So is there a point to being with a guy who doesnt want to get married

[naya1]

Or has no plans to get married either just to you or like generally speaking..

is there a point? I mean what if you wanna get married..

and is there a way to end a relationship because of this reason..or does it seem irrational?

Thanks.

 

I always see it in movies, the girl dumps the guy or she begs him to marry her, its always the girl who wants to get married..whilst the guy has the luxury of time seeking other options.

[that girl]

There is a point in being with a guy who doesn't want to get married if you enjoy his company and are okay with it not leading until marriage.

 

But if you want marriage, it is probably best to end things. It is a completely rational reason to end a relationship.

 

I always see it in movies, the girl dumps the guy or she begs him to marry her

I can't think of one movie where this happens.

 

whilst the guy has the luxury of time seeking other options.

Unless you have a terminal disease, everyone has the luxury of time to seek other options.

[robdrm32]

Well the fact that you pose the question itself should give you your answer.

 

But, to be more direct I don't see the point in being with someone who doesn't want to get married, if thats your end goal it's kind of a waste of time.

 

If you like him and want to keep him around just make it into a fwb situation if your comfortable with that, you should be looking for someone who wants the same things.

[BS76]

Why is it so important that you get married in the first place? Doubly so in light of the liabilities Marriage 2.0 presents to men in this day and age. Seriously, give it a read and think about how easily a man can get taken to the cleaners these days. IMO it's just pure foolishness to do so, at least without serious legal protections put in place beforehand.

[TaraMaiden]

Let's quantify:

 

Girl has known from day -1 that guy was not into marrying, didn't ever want to marry, has no plans to marry, and girl feels the same.

Perfect. Good to go, have a great life.

 

Girl has known from day -1 that guy is frankly, not bothered, isn't hurried, worried or even concerned at all with marriage, but he might, he might not, who cares, and girl feels the same.

 

perfect. Just drift along, why worry?

 

Girl has known from day -1 that guy was not into marrying, didn't ever want to marry, has no plans to marry, and girl felt the same, but has now changed mind.

 

Suck it up, that's the way it is. You knew the deal.

 

Girl has NOT known from day -1 that guy was not into marrying, didn't ever want to marry, has no plans to marry, and in fact, he never discussed the issue, but rather, avoided it like the elephant in the room, because he knew it might come up one day, and he knows girl would probably love to get "whistles and bells" hitched.

 

Wave bye bye!

[bobdole]

I kind of personally feel the same way. I have no issue spending my life with someone and committing to that. My main issues are that I'm not religious and complete fear of government interference in the dissolution of marriages.

 

I've seen so many men completely ruined after divorce. Not just the "split" but - Alimony? I'm sorry but that's scary as hell. Even if they cheated they don't deserve that (No.. I've never cheated once - never will). If it were always an even split of assets and child support, I would have no issue. But I hear and have seen so many horror stories.

 

I would be glad to spend my life with someone. Going unmarried here in TN would be perfect as TN doesn't recognize common law marriages (haven't verified myself, but heard from multiple people)

[FitChick]

If someone is newly divorced and you are his first relationship, odds are against you marrying him. You will wind up being the Transitional Woman. There are men out there who want to get married. You just have to find them.

 

I wouldn't believe anything I saw in the movies. Statistics have shown that divorced men remarry at much higher rates than divorced women, and single and divorced men die earlier than women, so more men want to get married than most women do.

[Stung]

IMO if getting married in order to start a family is extremely important to you and a major life goal, then getting emotionally involved with somebody who doesn't want to get married ever is a bad idea. It doesn't mean either of you is right or wrong, just that you're incompatible on a very big issue. It's not irrational to leave the person even if it's painful in the short-term, it's just protecting yourself and your long-term interests rather than choosing to sacrifice them.

 

The sooner you choose, the better. Never languish for years hoping someone will change their mind about a major life decision, that's how youth gets wasted and resentments built.

 

However, there can of course be a point to dating someone who doesn't want or believe in marriage. Plenty of women don't want or believe in traditional marriage either, two people can happily settle down without ever having a ceremony. Some people prefer polyamorous relationships. And even if there's no long-term commitment, a lot of people see a point in dating just for dating's sake, for fun and sex and short-term pleasant companionship.

