
SecretSquirrel Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I agree with the above poster that unless you knew she wanted those exact shoes a gift certificate to the Nike store might be a better call. However, she received a thoughtful gift and acted like a spoiled brat.
make me believe Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Wow! Even if my bf got me a gift I didn't like, I would still be gracious and thank him and definitely not let on that I didn't like it! And I would NEVER straight up tell him "gah I don't like it." That's just horrible and I'm sorry that your gf did that. I would be so upset if my bf said that to me after I put time & money into getting him a nice gift. If I were you I would tell your gf that she really hurt your feelings & you were trying to do something nice for her & that her attitude towards the gift is INCREDIBLY rude. Honestly, she should apologize to you for being so mean and ungrateful.
Author ARDriver01 Posted September 27, 2010 Author Posted September 27, 2010 Right, she actually wants me to return them and get her something else. She needs new shoes but apparently not as a gift from me. She says that she didn't expect a practical gift from me.
SecretSquirrel Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Maybe she was being passive aggressive or rude because she was expecting something "romantic"??
make me believe Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 If she was expecting something romantic, she should have made that clear from the beginning. But really, I would find that behavior questionable as well. No one has the right to EXPECT gifts from someone else, and even worse, to dictate what "types" of gifts are acceptable. She sounds like an entitled brat who thinks you are obligated to wine & dine her and woo her with expensive jewelry and other "romantic" gifts. Personally, if my bf took the time to think of a gift he thought I would really enjoy & get a lot of use out of, I would find that much more romantic than if he went to the nearest jeweler and bought the first diamond necklace he saw.
redmelon Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 did she happen to mention what she would have preferred?
stellaluna Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 maybe she thought the shoes were a hint to be more active or lose weight.
MyNameIsJane Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I can't believe she said that! any of it really... I mean it is one thing to be honest, but another to be rude - especially if it is something she actually needs. No offense, but she ONLY goes to the gym three times a week and ONLY walks the dog every day because she has to? You make it sound like that is nothing... that is fairly active... and that means the chick needs new shoes! And you were thoughtful enough to get them for her. I would take it back and get her a toaster. Although I am not one to talk. For my first Christmas with my boyfriend, I asked for a vacuum cleaner. haha so clearly my brain is on another plane
Author ARDriver01 Posted September 27, 2010 Author Posted September 27, 2010 No, we both go to the gym often and are good shape. It wasn't at all a suggestive gift. And WTF? There's already a Footlocker ad on this thread!!!! HA!!!
Art_Critic Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I think the gift is cool but maybe she feels it falls along the lines of like: Buying your wife/GF an exercise machine.. even though she asks for one she really didn't want one for her B-day. or Appliances, or a Vaccum... It sounds to me that you are missing an underlying reason she didn't like them.. Maybe she gave you hints of things she really wanted and you didn't see the hints or she fely like shoes weren't the most romantic gift ever...
Lucky555 Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I can see how she would be upset. Only cuz when I read this I was like shoes for a birthday gift? Uh what! Shoes seriously we girls are picky about shoes and we are always on the lookout fo shoes. If it were me I would want something sentimental. A lovely evening at a nice restaurant followed by a bracelet or necklas with an inscription saying I love you and te guys name omgosh that would be beautiful! Maybe what I mention is the better gift... And if she doesn't like it then something is wrong! I think she wants more thought into the gift. Birthdays for me are special days and I would want my guy to do something special to make me feel like a goddess plus the idea I'm getting older too I want to feel extra attractive in his eyes! Give her a nice dose of love too! I'm just thinking how I as a girl would want my day to be if my guy was planning something for me! It's kinda a big deal
that girl Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I think it's mean how she reacted and I kind of want to stay home tonight and let her just be with her friends. Wait, is tonight her birthday? If this is some kind of birthday thing, I really think you should go. In general I think someone should be gracious with a gift, but you are in a long term relationship and she is really dissapointed. Would you want her to hide her dislike of them and have the money go to waste? Did she go all out for your last birthday? It could be that she feels like her effort isn't appreciated.
frustr8ed Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Just return the kicks, put the cash in a white envelope, and write happy birthday on the front of it. Leave it on the kitchen table for her to find and be done with it.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 And WTF? There's already a Footlocker ad on this thread!!!! Big Brother is watching your every keystroke! (I get really freaked out by this, too, often.) I think the gift is cool but maybe she feels it falls along the lines of like: Buying your wife/GF an exercise machine.. even though she asks for one she really didn't want one for her B-day. or Appliances, or a Vaccum... It sounds to me that you are missing an underlying reason she didn't like them.. Maybe she gave you hints of things she really wanted and you didn't see the hints or she fely like shoes weren't the most romantic gift ever... Yep. Running shoes are not a good birthday gift, unless you've been together forever and she tells you specifically that she wants a practical gift and this is what she wants. Your girl wants to feel like your queen, not your workout buddy. Think perfume, bubble bath, flowers, dinner, a full-body massage, chocolates -- whatever your girlfriend loves that is a luxury and makes her feel pretty and treasured. Granted, she was not very gracious with the way she responded, BUT at least she was honest and you don't have to wonder how she really feels about that kind of gift.
