Will a married man EVER leave his wife?????

[OzGirl]

So what's the determining factor when a man is weighing up his options to leave or not? Would you (if you're a man) say that money has a lot to do with your decision?

 

If you've got none, it's easier to leave and following your heart, so to speak?

 

If you do have money, how much weight does it have in your decision making to stay or leave knowing leaving might lower your asset or cash base?

 

If money is a reason - is it something you regret for letting it get in the way of your true feelings?

 

And, if it turns out that money does determine the outcome to some extent, how many women would know that? If you are thinking about a divorce, then discuss with your wife, then decide to stay because it's financially a better option - would you tell your wife that, or would you do what many men are good at and convince her it's a decision based on your feelings?

 

Curious to know....

[no-name]

Well, I'd have to say that it seems that all the OW stories I've read are all very similar. It's a horrible place to be in. I'm the OW right now and I hate it. My situation didn't exactly start out this way, but ultimately ended up turning me into the OW. How it all started was through a friendship that we had for 6 years through work. During those 6 years we were always good friends and had an unspoken attraction. This MM is a wonderful person, and eventually expressed his feelings to me. We fell over the edge in full blown love with eachother, but I would not act on my feelings for quite some time. This drove him crazy. He pursued me heavily. Finally, he said he was leaving his wife and 2 kids to be with me. That is the only way he knew he could have me, because I would not be with him until I knew he was seriously ready to move on. I did not want to be the OW, because cheating is horrible. We moved in together, but that only lasted a short time. The guilt of leaving his marriage of 14 years and grossly disappointing his children, lead him to a supposed attempt at reconciliation. But, unfortunately he can't and won't let me go, and I haven't yet had the strength or back bone to end things and let him find out if there is truly anything to reconcile in his marriage. Yes, he is having his cake and eating it to. I'm being a big softie, because I have known for years he was unhappy in his marriage. He is under extreme guilt and pressure over all of this and he continually tells me he loves me and wants to be with me. He just doesn't know how to make that happen, unless his wife get's fed up with him and asks him for a divorce. Because he has honestly told me, that although he is very unhappy, he just can't be the one to ask for the divorce, although he is fully aware that he is most likely going to force her to divorce him, because of his continued infidelity. I'm a terrible person for allowing him to make it be her that choses to end the divorce. I just wish he could stand up for what he tells me he believes in and do the right thing. Leave her, or leave me. I'm soul searching for the strength to end a relationship with the love of my life. I'd do anything for this man, obviously. I'm his accomplice at this point, and I'm not feeling good about it. This is all very short period of time. I've been the OW for 2 months. It's killing me.

[tekqueen12722]

Be careful of what you wish for...

 

I went with a MM and he left his wife in 3 months. Oh, I was so happy! Let me tell you. After about 3 weeks of joy and happiness, I had a nervous break down because I broke up a marriage. I felt responsible! The guilt was much stronger than the love. It owned me! He became so clingy and I did not know whom he was or what to do. What a nightmare!

 

I finally realized, that I was dating a man for 3 months but when he left her, he wanted the commitment from me. Sure, I was ready to date but not ready for a permanent relationship. When he was married, I was ready for a permanent relationship, but not when he left.

 

So you see, the wife clouded my thinking! FYI, he was a different man when he was single. No, let me rephrase that, I saw him differently when he was single because the wife was no longer in the picture. I was able to see clearly now.

 

I remember telling him that I would not see him anymore until he left her. I really thought that I was ready to be with him forever. But the fact is, I was ready to date, that's all!!!

 

If you ever ask a man to leave his wife, that is the same as asking him to marry you. I did not know that until it actually happened. Even if you were with him for years, it does not mean that you are ready for this commitment. All it may mean is, you were probably in love with the challenge. Again, cloudy thinking. Now I found myself with a single man that was definitely different and I was committed to him because I promised. How nauseating is that?

