So is there a point to being with a guy who doesnt want to get married

[jamesum]

Why is it so important that you get married in the first place? Doubly so in light of the liabilities Marriage 2.0 presents to men in this day and age. Seriously, give it a read and think about how easily a man can get taken to the cleaners these days. IMO it's just pure foolishness to do so, at least without serious legal protections put in place beforehand.

Dude, thats an awesome article. Bookmark worthy!

 

Im even more convinced that I should never marry.

 

A decent woman

A decent woman is a rarity.

[meerkat stew]

We are going to put that fuzzy cloth around the toilet, and you are going to like it!

 

:lmao:

 

I agree with the linked article, and Eeyore, it is merely an assessment of risks for men or marriage, not categorizing all women as bad. The extreme risks are always there. Ask anyone whether their soon to be spouse is a "decent person" or not. 100% will say yes. Ask them again in five years, what % will still say yes?

 

That article is good reading for -anyone- contemplating marriage.

[ColdFox]

Marriage is about the female. Not the man. Its that big day with all the unicorns and fairy tales.

 

 

That's a wedding, not a marriage. And then you talk about appliances and home decor...also not a marriage.

 

I was married, and it WAS a merging of dreams. We were in love and we created a new life together. We took care of each other when we were sick, we invested in the retirement we wanted to have together. It wasn't just about me and it wasn't just about him. It had nothing to do with fuzzy toiletseat covers, or football cutouts, or expensive wedding dresses.

[InceptorsRule]

Wow, I started reading that "Marriage 2.0" blog or article and had to stop reading because it was so long, but also because EVERYTHING in it was true and it began to hurt a little bit too much.

 

I didn't even get down to whatever really nasty parts might be in there, either, just the beginning financial stuff was SO TRUE.

[Woggle]

The fact that some women truly can't understand why men are so afraid of commiting shows how little they understand our side of things. I don't see any man isn't afraid of marriage.

[naya1]

http://dontmarry.wordpress.com/

 

well this blog sounds like its been written by someone who is really jaded in love and marriage. i havent been married so i dont know..

its really a bad idea then?

i dont think i'd even want or need an alimony. i dont plan to have 10 kids ..but i would like..prefer to not work while im pregnant. thats all.

[terra]

I find that blog rather offensive due to the fact that it assumes women are lazy, selfish, greedy, morally unsound, and don't care about the welfare of their husband or family.

 

I completely agree with you. This article generalizes (and very negatively) women. What about men that are poor with their finances? There are no guys in debt, who spend needless amounts of money on new cars or motorized toys? If women enter marriages with them they are taking on their debt as well. (Not to say that all men do, I'm sure their are very few that do, but this failed to get mentioned in this very one sided article)

 

My boyfriend and I split everything down the middle even though he does make more than me. I'm very practical with my money and a bigger saver than he. I have friends who got married and it was the men who insisted on the bigger more expensive wedding.

I don't care if men don't want to get married but I think this article a completely inaccurate picture of what women are like.

[Woggle]

I don't know why women are not like this are so offended. They should understand the situation men are facing these days and be sympathetic to these views. If they really are not anti-male why would they have an issue with a man protecting himself.

[BS76]

I find that blog rather offensive due to the fact that it assumes women are lazy, selfish, greedy, morally unsound, and don't care about the welfare of their husband or family.

 

I fully understand that saying such things could be offensive to some, but don't fault the blog for telling the emperor he's naked. There's a lot of women who do fall into one or more of those descriptions you mentioned that wholly justifies telling men the risks they face. The facts are what they are and with the advent of no-fault divorce and feminized family courts/law men assume a ton of fiscal liability if they're the primary breadwinner. And that's the good part of it. The bad part is how easily it is to be locked up merely on the word of a woman if she claims a man is teh father of her child, says she was raped, or subjected to DV, never mind evidence to the contrary (many men get addled with child support obligates despite having DNA evidence proving they're not the father). Many men's lives have been ruined because of such policies in the western world today. Just ask paternity fraud victims, the Duke lacrosse team, or this cab driver in the UK.

[Woggle]

Women should be as outraged over this as men are because it spits in the face of every woman who actually is battered or raped. Divorce lawyers all the time encourage this sort of thing and sooner or later actual abused women are going to be hurt from it as well as innocent men.

