carhill Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 OP, life is imperfect. No one is required to nor coerced into responding to or participate in your threads. We all do it voluntarily. If you or another anonymous reader benefits from the discussion, its purpose is served, IMO. Often, I pose questions in a thread for the OP to ponder, not necessarily respond to, and don't expect a response. If that dynamic is beneficial, then its intent has been served. Hope date number four happens and goes well
mixwell Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 In short: "I am wasting everyone's time." Make a mental note people. Pretty much this.. Why would post post a statement looking for outside perspective and then not interact and confirm or debate your beliefs ? It's almost like saying " I'm drunk when I post threads because tomorrow they won't be meaningful" If you're going to go through a thread that YOU posted at least offer some input instead if saying " oh i was drunk, i was this, i was that, i was getting nailed by some guy from the bar and this emotion came into mind..." I've posted many times while drunk and some say booze is a key to the heart to REALLY express feeling which is why many drunk dial etc but not once have I ever posted a thread that I thought omg wtf because while I didn't mean to let me emotions blurt out in a thread i did mean everything I usually write in them.
mixwell Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Far too often, I observe certain posters recieve valuable insight, a healthy consensus, great advice- and they either choose to ignore it, become combative, or simply start another thread in the hopes of gaining the answers they want to hear. Sometimes I see a headline, go to to click on it, then see the poster's name and say to myself "wow- same ****, different day". Wow this is too close to the true !! You hit it right on the head D !! I guess sometimes there is no amount of advice you can receive until you experience the conditions for yourself.. Hell I was like that before but now I know try and heed other people's warnings from a 3rd person POV and I really try to look at things rationally although it can be difficult.. My initial problem on here stems circa 2004 and when I look back now I can agree with what everyone said but I was too smart and thought I knew it all. No one could understand my UNIQUE situation right ? That is the attitude a lot of the (younger) people have it seems like and one day they will look back and see "hey you know what DLish was right, made sense.. so and so made a good point" but until then they're most likely going to avoid good advice because they just know it all and think we don't understand their SPECIFIC situation which is an excuse.
atlnay Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 (edited) I always think people that do this tactic, where they only read comments they want to hear, really need another outlet. At this point, when any objective, wiser, direct posts are ignored or resented...why even post on a forum? Get a private blog or setup a facebook, where you can "allow/approve" exactly who you want. Then 100% of the feedback is what you want to hear and no need to abandon posts and/or have people, not knowing this is an ongoing tactic, start to give good (& ignored) advice when you inevitably post about a problem less than 24 hours later...and they won't ask you questions and feel ignored. Eh. It's the internet, it is what it is. You'll continue to post and some folks will continue to try to help and others will continue to observe...lol...Good luck to you. Edited September 22, 2010 by atlnay
Gallaxia Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Meh. Even if an OP doesn't come back, someone else going thru the same thing might heed the advice. At some point an OP will have enough of the same ole' and finally seek & follow tgrough to actual resolution. Unless they enjoy misery. Realistically we've all been there in one way or another so it's all good.
atlnay Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I totally agree gallaxia. Which is why in cases like this OP where it appears to go round & round, i try & keep my advice situational (knowing they will disregard) because another individual who wants rationality may glean something from it anyway vs. being personal in advice. That way it really doesnt matter if an OP who doesnt want to get it gets it or not. Also good for keeping frustrations at bay...besides, I get something from giving & hopefully another soul does too...always a win/win in my world
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I always think people that do this tactic, where they only read comments they want to hear, really need another outlet. At this point, when any objective, wiser, direct posts are ignored or resented...why even post on a forum? I think there's a large component of exhibitionism, aka attention seeking, when people do this.
donnamaybe Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Far too often, I observe certain posters recieve valuable insight, a healthy consensus, great advice- and they either choose to ignore it, become combative, or simply start another thread in the hopes of gaining the answers they want to hear. Sometimes I see a headline, go to to click on it, then see the poster's name and say to myself "wow- same ****, different day". Yup. EXACTLY! And all the advice I've given goes ignored, but it goes against the grain of that poster's MO. Then someone will come in with a "Oh what the heck. Just do what you think is right for YOU" type of answer which is what the poster wanted to hear and which is VERY wrong given that said poster is going to do the same old thing and f up another potential R.
