phineas Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Something about both of the women I'm "dateing". One is small framed, toned & in shape, very attractive, small boobs as most women with her body type have. Since she said she wanted to date me she started all of a sudden avoiding me but kept calling to talk. I assumed she back-burnered me but now i'm not so sure. When we have talked the last 3 days she has worked her boobs into the conversation telling me she's flat chested, she breast fed two kids & her boobs have suffered for it, last night she tried to describe their shape to me & how they have sagged & not sticking out like they used to. We went to a wedding & she looked amazing but then said she doesn't really have to boobs for the dress. I tell her I get it, I was married to a woman who breast fed two kids. I know what happens. Then she was asking me about my ex-wifes boobs & what they looked like after breast feeding. errrr.... I really have no idea how to respond to that. My first instinct is to jokeingly call her a tease for talking about her boobs & not showing me then telling her she should send me a picture so I can give her my honest opinion. because that whole poor self-image on hot women is very unatractive & i'm now wondering if she's so scared about them that she is avoiding any situation where she'll have to show them to me. The other woman beutiful also has a few lbs on her & pointed out she has a bigger roll than me when we were sitting down while we were out. How i'm in better shape than her (i'm still 15 -20lbs away from a 6 pack I think) She honestly looks great to me & again I don't know what to say here. Every time I've told woman how attractive I found her BEFORE sex they would think all I wanted was just sex from them or they would get a swelled head & think they could get away with poor behavior because I "wanted them" How do you deal with women like this? These are women 37-38 age range.
Leigh 87 Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Just tell them the truth. Say look, I think you look great or I would not be interested in you. However, your complaining about your body is a real turn off, so can you please stop it, and think of more important things to talk about? Personally, I prefer to just be told that what I am doing is off; it has hurt, but I really do appreciate it, as it is an opportunity for me to grow and change any negative traits, for instance, like complaining about my body to men. To soften the blow, I would add in about how you really enjoy talking to them about other things, and would prefer that,to focusing on parts of their bodies that they feel bad about.
Leigh 87 Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I am a girl, by the way. Personally, I would hate to be saying things that r off putting to men, and for the men to NEVER tell me that what I am doing is a turn off. I would rather know so that i could stop doing it.
Author phineas Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 I've just been changing the subject. Past GF's & my ex-wife acted like I was just lieing to them so I could have sex which made no sense at all because guys can't fake an errection. I'll just come right out & say it. gently of course.
carhill Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 'I'm interested in dating you because I find you attractive. If you need a therapist for your body issues, my rate is 90per. Let me know what you decide'
wishing4thefuture Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I am a girl, by the way. Personally, I would hate to be saying things that r off putting to men, and for the men to NEVER tell me that what I am doing is a turn off. I would rather know so that i could stop doing it. Well, I agree, because love making is like a dance! If you don't like the way your partner is moving you don't run over to the DJ, SCREAM "TURN OFF THE MUSIC AND EVERYBODY STOP DANCING!!".. You just gently move to a different rhythm and hope that they continue to dance with you.
Author phineas Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 'I'm interested in dating you because I find you attractive. If you need a therapist for your body issues, my rate is 90per. Let me know what you decide' Not bad. I may actually use that word for word. I'm still teetering between the mentality of does she like me / do I like her. I guess old habits die hard.
carhill Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I think it's really great to be supportive of a female (or male) friend. Yesterday was a difficult day and I spent a goodly amount of time on the phone with such a friend talking about 'stuff', and this is key, her 'stuff' and my 'stuff'. If you were going on and on about some insecurity/issue in your life, would she be a 'friend' and listen and support you? If she will and the sex is good, marry her Balance. People really do reveal themselves. You're getting good information. I used to overlook a lot of good information, to my detriment. This is your dating partner on her best behavior, trying to impress you. How's that going?