 

In my opinion, the only time you could ever consider a commitment with anyone, is if you are dating a single person. Even that is questionable! The problem with a MP, is when you start this new wonderful relationship, you have butterflies, excitement and bla bla bla!! Well, during this time, he is going home to another woman and your logical thinking is clouded once again because you are so distracted by him going home to his wife. All you think about is that. He may not even be what you want, but it does not matter at the time because all you see is him with her and you are in rage.

 

Yeah, you like him. That's how you got together in the first place. If he was single, he may have just been another passing relationship. She wouldn't have been in the picture and you would be thinking clearly. Jealousy causes you to be someone you are not! Jealousy is very painful and is the trigger of major decisions and wrong decisions.

 

Then I put the ultimate pressure on myself. I said that I have to make this commitment because if I didn't, then he would be alone and that would also be all my fault. So I went on medication and lived in Church for about a year. So I am here to tell you honey; dating a married man is a losing battle no matter what. It is not only wrong for his family but more importantly, it is wrong for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[BUTAFLY]

Your both not taking responsibility. He is putting the divorce on his wife..which,I hope tells you he dosn't want a divorce and likes the situation the way it is. and your putting the responsibilty on him because your pointing the finger at him...NO ONE can make you stay in a situation ..expecially when you know its a bad one. you seem smart enough to make the right decision.

good luck.

ps I not bashing you I was in a very similar situation, where I was made the OW. MY man wasn't married at the time but was engaged and I had no idea. when he did get married I was in too deep in love with him and he tried to contiune our relationship and contantley calling me telling me he did not want to let me go. Him getting married was a mistake ....I was hard but I stuck to my guns and did not take his calls or talk to him until I was sure those strong feelings for him were gone and I was able to trust myself being around him (we work together) or talking to him.

[teressa0397]

I am married and having an affair with a married man for quite a few months now. I started the affair because I am looking for a relationship not marriage.

 

I am no longer 'in love' with my H and am planning on divorce in the near future.

 

I fortunately/unfortunately have fallen in love with MM.

 

Can a married man ever have a change in heart and mind? He told me he loves his wife but is not in love with her.

NO. But if he does leave her. sometimes they go back to their wives. When they see its not really love the one they are haveing an affair with.

[Astarte]

Yes, married men leave wives for their mistress.

Most of them don't, but generalizing would be as silly as it is in every other topic.

You always have to differ between a wee little fling or love.

[Manandmistress]

I'm sure there are some that have and many that lie about leaving; however, I am a MM and have been with a mistress for some 4 years now. My advice for mistress is to set the ground rules before you go to bed with him the first time. Make certain he is not looking for a relationship. If he starts with "My wife and I just can't.... then forget it because he is already lying to cover his tracks. You both know what you are doing is cheating so accept it right off. Believe it or not when I realized my sex life with my wife was over due to various reasons, I searched and read a couple books and having a mistress and spoke to a couple friends who have mistresses. Some gave horrible advice others good. So what should the rules be? 1. Ground rules are agreed to before going to bed the first time. 2. Ask him straight up if he is planning to leave his wife, if he says yes then have a one night stand if you want but don't stay because he won't leave. Most men looking for a mistress are looking for companionship and a friend and lover that can provide something his wife is not. Most love their wives as I do and will not leave. My mistress knows this and has since day one. 3. Don't ask about the wife. You already know he is lying to her about you or his time he is spending with you so no point in having him lie to you about her. 4. Have open man/mistress relationship. Make sure he knows he doesn't get all your time and you are not on call 24/7 when he wants you. You and him need to set up times that you are not available and live your life, party, have sexual relationships. He is probably having sex with his wife or having her please him in some way so why should you be deprived of enjoying others. 5. NO KIDS - Don't accept an invitation to an outing with his children for the sole reason that once you see his kids you may just start falling in love with him and that is where it all becomes complicated. 6. You have to make a pact with yourself that if you think you are falling in love with him you end the relationship. Twice in five years my mistress has said that maybe we should take our relationship to the next level. Both times I actually shut the relationship down and we talked and understood with each other why that couldn't happen. We took a break from each other for must have been four months or so each time. 7. He must accept your freedom. He either agrees that you can see other men/women or you are not his mistress. In my case my mistress is bi and lives with another woman and there are times she is not in the mood for me because she wants her other sexual partner and I accept that. 8. DO NOT call him, he calls or emails you. DO NOT let him call you at work or during times you have both agreed are your times. Remember he came to you and he desires you. Make him do the work to show you he wants you. 9. DON'T do his laundry. Then he is making you like his second wife and he may be falling in love with you. (See rule 6). and 10. Remember always this is a man who is lying to his wife, do you really think he won't lie to you? I am pretty honest with my mistress but to be honest that took time. Men have large egos and always think they are in charge. Knock that down and be sure you control the relationship. Always remember he wants you and you have options. Oh one last thing, I almost forgot but it is important, tell him only one mistress, don't allow him to have more than one or it will be disasterous. Not experienced first hand but have seen the results.

