Ariadne Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Does the relationship fulfill her? Make her happy? Does she feel lustful? Does she feel secure, and like she can totally be herself? Does she feel challenged and inspired and excited? Does she look forward to a future in that partnership? Many women make the mistake of thinking if they found their dream guy, the dream relationship will just come along with it. But when you find the right relationship, THAT's when you really find the right guy. Aww..... I love it!
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I know, huh?! And FWIW, I realized my last relationship wad dead in the water when I realized I had the perfect guy (he met every checklist item, and then some), but the answers to all those questions I posed was a resounding NO. When your focus is on the external, even your happiness is external. It doesn't reach that deep down place in your soul...ya know? It's both literally and figuratively superficial.
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 When your focus is on the external, even your happiness is external. It doesn't reach that deep down place in your soul...ya know? It's both literally and figuratively superficial.Yes YES!!! This is it. Perfect Star.
USMCHokie Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Yes YES!!! This is it. Perfect Star. :love:
Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 :love: All you seem to post these days lol, are all you cr*phats like that? Though to be fair, your girlfriend is spot on with what she says, it's just ashame I don't believe a word of it nor follow such a mantra.
USMCHokie Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 All you seem to post these days lol, are all you cr*phats like that? Though to be fair, your girlfriend is spot on with what she says, it's just ashame I don't believe a word of it nor follow such a mantra. Yes, my craphat posts tend to stand out in threads where my substantive posts are overlooked. And different strokes for different folks...
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Craphat? Hmmm... My experience has always been that when the debate has been lost, the insults follow soon after.
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 All you seem to post these days lol, are all you cr*phats like that? Though to be fair, your girlfriend is spot on with what she says, it's just ashame I don't believe a word of it nor follow such a mantra. I'm spot on yet you don't agree? Makes no sense to me...
Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Yes, my craphat posts tend to stand out in threads where my substantive posts are overlooked. And different strokes for different folks... No to be fair to you know your shizzle from your bo dizzle. Yes of course, but to me I never plan ahead of today, I always plan for today as I could be dead as dodo tomorrow.
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I'm spot on yet you don't agree? Makes no sense to me...Why does that seem to surprise you?
LisaLee Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I'm happy that SaC found a hawt man who likes her. I'm sad that is how she gauges her self worth and confidence. I find Star Gazer's post to be far from bitter... but actually very blunt and realistic. When you call a spade a spade people do tend to get defensive.
Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Craphat? Hmmm... My experience has always been that when the debate has been lost, the insults follow soon after. It's a British term of endearment that I was taught by a drunken in Ipswich.
USMCHokie Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I'm spot on yet you don't agree? Makes no sense to me... It's possible he finds your views logical and sensible, but he may not personally follow the same approach to dating and relationships...
Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 It's possible he finds your views logical and sensible, but he may not personally follow the same approach to dating and relationships... This is correct! It's not the approach I take, that is what I meant.
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 It's a British term of endearment that I was taught by a drunken in Ipswich.Now THAT was funny! Sense of humor: Check
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 Firstly, we have been on 2 dates FFS. Of course I don't know his personality yet. As for my only criteria being hot and wanting to be in a relationship with "anyone" (umm remember J who wanted LTR recently and I hard-core rejected him?). I have always maintained that I look for other qualities - it's just that I DO place lot of weight on looks and that's just how I am. I can't see myself with a short bald guy with a great personality. Ever. Here are some of the things that I like so far besides looks: He always does what he says he will do. If he says I will call you Friday, he does exactly that.He initiates 90% of the contact and does all asking out and he responds to my contact promptly. Anytime.He is a gentleman. He gets up when I walk into the restaurant, He pulls my chair out for me. He holds the doorsHe is relationship oriented and loves kidsHe is 35 and doesn't come with any baggage in form of ex wife or kidsHe is close to his familyHe is gentle and kindHe makes an effort to drive 45 minutes to my part of the town for all our dates including when I offered to do it for tonight (he said he is happy to make the drive yet again)We both hate sci-fi anything with passionWe both like same comedy TV showsWe both like going to a smaller arthouse cinema and watching European movies and prefer this to Hollywood ones (in fact we are doing that tonight).We both love the beachHe has a stable jobHe owns a house that is very close to the beach. I think this is quite enough after 2 dates. Sorry to disappoint you Star.