Author phineas Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 I think it's really great to be supportive of a female (or male) friend. Yesterday was a difficult day and I spent a goodly amount of time on the phone with such a friend talking about 'stuff', and this is key, her 'stuff' and my 'stuff'. If you were going on and on about some insecurity/issue in your life, would she be a 'friend' and listen and support you? If she will and the sex is good, marry her Balance. People really do reveal themselves. You're getting good information. I used to overlook a lot of good information, to my detriment. This is your dating partner on her best behavior, trying to impress you. How's that going? Actually, she just works it into the convo. Last night was the first time she went into detail. WE did talk about MY stuff also. So yes it is a two-way most of the time & if she starts ragging too much I tell her & she stops.
dispatch3d Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I've just been changing the subject. Past GF's & my ex-wife acted like I was just lieing to them so I could have sex which made no sense at all because guys can't fake an errection. I'll just come right out & say it. gently of course. There are multiple problems I can think of with answering the question directly. (1) If you answer yes/no. If yes then she can turn this against you. By answering the question you are continuing a conversation about how her boobs are non-perfect. The implications of the entire conversation will be that there is something wrong with them. (2) You are furthering her negative talk with more negative talk. Women are all about emotions, and by talking about these insecurities you will actually feed them. Even if it's in a positive light it won't matter. She'll get more and more depressed the more you talk about it. (3) This conversation is in no way conducive to getting you laid, moving the relationship forward, or anything else for that matter. (4) She may just be looking for compliments, which mean more from guys because we just don't throw them at people like girls do. Girls throw them at each other all the time to promote happy feelings, as is in alignment with point (2) (5) If you dodge/change the subject she may think you are doing so to avoid the topic because you have something to hide. This is like the "Do I look fat in these pants problem." Except slightly more advanced. The answer is simple. You can embellish the insecurity she is describing to ridiculousness. If she says "I'm fat" you tell her "Yes, you are ****ing massive. I was thinking of buying you one of those sumo thongs. Maybe I can pimp you out as a sumo wrestler and make some money on the side. Haaa that'd be pretty funny yadayada." Notice I turned the conversation POSITIVE. or: "You're right, also you look fat in those pants, and I think your blouse should be a tank top. (avoid directly feeding her insecurity, using the same languaging, etc. - also have your negatives be retarded - you are wearing a blouse but should be wearing a tank top. This is so that if she questions you on anything you say/tries to use it against you you give her more retarded bull****). You know, these are some really valuable fashion tips I'm giving you. Pretty soon I'm going to start charging you, and my prices are STEEP!" Notice the same format as the guy above. Trying to teach you how to fish. You know ;-). fwiw in pickup slang these are known as "**** tests". (another word for poop)
dispatch3d Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 lol also note how woman didn't actually tell you how to fix the problem. Pretty funny and points directly to (the vast majority of them) not being self aware of things they do/say or how they work....
a_woman Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 my last SO had an issue with his height, once I heard him mention it a couple of times I told him he made too big a deal out of it and that his height was still within the national average (not quite true). I also found ways of complimenting him on his body that included indirect references to his height: he is very strong so I always told him how he had an amazing physique (100% true). maybe you could tell your small breasted friend that you are not a breast man but that you are into legs or bums or the whole package. you could compliment her on her toned body. similar approach with the other lady. I find that indirect compliments help
dispatch3d Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 my last SO had an issue with his height, once I heard him mention it a couple of times I told him he made too big a deal out of it and that his height was still within the national average (not quite true). I also found ways of complimenting him on his body that included indirect references to his height: he is very strong so I always told him how he had an amazing physique (100% true). maybe you could tell your small breasted friend that you are not a breast man but that you are into legs or bums or the whole package. you could compliment her on her toned body. similar approach with the other lady. I find that indirect compliments help hey, OP actually describes the problem with complimenting women. They don't actually want to sleep with you when you do that. They know they have you and they start treating you like an option. However, if I were to compliment I like your style. It's indirect. However, it's best to compliment on personality traits or help her fit into the mold of girl you are typically into (this establishes an emotional connection, which is much more effective than a physical one). You'll notice I actually said the way girls handle this situation in my reply. They would compliment her and then talk about how pretty she is. Or imply she is pretty etc. This would repair her self esteem and she would be back to normal. However, you'll notice OP actually stated several (of many reasons) why this will not work out to your benefit if you are looking to sleep with the girl.
a_woman Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 How do you deal with women like this? These are women 37-38 age range. this is the part I responded to. I'm 38. what I wrote is what would work for me and what works for people in general, male or female. general compliments are good but slightly more specific ones are better when someone is insecure
dispatch3d Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 this is the part I responded to. I'm 38. what I wrote is what would work for me and what works for people in general, male or female. general compliments are good but slightly more specific ones are better when someone is insecure yeah that's a good point. You may be right for that age range (I had forgotten he even put that in there). My advice is more directed at attractive females in the 18-30ish age range....
