Do you online-date??

September 11, 2010

I'm considering trying this out. I can see it working well for me because:

-I don't have a large social network
-I would like to avoid the bar scene as much as possible
-I have a pretty good idea of what I'm looking for, so a profile could be a good way to screen people
-it seems like fun

However, I have some reservations, mainly due to preconceived notions I have about the kinds of people who turn to online dating. Namely:

-losers with too much free time on their hands
-awkward people with no social network to use to find a mate
-desperate people
-serial monogamists
-"shoppers"
-guys using the internet as a means of access to a large pool of women to attempt to con into bed

So,

-Do you online date?
-If so, how has it worked for you?
-Am I wrong re: the pre-conceived notions?
-Which sites do you use?

Well, I did. I was on OkC for a while, and yes I encountered a lot of losers and men just prowling for NSA sex. BUT I was really selective in who I screened closer and responded to, and only met a few people IRL even though I was on the site for a year. I guess in this way I opted out of the high-volume disappointments a lot of people deal with in online dating. I approached it as just an extra, adjunct way to meet people and didn't obsess over it or stop meeting people IRL. A couple of the people I did meet I'm still friends with, and one of them I'm very happily married to. So it worked out really well for me.

FWIW neither my husband or I were awkward or desperate or looking for just sex, although I guess we both qualify as serial monogamists since neither one of us married the first person we ever dated.

September 11, 2010

Well, I did. I was on OkC for a while, and yes I encountered a lot of losers and men just prowling for NSA sex. BUT I was really selective in who I screened closer and//////////////////em I'm very happily married to. So it worked out really well for me.

FWIW neither my husband or I were awkward or desperate or looking for just sex, although I guess we both qualify as serial monogamists since neither one of us married the first person we ever dated.

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Wow, so how long ago did you guys meet on Okcupid?? I Thought that was a fairly new dating page... How long did you guys date b4 marriage?

September 11, 2010

OK Cupid is just that "Okay" but not all that great, recently, when doing searches, I've been noticing an abundance of overweight women showing up in my search, I couldn't figure out why, but it used to be a good mix of body types.

(No offense meant to overweight women, but just saying)

So I went to do a "body types" adjustment in my search criteria, and apparently, if you want to sort by "body type", you have to be a paid member, LOL (It's a feature you can use if you're a PAID member) of OK Cupid.

So I think what they're doing now is, if you're a non-paying member, they'll deliberately give you overweight women in their search results, and then attempt to make you pay extra to sort how you want to sort.

So my solution to that was is to click on a profile, and then go to the "other people in your area " in the right margin and find a thinner woman to click on, and do it that way. lol

Spookie, you should definitely try OKCupid. The whole feel of the site is quirky and fun and it's free. I found guys on there are quite intelligent and on average more intelligent than on the payed sites. Even guys I met from OKCupid have told me that they felt girls on there are more intelligent.

Anyway, I haven't come across any desperate losers. You can easily screen them out by wanting them to have a decent, stable job, at least average looks and can write e-mails articulately without an underlying bitterness.

There were a few guys who were a bit on the shy side, but they were still decent guys. I only encountered one player, super hot, super successful and semi-famous (really out of my league completely) and I did get hurt by him but only because I ignored my intuition that was screaming at me "He is too good to be true!!".

Shadow has met her current guy on OKCupid and he is far from being a loser.

September 12, 2010

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Wow, so how long ago did you guys meet on Okcupid?? I Thought that was a fairly new dating page... How long did you guys date b4 marriage?

Well, when I met him on Spark/OkC I was in the middle of a long-distance physical move; I later met him in person, and then moved back 800 miles to be with him. So I met him on OkC in early 2005, had an online/telephonic relationship with him for several months before starting a LDR, and then moved in with him a few months after that, in 2006. We married recently in 2009 after living together 3 years.

OkCupid as far as I recall started as Spark, but has been OkC for a few years, it's not that new.

September 12, 2010

-Do you online date?
-If so, how has it worked for you?
-Am I wrong re: the pre-conceived notions?
-Which sites do you use?

-Yes I did do dating online.

-It worked great! I found my boyfriend whom I've been with for 7 months so far.

- Your preconceived notions actually aren't wrong as there are lots of poor quality men on dating sites. But that's just like life in general. The key is to finding the hidden gems on them.

- I used before I met my boyfriend, match (an ok site), POF (sucked), and then I found my boyfriend on a BDSM site where the crazies were abundant but I lucked up and caught his eye.