jamesum Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 (edited) SCW reminds of me my aunt. My aunt is 40, but she acts like a teenage girl when it comes to dating. Always so hysterical about EVERYTHING in her dating life. I guess its personality thing. Edited September 17, 2010 by jamesum
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Firstly, we have been on 2 dates FFS. Of course I don't know his personality yet. As for my only criteria being hot and wanting to be in a relationship with "anyone" (umm remember J who wanted LTR recently and I hard-core rejected him?). I have always maintained that I look for other qualities - it's just that I DO place lot of weight on looks and that's just how I am. I can't see myself with a short bald guy with a great personality. Ever. Here are some of the things that I like so far besides looks: He always does what he says he will do. If he says I will call you Friday, he does exactly that.He initiates 90% of the contact and does all asking out and he responds to my contact promptly. Anytime.He is a gentleman. He gets up when I walk into the restaurant, He pulls my chair out for me. He holds the doorsHe is relationship oriented and loves kidsHe is 35 and doesn't come with any baggage in form of ex wife or kidsHe is close to his familyHe is gentle and kindHe makes an effort to drive 45 minutes to my part of the town for all our dates including when I offered to do it for tonight (he said he is happy to make the drive yet again)We both hate sci-fi anything with passionWe both like same comedy TV showsWe both like going to a smaller arthouse cinema and watching European movies and prefer this to Hollywood ones (in fact we are doing that tonight).We both love the beachHe has a stable jobHe owns a house that is very close to the beach. I think this is quite enough after 2 dates. Sorry to disappoint you Star.Really, I seriously doubt she would be disappointed. Actually, seeing all of these very important things you've noted would probably make her happy for you, as it does me. THESE are the kind of things on which to base a R. Of course, of course, we ALL like someone "pretty" to look at, but that won't make you happy over the long haul, and unless you're just looking for a ONS or an FWB, then focusing on the above type of list is VERY important. I do hope things work out. Just PLEASE don't try to be someone you're not for ANY person. No one should own rights to your personality but you!
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I think this is quite enough after 2 dates. Sorry to disappoint you Star. Why would that disappoint me? Many of those things are JUST what I was looking for... Others, not so much (you like him because he has a house close to the beach? Okay...?). But until this little rant, you didn't share ANYTHING about his personality, your focus was squarely on how hot and yet how boring he is. But I say good for you! He sounds wonderful and definitely worth continuing to get to know (assuming there's chemistry).
Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 So you do offer good advice, I retract my earlier statement. Though I still maintain that it is best to let her do what she wants and if it doesn't work out then tell her where you think it has gone wrong and offer her another perspective, rather than create a storm when she is happy.
TaraMaiden Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 SCW reminds of me my aunt. My aunt is 40, but she acts like a teenage girl when it comes to dating. Always so hysterical about EVERYTHING in her dating life. I guess its personality thing. Good for her! Woo-hoo! You go, Auntie!! So much better than a teenage girl acting like a 40-year old! I'm 53 and still feel 19!
dispatch3d Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Ah ha! See, that's where people mess up. For SAC, the guy she wants is hot. That's pretty much the end of her list for the guy she wants. For others, they might add other qualities... A certain height, a certain job, a certain lifestyle. They might also add other things to the checklist: funny, smart, ambitious, whatever. These are PERSON qualities, not relationship qualities. By saying she should look for the relationship she wants, what I mean is, to date with relationship qualities/dealbreakers in mind. For example: Does the relationship fulfill her? Make her happy? Does she feel lustful? Does she feel secure, and like she can totally be herself? Does she feel challenged and inspired and excited? Does she look forward to a future in that partnership? Many women make the mistake of thinking if they found their dream guy, the dream relationship will just come along with it. But when you find the right relationship, THAT's when you really find the right guy. This has to be the BEST I've ever seen it put for things women SHOULD be looking for in a relationship vs. what they typically look for. Excellent wording. This thing is so hard to describe.
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 This has to be the BEST I've ever seen it put for things women SHOULD be looking for in a relationship vs. what they typically look for. Excellent wording. This thing is so hard to describe. Thanks!! And to clarify my last post: SAC, while it's awesome that there are qualities byond the physical that you like about this guy... They're still all external/personal qualities. Try to remember to shop for the relationship you want. Just because you like HIM as a person doesn't necessarily mean you'll "fit right" in a relationship. Take your time and get to know him, but pay more attention to how you FEEL when dating him than whether he ticks off the right boxes.
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