[Woggle]

It shows he is being smart about his life.

[Italian flower]

Why is it so important that you get married in the first place? Doubly so in light of the liabilities Marriage 2.0 presents to men in this day and age. Seriously, give it a read and think about how easily a man can get taken to the cleaners these days. IMO it's just pure foolishness to do so, at least without serious legal protections put in place beforehand.

 

Women put too much emphasis on being married. We see it as the greatest romantic achievement. I know I did. It causes us to miss what's really important. Are you happy with him? Do you think about him and smile when you're alone. Would you rather spend time with him than anyone else? If these answers are yes, then don't worry about whether you'll get married or not. Just enjoy him and enjoy life. Don't pressure him on the marriage issue. If you stop enjoying your time with him, leave. It's that simple. The rest will work out on it's own.

[FitChick]

Never languish for years hoping someone will change their mind about a major life decision, that's how youth gets wasted and resentments built.

 

I agree. I can't tell you how many men I dated when I was younger who told me I'd change my mind about not wanting kids. I never did. If they had kept waiting for me to, they'd have been bitterly disappointed.

[BlueRidgeMTs]

If a woman truly knows that at some point in her life she will want to get married, and the guy has told her that he truly knows that he does NOT wish to get married...then yes there is no point in continuing the relationship. I feel that some people..women espescially..think that if they are just THE best girlfriend their man has ever had, if they make him the happiest he has ever been, then he will change his mind and want to marry them. Yeah okay. Some times that may happen, but most of the time in his mind he will just be happy that he has a great girlfriend that he doesn't have to marry.

 

He will be just fine with the way things are. And its not like he didnt tell you from day one.

[EasyHeart]

Most guys don't want to get married until they reach a certain point in their life when they feel like settling down. That's perfectly normal and healthy. If a man tells you he isn't interested in getting married, it's not some kind of code, secret message, or hint: he doesn't want to get married.

 

If one person is looking for marriage and the other isn't, that's a dealbreaker. That's exactly why healthy people talk about that subject early on when they start dating. If a marriage-seeking person sticks around waiting for the other person to change their mind, no one should feel sorry for them. They knew the deal upfront.

[meerkat stew]

Sure there's a point to being with a guy who doesn't want to get married, you can tell him to go home when you get tired of him being around and he won't just circle around the block and come right back in the house.

[AverageJoe]

I suppose if there is a point for you wanting to get married you would probably need to act accordingly.

 

But for a guy to get married? What could he possibly gain out of it that he couldnt being single? In fact he takes a chance to lose after marriage.

[atlnay]

Well i am a chick & i dont want to get married but i like men & dating & being intimate & I'm not interested in being a nun...lol...so i date. It's fair to think i have male counterparts. You're not being irrational, find a dude who wants what you do and you'll be happy. However, trying to make your current guy want & feel what you do, is irrational.

[stillafool]

Or has no plans to get married either just to you or like generally speaking..

is there a point? I mean what if you wanna get married..

and is there a way to end a relationship because of this reason..or does it seem irrational?

Thanks.

 

I always see it in movies, the girl dumps the guy or she begs him to marry her, its always the girl who wants to get married..whilst the guy has the luxury of time seeking other options.

 

No, there's no problem at all with a dating a guy who doesn't want to marry - unless you do. If you do then run like heck, because you might fall in love with him and he has already set you straight about the "altar call" and you can't get angry because he told you the truth.

[curlygirl40]

I'm going through a divorce right now so I might be too jaded to give you my thoughts on this, but I'm going to anyway.

 

I lived 18 years with a guy who never really loved, honored or cherished me. We have a piece of paper filed at the town hall, he told God and everyone else at our wedding that he would.

 

But he treated me like crap. Emotional abuse, the whole bit. For 18 years.

 

So right now, if I had a guy who truly loved me, who was my partner in life, my best friend, my confidant, my lover, etc., would I leave him because he wouldn't marry me? Absofrickenlutely NOT!!

 

What is marriage really? The coming together of 2 people who love each other, who are good to each other, who are there for each other. What does a piece of paper do to make that better?

 

NOW I'm going to change my opinion here a little if you're young and want to start a family with this person. Because then there's more to think about.

 

So that's my opinion! I had the commitment, the piece of paper, the promise in front of friends. It didn't mean jack.....

