There should be a STICKY thread on online dating

[alexlakeman]

Every other day / or every day, lol, all I read is how bad online dating is, etc.. but it always , always mentioned the cheap free ones.. I never see anyone talk anything positive about them... Something is wrong with that picture... I've been meaning to start this thread for a few weeks, but too lazy..

 

Anyway...The other day some giuy or kid started a thread saying he sent out like 100 requests? .... Obviously something is wrong, either the way he is sending them out or in his profile..

 

I guess I just want to start a dialogue on the subject, so just want to give a couple of examples...

 

The weekend before last, (we're talking about Match here, not the POS freebie ones)... I was going through women's profiles that fit my criteria, sent out about 10-12 emails... Got three responses..

 

First girl, we interchanged 2 emails, she never responded back..

Second girl, we interchanged 1 email each, then she just signed off match, she might have met someone else or I was that horrible, lol

Third one, we've talked on the phone 1-2 times, meeting next week .

 

So out of 12 emails sent, I had a response of 3, and one potential date... not a bad return.

 

Go back to ...July (b4 July 4th).. I did another round of emails.. got one girl's number and we went out for about 6 weeks or so.. I got a good return on investment as we did have sex...

 

Go back to March 2010... Met a someone else (this one was great b/c had a recent boob job, and she was dieing to show the rack off dressing super sexy!!!!!!), all was well, we super clicked, we dated for 3 months... things just didn't work out long term b/c she has a hard time for someone taking care of her kid...

 

Go back even further, August 2009.. I met my ex g/f, we dated for 9 months, until March 2010.. we super clicked, all was great...

 

So in summary the 3-4 times I've invested my $ in Match I've gotten a good return on my investmetn.. The $35 I spend for 90 days each time is no more than what I would spend at a bar buying drinks... plus I get to pick and choose from the comfort of my own home...

 

 

My strategies? To help you guys.. I am NO expert..but I know it's worked for me...

 

• Fine tune your searches... I have 1-2 saved searches I update on a regular basis, based on age, distance, likes, body type (ie don't pick CURVY, b/c that's fat ), want kids or don't want kids, PLUS their preference of what THEY are looking for. No sense emailing someone who is looking for a 23-29 yr body builder type , when I am 43 and definitely not a body builder type body, lol
  
• READ their profile, if nothing clicks, move on. If something clicks, right about it to them...Show your interest and knowledge on the subject. End it with a QUESTION, so you make it easy for them to respond... ie, I travel alot, so if they have a picture of the Eiffel Tower and also mention Rome, I would probably ask "so which do you like better"? I've been to both, but can't decide myself"... something like that..
  
• hmm, oh if they want kids and you don't , don't bother.. PLUS it's easier to date women with kids, IF you have kids yourself, so if you don't have kids, just pick women with NO kids, but it's tough, b/c then they are probably looking for a future husband to father their future offspring..
  
• Oh , on match, if it says they have NOT been active for 3 wks .. that means it could've been 3 years since the last time they were on.. match's scam is it maxes out at 3 weeks for active... so I automatically DELETE those women from my selection, so they won't come back up.
  
• If I see one of the women I emailed viewed my profile viewed my profile and didn't respond, I delete her from my saved search and delete the email, that way I keep my selection clean.
  
• After usually 2 emails, i ask for the phone #, no sense emailing for eternity, we're all adults, lol...
  
• First dates, happy hour works for me at a local bar /pub... Starbucks, coffee crap doesn't work for me b/c that's night my thing... whatever works for you..
  
• Oh, winking don't work... women get dozens of winks and emails. if they haven't been online for a few days, don't bother.. b/c whenever she gets back on, she will have a dozen winks and emails to go through.. I prefer sending the email when they are either online or it indicates they've been on in the last 24 hours, indicating they visit the site frequently.
  

I thought of posting some samples of my profile (the verbage) but I am too possesive, lol, and don't want it plagerized, took me too many years to figure out, lol..