 

I'm sure many women may hate me because I do what I do and find me replusive because I have maintained a mistress for five years behind my wife's back, who I am sure probably knows but ignores it because she knows it would only be sexual. But I actually do believe all those men who are out there hurting their mistresses by allowing them to fall in love with false pretenses are sick.

[manandmistress]

I'm sure there are some that have and many that lie about leaving; however, I am a MM and have been with a mistress for some 4 years now. My advice for mistress is to set the ground rules before you go to bed with him the first time. Make certain he is not looking for a relationship. If he starts with "My wife and I just can't.... then forget it because he is already lying to cover his tracks. You both know what you are doing is cheating so accept it right off. Believe it or not when I realized my sex life with my wife was over due to various reasons, I searched and read a couple books and having a mistress and spoke to a couple friends who have mistresses. Some gave horrible advice others good. So what should the rules be? 1. Ground rules are agreed to before going to bed the first time. 2. Ask him straight up if he is planning to leave his wife, if he says yes then have a one night stand if you want but don't stay because he won't leave. Most men looking for a mistress are looking for companionship and a friend and lover that can provide something his wife is not. Most love their wives as I do and will not leave. My mistress knows this and has since day one. 3. Don't ask about the wife. You already know he is lying to her about you or his time he is spending with you so no point in having him lie to you about her. 4. Have open man/mistress relationship. Make sure he knows he doesn't get all your time and you are not on call 24/7 when he wants you. You and him need to set up times that you are not available and live your life, party, have sexual relationships. He is probably having sex with his wife or having her please him in some way so why should you be deprived of enjoying others. 5. NO KIDS - Don't accept an invitation to an outing with his children for the sole reason that once you see his kids you may just start falling in love with him and that is where it all becomes complicated. 6. You have to make a pact with yourself that if you think you are falling in love with him you end the relationship. Twice in five years my mistress has said that maybe we should take our relationship to the next level. Both times I actually shut the relationship down and we talked and understood with each other why that couldn't happen. We took a break from each other for must have been four months or so each time. 7. He must accept your freedom. He either agrees that you can see other men/women or you are not his mistress. In my case my mistress is bi and lives with another woman and there are times she is not in the mood for me because she wants her other sexual partner and I accept that. 8. DO NOT call him, he calls or emails you. DO NOT let him call you at work or during times you have both agreed are your times. Remember he came to you and he desires you. Make him do the work to show you he wants you. 9. DON'T do his laundry. Then he is making you like his second wife and he may be falling in love with you. (See rule 6). and 10. Remember always this is a man who is lying to his wife, do you really think he won't lie to you? I am pretty honest with my mistress but to be honest that took time. Men have large egos and always think they are in charge. Knock that down and be sure you control the relationship. Always remember he wants you and you have options. Oh one last thing, I almost forgot but it is important, tell him only one mistress, don't allow him to have more than one or it will be disasterous. Not experienced first hand but have seen the results.

[Astarte]

Come on...you can't make general rules to something very individual.

I actually find it quite dangerous to post such rules as they - again - strengthen that clichée about MMs and OWs.

And IF, you should have posted at the beginning: Rules for affairs that are just simple flings to have a nice, little time.