somedude81 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Most guys are average looking and manage to find a girlfriend. Blaming it on looks is ridiculous. Have you been reading the threads here? So many girls talk about wanting a hot guy and they will feel so good about themselves because a hot guy likes her. I could start naming people but that's most likely frowned upon here.
Mad Max Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Have you been reading the threads here? So many girls talk about wanting a hot guy and they will feel so good about themselves because a hot guy likes her. I could start naming people but that's most likely frowned upon here. I'm not doubting the shallowness of the female posters here. I'm saying that most people are of average looks and they manage to get girlfriends, married, and have kids.
Sphere Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Have you been reading the threads here? So many girls talk about wanting a hot guy and they will feel so good about themselves because a hot guy likes her. I could start naming people but that's most likely frowned upon here. We all want someone hot, but what we want isn't necessarily what we will get.
Mad Max Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 We all want someone hot, but what we want isn't necessarily what we will get. Exactly. I could say that I want a girl that looks like Adrianna Lima, has a great personality, limits her sexual partners, can cook, speak 5 languages, and has a PHD. But, I know there's a better chance of me replacing the man in my avy on the Habs.
somedude81 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 We all want someone hot, but what we want isn't necessarily what we will get. Dude, you're preaching to the choir. The issue is with women, who think that because they are woman, they deserve a prince.
Sphere Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 The issue is with women, who think that because they are woman, they deserve a prince. What a woman wants and what she'll get are two different matters. We all have to compromise our criterias at some point, because if we don't, we end up being alone. No marriage, no children, no companionship, just a lonely, empty existence (which isn't a necessarily a bad thing either), if you have a black heart like me, but something tells me most humans aren't quite like me.
Star Gazer Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 No, I don't agree with you. There are guys who can go up to a girl that would hardly give him the time of day, and make her attracted to him. You may disagree with me, but you're still wrong. You cannot MAKE someone be attracted. They either are, or they aren't. That's why chemistry is so elusive and special.
USMCHokie Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 That's why chemistry is so elusive and special. :love: Heck, right now there are three girls that I see several times a week that I feel chemistry towards... You may feel "chemistry" on your end, but it's certainly a two-way street...and it's not something you can force...
MrNate Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Somedude81, why not start a thread just about attracting girls in general instead of the sporadic thread jacking? I'm sure we guys could have a great discussion about this, as well as find out and understand basic elements of attraction. The reason why I say this is because attraction is hardly logical.
meerkat stew Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 You may disagree with me, but you're still wrong. You cannot MAKE someone be attracted. They either are, or they aren't. That's why chemistry is so elusive and special. Woahwoah, what about all those Axe commercials? are they lying to us? Surely the makers of Axe wouldn't do that. Seriously, though, "chemistry" is a totally unnecessary "middle man" between being attracted or not. Maybe my friends and I are the only ones this bothers, but when I hear or even see the word "chemistry" used romantically it makes me cringe. Especially when it's referred to as so elusive and special. Sally is attracted to Bill. Sally is not attracted to Bill. Simple, no "chemistry" needed. And as far as attraction being some immutable, fixed quality, that's simply not the case, of course you can't make someone who loathes the sight of you come around, all else is negotiable.
GooseChaser Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Dude, you're preaching to the choir. The issue is with women, who think that because they are woman, they deserve a prince. What difference does it make even if this is true for some women?? Find a woman that isn't like that, then! That's all there is to it! What other women prefer doesn't matter! All you need is one.
OliveOyl Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Woahwoah, what about all those Axe commercials? are they lying to us? Surely the makers of Axe wouldn't do that. Seriously, though, "chemistry" is a totally unnecessary "middle man" between being attracted or not. Maybe my friends and I are the only ones this bothers, but when I hear or even see the word "chemistry" used romantically it makes me cringe. Especially when it's referred to as so elusive and special. Sally is attracted to Bill. Sally is not attracted to Bill. Simple, no "chemistry" needed. And as far as attraction being some immutable, fixed quality, that's simply not the case, of course you can't make someone who loathes the sight of you come around, all else is negotiable. I define "chemistry" as being that quality that makes me attracted. I like the term chemistry because it implies that it's not just about physical looks. Which is very, very true for me. Otherwise "attracted" may mean "thinks the person looks hot." It's not the same thing. I find my STBX "attractive" but there is no chemistry with my STBX. I think he's good-looking but I don't want to "hook up" with him. See the difference?
Pfiend101 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Meerkat hit it on the head. Chemistry is BS. All that means is I don't want to bang your brains out.