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 After a while, answering posts from any serial woe-is-me" whinger, who not only has a problem, and admits it but also sees how fixable it is, but won't fix it - is just a waste of breath, and people who matter, with good intentions, good advice and wise counsel, will not reply any more. All the responses these types of people will get is from "yes men" who simply underpin their continued dysfunction by "poor you-ing" the OP, or saying "I feel for ya, I'm going through the same thing too...." as in, 'Misery loves company'.... Both of which are all very well, but don't offer any constructive help at all.
Art_Critic Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Yup. EXACTLY! And all the advice I've given goes ignored, I think a poster of a thread can ignore posts if they choose to.. With some many left handed swipes I see on LS it certainly is understandable if a post goes unnoticed, not saying you give out left handed swipes but just saying that to me so what if a poster doesn't reply to a post.. I'll bet that more than 50% of most posts don't get responded to by an OP.. but that doesn't mean they didn't read the advice and use it.. Have you also thought that maybe they have you on ignore That is a possibility too.. IMO..If a person who gives advice takes it personally how that advice goes over then they are giving the advice for the response rather than genuinely trying to help a poster.. an ego stroke if you will...
Art_Critic Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 After a while, answering posts from any serial woe-is-me" whinger, who not only has a problem, and admits it but also sees how fixable it is, but won't fix it - is just a waste of breath, and people who matter, with good intentions, good advice and wise counsel, will not reply any more. All the responses these types of people will get is from "yes men" who simply underpin their continued dysfunction by "poor you-ing" the OP, or saying "I feel for ya, I'm going through the same thing too...." as in, 'Misery loves company'.... Both of which are all very well, but don't offer any constructive help at all. If that is a left handed swipe at the OP of this thread it isn't a fair one.. Who are you to tell someone what is fixable or not in their lives and if they can't fix it or don't fix it then you are wasting your breath.. IMO... YOU choose to post on a thread and if you feel your time is being wasted then maybe YOU should go find other threads to post on that are more suited to your posting style and let the other posters on that thread help the person.. LS just mimics real life is the fashion that you can't make everyone happy at the same time. If an OP took every posters advice and applied it then they would be going in circles as normally the advice is all over the map depending on who is posting it and how they feel about a situation.. So it is up to the OP to take and use or ignore and discard any advice posters lay out...
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 If that is a left handed swipe at the OP of this thread it isn't a fair one.. No, it isn't. That's why I was careful to put answering posts from any serial ..... If I'd wanted to make a personal remark about the OP, give me credit to know I would have done. or used discretion and said nothing at all. Others here have generalised, I did the same. Who are you to tell someone what is fixable or not in their lives and if they can't fix it or don't fix it then you are wasting your breath.. I'm the person wasting my breath..... YOU choose to post on a thread and if you feel your time is being wasted then maybe YOU should go find other threads to post on that are more suited to your posting style and let the other posters on that thread help the person.. Sorry.... could I ask why you're singling me out for criticism, when I have not been specific, but others who have been specific are spared a tongue-lashing....? LS just mimics real life is the fashion that you can't make everyone happy at the same time. It's not my job, or anybody else's to make anyone else happy..... If an OP took every posters advice and applied it then they would be going in circles as normally the advice is all over the map depending on who is posting it and how they feel about a situation.. So it is up to the OP to take and use or ignore and discard any advice posters lay out... Yeah....? And....?