[that girl]

It is just as hateful when it is directed at men but I have had to hear it my entire life. I have had so much hatred thrown at me and now all of a sudden it is a problem when I throw some back.

 

No, it was always wrong.

 

You're a grown man, you are responsible for your own words and actions. I am sorry if some woman was mean to you in the past, but it doesn't justify your behavior.

[USMCHokie]

From a guy's perspective...

 

I want to get married someday. I want kids someday.

 

 

If a woman says she doesn't want to get married (it happens... ) = LAUNCH.

 

If a woman says she doesn't want kids = LAUNCH.

[Woggle]

No, it was always wrong.

 

You're a grown man, you are responsible for your own words and actions. I am sorry if some woman was mean to you in the past, but it doesn't justify your behavior.

 

Maybe you are right but I get so mad at some of the things I hear and some of the comments I read that I feel like retaliating. Don't take any of what I say personally if it does not apply to you.

[that girl]

Don't take any of what I say personally if it does not apply to you.

This is not a reasonable request.

 

You not only take the rare anti-man statement personally, you use them as an excuse to be a sexist jerk.

 

I wouldn't let someone post racist or homophobic comments without calling them out. The fact that don't want me to take anti-woman comments personally if they don't apply to me (nice benefit of the doubt there buddy) does not change the fact that they are morally offensive.

[dreamingoftigers]

I can appreciate your personal view, I really do, however that is all it is. Your personal view.

 

We cant just pick random names out the white pages and say 'oh well this person doesnt feel that way'. You have to look at the big picture. For all the women I know with a similar view as you, I can point out just as many bitches with the attituide you describe.

But you are right. We "choose" who we may or may not want to be with. Some have a knack for seeing it, others dont...many dont.

 

I personally see absolutely no reason whatsoever for a man to want marriage. Marriage is about the female. Not the man. Its that big day with all the unicorns and fairy tales. Just like James pointed out.

Then she wants new furniture, new applicances, a bigger place to live in, and throw all your stuff out. OH that old football cutout figure of Jerry Rice you have, has got to go! No way you are putting that stuff around the house.

 

We are going to put that fuzzy cloth around the toilet, and you are going to like it! We are going to nest and try to spend as much money as we can on things.

Women have their dream, and his dream just isnt the same. Tag your it. All because some men think this is possibly the best piece of ass they will ever get.

 

This was the exact opposite with my husband and myself. I wanted to consistently get laid and he wanted to buy a bunch of stupid **** and have me pay for it, and work extra hard. Sure he contributes but not overly much. A lot of my stuff went. I just wanted a simple, small life and a family. He is never satisfied unless he has more than everyone else, and sex... forget about it.

[Woggle]

The anti-man statements are not rare though. That is what angers men like myself and others so much. I can't go out and take a walk without running into misandry but yet it is rare.

 

Also much of what is said in that link is true. Look around at modern day relationships today and you will see that love is pretty much a dead concept. Men and women pretty much hate each other.

[that girl]

The anti-man statements are not rare though. That is what angers men like myself and others so much. I can't go out and take a walk without running into misandry but yet it is rare.

 

I named several commentators who regularly post hateful comments about women. You could only come up with one comment. There are more woman haters on Love Shack.

 

But I have a leg to stand on when it comes to calling these things out because unlike you, I'm not off posting about how horrible men are. You aren't balancing things out, you are just a hater.

 

Men and women pretty much hate each other.

No they don't. I don't follow commentators closely here, but I don't think most of them hate the opposite sex. USMCHokie doesn't seem to hate women, Zen Girl doesn't seem to hate men.

 

You are trying to justify your own hatred of women.

[Woggle]

Look around and ask yourself how many truly happy relationships you know. I can count them on one hand.

[AverageJoe]

If you dont fall into that sterotype, then you have nothing to worry about. However, you just equated men to klan members. Now that, is something that may warrant therapy.

 

What I am about to tell you will probably have you climbing the walls and want to have me arrested. Yeah, you girl.

 

Hardley a day goes by without yet another article written by a dissolutioned woman (you) bemoaning the dearth or death of chivalry, as you might call it. You asked for it, you have it.

