Author Mutant Debutante Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Anyway I guess it's kind of moot. He called last night while I was in the shower, and left a message with my middle sister. So I called him back this morning but he was out or at work so I left him a voicemail. Now between those messages and a few txts we have decided to meet tomorrow afternoon. I obviously wasn't going to go into my whole life history in a voicemail or a txt so that's that, I'll bring it up while we're out tomorrow. I don't think it's a big problem for him to find that out on a first date, first dates are to get to know somebody. Since he talked to one of my sisters already that will give me an in. I'll just mention that it wasn't a roommate he talked to, exactly, and take it from there. We're supposed to get some coffee and go to the Botanical Gardens. Thumbs up. I haven't been this excited and nervous for a first date in a while, wish me luck!
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Anyway I guess it's kind of moot. He called last night while I was in the shower, and left a message with my middle sister. So I called him back this morning but he was out or at work so I left him a voicemail. Now between those messages and a few txts we have decided to meet tomorrow afternoon. I obviously wasn't going to go into my whole life history in a voicemail or a txt so that's that, I'll bring it up while we're out tomorrow. I don't think it's a big problem for him to find that out on a first date, first dates are to get to know somebody. Since he talked to one of my sisters already that will give me an in. I'll just mention that it wasn't a roommate he talked to, exactly, and take it from there. We're supposed to get some coffee and go to the Botanical Gardens. Thumbs up. I haven't been this excited and nervous for a first date in a while, wish me luck! Your situation is WILDLY different from that of other single moms. In my opinion taking care of your sister is a +10 on the attractive scale! Many single moms don't really have a good reason to be single moms it's just poor life choices.
jennifer4 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 OK, so we make poor life choices and that's not a good reason to be a single mom?? So sticking it out in a bad marriage is better and shows the kids what a marriage should be? Are you a single parent? If not you can't even imagine it. Thanks for your useless input though.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 OK, so we make poor life choices and that's not a good reason to be a single mom?? So sticking it out in a bad marriage is better and shows the kids what a marriage should be? Are you a single parent? If not you can't even imagine it. Thanks for your useless input though. Sorry to offend. I consider poor life choices to be fairly neutral, since everybody makes them. Also, a bad marriage can refer to a million different issues... sometimes choosing divorce shows bad character. However, taking care of family is something most of us value highly. So, OP stepping in to take over the care of her sisters... shows a level of responsibility and caring that is attractive.
jennifer4 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 So her being a single mom is attractive since she stepped in to parent her sisters? Ok, I agree that's great of her. But divorce isn't something that is just jumped into, thought is put into all options. I think you are being completely rude and unfair to single moms, but what do I know.
tincanman99 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I would like input on dating them as well. In the past there was no way I would have ever done it. I must be maturing . But I have met quite a few very nice women with kids. Though they had a kid I realized it did not bother me as much as I thought it would. Especially little kids, I like them and have no problems sitting on the floor with them and playing. If these women had not been involved I would have hit on them, 110%. Any tips are appreciated.
mike10522 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 (edited) Hurray! Ping ping ping! I couldn't have said it better myself. But I myself don't really see a woman I may be dating have a kid/s an issue. As long as she can still make time for me tho, he should also understand you have kids which take up nice part of your free time. But it's something I think should be bought up on first date. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you find a man who won't feel threatened by the fact that you are a widow. I wish you the best of luck and thank you. Also would like to comment on this. If I were to start dating a woman who was a widow, I'd honestly say I would feel a little threatened. Reason being is, your going to miss him always that's understood, but also I'd guess I would feel like I don't have all her love, and she still loves him, which I guess is going to happen without a doubt. Best I could think to explain that Edited September 10, 2010 by mike10522
melodymatters Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 WOW ! Fascinating delusions on widowhood ! I find that widows and widowers are very loving people who appreciate love MORE for having lost it. Nobody did anything wrong, both were loving committed partners...and then someone died...car accident...heart attack... They actually have a "better relationship resume" than many if you think about it, but I guess if you are jealous of a dead guy and a persons happy memories, well, probably too f*cked up anyway ! MD. I have always admired your story of caring for your sisters ! You are a true prize, and if this one doesn't get you, another ( better) one will !!! Let us know and BEST of luck ! MM ( single mother AND widow Oh, the horror !)
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 So her being a single mom is attractive since she stepped in to parent her sisters? Ok, I agree that's great of her. But divorce isn't something that is just jumped into, thought is put into all options. I think you are being completely rude and unfair to single moms, but what do I know. And yet many do just jump into it.... for myriads of retarded reasons. Maybe yours is a good one.... but you seem so offended that Im inclined to guess its not.
jennifer4 Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 wether or not a person jumps into a divorce or not shouldn't really matter. Each relationship is different. I have been divorced twice so I'm sure thats a huge character flaw. Oh well, live and learn, you are so critical and unfortunatly probably typical of most men in the dating world.