Author phineas Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 my last SO had an issue with his height, once I heard him mention it a couple of times I told him he made too big a deal out of it and that his height was still within the national average (not quite true). I also found ways of complimenting him on his body that included indirect references to his height: he is very strong so I always told him how he had an amazing physique (100% true). maybe you could tell your small breasted friend that you are not a breast man but that you are into legs or bums or the whole package. you could compliment her on her toned body. similar approach with the other lady. I find that indirect compliments help I actually considered telling her she's lucky i'm an ass man because she does have a really nice ass. I was also considering telling her it's an added bonus in the bedroom because i'm partial to doggy style & reverse cow-girl & hopeing she just hangs up & never speaks to me again.
a_woman Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I actually considered telling her she's lucky i'm an ass man because she does have a really nice ass. I was also considering telling her it's an added bonus in the bedroom because i'm partial to doggy style & reverse cow-girl & hopeing she just hangs up & never speaks to me again. that's the thing. toned women usually have something nice like a good ass or good legs so plenty to compliment. yes I think you should wait a little with the rest
Author phineas Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 that's the thing. toned women usually have something nice like a good ass or good legs so plenty to compliment. yes I think you should wait a little with the rest Well, I'd really hate to finally hook up with her & find out she's a missionary woman.
a_woman Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Well, I'd really hate to finally hook up with her & find out she's a missionary woman. at 37/38 that's highly unlikely. there is no way you can ask that question before though
stillafool Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Something about both of the women I'm "dateing". One is small framed, toned & in shape, very attractive, small boobs as most women with her body type have. Since she said she wanted to date me she started all of a sudden avoiding me but kept calling to talk. I assumed she back-burnered me but now i'm not so sure. When we have talked the last 3 days she has worked her boobs into the conversation telling me she's flat chested, she breast fed two kids & her boobs have suffered for it, last night she tried to describe their shape to me & how they have sagged & not sticking out like they used to. We went to a wedding & she looked amazing but then said she doesn't really have to boobs for the dress. I tell her I get it, I was married to a woman who breast fed two kids. I know what happens. Then she was asking me about my ex-wifes boobs & what they looked like after breast feeding. errrr.... I really have no idea how to respond to that. My first instinct is to jokeingly call her a tease for talking about her boobs & not showing me then telling her she should send me a picture so I can give her my honest opinion. because that whole poor self-image on hot women is very unatractive & i'm now wondering if she's so scared about them that she is avoiding any situation where she'll have to show them to me. The other woman beutiful also has a few lbs on her & pointed out she has a bigger roll than me when we were sitting down while we were out. How i'm in better shape than her (i'm still 15 -20lbs away from a 6 pack I think) She honestly looks great to me & again I don't know what to say here. Every time I've told woman how attractive I found her BEFORE sex they would think all I wanted was just sex from them or they would get a swelled head & think they could get away with poor behavior because I "wanted them" How do you deal with women like this? These are women 37-38 age range. I'm not a man but if I were this would turn me off, away and gone.
Author phineas Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 at 37/38 that's highly unlikely. there is no way you can ask that question before though IDK. I seem to find all or nothing girls & which position they take always surprises me.
a_woman Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 IDK. I seem to find all or nothing girls & which position they take always surprises me. but that's part of the adventure of meeting new people. men are surprising like this as well but I quite enjoy discovering their sexual side. maybe a thread for the sexual practices board
Author phineas Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 but that's part of the adventure of meeting new people. men are surprising like this as well but I quite enjoy discovering their sexual side. maybe a thread for the sexual practices board I'll go with the ass thing next time she calls since she is "too busy with work & needs time with her kids" this week & is working all next weekend. So i'll probably be hanging with the other one. I'll nip it in the bud with her also.
a_woman Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I'll go with the ass thing next time she calls since she is "too busy with work & needs time with her kids" this week & is working all next weekend. So i'll probably be hanging with the other one. I'll nip it in the bud with her also. yes that's best. I usually focus on things that's their strength
dispatch3d Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I'll go with the ass thing next time she calls since she is "too busy with work & needs time with her kids" this week & is working all next weekend. So i'll probably be hanging with the other one. I'll nip it in the bud with her also. This is obviously bad but you have a couple relationships going. The fact you failed this **** test could be the reason. Seriously just google "**** test" you'll see my solution+other methods (I think there are 2-3 more ways to pass them) in there. Keep in mind they are directed at confident, attractive women rated at 7 or above. Pickup lingo/bs does not work on low self esteem girls (as well) or on girls rated 6 or below....
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