2nd wife Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 I am here to say my MM did leave his wife, but also left me - - - he died!!!! I considered myself the 2nd wife as opposed to the OW because he took care of me (most of the time) like a husband would. My heart is broken because I truly believed he was my soulmate. We had a relationship like any other either of us ever had. We were absolutely made for each other. I always told him "I love you to death", "I will NEVER leave you" and "...til death do us part." The only bright side to this is that I don't have to struggle with the multitude of questions that haunt women in this situation. "will he ever leave?" "when will he leave?" "will we be as happy and in love if he does leave?" "was he really NOT having sex with her?" He was tormented emotionally and felt trapped. He couldn't leave her and he couldn't leave me. He would sometimes say "I should just put a gun to my head" or "I can't keep doing this" or "Neither of you deserve this" or "I'm tired of living this double life." Sometimes I considered leaving so he could find peace. Then, I would say "why the hell should I suffer, why can't she leave?" He would tell me to let him go and if it's meant to be he will come back when he handles his marital/divorce business. I was too afraid and too in love to let go. I would give him space and time, but neither of us could let go for good. I am so glad I didn't let go because I would have missed out on the little bit of time I did have with him. She had over 30 years and I only had over 3 years. Although, I honestly believe he would still be alive if he had not exerted his energies in so many directions. He was dealing with a life-threatening illness and he didn't focus his energy on his health. I did my part and gave him space to focus on his health. She, on the other hand, continued to pressure him for her own selfish gains. She was very demanding and was always pushing him to do things to keep up the phony "happy couple" thing. I believe in the power of God and feel this was God's way of intervening. He may have answered a subconscious prayer my boyfriend had. Maybe subconsciously he knew in his heart he couldn't leave either of us on his own. I hope and pray to God he is at peace. Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 before i got involved with a MM i really was under the impression that many worked out. my brother left his wife for his OW, a friend of my boss left his W and married his OW, a friend of my exH left his W when his kids left for college and is married to his OW, and my ex, i suspect was messing with his now fiance before we got divorced, and i know a number of women who left for their OMs..... so from my experience before i experienced it myself and read all of the stories here was that it happened frequently. and then i read all the posts saying that it hardly ever happens. guess i must know almost all the people who did! Link to post Share on other sites
Jolanda42 Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Yes, I've also been (and still am) deeply and truely in love with a married man. I gave up my own marriage because I didn't want to live in a lie. Never asked him to give up his, even discouraged him to do so. (Thought that should be a choice of his own, not depending on me or our situation) But I couldn't stand to be the other woman, have too much selfrespect for that. Don't like sneaky things or being something that must be kept secret. Couldn't see him being so sad and torned. So I broke up with him and gave him back to his own life and wife. (yes, of course hoping that ...) Inside I'm still crying and dying, every day, even after three years, because I know it was LOVE (what i felt for him) and if we only would have met 15 years ago..... He's not happy either. (so I've heard) Why don't men have the guts to go for it?!? I've been the other woman, and also been a good girl, but this question still keeps me awake.... Sorry for my poor English, but I'm from Europe and not so many forums there about this item... Like to get replies from others about this.... Link to post Share on other sites
KissMyTiara Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 Originally posted by maria72 Yes, some married men divorce their wives and marry their OW...I've know this to happen a few times. Did they have children? Link to post Share on other sites
LadyLuck Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Yes married men do leave their wives for the OW, because my husband left me after 10 years of marriage for OW and we have two kids! Link to post Share on other sites
KissMyTiara Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Originally posted by LadyLuck Yes married men do leave their wives for the OW, because my husband left me after 10 years of marriage for OW and we have two kids! LadyLuck - was this recently? What was the scenario? How long was he with OW before you broke up? How old are your children? Do you have another love in your life yet? Link to post Share on other sites