 

Any others successful with online dating?

 

Thoghts from the women?

 

tks

[alexlakeman]

Almost forgot...

 

Have current pics .. and mention it, "current pics"...When you start talking to someone, as them if those are current pics or not...

[alexlakeman]

Here you , following my steps above, this is the outcome in about a week. I probably sent out about 20 emails...and I ended up with

 

• 5 responses (4 of the responses where in the last 1-2 days, so no ph # yet, and it might just not happen, you never know.
  
• 1 wink back
  
• 1 phone
  

Alot of people say they have no success with match or online dating, but you really have to focus and think of what you're putting on your profile and what you say etc.

 

Good luck

 

 

Here a Screen print, so you see it's no bs...

 

... Oh well, this forum needs to get with the program... I couldn't post a picture, lol

[SadandConfusedWA]

You should see the response rate for women

 

I rarely message anyone, but out of the 5 guys I have messaged, I got 4 responses back and 3 wanted to meet (I ended up meeting one and dating him for a month).

 

I also get about 5-10 messages per day. BTW I am not particularly hot either, just kind of pretty.

[alexlakeman]

You should see the response rate for women

 

I rarely message anyone, but out of the 5 guys I have messaged, I got 4 responses back and 3 wanted to meet (I ended up meeting one and dating him for a month).

 

I also get about 5-10 messages per day. BTW I am not particularly hot either, just kind of pretty.

 

 

Oh I totally agree. That's the problem too as a guy, your email gets lost within all the others, lol... Another thing that I do to avoid that as much as possible... I only email them when they are online, so I know they'll get the email right then, or I see they are on every 24 hours or so, so they won't have a million emails or winks that they'll just delete...

 

Yeah, I've asked a few women I've dated from match and they say the same thing "I never email , but get dozens of emails etc..".. but I mean that is expected, it's just like in a bar, the man is the one that is going to hit on the woman, so you have to stand out (and I am not particularly hot eitehr, lol)...

[SadandConfusedWA]

Yep, and my profile is very mediocre too - I probably wrote it in 10 minutes without much thought.

 

Also with the guys I have messaged, I pretty much said: Hi, you are cute. And then got an essay for a reply

[brainygirl]

I tend to pick out something that they mention in their likes and try to strike up a conversation. "Oh, you enjoy reading Steven King, what's your favorite book of his?" that kind of thing.

 

I've been using Okcupid since my break up a while back and it seems like the people on there are more conversational and cerebral than on POF, I have one guy who wants me to come see him in KC, but I'm not sure I'm up for that.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I tend to pick out something that they mention in their likes and try to strike up a conversation. "Oh, you enjoy reading Steven King, what's your favorite book of his?" that kind of thing.

 

I've been using Okcupid since my break up a while back and it seems like the people on there are more conversational and cerebral than on POF, I have one guy who wants me to come see him in KC, but I'm not sure I'm up for that.

 

For sure. There are many very intelligent men on there. However, don't understimate the power of complimenting guy's looks - even intelligent guys want to be thought of as hot/cute. If I get a response to "Hi, you are cute" I then follow it up with more substantial e-mail.

[alexlakeman]

Ok, I haven't sent out any new emails to new prospects, just focusing on the ones I sent out last. Las night I got two phone numbers from my email correspondence and have d first phone number from last week that she was traveling, so will try her this week.

 

So I think the guys that say that it doesn't work are FAILING at something and it's not the women's fault all the time.

 

The problem that I will run into now is having to go on three dates this week and I'm broke even just a happy hour for a few drinks is $30 -.$40. Oh well.

 

I tend to pick out something that they mention in their likes and try to strike up a conversation. "Oh, you enjoy reading Steven King, what's your favorite book of his?" that kind of thing.

 

I've been using Okcupid since my break up a while back and it seems like the people on there are more conversational and cerebral than on POF, I have one guy who wants me to come see him in KC, but I'm not sure I'm up for that.

