dealing with self concious women.

[phineas]

Sounds like they're looking for reassurance of attractiveness from you. In denigrating their body parts, they're letting you know that this is an aspect they're selfconscious about but at the same time, if you dare criticize them for it, they'll rip out your throat. Stupid.

 

LOL! then they will eternally get my voicemail after that.

 

I do wonder if the first woman is just a really, really bad flirt, where she's bringing up her breasts to add some sexual overtones to your conversation.

 

This sounds more likely.

We were just friends for about a yr.

And I mean just friends. I never flirted with her or showed any interest in her because she said from the start she was just looking for friends & well you don't tell your buddies they got a sweet ass or their new hair cut looks pretty. LOL!

 

So I think there is an awkwardness there on her part. Also, my perverted brain to mouth filter was full on around her because we only did things with our kids so I was always on my best behavior.

But I suspect she's just as dirty minded & I just never suspected because she was very reserved around me also.

 

Every time we talk it goes up a notch sexually.

[ascendotum]

Yup..Most good looking women know they are good looking..I dont buy all these women think theyre ugly.

 

If a women in this country is skinny and halfway decnet looking she thinks shes a godess because of getitng hit on numerous times by hungry dudes.

 

Dont infltae these womens egos more then they already are

 

I tend to find an over inflated sense of value in most of the thin build women where I live. One aspect that irks me is when some of them make self effacing remarks about how they don’t think they have a good figure..no tits or hips, but when they are out after work, 2 bacardi brezeers later they complain about most of the guys in the venue being losers and the guys they think are their equivalent, the only guys they have any time for are the guys with well built/tall physiques.

 

OP - Your small framed woman friend could easily have been this prior to having babies and is now taking it very hard that she does not have the body she used to. Have you heard the term 'beagle ear tits’? There is a very good chance she could have these. Gravity might have less of an impact on small breasts, but sometimes breast feeding can really leave them badly deflated. She might be doing a good job of concealing them.

 

I suspect she is not fishing for complements, but rather she is fore warning you to lower your expectations. There is a good chance she has noticed the disappointment on guys faces and avoidance of them the minute she has taken her top off and if there is no subsequent date, then naturally this feeds her complex over them. The term 'beagle ears' sometimes can be very apt! There is nothing to play with.

 

I have to admit I also would have difficulty knowing how to respond when it keeps coming up in conversation and would probably just complement her on the her other aspects you find appealing, but only initially. I know you find it annoying that she dismisses other guys looking at her, but that could easily change once you are in a relationship and her confidence is restored.

[phineas]

I tend to find an over inflated sense of value in most of the thin build women where I live. One aspect that irks me is when some of them make self effacing remarks about how they don’t think they have a good figure..no tits or hips, but when they are out after work, 2 bacardi brezeers later they complain about most of the guys in the venue being losers and the guys they think are their equivalent, the only guys they have any time for are the guys with well built/tall physiques.

 

OP - Your small framed woman friend could easily have been this prior to having babies and is now taking it very hard that she does not have the body she used to. Have you heard the term 'beagle ear tits’? There is a very good chance she could have these. Gravity might have less of an impact on small breasts, but sometimes breast feeding can really leave them badly deflated. She might be doing a good job of concealing them.

 

I suspect she is not fishing for complements, but rather she is fore warning you to lower your expectations. There is a good chance she has noticed the disappointment on guys faces and avoidance of them the minute she has taken her top off and if there is no subsequent date, then naturally this feeds her complex over them. The term 'beagle ears' sometimes can be very apt! There is nothing to play with.

 

I have to admit I also would have difficulty knowing how to respond when it keeps coming up in conversation and would probably just complement her on the her other aspects you find appealing, but only initially. I know you find it annoying that she dismisses other guys looking at her, but that could easily change once you are in a relationship and her confidence is restored.

 

Well, since I did go to highschool with her I have to say she is maybe 10lbs heavier than she used to be.

 

She has some serious muscle tone on her. I believe your right on the boobs part. She probably is afraid i'll run.

 

I should probably tell her she should just get it over with & show them to me so I can let her know what I think.

 

Oh and back in the day we called it "phlegm on a wall" LOL!

[that girl]

Insecurity is hard. You don't want to have to constantly be building someone else up.

 

But it sounds like you are too afraid to build her up at all. She tells you she has a pretty specific insecurity, which could be her way of warning you that she isn't perfect or it could be a sign that she is very needy. It could go either way.

 

But rather than reassuring her in some way, you just ignore it and change the subject. I think often times that would read as "I don't find you attractive" or "I don't want to think of you naked."

 

"Actually, the only thing I don't like about your appearance is your insistence on wearing clothes."

(pause)

"I mean... what's with THAT?"

This is a compliment without making it all poetic or porno.

 

'I'm interested in dating you because I find you attractive. If you need a therapist for your body issues, my rate is 90per. Let me know what you decide'

This could work on someone who was making a mountain out of a molehill and would recognize it if pointed out. If she is horrifically self conscious or she is looking for a reasonable level of reassurance, it wouldn't because it is just telling her to shut up.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Well, since I did go to highschool with her I have to say she is maybe 10lbs heavier than she used to be.

 

She has some serious muscle tone on her. I believe your right on the boobs part. She probably is afraid i'll run.

 

I should probably tell her she should just get it over with & show them to me so I can let her know what I think.

 

Oh and back in the day we called it "phlegm on a wall" LOL!

 

 

I am curious. What if her breasts are really THAT bad without any clothes? Do you think you will be able to stay sexually attracted to her?

[phineas]

 

 

This could work on someone who was making a mountain out of a molehill and would recognize it if pointed out. If she is horrifically self conscious or she is looking for a reasonable level of reassurance, it wouldn't because it is just telling her to shut up.

 

ok. Next time I see her i'll definitely take it up a notch.

tastefully and let her know I do find her attractive.

 

I am curious. What if her breasts are really THAT bad without any clothes? Do you think you will be able to stay sexually attracted to her?

 

honestly,

I doubt it would matter to me.

Things like thick fatty arms & dis-proportionally small boobs to the rest of a womans body are major turn-offs to me.

 

She's got phenomenal arms from a lifetime of manual labor.

She's got visible obliques on her mid-section & was wearing short shorts the last time I saw her & there is zero fat there.

She said she wears a size zero to 1 jeans if that means anything.

 

Her boobs are not that important considering the rest of her body.

[dispatch3d]

I am curious. What if her breasts are really THAT bad without any clothes? Do you think you will be able to stay sexually attracted to her?

 

Pretty ridiculous. I doubt any guy would be so turned off by a set of boobs to no longer like a girl. Hell lots of girls don't have boobs. I like them, but I mean I definitely wouldn't just not date a girl on something so trivial.

 

It really isn't a valid concern. She's just being insecure.

 

I would generally try to avoid the discussion altogether. Again, it's just a negative topic which isn't helping anything. Any topic that she could turn into something about her boobs I would avoid as well. Talk about fun happy things, not insecurities if you can (steer clear!).

 

The best strategy for sure is to address it then get off the topic asap. If you can compliment then start a new conversation off on anything else that's fine. Whatever it takes to not talk about this I think is pretty valid.

 

The examples the other guy gave immediately opened into conversations that were positive and about something other than the insecurity.

 

I'd be careful of making jokes with this kinda stuff. Just because she could feel like you are "laughing at her" or "making fun of her" when you actually mean well.

 

Anyhow, the compliment thing seems to work. I'd be using them sparingly regardless though, and would be cautious about always responding with a compliment (she may start using this as a way to always get compliments, etc. Gotta be careful about rewarding bad behaviour with anything too positive).