He hasn't responded to my text in 4 hours

[shadowplay]

What happened? Are you guys meeting on Sat night?

[SadandConfusedWA]

What happened? Are you guys meeting on Sat night?

 

 

Nah it's supposed to happen on Tuesday. He is not supposed to be back until Sunday morning from his trip.

 

But he hasn't contacted me since Wednseday. He never was in every day contact though.

 

To be honest, I feel a lot more disconnected from the whole thing now. Of course I will see him if he contacts me but at the same time I will be fine if I never hear form him again.

 

I have been chatting a lot to someone else on OKC who has potential... We will see what happens.

[donnamaybe]

I wouldn't let his lack of contact mean anything if I were you. If you were on vacation with a bunch of gal pals having the time of your life, would you pay attention to your friends or be worrying about a guy you've dated a couple times back home? I would personally be having fun and not giving much thought to the guy back home. We made a plan for when I got back, and I'll follow through on that, so I'd be feeling we were good.

[shadowplay]

I wanted to respond to a post you made about this guy in another thread without thread jacking, so I'm writing my response here.

 

I have a really bad feeling about his lack of contact.... just a strong gut feeling that I will never see him agian.

 

But anyway, no guy has ever respected me enough to even bother with rejecting me officially. I was always either strung along for ages or they just abandoned completly with no explanation. Hence my fears when there are long delays in contact - it never ends well.

 

Don't want to threadjack with my s%it though.

 

SAC, I think you're being overly pessimistic. You said he's on a surfing vacation with his friends until Sunday. If he has the date set for Tuesday, why would he contact you before then except to confirm, especially when he's preoccupied?

 

I wonder if you're doing what I sometimes do, where I convince myself of the worst case scenario to soften the expected blow of disappointment. Mm. Chaucer made a great point in my thread that this is an unhealthy coping mechanism, because it just means you suffer disappointment twofold (assuming you're right that he'll reject you). This is because it doesn't actually take the edge off the eventual rejection. Also, this negative mindset wears at your soul. I know it does mine. I think the best approach for us is to just stay neutral.

 

Don't make a positive or negative judgment on whether this guy is interested until he's really made it obvious. Your job isn't to decide whether he's interested. It's just to get to know him better and have a good time.

[elaina]

I wanted to respond to a post you made about this guy in another thread without thread jacking, so I'm writing my response here.

 

 

 

SAC, I think you're being overly pessimistic. You said he's on a surfing vacation with his friends until Sunday. If he has the date set for Tuesday, why would he contact you before then except to confirm, especially when he's preoccupied?

 

I wonder if you're doing what I sometimes do, where I convince myself of the worst case scenario to soften the expected blow of disappointment. Mm. Chaucer made a great point in my thread that this is an unhealthy coping mechanism, because it just means you suffer disappointment twofold (assuming you're right that he'll reject you). This is because it doesn't actually take the edge off the eventual rejection. Also, this negative mindset wears at your soul. I know it does mine. I think the best approach for us is to just stay neutral.

 

Don't make a positive or negative judgment on whether this guy is interested until he's really made it obvious. Your job isn't to decide whether he's interested. It's just to get to know him better and have a good time.

 

Agreed!

 

I don't understand why it bothers you for him not to respond for awhile? With my guy, we don't respond right off the bat to every text. Sometimes I go a whole day without responding to him, which is cute in that he'll text me, and if I don't text right away, he'll email me saying he texted me. And then he calls me. I like that cause I like hearing his voice.

 

Anyways, when I text him, I know he's working or having fun with friends or sleeping or whatever, and it's all ok because I know that eventully he'll get back to me. No worries! When we talk, we talk. If our relationship gets stronger, we'll talk more, but at the moment, I'm just enjoying our relaxed getting to know each other stage.

 

I think the main issue you have with the texting thing is fear of rejection. Please don't put your whole soul into waiting for his response to a text. If he likes you, he likes you. If he doesn't, he doesn't. But until you hear from him again, just enjoy life! Life is too short to just be upset that some guy hasn't texted you.

 

Worry about this kind of thing just hurts you. Just enjoy the ride! No worries!

[DontWorryBHappy]

Maybe I'm weird, but if I went out with a guy a couple times and he went away for a bit, then didnt text me for days.. it WOULD turn me off. I think a couple dates should be enough time for someone to know if they are into you or at least very interested, and in my experience those guys will go out of their way to make contact regularly.. surfing or no surfing. In any case you seem like someone who wants more contact... There's no guarantee that if you were in a relationship with this guy that his amount of communication with you would increase. It didn't in one of my past relationships and that was a miserable issue in that relationship. So just sayin.

[Kamille]

. There's no guarantee that if you were in a relationship with this guy that his amount of communication with you would increase. It didn't in one of my past relationships and that was a miserable issue in that relationship. So just sayin.

 

There's also no reason to believe the amount of communication won't increase.

 

I had moments where I had to fight agonizing about the lengths of time BF would take to get in touch with me when we first started dating. We saw each other an average of twice a week and he would get in touch about twice a week, to set the dates. I decided as long as he kept setting dates, I would take that as a level of interest and keep busy otherwise. I had faith in my own judgement that if, at one point, it became clear the relationship wasn't moving forward, I would know it was time to move on.

 

Contact gradually increased. Now we're in touch every day -via email and skype because we're currently LDR. Back when we were still in the same town, at the 10 month mark, we saw each other 3-5 times a week and talked every day. So, in my experience, contact has increased with time. I'm definitely glad I forced myself to stay busy and not obsess about the time it took him to contact me at the beginning. This meant that when we saw each other, I was in a good mood and happy to see him.