 

Exactly, make a comment about one od their interests. Somethimes its near impossible bc they don't do a FULL profile. That's only hurting u. Lately if they don't have a full profile and I have to come up with what to say, I just move on to the next. If I took my time in having a near perfect profile why shouldn't the other party?

 

I do the same if they say, for example, they travled to italy & Greece, I'll ask them "hey I've been to Greece, but not Italy. Which did you like best ?". Something that makes it easy for them to come up with a response

[alexlakeman]

Ok, by now from last week's 6-10 emails I sent out , I got three numbers, have talked to all three, have one set up for tommorrow and one for Wed. SO for the guys that keeping crying or ranting that online dating doesn't work, either shoot yourself, get on a PAY site, or stay single... YOUR DOING IT WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am no expert, but just focus on each email you send out!!!! I was on the phone today with one for about 40 minutes and with the other about an hour and a half... talking away... either it clicks or it doesn't and obviously if there is conversation it does.

 

In the first case, it clicked b/c... I don't know we were just talking in general....

 

In the second call, she was a business woman, and we just started talking about business (obviously something in common since I am an accountant / finance manager), led to where the good happy hours are lately, which led to setting up the date... over and done with...

 

 

 

For sure. There are many very intelligent men on there. However, don't understimate the power of complimenting guy's looks - even intelligent guys want to be thought of as hot/cute. If I get a response to "Hi, you are cute" I then follow it up with more substantial e-mail.

 

 

Hmm, I have never really said that to a woman online, b/c I am assuming she knows I think she's hot or pretty since I am trying to strike up a dialogue.. But yes, i have had women email me that, you know "you came out good in so and so pic", etc...

[meerkat stew]

Without typing out lots of pointers, for men, it's a matter of self-improvement, experience and common sense. If you approach it as any other skill or hobby, build efficient habits, and learn from your misakes, you -will- get better at it. My results were mediocre at best when I started doing match a few years back, and are now astounding.

[dispatch3d]

What age group are you talking here? There is going to be a huge disconnect between 20somethings and 30something women. Basically the 20somethings aren't going to have any of their **** together and the 30somethings will. Wondering cause this is definitely going to affect response rate.

[alexlakeman]

The age group doesn't matter... that's just an exuse... b/c I have dated in each decades age group from 20-40's... just an excuse... lol

 

• Tonight I went on a match date...
  
• I have been talking to another match candidate, we are going out Friday
  
• Have been talkign for about a week to another match candidate, and our schedules haven't lined up, so maybe this wknd, if not the following wknd, since I'm traveling next week.
  
• And a new one we emailed each other today, so getting her # tommorrow, we'll see.
  
• OH, one that I emailed, she winked, but didn't write back, but it might be that she doesn't have a paid subscription on match, so I sent her my email address, we'll see if she writes tommorrow.
  
• And the Match candidate I dated for a few weeks last month, contacted me again today, just small talk, so we'll see..
  

The only problem I see with match (not the cheap free sites) is the budget to go out on so many dates ... tonight alone was $40... Friday? It'll probably be more based on the time we spend together.. it's almost like you have to budget $300 or so per month just for dating ... really sks...

[alexlakeman]

Well met d second match candidate for a few minutes today as she was going to d gymmm

 

Hmmm, no makeup, so not sure if d makeup will make a difference. Plus seemed a tad bit too wide in d hips, not how it would lk in jeans.

 

I was thinking if to call her or not, but she called so she obviously was interested and asked if I liked what I saw. You just can't tell a woman no to that question lol. Plus it might b different with makeup and some sexy jeans or something.

I'm still wondering if to cancel with her 4 friday. I have no one else lined up for tonight or tomorrow, so we'll see if I come up with a better prospect.

 

Ladies, thoughts?

[meerkat stew]

tonight alone was $40... Friday? It'll probably be more based on the time we spend together.. it's almost like you have to budget $300 or so per month just for dating ... really sks...

