Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Yeah. Better to blow sunshine up peoples' butts. Every single time I have VERY kindly told SAC what a great gal I think she is and that she shouldn't bend herself every which way to try to snag some guy, my posts are COMPLETELY ignored. Hmmm.... Her feelings will change for this man as she gets to know him better, whether she ends up with him or not is another matter entirely. Feelings to change, she might find him hot and boring now, but later on she might change her mind and feel he is the man, the total package or she might still feel the same way and lose attraction for him. If she is with him to validate herself, she'll lose him eventually, but one thing I do is know is that people have to follow their own paths and learn from their own mistakes. If SaC has low self esteem then she'll come to realize that she'll need to fix it before she can even think about settling down, and of course it is good to inform her of this and offer advice, but going on the offensive like Star Gazer has been doing to prove a point and claim the upper ground as it were is just disgusting and she does it with Shadowplay too.
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Yes, it could very well be both. If he is as shy as she says he is, then it's a bit hard to site things about his personality, complimentary or not. Totally understand and agree. But my point remains. She likes him ONLY because of what he looks like. I just find it incredibly sad when a bright, attractive, sensitive woman derives her self-worth from whether a "hot guy" likes her for what she looks like.
Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I just find it incredibly sad when a bright, attractive, sensitive woman derives her self-worth from whether a "hot guy" likes her for what she looks like. I happen to agree with you, so instead of criticising, why not offer some advice to the woman?
Ariadne Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I have VERY kindly told SAC what a great gal I think she is and that she shouldn't bend herself every which way to try to snag some guy She doesn't, and she doesn't need to. She has plenty of choices at the moment and some guys would marry her at the drop of a hat if she wanted, but she is just trying to find the most compatible one and someone to whom she is the most attracted.
CLC2008 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Totally understand and agree. But my point remains. She likes him ONLY because of what he looks like. I just find it incredibly sad when a bright, attractive, sensitive woman derives her self-worth from whether a "hot guy" likes her for what she looks like. Star, I have come across quite a few posts with a certain asian fellow..so, I really don't think it's fair of you to pull the card that you are dealing to the OP.... Sad or not, I surmise that when anyone bases their self-worth solely on whether or not a "hot person" is attracted to and/or likes them, it most likely stems from something deeper.
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Star Gazer has been doing to prove a point and claim the upper ground as it were is just disgusting and she does it with Shadowplay too. SAC and Shadow are essentially one and the same, by their own admission. They think the same, act the same, have the same issues. Are you Shadow's other name, BTW? You're always around to defend her and attack me when she's on suspension... And FWIW, not many people have disagreed with the substance of my comments in SAC and Shadow's threads lately...even SAC herself. So it's not like I'm completely off base. You might not care for my tell-it-like-is tone, but the points would be the same if I said them with kid gloves.
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Star, I have come across quite a few posts with a certain asian fellow..so, I really don't think it's fair of you to pull the card that you are dealing to the OP... I'm sorry, but I don't follow you at all?? Are you suggesting that I have low self-esteem? Or that I validate myself based on whether a hot guy likes me? Hahahahaha!! I'm not basing ANYTHING about my self-worth on the fact that Hokie likes me. Sorry. And what made me like him first was his personality, his heart. His hot bod is just a bonus.
Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Star, I have come across quite a few posts with a certain asian fellow..so, I really don't think it's fair of you to pull the card that you are dealing to the OP..... Don't you just hate double standards? Star Gazer, I am not shadowplay and I haven't ever defended or criticized her, so I think you have me mistaken with someone else. I don't like seeing people attacked for no reason. Clearly you have your head screwed on, kudos to you, but at the same time your posts are offensive, you do not advise or offer experience, you just criticize and that's unhelpful.
CLC2008 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I'm sorry, but I don't follow you at all?? Are you suggesting that I have low self-esteem? Or that I validate myself based on whether a hot guy likes me? Hahahahaha!! I'm not basing ANYTHING about my self-worth on the fact that Hokie likes me. Sorry. And what made me like him first was his personality, his heart. His hot bod is just a bonus. No, I am not suggesting you have low self esteem. Well, constant threads about being horney and how one prefer's ejaculation, isn't really of much substance. Right.
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I happen to agree with you, so instead of criticising, why not offer some advice to the woman? I guess it gets frustrating. As I have mentioned, I've offered advice in a kindly fashion, and it gets ignored. The only people who seem to get a response are those who say what wants to be heard.
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I happen to agree with you, so instead of criticising, why not offer some advice to the woman? I have. Countless times. Read her other threads about this guy. I was glad to see her start a thread about NOT dating for a while in the wake of THIS GUY (before he contacted her and inspired this thread). I think she needs to spend some time alone, not dating, figuring out who she is and what makes her happy. I think she needs to find a way to love herself, and to learn that a man does not define her. I think she needs to work on shopping for the relationship she wants, not the guy she wants.
CLC2008 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Don't you just hate double standards? Eh, we all have them, myself included.
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 No, I am not suggesting you have low self esteem. Well, constant threads about being horney and how one prefer's ejaculation, isn't really of much substance. Right. That has nothing to do with the price of tea, so why are you bringing it up? Sometimes it's just FUN to make a low substance thread. Does life ALWAYS have to be so serious?