LadyLuck Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Originally posted by KissMyTiara LadyLuck - was this recently? What was the scenario? How long was he with OW before you broke up? How old are your children? Do you have another love in your life yet? Hiya there, We seperated around 3 years back now, so I'm over it all and am now able to speak about it and so here goes: OK, I kinda suspected that he was having an affair and I did actually confront him and ask if he was having an affair. He denied it, which they do. The signs were all there however and these were the 'warning' signs for me: His mobile phone would bleep (text messages) in the early hours of the morning. (He wouldn't allow me near his mobile phone) He'd stayed out all night on two occasions, which he'd never done throughout the whole ten years. (told me he'd stayed at a friends home). He began buying me flowers more often, paying me more attention, he would kiss me on the way to work, etc... (something he'd ever rarely done before). Sex increased (yep, that happens) A week prior to him walking out on me, I'd noticed he was very quiet, lost his appetite and was very withdrawn. I'd asked him what was bugging him, he replied that he was just having a tough time at work.........so I left it at that. The night before the morning he left for good, we were talking of where we were going to spend our summer holiday......LOL!! Little did I suspect that he was planning to walk out on me a few hours later for the OW! But this particular night also, he'd started an argument with me, for no reason at all and I'd totally lost my cool with him. He'd then told me that he was going to spend the night at a friends house and off he went. I know now that he'd deliberately caused the argument, to go off and be with OW for the night!!! Next morning he came back very early and began packing his cases. He told me he was leaving me, he was going to stay at his friends home. This is when I knew that he was having an affair. I begged him to tell me the truth, he kept denying there was anyone else involved.........but then he broke down and told me that 'yes', he'd met someone else and he was leaving me and our kids to be with her!! I asked him if he loved her, he said 'yes'. Iasked him how long the affair had been going on, he replied, '3 weeks'. I'd laughed when he said that, couldn't believe that he was actually leaving me and his kids for a woman he'd only known three weeks. But apparantly and it turned out, that his friendship with this woman had begun six months previous. They'd been involved emotionally, before the physical happened. OW was in a bad marriage and he'd become her listening ear and support..........hence it went from there. Our kids are 9 & 7 years old! And yes I do have another love in my life. A guy with whom I was in a long relationship, before I met my husband and got married........so I kinda look upon the whole thing now, that my H and his OW actually did me a big favour.....lol Link to post Share on other sites
Stinkerbelle Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 I know that the statistics quoted for relationships that begin as affairs are not good. I've heard statistics as low as 15%. Then again, there is also a high rate of failure in marriages where a spouse has been unfaithful and there is an attempt to reconcile. Only around 35% of them make it a year or more. The tough thing is, that those statistics are hard to verify...not many people go around talking about the fact that their marriage survived, or began as, an affair. My own opinion is, that if two people in an affair are going to try to start over and have a relationship, it would take a lot of work. Both partners would have to be willing to acknowledge their own mistakes and bad behaviors in the past, and be aware that that behavior can't continue. Likewise, if a married couple is going to recover from an affair, both of them are going to have to acknowledge their culpability, work to change behavior, and try to build trust. I personally think that, the longer an affair goes on in secret and lies, the less likely the relationship is to survive. Likewise, the harder a marriage will be to save. Lies destroy love and erode trust. And a person who can lie for years is damn hard to trust. Link to post Share on other sites
SalesManHarv Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 I don't think it is unreasonable. I left my first wife for another woman and we (first wife and I) had a kid. And I recently met someone else online and plan to leave the second wife. So don't give up on him. Yes, men do leave if they aren't happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Stinkerbelle Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 troll troll troll troll Link to post Share on other sites
sadhubby Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 ahhh i get angry somtimes when i read this crap..why do people get married in the first place.so they can cheat on each other after a few years ??and marry again Link to post Share on other sites
KissMyTiara Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Originally posted by SalesManHarv I don't think it is unreasonable. I left my first wife for another woman and we (first wife and I) had a kid. And I recently met someone else online and plan to leave the second wife. So don't give up on him. Yes, men do leave if they aren't happy. How old was your child? And did you consider yourself to me one of those men who thought that marriage and fatherhood were synonymous? Link to post Share on other sites
