spookie Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I'm considering trying this out. I can see it working well for me because: -I don't have a large social network -I would like to avoid the bar scene as much as possible -I have a pretty good idea of what I'm looking for, so a profile could be a good way to screen people -it seems like fun However, I have some reservations, mainly due to preconceived notions I have about the kinds of people who turn to online dating. Namely: -losers with too much free time on their hands -awkward people with no social network to use to find a mate -desperate people -serial monogamists -"shoppers" -guys using the internet as a means of access to a large pool of women to attempt to con into bed So, -Do you online date? -If so, how has it worked for you? -Am I wrong re: the pre-conceived notions? -Which sites do you use?
atlnay Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Yes i do and I have encountered all that you feared yet I still do it. Online dating is like everything in life: it's what you make it, nothing more/nothing less.
meerkat stew Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I have lots of online dating experience, but am not currently. Your preconceived notions aren't unwarranted, but the only real things to worry about as a woman dating online are 1) men who are straight out of, or even still involved in, ongoing relationships. 2) High social value men who will give you the impression that they are looking for relationships, when in actuality, they are just using the service for serial sex. Everything else you list screens out relatively easily. Number 1 is a matter of a little detective work and subtle questions. Number 2 is a matter of having common sense in assessing your own social value accurately and knowing that when something looks too good to be true, it usually is. Give it a whirl. Have never seen the complaint, "online dating has damaged me and ruined my life!" It's just another tool for meeting people.
Serenitynow Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I am a 39 male. I have been on a dating site over a year. Online dating works best if you are in a larger metro area. I live in a suburd of 40,000 people I have emailed over 100 women. Havent got 1 reply But thats par for the course when you are a guy. Most women get over 100 emails a month. Women on dating sites pretty much have to do nothing except have a pulse. They can sit there like a slug and have their pick of guys. I am cursed with the 3 strike out rule no degree, no kids, under 5' 10" Most 40 ish women wont go near that
gypsy_nicky Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 havent tried it. Too afraid of myspace angles.
OliveOyl Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I'm considering trying this out. I can see it working well for me because: -I don't have a large social network -I would like to avoid the bar scene as much as possible -I have a pretty good idea of what I'm looking for, so a profile could be a good way to screen people -it seems like fun However, I have some reservations, mainly due to preconceived notions I have about the kinds of people who turn to online dating. Namely: -losers with too much free time on their hands -awkward people with no social network to use to find a mate -desperate people -serial monogamists -"shoppers" -guys using the internet as a means of access to a large pool of women to attempt to con into bed So, -Do you online date? -If so, how has it worked for you? -Am I wrong re: the pre-conceived notions? -Which sites do you use? As long as you see people through the filters of "losers," "awkward," and "desperate," I don't think it would be right for you. There seems to be such an attitude, at least sometimes on this board, and probably in the general community... of viewing the dating pool (online or not) as a "commodity" ... as "high value" or "low value." How can people be judged to have intrinsic "value"? We are ALL *valuable* human beings. People are not like cars that depreciate over time; there is no "blue book" on human worth. How about instead... viewing it as a subset of people, who simply may or may not be compatible with you? To answer your original question, when I'm ready to enter the dating scene, I will online date. In my circumstances, meeting people through the course of my daily life is difficult.
carhill Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Absent one, all of my intimate partners in the last 15 years have been met through online dating, including my now ex-wife. -losers with too much free time on their hands -awkward people with no social network to use to find a mate -desperate people -serial monogamists -"shoppers" -guys using the internet as a means of access to a large pool of women to attempt to con into bed Hmmm....
meerkat stew Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 There seems to be such an attitude, at least sometimes on this board, and probably in the general community... of viewing the dating pool (online or not) as a "commodity" ... as "high value" or "low value." On the contrary, the estimation of value is merely common sense. If you are an average person, of average means and average accomplishment, is it realistic that the 6'2" model looking 750k a year MD from a wealthy family is going to select you as a long term partner in light of other options? No. It's possible of course, not likely. It seems that women doing online dating shoot way past their own marketability in the dating market and go straight to the top, or nothing at all. Have been "the top" and have been shot out of the saddle in favor of bigger fish, have seen the online reality from both male perspectives, and know from whence I speak.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Spookie, you should definitely try OKCupid. The whole feel of the site is quirky and fun and it's free. I found guys on there are quite intelligent and on average more intelligent than on the payed sites. Even guys I met from OKCupid have told me that they felt girls on there are more intelligent. Anyway, I haven't come across any desperate losers. You can easily screen them out by wanting them to have a decent, stable job, at least average looks and can write e-mails articulately without an underlying bitterness. There were a few guys who were a bit on the shy side, but they were still decent guys. I only encountered one player, super hot, super successful and semi-famous (really out of my league completely) and I did get hurt by him but only because I ignored my intuition that was screaming at me "He is too good to be true!!". Shadow has met her current guy on OKCupid and he is far from being a loser.