PJKino Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I'm sure we guys could have a great discussion about this, as well as find out and understand basic elements of attraction. The reason why I say this is because attraction is hardly logical. Its pretty logical me All my friends who women love are very good looking,they arent speical personalities or amazing people or people who treat women great they just are blessed with genetics But yes i know it has nothing to do with that,its all "confidence" and "chemistry":laugh:
somedude81 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I define "chemistry" as being that quality that makes me attracted. I like the term chemistry because it implies that it's not just about physical looks. Which is very, very true for me. Otherwise "attracted" may mean "thinks the person looks hot." It's not the same thing. I find my STBX "attractive" but there is no chemistry with my STBX. I think he's good-looking but I don't want to "hook up" with him. See the difference? Being attracted to somebody is about more than just looks. So you may think that your STBX looks attractive, but that's not the same thing as being attracted to him. Chemistry is just a girl word for attracted. "I don't feel any chemistry", means, "I'm not attracted to you/him" It seems that girls use the word chemistry because it appears to be gentler than using the word attraction/attracted.
Pfiend101 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 chemistry = "The badboy with tattoos and I have so much chemistry" "I dont have any chemistry with the honest guy who treats me right"
BobSacamento Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 You know what solves all problems re: "Chemistry"? Alcohol. It's a direct relationship.
USMCHokie Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 chemistry = "The badboy with tattoos and I have so much chemistry" "I dont have any chemistry with the honest guy who treats me right" Heh, are these two things mutually exclusive...?
meerkat stew Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I define "chemistry" as being that quality that makes me attracted. The quality that makes you attracted is attraction.
tami-chan Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 This is a difficult thing-turning down a "great guy". But I would wait for the next invite and then tell him "thank you for inviting me out, but if this is a "date", I am not interested in dating." I never assume a guy wants to "date" me unless he actually says it-only because there are guys that I "like" (and like their company) whom I absolutely do not have romantic notions with-I would not be thrilled if they assumed that I want to "date" them. Anyway, hopefully he will not ask why you do not want to "date' him. Gosh, I do not welcome being ask that at all...
Sphere Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Anyway, hopefully he will not ask why you do not want to "date' him. Gosh, I do not welcome being ask that at all... Scared of being honest are we? I'm flattered when a woman is interested in me, but I'll be open and honest with her about my feelings, try it sometime.
meerkat stew Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Scared of being honest are we? I'm flattered when a woman is interested in me, but I'll be open and honest with her about my feelings, try it sometime. It's common sense and courtesy, not dishonesty, to tell someone very clearly when you aren't attracted to them, but to give as little other detail as possible, male or female. The more detail given, the more likely they will cling to false hope, become more insulted than necessary, or even start an argument that is good for no one. Best to break cleanly with as little detail as possible in such cases and rely on them to be mature and just move on.
Rashad Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I think it's kind and fair to say, "Hey, I really enjoyed last night and would love to do it again! But, can I ask you?--are you thinking of our get-togethers more as dates, or as friends hanging out? Because I do really like you, but for me it's more as a friend whom I respect and admire, and not as a potential romantic partner. I just wanted to be sure to get that out of the way because I care about you and don't want to mislead you." I think with a clear and kind communication like that, if he sulks or withdraws or whatever his reaction is, it's all on him; you've been 100% up front and fair. Of course you risk his not even wanting to hang out anymore (understandable, to nurse his wounded ego), but in the long term that's far better and kinder than getting together where one of you has the hope and expectation that it could lead to something more. It's a wrap, close this thread!
somedude81 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I never assume a guy wants to "date" me unless he actually says it-only because there are guys that I "like" (and like their company) whom I absolutely do not have romantic notions with That's the mentality that makes this dating thing oh so complicated. If a guy invites you do something with him, just the two of you, ASSUME THAT HE IS ASKING YOU OUT ON A DATE! Don't play dumb and think that he just wants to be your friend. You like his company? He likes your body and wants to have sex with you. Pseudo-dates do nothing more than waste a guys time and may actually cause him to think that you do like him. "Surely if she didn't like me, she wouldn't have gone out with me."
phineas Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 That's the mentality that makes this dating thing oh so complicated. If a guy invites you do something with him, just the two of you, ASSUME THAT HE IS ASKING YOU OUT ON A DATE! Don't play dumb and think that he just wants to be your friend. You like his company? He likes your body and wants to have sex with you. Pseudo-dates do nothing more than waste a guys time and may actually cause him to think that you do like him. "Surely if she didn't like me, she wouldn't have gone out with me." Before I got married & now divorced i'd agree with this %100. Even while I was going through divorce & seperated I agree'd with this. But, now that i'm divorced & in a much better frame of mind i've decided as long as I'm having a good time I don't care if it's a date or not. Why? Because if their attracted to me they will let me know under no uncertain terms.
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