Art_Critic Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 No, it isn't. That's why I was careful to put answering posts from any serial ..... IMO... If is encompasses the OP'r then it was a swipe at the OP'r.. and I didn't mean to single you out.. I just read the last post in the thread and responded to that one... but since you replied to my post.. Are you saying that because others have had their swipes at the OP that it is okay for you to do it then ?
donnamaybe Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I think a poster of a thread can ignore posts if they choose to.. With some many left handed swipes I see on LS it certainly is understandable if a post goes unnoticed, not saying you give out left handed swipes but just saying that to me so what if a poster doesn't reply to a post.. I'll bet that more than 50% of most posts don't get responded to by an OP.. but that doesn't mean they didn't read the advice and use it.. Have you also thought that maybe they have you on ignore That is a possibility too.. IMO..If a person who gives advice takes it personally how that advice goes over then they are giving the advice for the response rather than genuinely trying to help a poster.. an ego stroke if you will...I couldn't give a rat's azz whether anyone personally TAKES my advice or not. I just find it incredibly ignorant and wasteful of everyone's time to even begin a thread if all you're looking for is someone to say, "Oh, that rotten man. How DARE he not text you five minutes after you texted him!" Or, "Of COURSE you should get rid of that bothersome 5 extra pounds before you meet him! What if he never wants to see you again?!"
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 No, but I wasn't having a swipe at the OP. But as that seemed to be the focus of discussion, I added my piece. The OP was not the focus of my response. You can believe that or disbelieve it, as you wish. I am clear on my intention, and it's not as you perceive it.
donnamaybe Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 IMO... If is encompasses the OP'r then it was a swipe at the OP'r.. and I didn't mean to single you out.. I just read the last post in the thread and responded to that one... but since you replied to my post.. Are you saying that because others have had their swipes at the OP that it is okay for you to do it then ? Yeah. You NEVER take swipes at anyone on LS.
welikeincrowds Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I couldn't give a rat's azz whether anyone personally TAKES my advice or not. I just find it incredibly ignorant and wasteful of everyone's time to even begin a thread if all you're looking for is someone to say, "Oh, that rotten man. How DARE he not text you five minutes after you texted him!" Or, "Of COURSE you should get rid of that bothersome 5 extra pounds before you meet him! What if he never wants to see you again?!" I want to subscribe to your newsletter
Art_Critic Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 No, but I wasn't having a swipe at the OP. But as that seemed to be the focus of discussion, I added my piece. The OP was not the focus of my response. Thanks TM... sorry to butt heads... and Donna... You are now taking it personal.. why ?.. you just took a swipe at me for no reason...
donnamaybe Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 IMO..If a person who gives advice takes it personally how that advice goes over then they are giving the advice for the response rather than genuinely trying to help a poster.. an ego stroke if you will... YOUR swipe. Simply following your lead.
Art_Critic Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 YOUR swipe. Simply following your lead. ... you are too much..
donnamaybe Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 ... you are too much.. Just observant.
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Thanks TM... sorry to butt heads... That's ok. I have a particularly thick skull. I developed it after being dropped on my head a few times as a baby......
Star Gazer Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 After a while, answering posts from any serial woe-is-me" whinger, who not only has a problem, and admits it but also sees how fixable it is, but won't fix it - is just a waste of breath, and people who matter, with good intentions, good advice and wise counsel, will not reply any more. It's happening already... People just aren't as willing to put in the effort.
Citizen Erased Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I really don't blame SAC for not going back to her threads. Regardless of what it's about, it's rare if she will find anything but unhelpful remarks about her character and her past threads. I am not saying she is perfect but she is entitled to rant all she likes about pretty much anything she wants. If she doesn't want to go back and read all the catty remarks aimed at her under the guise of helping, well who would. Sometimes some of the stuff her and shadow say and do drives me up the walll but they're human, who is to say what is right. Just don't read the thread or don't reply. For the record, I've been here since 2005 and I doubt most of the people I've seen given advice to have taken it. No use in stamping your foot in this case unless you're going to do it for everyone.
shadowplay Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 If she doesn't want to go back and read all the catty remarks aimed at her under the guise of helping, well who would. This. Most people are genuinely trying to help. Others have ulterior motives, like bringing their own crap in or taking digs at others. It quickly becomes clear which group people fall into.
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