VeveCakes Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Sorry, but really, shes lucky you even remembered her bday. I mean, I would LOVE such a thoughtful gift. A present is a present, its the THOUGHT that counts. Totally ungreatful.
D-Lish Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I think what stands out to me the most is that the OP has been listening to his gf - and by listening I mean paying attention to her complaints she didn't like her old shoes. To me, it speaks volumes that he paid attention, and came up with the idea to get her a super cool pair of kicks. Maybe not a romantic gift persay- but the process behind the gesture was more romantic than people are giving the guy credit for. Any guy can take a hint or direct order to buy jewelry, flowers, perfume, etc. This guy actually put thought into what he bought her based on some of the things she was saying in passing that she needed. He put real thought and effort into buying her this gift- and that aspect of his gesture is being ignored. I would take a gift like this over a silly gold bracelet anyday. Even if I wasn't in love with the kicks, I'd find it incredibly heart-warming to know that my guy had gone out of his way to buy me something he thought I'd enjoy. OP, I totally give you credit for putting so much thought into the gift, I think your gf is being a bit of an azz. Me personally? I think it's nice that you've been listening to her and took the initiative to buy her a gift you thought she might really like.
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 i have the nike free shoes and they are awesome. mine were a Xmas gift from my exH and i loved them! she's being ungrateful. if she'd just wear them and give them a try she'd probably realize what a thoughtful gift it was. for christmas you may want to try perfume or jewelry... i think she's mad because it wasn't a "girly" or romantic gift. There is an air of her being ungrateful.. and she owns that for sure.... but there may be more to this than just her hating a gift... it seems to me that she put more worth in the gift than he did as far as relationship worth or emotional worth.. ....meaning she might think that he doesn't love her as much because he got her shoes instead of getting her what she wanted...
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I think what stands out to me the most is that the OP has been listening to his gf - and by listening I mean paying attention to her complaints she didn't like her old shoes. Interesting point D-lish...
atlnay Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 If someone gives you something you don't like, you accept it graciously and then go exchange it or better yet, since she NEEDED the shoes, just keep it and use it. She had a perfect out by saying that the shoes hurt her feet and going with him to return them, then picking out exactly what she wanted, but did she use it? No, she took the rude way which shows a lack of concern for his feelings. I read a TON of relationship books and a common theme both male and female authors advise to women is that, men problem solve. And that it is a sign of how much he cares about you when he buys you something he heard you complain about or say you need. His effort is what should be rewarded. At the end of the day, no one is obligated to do anything for anyone. It's a shame she doesn't realize this and if nothing else be happy her guy was so thoughtful. All she did was wound his ego.
sanskrit Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Oh and it's not like Christmas isn't just around the corner. It's not like this is the only gift he will ever give her. Seeing female responses to this issue in the thread makes me feel good that lots of women are more gracious and considerate than OP's girl.
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 No, she took the rude way which shows a lack of concern for his feelings. and what does leaving an envelope full of money and a letter on a table show ?.. the same I would think... Why be confrontational about something that doesn't need to be ?
Star Gazer Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Well, as Hokie said, people are pretty particular about their running shoes. I was fitted for mine and now wear a very particular pair of Saucony's, and nothing else touches my feet. So, I can see myself being a little secretly annoyed if I got running shoes for my birthday... even more so if, like your GF, I didn't like to go to the gym and/or run to begin with. That said, like D, I have to give the OP a ton of credit for listening to her and thinking of something that she might really like.
sanskrit Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Why be confrontational about something that doesn't need to be ? Because someone who is rude enough to complain about a gift is likely not going to respond to coddling anyway. It's not worthy of a long discussion, where a real argument could result, but the envelope sends a clear message, and if you think about it, isn't that confrontational at all unless she is brewing for a fight anyway.
atlnay Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 and what does leaving an envelope full of money and a letter on a table show ?.. the same I would think... Why be confrontational about something that doesn't need to be ? I agree the money on the table is a bit hostile and a *smidge* insulting (possible reeking of prostitution) that said, and I am TOTALLY on OPs side. I think a healthier way to handle this....by conversation. "Babe, I know you didn't like the running shoes. Give me some parameters, as I want you to enjoy your bday. What are some things I need to keep in mind?" Granted it's not a romantic approach, but he can be the bigger person. If her response is to pout because she doesn't feel she should have to tell him she should surprise her, well he knows who he's dating, if that's acceptable. it's on him. Hopefully, she'll throw the guy a few ideas and then "act" surprised when she opens then. But she will be 100% pleased with her presents. And that's what OP is over, she not liking her present.