Author spookie Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Shadow has met her current guy on OKCupid and he is far from being a loser. I hope her current guy hasn't murdered her....
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I hope her current guy hasn't murdered her.... Good point I still haven't heard from her....
Star Gazer Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 -Do you online date? I have off-and-on over the years (and it's how I met Skiman), but have lost interest in it recently. Not because of any issue with online dating though, just other reasons. -If so, how has it worked for you? Fairly well, I'd say better than with guys I meet IRL, actually. -Am I wrong re: the pre-conceived notions? Yes. You're a smart woman. The guys online are no different than guys you'd meet some other way. It's a mixed bag, you can ferret out the bad apples the same way you would any other method. I mean, say you meet a guy in a coffee shop. He gets your number, you go out to dinner. Then you go from there. W ith online dating, you "meet" online, he gets your number, you go out to dinner. Then you go from there. See? Not so big a difference, really... but with OD you at least get to pre-select some criteria you might not otherwise know from your brief coffee shop encounter. -Which sites do you use? Match, and eHarmony in the past. Match fulfilled more of my "instant gratification" need (for communication) and has better looking guys overall, but eHarmony seemed to have more compatible matches.
Star Gazer Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I found guys on there are quite intelligent and on average more intelligent than on the payed sites. And you want an intelligent guy??? I couldn't resist...sorry.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 And you want an intelligent guy??? I couldn't resist...sorry. I am blaming this on English not being my first language
Citizen Erased Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I am blaming this on English not being my first language The occasional typo is fine. I am curious as to who the semi famous guy was...
pandagirl Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Yes, I've done online dating, and I've had pretty good success with it. I met my most recent ex (still makes me sad to say that...) on OK Cupid. I dated a couple other guys, too, not seriously though. However, I think I need/want to take a break from it. I'd really rather not do the whole online thing again, even though I think it's a GREAT way to meet people. I'm pretty sensitive. I never liked the feeling that the guy I was dating was still shopping around online for other dates. Of course, this happens in real life, too, but it makes it SO much easier online for people to do this. I've had two casual relationships and one serious relationship via online, and with all three, it made me INCREDIBLY anxious to see they were still logging in and while dating me. Then you have to have the talk about taking down their profile if it becomes more, etc. I'd rather just not go through that whole process again.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 The occasional typo is fine. I am curious as to who the semi famous guy was... He is semi-famous in Perth. You probably wouldn't have heard of him
Citizen Erased Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 He is semi-famous in Perth. You probably wouldn't have heard of him Probably not. The only way we hear of people from there are if they're badly behaved AFL players...and even then, this is Rugby country in Sydney so maybe not. FTR I have never online dated. I don't think meeting them on LS counts. But I'm sure I would have at some point if Pyro didn't come along.
USMCHokie Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 FTR I have never online dated. I don't think meeting them on LS counts. But I'm sure I would have at some point if Pyro didn't come along. Yea...and I don't think the search engines on the dating sites go up to a 15,000 mile range...so thank goodness for LS...
alexlakeman Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 -Do you online date? My main pool of dates / girlfreinds for the last 5+ years -If so, how has it worked for you? Works fine, good return on investment.. Just like meeting someone at happy hour.. -Am I wrong re: the pre-conceived notions? My opinion, yeah, just have to cya, just in case -Which sites do you use? Match.. recently I started using okcupid, but Match is better, in my opinion. my thoughts on online dating. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t241186/
Star Gazer Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Yea...and I don't think the search engines on the dating sites go up to a 15,000 mile range...so thank goodness for LS... Or even 2,500 miles...
Citizen Erased Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Yea...and I don't think the search engines on the dating sites go up to a 15,000 mile range...so thank goodness for LS... So true!
JustJoe Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 If I had known that a cutiepie like CE was doing it, I might have given it a try, who knows. But I've never done.
tigressA Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I've been online dating since November. I really like it. I haven't been active for awhile since I'm seeing someone (who I met online! haha). I use OKCupid. It's been easy for me to find really attractive, intelligent, fun guys on there for dates.
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