Do you realise how much you diminish women with your double standards and nonesense?

I recently got into a discussion about how men should treat women, mostly women were there, and there was no thought at all about how women should treat men. It was what women unilaterally expect and are entitled from men. Other than showing up to enjoy themselves. At some point you have to live as an adult.

Once you start deffering to her nonsense you have created a irreversiable, destructive, negative, lopsided dynamic that endures your lifetime together.

Stop tollerating it! You can walk away, afterall life it about choices, isnt it?

Its time to start making things fair again for men, because we have been getting our asses kicked.

What you said above, says volumes about what some women think. I dont hold your attitude against all women, but what that girl said is a prime expample of how some women are.

And some of you laidies think we are making this stuff up.

[that girl]

However, you just equated men to klan members.

No, I equated women haters to klan members. Irrational hatred is irrational hatred.

 

Look around and ask yourself how many truly happy relationships you know. I can count them on one hand.

In my life, the unhappy relationships are the exceptions.

[AverageJoe]

No, I equated women haters to klan members. Irrational hatred is irrational hatred.

 

 

What is a woman hater?

[Green]

As a man I'll throw out some hypotheticals after a while of dating like do you see yourself having kids but I really don't feel the need to ask if a girl is willing to get married. If I asked a girl to marry me and she said "No" I would dump her.

[that girl]

What is a woman hater?

 

Some one who posts long rants about how horrible and selfish women are.

 

Someone like you.

[Green]

Some one who posts long rants about how horrible and selfish women are.

 

Someone like you.

 

you know how rare (non existent) the "whats the point of a woman who won't get married" I mean it really is ok to just complain about men but then you call a guy a woman hater when he talks about all the stuff we have to put up with.

[dreamingoftigers]

Maybe you are right but I get so mad at some of the things I hear and some of the comments I read that I feel like retaliating. Don't take any of what I say personally if it does not apply to you.

 

Quite frankly, I have been through incredibly shoddy treatment from men the majority of my life, starting with my father who did everything he could to abuse me in retaliation for the way he was treated by his mother. He is a woman-hater and he never could reconcile the fact that he was a father to two girls.

 

He constantly emotionally battered my mother and accused her of cheating all of the time. She was barely ever allowed to leave the house, and when she did she was only allowed to go to certain places.

 

My father was a cheater and a constant pushy womanizer.

 

I didn't know how to pick a mate after all of that. I walk around carrying a great deal of shame. I have been used by men in all ways. I have been abused by men. I didn't learn how to say "no" until my early 20s. By then my father had maxed out my credit making it impossible to continue with my schooling. I have teetered on the edge of bankruptcy off an on for ten years. My husband pushed our debt envelope past reasonable even after I begged him to stop.

 

Last year I discovered his infidelities. I learned that being like my mother was going to get me nowhere. My daughter would witness this bs. I put a stop to that and started setting boundaries. I didn't care if he would fight with me or leave me, things needed to change. I cancelled our credit cards, I do not allow myself to behave in ways that are shaming (passive-agression, insults, guilt-trips) I do not allow myself to be shamed, especially in front of my daughter. I choose what I wish to do and I try to respect other's feelings at the same time.

 

Ironically enough when I met my husband, I did not want to get married but I could tell that he had a lot of feelings for me and I didn't want to tell him no. I am glad that we are married but the changes have been very painful to make, but they are worth it. Our house isn't a home of depression and anger and resent. We work together to meet goals. Our sex life hasn't improved yet but we are working on it.

 

My overarching point is... despite all of this I don't hate men. I don't look at all of them like they are all jerks. I clean houses for a living and everyday I step into homes where the husbands and wives treat each other well and have a healthy interest in their families. In some places you can see how much they care and admire each other. I believe that there are good men out there, I just didn't have the proper filter (boundaries) to find them when I was younger. I am role-modelling strength and change for my daughter (Even though she is only 15 months old) because when she wants to have a family I want her to be able to have a good filter in place to find someone who will respect her.

 

If you are finding that women walk all over you and disrespect you, then you need to stop wearing your WELCOME T-shirt and stop lying down in front of them.