TouchedByViolet Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 OP, the gift sounds thoughtful, genuine and caring. Im surprised you are getting so much resistance here
aerogurl87 Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I think what stands out to me the most is that the OP has been listening to his gf - and by listening I mean paying attention to her complaints she didn't like her old shoes. To me, it speaks volumes that he paid attention, and came up with the idea to get her a super cool pair of kicks. Maybe not a romantic gift persay- but the process behind the gesture was more romantic than people are giving the guy credit for. Any guy can take a hint or direct order to buy jewelry, flowers, perfume, etc. This guy actually put thought into what he bought her based on some of the things she was saying in passing that she needed. He put real thought and effort into buying her this gift- and that aspect of his gesture is being ignored. I would take a gift like this over a silly gold bracelet anyday. Even if I wasn't in love with the kicks, I'd find it incredibly heart-warming to know that my guy had gone out of his way to buy me something he thought I'd enjoy. OP, I totally give you credit for putting so much thought into the gift, I think your gf is being a bit of an azz. Me personally? I think it's nice that you've been listening to her and took the initiative to buy her a gift you thought she might really like. D-Lish I have to agree. He listened to her and bought her something that he thought would be a great gift based on her complaints. That in itself is sweet in my book. I remember my first boyfriend bought me a pair of earrings after we'd been together for a year. At that moment I knew our relationship was over. Why? Because I'd never had my ears pierced in my life. You'd think someone would figure that out after being intimate with you and going to the mall and hearing you tell them you won't look at earrings because your ears aren't pierced.
D-Lish Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 D-Lish I have to agree. He listened to her and bought her something that he thought would be a great gift based on her complaints. That in itself is sweet in my book. I remember my first boyfriend bought me a pair of earrings after we'd been together for a year. At that moment I knew our relationship was over. Why? Because I'd never had my ears pierced in my life. You'd think someone would figure that out after being intimate with you and going to the mall and hearing you tell them you won't look at earrings because your ears aren't pierced. That's funny about the earrings:p I know it's so cliche' to say it's the though that counts- but it's true. I can't imagine this poor guy being excited to give her a gift he put a lot of thought into, only to have her shoot it down. I don't know if I'd be all that excited to go to her b-day celebration either if I were him. Like I said, any guy can take a list of acceptable gifts his gf has given him, then buy one of those pre-approved items for her... But this guy put thought into doing something original for his girl. I remember my exH bought me a vaccuum for x-mas, lol. I was shocked when I opened it. I thought to myself (in my head) 'WTF, AM I A BAD HOUSE KEEPER OR SOMETHING???'. But when I opened it, he went into a proud explanation about how he bought it because I had been complaining that our old vaccuum sucked, it was too heavy, and too hard on my back to lug up and down 3 floors in our old victorian house. It occurred to me that it had registered with him that something was making me unhappy- so he came up with the idea of a gift that would fix it, and ergo make me happy. I didn't love the idea of a vaccuum- but guess what? It made my life a little easier, and he bought it because he loved me and wanted to make my life a little easier. That's a whole lot more thoughtful than bringing me home a bottle of perfume I instructed him to buy me.
Lemontang Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I love those shoes. If she wanted romantic I would have brought two pairs, just so you could compare each others stats from the readouts (or nail gun some heels to them, lol). But yes you didn't do anything wrong, she's just missed the point from where your coming from. As a side tip talk to one of her friends about it expressing how thoughtful you were in getting it etc... Sometimes even after you've told them why you did what you did, when a friends says the same thing only then does it registers. Strange but true.
make me believe Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I remember my exH bought me a vaccuum for x-mas, lol. I was shocked when I opened it. I thought to myself (in my head) 'WTF, AM I A BAD HOUSE KEEPER OR SOMETHING???'. But when I opened it, he went into a proud explanation about how he bought it because I had been complaining that our old vaccuum sucked, it was too heavy, and too hard on my back to lug up and down 3 floors in our old victorian house. It occurred to me that it had registered with him that something was making me unhappy- so he came up with the idea of a gift that would fix it, and ergo make me happy. I didn't love the idea of a vaccuum- but guess what? It made my life a little easier, and he bought it because he loved me and wanted to make my life a little easier. That's a whole lot more thoughtful than bringing me home a bottle of perfume I instructed him to buy me. See, that's exactly the same kind of thought process that I imagined the OP to have gone through, and that I would HOPE his gf would be able to see. She keeps complaining about her running shoes and talking about how she needs a new pair, so he decides to buy her a new pair for her bday since she's been talking about it for so long. Yay! I completely agree with you that a gift like that -- even if it is a vacuum cleaner or some other non-romantic item -- in the end, is more meaningful than the guy buying some random piece of jewelry or bottle of perfume or bouquet of roses just because it's the most stereotypical "romantic" thing to do.