 

This is true, but remember that you aren't spending money out randomly trying to meet women, so subtract some from the $300. When I do match, I treat it as my social life during the month or so I do it. No match date is something I don't want to do anyway, in fact that's the first criteria, "do I want to do this?" then "which of the women I'm talking to would enjoy this?" Have also had luck with women asking me out and paying after 1-2 early dates. It doesn't have to be $40, can be 20 just fine if no food is involved.

 

Get tight with your local Cityscape/citysearch type events web page. There will be tons of cheap cool stuff to do.

 

But when all is said and done, GFs are very expensive no matter how you slice it if you want to keep them. Very few past a certain age will put up with men who don't spend a fair amount of money on them.

[alexlakeman]

Well met d second match candidate for a few minutes today as she was going to d gymmm

 

Hmmm, no makeup, so not sure if d makeup will make a difference. Plus seemed a tad bit too wide in d hips, not how it would lk in jeans.

 

I was thinking if to call her or not, but she called so she obviously was interested and asked if I liked what I saw. You just can't tell a woman no to that question lol. Plus it might b different with makeup and some sexy jeans or something.

I'm still wondering if to cancel with her 4 friday. I have no one else lined up for tonight or tomorrow, so we'll see if I come up with a better prospect.

 

Ladies, thoughts?

 

 

Thoughts on the bold?

 

 

 

Well met d second match candidate for a few minutes today as she was going to d gymmm

 

Hmmm, no makeup, so not sure if d makeup will make a difference. Plus seemed a tad bit too wide in d hips, not how it would lk in jeans.

 

I was thinking if to call her or not, but she called so she obviously was interested and asked if I liked what I saw. You just can't tell a woman no to that question lol. Plus it might b different with makeup and some sexy jeans or something.

I'm still wondering if to cancel with her 4 friday. I have no one else lined up for tonight or tomorrow, so we'll see if I come up with a better prospect.

 

Ladies, thoughts?

 

This is true, but remember that you aren't spending money out randomly trying to meet women, so subtract some from the $300. When I do match, I treat it as my social life during the month or so I do it. No match date is something I don't want to do anyway, in fact that's the first criteria, "do I want to do this?" then "which of the women I'm talking to would enjoy this?" Have also had luck with women asking me out and paying after 1-2 early dates. It doesn't have to be $40, can be 20 just fine if no food is involved.

 

Get tight with your local Cityscape/citysearch type events web page. There will be tons of cheap cool stuff to do.

 

But when all is said and done, GFs are very expensive no matter how you slice it if you want to keep them. Very few past a certain age will put up with men who don't spend a fair amount of money on them.

 

Oh, I think the same way about the $ spent, but it's still money spent.. I tell myself that all the time... "hey it's better having a drink with her than by myself even if I don't plan to ever call her again"... or if we hit it off but i'm still squeezed for $$, "wtf, I couldn't be doing all this by myself"... LOL, at the end of the day I just find an excuse, lol..

 

Being in finance I always use ROI (return on investment)... I spent xyz, I need to get laid now or I am spending too much, etc.. you know date 1 , 2 , 3, etc..

 

Also use the formula of CPL (Cost Per Lay)... that one is self explanatory. If I had to take her out 5 times, and spent $200 all together, that first lay just cost me two c notes... or if after the first lay, we have sex on a very regular basis, then the cost per lay goes down tremendously. But like you said the guy is always on the negative or upside down (LOL, like when you finance a car, you typically always owe more than it's worth), lol..

[somedude81]

I'm in the process of making an OKcupid profile. Right now it's so bad I wouldn't even reply to it.

 

I wonder if I even have a chance being 5'6.

[alexlakeman]

I'm in the process of making an OKcupid profile. Right now it's so bad I wouldn't even reply to it.

 

I wonder if I even have a chance being 5'6.

 

Huh? There are short women