CLC2008 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 That has nothing to do with the price of tea, so why are you bringing it up? Sometimes it's just FUN to make a low substance thread. Does life ALWAYS have to be so serious? No it doesn't, never suggested that it did.
USMCHokie Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 i guess it gets frustrating. As i have mentioned, i've offered advice in a kindly fashion, and it gets ignored. The only people who seem to get a response are those who say what wants to be heard. +1. .......
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 No, I am not suggesting you have low self esteem. Well, constant threads about being horney and how one prefer's ejaculation, isn't really of much substance. Right. Do you have ANY idea what goes on between us offline? No, you don't. You have no idea what's going on, you're just making really lame assumptions. Some people look beyond the surface. I'm compiling a list of those who obviously don't.
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Don't you just hate double standards? Show me the double standard. Just because you declare one, doesn't make it so. ... you do not advise or offer experience, you just criticize and that's unhelpful. Surely you're not serious? I don't offer advice or experience?? Are you only talking about this thread? Which I actually HAVE provided advice on? Because if you follow my posts,you'd know that I DO offer advice and experience. Oh, and speaking of double standards, can YOU and CLC please offer SAC some advice, and stop focusing on me? You guys are MAJORLY threadjacking...
Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I think she needs to work on shopping for the relationship she wants, not the guy she wants. But surely the two things are related. You can't have the relationship you want if you don't have the guy that you want?
CLC2008 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Sigh. If you're going to offer someone advice, there shouldn't be a price tag on it, especially if you're going to get annoyed because they don't listen/take YOUR advice. OP, I am glad that this individual sent you that very sweet email, and I wish you all the best with it regardless of whether or not it works out.
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 But surely the two things are related. You can't have the relationship you want if you don't have the guy that you want?Yeah, but she's hell bent on convincing herself that a guy who may not be right for her is relationship material JUST to have A MAN.
Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Yeah, but she's hell bent on convincing herself that a guy who may not be right for her is relationship material JUST to have A MAN. And in her own she'll learn that this is a mistake. Let her make her own mistakes, this man could be the one for her ironically enough, only time will tell.
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 But surely the two things are related. You can't have the relationship you want if you don't have the guy that you want? Ah ha! See, that's where people mess up. For SAC, the guy she wants is hot. That's pretty much the end of her list for the guy she wants. For others, they might add other qualities... A certain height, a certain job, a certain lifestyle. They might also add other things to the checklist: funny, smart, ambitious, whatever. These are PERSON qualities, not relationship qualities. By saying she should look for the relationship she wants, what I mean is, to date with relationship qualities/dealbreakers in mind. For example: Does the relationship fulfill her? Make her happy? Does she feel lustful? Does she feel secure, and like she can totally be herself? Does she feel challenged and inspired and excited? Does she look forward to a future in that partnership? Many women make the mistake of thinking if they found their dream guy, the dream relationship will just come along with it. But when you find the right relationship, THAT's when you really find the right guy.
Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Ah ha! See, that's where people mess up. For SAC, the guy she wants is hot. That's pretty much the end of her list for the guy she wants. For others, they might add other qualities... A certain height, a certain job, a certain lifestyle. They might also add other things to the checklist: funny, smart, ambitious, whatever. These are PERSON qualities, not relationship qualities. By saying she should look for the relationship she wants, what I mean is, to date with relationship qualities/dealbreakers in mind. For example: Does the relationship fulfill her? Make her happy? Does she feel lustful? Does she feel secure, and like she can totally be herself? Does she feel challenged and inspired and excited? Does she look forward to a future in that partnership? Many women make the mistake of thinking if they found their dream guy, the dream relationship will just come along with it. But when you find the right relationship, THAT's when you really find the right guy. Interesting, I can't say I've given relationships much thought, as long as woman can make a good sandwich and give great head she gets the nod (I jest with you), what you say makes sense, but she has to be attracted to the man so your theory is a double ended sword so to speak and couldn't you have offered advice instead of criticising in this thread?
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 And in her own she'll learn that this is a mistake. Let her make her own mistakes... Okay... Then tell me, what is LS for? Should it be more like a diary, without any responses or advice? Or should the LS community just continue to coddle and enable behavior that defeats the OP's goals? I'm honestly curious how you suggest we handle threads where the OP is shooting themselves in the foot? It's like an alcoholic announcing they want to be healthy and stop drinking, but then starting thread after thread about how drunk they got. At what point do you stop saying, "Oh yay! Strawberry margies are the best, aren't they? Good for you!" and start saying, "Don't you see how your behavior is hampering your efforts to get what you want (sobriety)??"
Star Gazer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Interesting, I can't say I've given relationships much thought, as long as woman can make a good sandwich and give great head she gets the nod (I jest with you), what you say makes sense, but she has to be attracted to the man so your theory is a double ended sword so to speak and couldn't you have offered advice instead of criticising in this thread? Are you seriously still saying I'm not offering advice??! Even with that big ole long post you just quoted? I can't win with you. And obviously she's gotta be attracted to him, but when the primary focus is on the external (person qualities, like hotness) before internal qualities, the focus will always be off kilter...IMO. So for the third time in this thread, I'll repeat: I strongly encourage SAC to seek the relationship she wants, and to stop focusing on the external.
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