Stinkerbelle Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 I think that one was a troll... Link to post Share on other sites
HarveyOrHarv Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Originally posted by Stinkerbell troll No, not a troll. Just someone who has a different perspective from you. Originally posted by KissMyTiara How old was your child? And did you consider yourself to me one of those men who thought that marriage and fatherhood were synonymous? Boy was 15 when the affair first happened. Old enough, I think, to understand the situation. Plus, kids are very resilient. More so than most people think. The divorce was as amicable as possible. All I'm saying is if a person isn't happy, then he won't stay regardless of the statistics. You can't just make broad generalizations. Link to post Share on other sites
InThisSkinAgain Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 no Link to post Share on other sites
teressa0397 Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 you better get out of this relationship fast; no a married man will not leave his wife; you are going to get hurt bad he will used you -------- tell you he loves you and he doesnt he just telling you what you want to hear; when the sex's get's old you are out the door dont have an affair it isnt worth it; its harder to get out of a relationship once you start it take my advise dont do it; PLEASE Link to post Share on other sites
mary-kate Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 Here's a new one for you: i have been seeing a married man for a year, two kids under 6, works for wifes dad. he at first when starting the relationship said "i will never leave her just to let you know" type thing. now, he says he needs $200,000.00 and he will leave her and thats the ONLY way. we also run a business together so we are together a lot. his kids love me, and i live near by. does she know?.. must be in denial. or doesn't care i don't know. we make good money but it will probably take a good year or more to get that much $ free and clear... yikes! i am pretty stressed about it knowing it all hinges on.. i am a good 13 yrs ynger than his wife (i am 20), she heavy/unattractive, i am a model. he says hes afraid she will take kids away from him and her dad will "bury" him in court. and he still works for her dad! over xmas this past week i've hardy seen him, he calls late telling me how miserable he is spening it withoutme but i cant help but think is he really? when i try to make plans with him its always, "i don't know whats going on yet today/tomorrow/whenever.." like with his wife and kids. if he says he will call, sometimes its hours later than he told me, "my kids wouldn't go to bed.." yeah like a 5 yr old stays up till 2 am. or, i will come by later...doesn't. calls, "i went in the hottub instead, im tred, oh sure be mad and mean just like my wife".. if his wife/kids need ANYTHING he ditches me its like i am the lowest priority to him. plus i cannot tell anyone about him so its very isolating. to sum it up, it sucks ass. i hate thinking about him sleeping in the same bed with her every night. he says he really loves me and we WILL be together, to be patient. but for HOW LONG???? who knows. will he ever leave her if we don't save the money? and what will 200 grand do when wifes dad is a millioaire?? i don't get it. and what if we never do save the money.. gr its enough to make me want to rip out my hair. basically, he decides when he see's me, and its up to me to re-arrange my life for him. Link to post Share on other sites
mary-kate Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 Here's a new one for you: i have been seeing a married man for a year, two kids under 6, works for wifes dad. he at first when starting the relationship said "i will never leave her just to let you know" type thing. now, he says he needs $200,000.00 and he will leave her and thats the ONLY way. we also run a business together so we are together a lot. his kids love me, and i live near by. does she know?.. must be in denial. or doesn't care i don't know. we make good money but it will probably take a good year or more to get that much $ free and clear... yikes! i am pretty stressed about it knowing it all hinges on.. i am a good 13 yrs ynger than his wife (i am 20), she heavy/unattractive, i am a model. he says hes afraid she will take kids away from him and her dad will "bury" him in court. and he still works for her dad! over xmas this past week i've hardy seen him, he calls late telling me how miserable he is spending it without me but i cant help but think, is he really? when i try to make plans with him its always, "i don't know whats going on yet today/tomorrow/whenever.." like with his wife and kids. basically, he decides when he see's me, and its up to me to re-arrange my life for him. if he says he will call, sometimes its hours later than he told me, "my kids wouldn't go to bed.." yeah like a 5 yr old stays up till 2 am. or, i will come by later...doesn't. calls, "i went in the hottub instead, im tired, oh sure be mad and mean just like my wife".. if his wife/kids need ANYTHING he ditches me its like i am the lowest priority to him. plus i cannot tell anyone about him so its very isolating. to sum it up, it sucks ass. i hate thinking about him sleeping in the same bed with her every night. he says he really loves me and we WILL be together, to be patient. but for HOW LONG???? who knows. will he ever leave her if we don't save the money? and what will 200 grand do when wifes dad is a millionaire and will supposedly bury him in court?? i don't get it. and what if we never do save the money.. gr its enough to make me want to rip out my hair. Link to post Share on other sites