[stillafool]

Well i am a chick & i dont want to get married but i like men & dating & being intimate & I'm not interested in being a nun...lol...so i date. It's fair to think i have male counterparts. You're not being irrational, find a dude who wants what you do and you'll be happy. However, trying to make your current guy want & feel what you do, is irrational.

 

Yes I feel it is irrational to try to make someone (who has told you they don't want to marry) want to marry. I think the person who knows one day they want to marry to move on to a like minded individual.

[AverageJoe]

Men go into relationships (or even marrige) hoping the women will never change. Women go into relationships hoping they can make him change.

[InceptorsRule]

So is there a point to being with a guy who doesnt want to get married

Give me a second to ask my wife and I'll let you know what she thinks about it.

[jamesum]

Women and their obsession with marriage and wedding never cease to amaze me.

 

I think they should just make an entertainment venue at Las Vegas or something where women can stage mock-weddings with their boyfriends for a price just to satisfy their childish fantasy.

 

Oh wait, is there already such a place by the way? I think I might have come up with a business idea.

[Eeyore79]

Why is it so important that you get married in the first place? Doubly so in light of the liabilities Marriage 2.0 presents to men in this day and age.

 

I find that blog rather offensive due to the fact that it assumes women are lazy, selfish, greedy, morally unsound, and don't care about the welfare of their husband or family.

 

A decent woman won't insist on a huge wedding if it costs too much, and will see the sense of not wasting money. Neither will she be coming into the marriage with debt, and even if she did, she wouldn't expect her husband to pay it off. She wants to contribute to increasing the family income, and she may even feel fulfilled by having a career. No decent woman expects her husband to support her financially unless she's making an equal effort in other (unpaid) areas - no self respecting person allows another person to carry them. A decent woman cares about her husband and wants him to be happy - she doesn't just want to use him to support her and give nothing back. She probably even enjoys sex, so why would she want to stop having it? Even if they get divorced, a decent woman won't take a man for everything she can get, because it's greedy and immoral.

 

So much of this anti-marriage stuff seems to be based on assuming that women are greedy, immoral bitches, and it seems unfair to me. If you choose a decent woman to be your wife, you won't have those problems.

[Woggle]

Many men get married to find out that their wives fit all those characteristics.

[AverageJoe]

I find that blog rather offensive due to the fact that it assumes women are lazy, selfish, greedy, morally unsound, and don't care about the welfare of their husband or family.

 

A decent woman won't insist on a huge wedding if it costs too much, and will see the sense of not wasting money. Neither will she be coming into the marriage with debt, and even if she did, she wouldn't expect her husband to pay it off. She wants to contribute to increasing the family income, and she may even feel fulfilled by having a career. No decent woman expects her husband to support her financially unless she's making an equal effort in other (unpaid) areas - no self respecting person allows another person to carry them. A decent woman cares about her husband and wants him to be happy - she doesn't just want to use him to support her and give nothing back. She probably even enjoys sex, so why would she want to stop having it? Even if they get divorced, a decent woman won't take a man for everything she can get, because it's greedy and immoral.

 

So much of this anti-marriage stuff seems to be based on assuming that women are greedy, immoral bitches, and it seems unfair to me. If you choose a decent woman to be your wife, you won't have those problems.

 

I can appreciate your personal view, I really do, however that is all it is. Your personal view.

 

We cant just pick random names out the white pages and say 'oh well this person doesnt feel that way'. You have to look at the big picture. For all the women I know with a similar view as you, I can point out just as many bitches with the attituide you describe.

But you are right. We "choose" who we may or may not want to be with. Some have a knack for seeing it, others dont...many dont.

 

I personally see absolutely no reason whatsoever for a man to want marriage. Marriage is about the female. Not the man. Its that big day with all the unicorns and fairy tales. Just like James pointed out.

Then she wants new furniture, new applicances, a bigger place to live in, and throw all your stuff out. OH that old football cutout figure of Jerry Rice you have, has got to go! No way you are putting that stuff around the house.

 

We are going to put that fuzzy cloth around the toilet, and you are going to like it! We are going to nest and try to spend as much money as we can on things.

Women have their dream, and his dream just isnt the same. Tag your it. All because some men think this is possibly the best piece of ass they will ever get.