threebyfate Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Shadow, build from within. Proposed Architecture of a Person Find your core values, things that you believe in that can stand stress testing of any kind. This is your foundation.Create a framework of ethics that solidly connects to the foundation.Flesh out the framework with small accomplishments, one tiny layer at a time.Now fill your house with brightness and warmth, a house full of positive energy, full of people who care.This is the house of you.No matter what happens to your house, be it hurricane or the roof collapses, your foundation still stands solid to rebuild upon.
Author shadowplay Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 OK, I guess my threads lately have been very misguided. I don't know what's gotten into me in the last few weeks. I have made a lot of positive changes to my life, but my self esteem apparently hasn't caught up.
Author shadowplay Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 Shadow, build from within. Proposed Architecture of a Person Find your core values, things that you believe in that can stand stress testing of any kind. This is your foundation.Create a framework of ethics that solidly connects to the foundation.Flesh out the framework with small accomplishments, one tiny layer at a time.Now fill your house with brightness and warmth, a house full of positive energy, full of people who care.This is the house of you.No matter what happens to your house, be it hurricane or the roof collapses, your foundation still stands solid to rebuild upon. I need to keep reminding myself of this.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Shadow, build from within. Proposed Architecture of a Person Find your core values, things that you believe in that can stand stress testing of any kind. This is your foundation.Create a framework of ethics that solidly connects to the foundation.Flesh out the framework with small accomplishments, one tiny layer at a time.Now fill your house with brightness and warmth, a house full of positive energy, full of people who care.This is the house of you. No matter what happens to your house, be it hurricane or the roof collapses, your foundation still stands solid to rebuild upon. I like this TBF.
brainygirl Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Shadow, I don't know what you look like, you could have some features that are holding you back, but I think there is danger in thinking that "fixing" these things will fix you'r ability to find the relationship you want. That being said, I am not going to condem the idea of plastic surgery. After weight loss and child birth, my tummy is a mushy mess, and I'm saving to a tummy tuck. Not because I think a tummy tuck will make me more desireable to date, but because what I see in the mirror is not how I feel. Good luck and seek some counsiling in this process, ok?
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 OK, I guess my threads lately have been very misguided. I don't know what's gotten into me in the last few weeks. I have made a lot of positive changes to my life, but my self esteem apparently hasn't caught up. Shadow, you just took how that OKC guy acted very hard and allowed it to shake you to the core. The challenge for both of us is to build core strength, so that nothing external can touch it.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Shadow... you know I love you, but your recent slew of posts reek of crazy. Not to be harsh, but the reason you are failing to attract guys is because you're not comfortable in your own skin. Literally changing said skin, though, is not going to make you love yourself. The reason you are failing to keep the guys you DO attract is because of your behavior, which oscillates between bat-**** crazy and doormat. Examples bat-**** crazy: -getting drunk before dates -having sex when you don't want to and then stopping in the middle Examples dormat: -not punching your ex in the face when he told you you were hotter 3.5 years ago -offering NSA sex after rejections You NEED to find a way to fix your low self-esteem, but plastic surgery is NOT the answer. You earrily sound like someone I know and love
threebyfate Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 SaCWA and shadow, people will try to push and shove you every which way. Everyone is inherently selfish to some degree, trapped within their limited visions of how people should be and act or just plain miserable individuals who need to drag people down to their level. So it's up to the two of you to anchor to your houses. I hope the two of you have read florence of suburbia's thread in the personal rant section about following your vision and not getting lost. You're both intuitives so it should make a lot of sense.
Author shadowplay Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 fck, I'm lonely. I'm really trying to hold it together today, and I'm getting things done, but inside I am miserable. Everything is making me sad. Even something as innocuous and neutral as a discussion in my class on post modern art. WTF. It seems like even the world is directionless and ultimately empty. There are no new ideas to be formed. I don't know why, but I miss that guy, even though I only went on three crappy dates with him. I get attached fast. And I'm thinking about my ex again. I don't miss his company per se, but I can't seem to escape the shock of somebody I planned on spending my life with never wanting to talk to me again for the rest of his. This town is starting to wear on me. It's weird how a place can grow stale without every attaching to you in any meaningful way. I feel left behind and old, finally graduating this semester, five years after my peers. My relationships with my housemates are superficial and forced. I put a huge amount of effort into reaching them, but I can't. I'm trying so hard. I just want to be happy.