Soon2bsngl Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 But wait, you are asking if your MM will ever leave his W, do you ever plan on leaving your H for you MM? Link to post Share on other sites
mary-kate Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 i am not married.. or were you talking to someone else Link to post Share on other sites
cetl9 Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 Originally posted by mary-kate if his wife/kids need ANYTHING he ditches me its like i am the lowest priority to him. plus i cannot tell anyone about him so its very isolating. this just in: you are his lowest priority. litigious wife, sham life and kids are MUCH higher than p*ssy on the hoof. stop messing around and have some respect for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
XXX Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 I Have Been With A Married Man For 3 Years, He Is 12 Years Older Than Me. He Has Never Given Me The 'my Wife Doesn't Understand Me ' Line Or 'i Am Unhappy' Line. He Has A Daughter Who Is 17 Years Old. I Wouldn't Say That He Is Happily Married As Why Would He Need Me If He Was...but I Wouldn't Say He Was Unhappy Either. He Has Things In His Married Life That Fulfill Him Thjat He Doesn't Have With Me, And Things In His Life With Me That He Doesn't Have At Home. I Suppose With The Married Life And With Me He Has The Perfect Relationship, He Needs One To Survive The Other. I Know He Hasn't Got The Balls To Leave Her, But Whilst I Am Ok With The Situation It Presents No Problem. I Think That As Long As You Are Ok And Happy Then It Is Ok To Carry On, But Not If You Are Thinking That One Day He Will Leave Her As He Probably Won´t. There Will Be Days When You Feel Upset And Down, Days That You Are Annoyed, Days That You Just Don't Understand Why He Won't Leave Her.....when These Days Amount To More Than Those In Which You Feel Estatically In Love It Is Time To Move On. More Than Usually Something Changes In The Relationship That Changes How You Feel To One Another And One Way Or Another It Ends...it Runs It Course..so Just Lie Back And Enjoy! You Only Live Once. Link to post Share on other sites
NotTellin Posted November 14, 2005 Share Posted November 14, 2005 I did such a thing! 4 years ago I left my wife with our daughter (4) and son (2). 2 months after I left I learned she was pregnant with son #2. I did not go back to her and she moved with the kids 1000 miles away to be with her family. 4 years later I dont spend a day without thinking of what I did and why I did it. I call my kids 2 -3 times per week and cry everytime I hear their voice. Its getting better but just months after she moved away you couldnt mention my kids names without me breaking down and sobbing. People thought I was going nuts. Today I completely regret my decision. If I could turn back the clock I would have never even gave it a second thought. I'll Contact you for more if youre interested. There are Oh so many details and stories of lies and betrayal involved. Link to post Share on other sites
lexsam Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 These men never leave they just lie.This man lied to me and said he wasn't married when I found out 4 months later I should have ran like hell. Stupid me now I've been in this for 3 years I'm almost 40 and a complete mess .My advice to anyone is this is one of the worst things you could do to yourself .Now I've put myself in a position where he pays all my bills and I've become dependent upon him it's not worth it .I've recently entered in the realestate field and can't wait to make some money and get him out of my life. DONT DO IT !!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
pineapplemilkshake Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 I would be lying if I'd say Yes...but I'm in the same situation and it has been over a year now and still the same old excuses after excuses. I am married and having an affair with a married man for quite a few months now. I started the affair because I am looking for a relationship not marriage. I am no longer 'in love' with my H and am planning on divorce in the near future. I fortunately/unfortunately have fallen in love with MM. Can a married man ever have a change in heart and mind? He told me he loves his wife but is not in love with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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