OliveOyl Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) Not only am I soon to be a single mom, but my child is disabled as well. That's sure to weed out a huge chunk. I plan to take quite a while before I venture into the harsh reality of dating... But when I get around to it, I will mention the situation as soon as possible. Before the first date. Edited September 11, 2010 by OliveOyl
ColdFox Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 As for widows? I don't date them.. I don't like being second choice... They'll be remembering their dead ex on his b/day, date he died, birthday, etc. etc.. If she goes to the cementary would that be cheating? just weird.. I have kids myself, and prefer women with kids, as long as they do have an ex husband / family to take care of the kids, as I do.. Choose however you want, but I think this is pretty silly. There are many people who are divorced who still wish they were with their ex, who think about their ex all the time and never got over them. There are widows and widowers who were relieved when their spouses passed (I am not one of those but I have met one). I do mourn my husband and it was a terrible loss but I have a life to live, I would never settle with someone because he was second best, I plan to find another great love, a different love. And yes of course I will always think of him on certain anniversaries, and talk to my son about him. But I'm pretty sure that many divorced people do the same.
ColdFox Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 WOW ! Fascinating delusions on widowhood ! I find that widows and widowers are very loving people who appreciate love MORE for having lost it. Nobody did anything wrong, both were loving committed partners...and then someone died...car accident...heart attack... They actually have a "better relationship resume" than many if you think about it, but I guess if you are jealous of a dead guy and a persons happy memories, well, probably too f*cked up anyway ! MD. I have always admired your story of caring for your sisters ! You are a true prize, and if this one doesn't get you, another ( better) one will !!! Let us know and BEST of luck ! MM ( single mother AND widow Oh, the horror !) I think I agree, MM. I have seen a lot of people on Loveshack who are very bitter and torn up about relationships and untrusting. I am not bitter, I had a wonderful love. I am sad, but my relationship history is healthy, and I won't be so sad forever. I think older men with more life experience are less threatened, so far it seems like it's an insecurity thing.
InceptorsRule Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 How do you tell the new guy that you have a child you are fully responsible for? When, exactly, do you tell him? Most guys are worried that the girl they're dating is going to tell them about a child that the guy is responsible for.
InceptorsRule Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 wether or not a person jumps into a divorce or not shouldn't really matter. Each relationship is different. I have been divorced twice so I'm sure thats a huge character flaw. Oh well, live and learn, you are so critical and unfortunatly probably typical of most men in the dating world. Yes but three times is good luck.
D-Lish Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Choose however you want, but I think this is pretty silly. There are many people who are divorced who still wish they were with their ex, who think about their ex all the time and never got over them. There are widows and widowers who were relieved when their spouses passed (I am not one of those but I have met one). I do mourn my husband and it was a terrible loss but I have a life to live, I would never settle with someone because he was second best, I plan to find another great love, a different love. And yes of course I will always think of him on certain anniversaries, and talk to my son about him. But I'm pretty sure that many divorced people do the same. Well, men have had issues with the fact that I am divorced with "no kids"- apparantly just having a divorce makes me "tainted" to some of them. My biological mom, whom I met when I was 25 was one of those women who was a relieved widow. Her husband (not my bio-dad) died and she claimed relief- he was an abusive alcoholic. I'm sorry for you loss CF, terrible thing to have to contend with, and having a toddler on the loose as well! It takes a strong woman to deal with this. If a man can't handle the fact that there is a child involved, he's not the right man to date. I have had issues with dating single dad's in the past- but mostly because the ex-wife was always a prominent factor/distraction/PIA. I had been dating a guy for a short while and he invited me over for a romantic dinner. The exW showed up un-invited to meet me so she could preview me and weigh in on whether or not she would accept me as someone that SHE wanted to spend time with her kids. Every time we had a date planned, the ex "needed" something from him and that resulted in lots of altered plans and cancelled dates. I didn't last long putting up with that. I have to say that an experience like that put me off of men with kids. But- back to the topic, I think it's important to mention the kid thing immediately.
witabix Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Let's say you meet a very interesting guy through some contacts at a new job. He's a combination you haven't seen in a long time, smart, knowledgeable in your field, artistic, attractive, has some charisma, seems witty and genuine, gives you that pinging feeling in the pit of your stomach when he stands close. He asks you out. Hurray! Ping ping ping! Your last relationship ended badly because the guy couldn't handle dating someone with kid-responsibilities. How do you tell the new guy that you have a child you are fully responsible for? When, exactly, do you tell him? As early as possible. It seems only fair. It is a big deal for a lot of people.
jennifer4 Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Yes but three times is good luck. MAYBE IT IS. Does it really matter to you, luckily I wouldn't even look at someone like you.