Author shadowplay Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 My mother sent me an email today that is really helping me get through stuff. I don't feel I tell you enough how beautiful you are on the inside. In addition to all the intelligence and talent you have, you are simply a joy to be around. I can't tell you enough how much I enjoyed being with you yesterday. You are such an interesting person--serious and thoughtful, funny and irreverent, sweet and caring, observant and intense--so many traits rolled into one. If only you could see yourself as you truly are! Someday, some handsome, strong, warm, intelligent guy--the kind of guy you really deserve-- will be lucky enough to find you. He is out there, somewhere. You just have to discover each other. And you will--I promise!!! I am so proud and lucky to have a daughter like you. Thank you for being you!
USMCHokie Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I don't feel I tell you enough how beautiful you are on the inside. In addition to all the intelligence and talent you have, you are simply a joy to be around. I can't tell you enough how much I enjoyed being with you yesterday. You are such an interesting person--serious and thoughtful, funny and irreverent, sweet and caring, observant and intense--so many traits rolled into one. If only you could see yourself as you truly are! Someday, some handsome, strong, warm, intelligent guy--the kind of guy you really deserve-- will be lucky enough to find you. He is out there, somewhere. You just have to discover each other. And you will--I promise!!! I am so proud and lucky to have a daughter like you. Thank you for being you! Now, the next step is for you to be able to tell yourself everything that your mother told you. When you make up every morning, you should be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say each and every word to yourself. Not because your mother said it to you, but because you said it to you...internal validation... And it's not just believing it's true...it's knowing it's true...
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 What makes me sad is often the guys who reject me will advertise themselves as deep, intellectual, romantic types who are looking for a similar woman. But then they seem to dismiss me very superficially without getting to know me at all. It's like they have all these "poetic" ideals, yet I never fit anywhere into them. It's always some other girl. I know it's silly, but it hurt me that the guy I liked on OKC always had these romantic, wistful statuses on im, excerpts from a poem, often in relation to love. All that is reserved for some other girl, but he quickly decided I was worthy of only subpar treatment. You taught him how to treat you. If you woke up one day and believed that you were worth it, guys would see that confidence and believe it as well. If your wanting a guy that will see into you and love you despite the flaws you see in yourself... your going to have to change the type of guy your going after. Probably lower your physical standards.
Star Gazer Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 If your wanting a guy that will see into you and love you despite the flaws you see in yourself... your going to have to change the type of guy your going after. Probably lower your physical standards. Disagree completely. Like you said, guys will see Shadow the way she sees herself. If she's self-aware - if ANY of us are self-aware - she knows she, like everyone else, isn't perfect, but flawed...just like everyone else. All Shadow needs to do is love herself, not only in spite of but BECAUSE OF her flaws (the things that make her unique and human), and guys will too. She not need lower her standards at all.
atlnay Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Disagree completely. Like you said, guys will see Shadow the way she sees herself. If she's self-aware - if ANY of us are self-aware - she knows she, like everyone else, isn't perfect, but flawed...just like everyone else. All Shadow needs to do is love herself, not only in spite of but BECAUSE OF her flaws (the things that make her unique and human), and guys will too. She not need lower her standards at all. I *think* I get what the previous poster is getting at. Sometimes if you go for someone you feel is a bit out of your league in some way, perhaps they are physically better looking in a slight way, until you build up your confidence, that type will always zing at your self esteem. If you drop a point or so, you may loosen up around them, thereby be more comfortable and your self esteem shoots up a bit, making your true beauty shine and more attractive. Or at least that's how I read it...
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Disagree completely. Like you said, guys will see Shadow the way she sees herself. If she's self-aware - if ANY of us are self-aware - she knows she, like everyone else, isn't perfect, but flawed...just like everyone else. All Shadow needs to do is love herself, not only in spite of but BECAUSE OF her flaws (the things that make her unique and human), and guys will too. She not need lower her standards at all. Loving herself is only part of what Shadow needs to do. I don't know for sure, but I believe because of her personal issues Shadow has unrealistic views and expectations on the men she interacts with. What I'm saying is that if she is looking for a guy to value her despite her lack of self esteem, she will have to change her standards. Remember... the vast majority of what Shadow looks for in a man, is his ability to make her feel good about herself. I would equate it to buying a designer dress. It's a very shallow process despite the fact that she clearly values the personality labels that she attaches to a guy. Does that make sense? It's not really a search for soulmate so much as a quest for an outfit that will make her look stunning, match her personality and sense of style. I *think* I get what the previous poster is getting at. Sometimes if you go for someone you feel is a bit out of your league in some way, perhaps they are physically better looking in a slight way, until you build up your confidence, that type will always zing at your self esteem. If you drop a point or so, you may loosen up around them, thereby be more comfortable and your self esteem shoots up a bit, making your true beauty shine and more attractive. Or at least that's how I read it... And... This is the second part of what I was driving at. Can't be yourself when you feel a need to be what someone else wants.
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