jamesum Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 (edited) OP, what did your gf give you for your birthday? In my opinion, if you had other options, you should ditch your ungrateful gf. Your b-day present is very thoughtful in contrast to what some people said here. B-day gift is not Valentine gift. B-day gift should be something useful not romantic. I would be upset if a girl gave me a stupid perfume for a B-day gift. A b-day gift should be something you can use regularly and potentially show off like an iPod, a watch, shoes, etc. Ditch her if you can dude. I remember my exH bought me a vaccuum for x-mas, lol. I was shocked when I opened it. I thought to myself (in my head) 'WTF, AM I A BAD HOUSE KEEPER OR SOMETHING???'. But when I opened it, he went into a proud explanation about how he bought it because I had been complaining that our old vaccuum sucked, it was too heavy, and too hard on my back to lug up and down 3 floors in our old victorian house. It occurred to me that it had registered with him that something was making me unhappy- so he came up with the idea of a gift that would fix it, and ergo make me happy. I didn't love the idea of a vaccuum- but guess what? It made my life a little easier, and he bought it because he loved me and wanted to make my life a little easier. That's a whole lot more thoughtful than bringing me home a bottle of perfume I instructed him to buy me.Women are more about imagination while men are more about practicality. Well, as Hokie said, people are pretty particular about their running shoes. I was fitted for mine and now wear a very particular pair of Saucony's, and nothing else touches my feet. So, I can see myself being a little secretly annoyed if I got running shoes for my birthday... even more so if, like your GF, I didn't like to go to the gym and/or run to begin with. Yeah, and you can basically be particular about EVERYTHING! Im an Adidas fan. But if someone bought me a Puma. Im not gonna throw it away just because its not my taste. Edited September 28, 2010 by jamesum
Author ARDriver01 Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 Yeah well, I don't really care enough at this point to get her what she really wanted, whatever that was.
atlnay Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Yeah well, I don't really care enough at this point to get her what she really wanted, whatever that was. Is this a dealbreaker in your relationship? Does this change things or how you view her? And, is the relationship otherwise solid?
VeveCakes Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Well, as Hokie said, people are pretty particular about their running shoes. I was fitted for mine and now wear a very particular pair of Saucony's, and nothing else touches my feet. So, I can see myself being a little secretly annoyed if I got running shoes for my birthday... even more so if, like your GF, I didn't like to go to the gym and/or run to begin with. That said, like D, I have to give the OP a ton of credit for listening to her and thinking of something that she might really like. but really...would you have that reaction? Or would you think it was so sweet that your bf thought of that and put your arms around him and thank him..... and then maybe politely ask him if he minded you exchange them for a pair that were more your style etc?
eerie_reverie Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Hm... I would have taken her reaction as being practical. She needs a new pair of shoes, but like most people, she is particular about her shoes. The ones you got her sound expensive. She probably just wants you to save your cash rather than forcing her to wear a pair of shoes she doesn't like. I seriously don't understand how one would think to buy shoes for someone else anyway. I am sooo picky about what goes on my feet, especially for running. If they don't fit right, they're gonna injure her.
eerie_reverie Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 but really...would you have that reaction? Or would you think it was so sweet that your bf thought of that and put your arms around him and thank him..... and then maybe politely ask him if he minded you exchange them for a pair that were more your style etc? From the OP, her reaction was not insensitive: 'She's all like "I'm sorry babe, please don't be sad. I just don't want these. I'll buy some shoes for the gym someday..."' He just took it badly enough to wonder if he should flake out on her birthday.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 When I was younger, I wanted sentimental girlie gifts that showed he cared and took time to be as thoughtful as I did for his birthday. I so wished he could read my mind and just know me. Then I realized, men don't read minds, so I started leaving hints. Now? I realize it's just no in their DNA. I asked my friend out right, "So would you rather know up front what I want for birthday gifts". It's an emotional thing and usually women grow/mature out of it or tame it a bit. I hear what you're saying, but I give men more credit than that. I think they can learn to please women and give them what they want, just as women can learn to please men. Most women like a little romance and adoration on special occasions like these -- even the majority of those that insist they don't. A very pragmatic and level-headed friend of mine once told me that she felt very hurt when her husband gave her new tires for her car for her birthday. Intellectually, she understood that it was a thoughtful gift, but emotionally, it left her cold. For a token that will make the lady feel loved and treasured, think warm and sensual. It doesn't have to be expensive jewelry or perfume. A home-cooked meal of her favorite food that costs $10 in ingredients is just as meaningful.
durkadurka Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 OP don't worry bro. I offered to fly my ex girlfriend's family to the Napa Valley to go wine tasting for her birthday. They got angry at my and my girlfriend thought I was insensitive because I offered to pay (my ex's family isn't very well off and I'd just started working a high paying job). Sometimes you just can't ****ing win.
sanskrit Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Most women like a little romance and adoration on special occasions like these This is a good point, but in light of the fact that it's only one of four such occasions each and every year, letting some less than perfect gifts slide without comment shouldn't be that big a deal. I think couples were generally happier overall before mass marketing culture turned everyone into "consumo-bots." Extravagant gift giving is entirely a creation of the twentieth century, from the debacle that Christmas has become to Valentines even to extravagant engagement rings and weddings. None of those are any sort of ancient tradition, just created relatively recently by companies to sell more stuff that people really don't need.
tami-chan Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 You do not get to DICTATE gifts people give you-tacky, ugly(to you) , cheap , expensive,etc, etc. you only need to be gracious and be glad you were remembered. If the giver includes a caveat that you can exchange or return the gift to get something you prefer to fits better, then that's different. Personally, I never exchange or return gifts even if it comes with that exchange/return receipt.
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