ColdFox Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Apparently there is enough stigma to go around for everyone, divorcees with or without kids, widows, single moms, people with disabled children... But it is just another way to figure out who is right for you, in the end. The judgy guy who thinks single moms all made poor choices? Not right for you. The insecure guy who doesn't like me because I am widowed, not divorced? Not right for me.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 wether or not a person jumps into a divorce or not shouldn't really matter. Each relationship is different. I have been divorced twice so I'm sure thats a huge character flaw. Oh well, live and learn, you are so critical and unfortunatly probably typical of most men in the dating world. I've been divorced once myself when I was young. I can understand why it isn't a big deal to you. Divorce can be an easy way to make money. Ever wonder why all those guys are critical... With the divorce rate insanely high and any semblance of a family structure rapidly crumbling... I'd like to see a complete legal overhaul of the institution of marriage... or perhaps if that's too difficult we could instead lease it to the Gay/Lesbian community for 50 years.
jennifer4 Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Divorce is a big deal, but not something I'm going to regret. ANd who makes money from a divorce?? The attorney? Certainly not me, sure I get child support but believe me I'd rather be in a loving marriage, but that wasn't happening.
Author Mutant Debutante Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Your situation is WILDLY different from that of other single moms. In my opinion taking care of your sister is a +10 on the attractive scale! Many single moms don't really have a good reason to be single moms it's just poor life choices. Thank you. I know my situation is different in a lot of ways, but there is still the reality that my life is not just my own and a lot of guys my age can't handle it. I can't just run off, and I can't lose myself in the honeymoon-wild monkey sex period, I have to do all the school and mom stuff too. Plus I have court dates to deal with and our bio-mom sometimes still tries to mess everything up for us or wants to come around high and out of her mind--it is a lot. My two cents: there are some single moms who made some really bad decisions but it really depends on a case by case basis, relationships can fail for all kinds of reasons. Anyway we have all been duped occasionally by someone who wasn't what we thought they were, sometimes women get stuck holding the bag and end up judged for it. Not always fairly, IMO. WOW ! Fascinating delusions on widowhood ! I find that widows and widowers are very loving people who appreciate love MORE for having lost it. Nobody did anything wrong, both were loving committed partners...and then someone died...car accident...heart attack... They actually have a "better relationship resume" than many if you think about it, but I guess if you are jealous of a dead guy and a persons happy memories, well, probably too f*cked up anyway ! MD. I have always admired your story of caring for your sisters ! You are a true prize, and if this one doesn't get you, another ( better) one will !!! Let us know and BEST of luck ! MM ( single mother AND widow Oh, the horror !) Thanks MM! I like your take on widowhood and relationship "resumes". Your kid is lucky to have you, lady, believe me. Sorry about your loss. Most guys are worried that the girl they're dating is going to tell them about a child that the guy is responsible for. Ha ha, yes, I'm sure that's true. I haven't miraculously slept with this guy BEFORE the first date though so he's pretty safe from any accusations from ME.
Author Mutant Debutante Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 I really hope this thread doesn't turn into single-mom bashing, you guys.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Divorce is a big deal, but not something I'm going to regret. ANd who makes money from a divorce?? The attorney? Certainly not me, sure I get child support but believe me I'd rather be in a loving marriage, but that wasn't happening. I'm sure your very nice and well meaning. I don't think most guys would be too cynical about your situation. Especially guys of middle to low incomes, or guys with low overall prospects. However, I think you will find that guys in my category who have a lot more to lose, won't want to risk any emotional attachment to someone in your type of situation. There just is absolutely no way to tell the difference between you and the seemingly endless horde of women willing to use the system to suck out your soul the moment you fail to make them happy for a day. Not to say those types don't exist without failed marriages or child support checks... it's just when you have CLEAR red flags... only an idiot fails to heed them.
Stung Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I'm sure your very nice and well meaning. I don't think most guys would be too cynical about your situation. Especially guys of middle to low incomes, or guys with low overall prospects. However, I think you will find that guys in my category who have a lot more to lose, won't want to risk any emotional attachment to someone in your type of situation. There just is absolutely no way to tell the difference between you and the seemingly endless horde of women willing to use the system to suck out your soul the moment you fail to make them happy for a day. Not to say those types don't exist without failed marriages or child support checks... it's just when you have CLEAR red flags... only an idiot fails to heed them. You're divorced. Out of curiosity--why are you not waving your own clearly red flag, again? MD, good luck tomorrow! Update, update!
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