aerogurl87 Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 If she didn't specifically hint at or ask for something for her birthday she shouldn't be complaining. I know exactly what I want for my birthday and I've thrown so many obvious hints at my boyfriend that he knows exactly what to get me. And she's not entitled to a gift, so what's she complaining for?
sanskrit Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 The main gift at Christmas, or gifts on anniversaries and Valentines are supposed to be romantic gifts. Birthdays are in more of a gray area as far as the necessity of a romantic gift versus a practical one. This obsession some women have (and I say women because most men don't give a flip about receiving gifts or receiving the 'just right' gift) with having no less than four "romantic gift days" during the year, four days when the man is judged on his gifting skills, is ridiculous. Have never understood this at all. The cash in the envelope idea is perfect, as it will send a message that lots of women need to hear these days about marketing driven "gift culture" in the U.S., and several women in this thread seem to understand already... don't play into consumer culture! Show each other how special they are every day, not due to some forced, formal structure. Agree that you should not stay away from her birthday party over this, just shrug it off and have fun with her on her birthday, that's the best present of all.
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 The cash in the envelope idea is perfect, as it will send a message that lots of women need to hear these days about marketing driven "gift culture" in the U.S., and several women in this thread seem to understand already... So you think sending the message to someone the OP loves and has a future with is the appropriate response to someone not liking a gift ? Why not just have a talk about it rather than making it a pivot point for an huge disagreement and possibly breakup ? If I was the girl and my guy laid the money in an envelope you can bet there would be a breakup in about 5 mins after reading the note.. Does everything with women and men have to be an argument ?
2sunny Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 i have the nike free shoes and they are awesome. mine were a Xmas gift from my exH and i loved them! she's being ungrateful. if she'd just wear them and give them a try she'd probably realize what a thoughtful gift it was. for christmas you may want to try perfume or jewelry... i think she's mad because it wasn't a "girly" or romantic gift.
sanskrit Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 So you think sending the message to someone the OP loves and has a future with is the appropriate response to someone not liking a gift ? Why not just have a talk about it rather than making it a pivot point for an huge disagreement and possibly breakup ? If I was the girl and my guy laid the money in an envelope you can bet there would be a breakup in about 5 mins after reading the note.. Does everything with women and men have to be an argument ? The message would be that if she is rude enough to complain about a thoughtful gift that she needs, she can just take the cash and buy something else, done and done. She shouldn't be coddled. If this was a woman posting this and a man complaining, he would be LOLed as a complete p*ssy. If that's all it takes to break a couple up, they certainly won't weather life's real hardships, so better now than wasting more time. And anecdotal, I sat at Christmas for years as a child watching as my mother made Christmas miserable for everyone by rejecting and announcing for all to hear, "well I'll just have to take this back" at well over half the many gifts my father would shower her with. Had he taken some initiative early on to correct this bad behavior, either 1. I might not have been born because they would have broken up, or 2. More likely she would have learned that receiving a gift is neither an opportunity to evaluate the gift nor the giver. If someone gives you something you don't like, you accept it graciously and then go exchange it or better yet, since she NEEDED the shoes, just keep it and use it. She had a perfect out by saying that the shoes hurt her feet and going with him to return them, then picking out exactly what she wanted, but did she use it? No, she took the rude way which shows a lack of concern for his feelings.
atlnay Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 The main gift at Christmas, or gifts on anniversaries and Valentines are supposed to be romantic gifts. Birthdays are in more of a gray area as far as the necessity of a romantic gift versus a practical one. This obsession some women have (and I say women because most men don't give a flip about receiving gifts or receiving the 'just right' gift) with having no less than four "romantic gift days" during the year, four days when the man is judged on his gifting skills, is ridiculous. Have never understood this at all. When I was younger, I wanted sentimental girlie gifts that showed he cared and took time to be as thoughtful as I did for his birthday. I so wished he could read my mind and just know me. Then I realized, men don't read minds, so I started leaving hints. Now? I realize it's just no in their DNA. I asked my friend out right, "So would you rather know up front what I want for birthday gifts". He laughed and rolled with it. After I rattled off a few "practical" and "sentimental" gift ideas: wii, movie/books giftcards for xmas/plants (flowers die) or very nice dinner for bday. We both laughed and he said ok. And if he mixes it up, say gives me a plant for xmas and a wii for valentines day, I'll give him a big ole kiss for making the effort. It's an emotional thing and usually women grow/mature out of it or tame it a bit.
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