How many happy relationships do you know?

[Woggle]

Can you read women's minds?

 

I have observed enough relationships to read in between the lines.

[threebyfate]

Woggle, we both know your observation lens is badly skewed when it comes to women, particularly when it comes to female/male relationships.

 

Your observation lens is skewed to distrust, where you ascribe emotion that doesn't exist.

[dispatch3d]

Lol the people who say none are unhappy/very few are I think they just can't read bad relationship signs.

 

I agree with you woggle. I would say >>>50% of relationships are unhappy. This makes a lot of sense. If 50% of marriages get divorced, one would expect the number of couples/non-marriage couples that break up is going to be greater than this number (since you would assume to get married on average these people would be more compatable.... although it wouldn't surprise me if this wasn't true).

 

It is very very shocking how few relationships are actually happy though. I started to notice it when I began getting better at gaming/picking up women. Once I was able to read the signs/sub communication stuff then it started to become very apparent which relationships were good and which were awful.

[elaina]

I was thinking today about my friend from the ill fated BBQ and I can count the number of happy relationships I know on one hand. The rest just seem to be full of misery and resentment. Despite my posts I really do want to make my marriage a happy one and I want to give myself fully to my wife but being surrounded by all this misery just wears on a guy. What is the point of trying to commit for the long haul if it just ends up in that?

 

I know at least 20 happy relationships, at the very least, who I know for as sure as a person who doesn't live in their home can know, that they are happy together. Most however are older, like in their 50s - 70s. They have weathered storms in their lives together and come out strong together, and are an inspiration for younger couples.

 

Do you have friends who are older who are married and who still hold hands or carry on like newlyweds? They are so awesome and cute!!! I really like talking to the ladies who have been married for a long time and who I can tell really love their husbands and are great role models in both their careers/what they have done and are doing in life and in their relationships.

Edited August 30, 2010 by elaina

[Woggle]

I know at least 20 happy relationships, at the very least, who I know for as sure as a person who doesn't live in their home can know, that they are happy together. Most however are older, like in their 50s - 70s. They have weathered storms in their lives together and come out strong together, and are an inspiration for younger couples.

 

Do you have friends who are older who are married and who still hold hands or carry on like newlyweds? They are so awesome and cute!!! I really like talking to the ladies who have been married for a long time and who I can tell really love their husbands and are great role models in both their careers/what they have done and are doing in life and in their relationships.

 

These are older women who have not been brainwashed by feminism to hate men. Many younger women probably view them as stepford wives. I bet I can go outside right now and pick the average woman wearing a wedding and get her to cheat in a heartbeat. I wouldn't but I bet I could.

[CLC2008]

I know several actually. Stop being such a Debbie Downer.

[Clep]

These are older women who have not been brainwashed by feminism to hate men. Many younger women probably view them as stepford wives. I bet I can go outside right now and pick the average woman wearing a wedding and get her to cheat in a heartbeat. I wouldn't but I bet I could.

 

Well this post speaks volumes. How you expect to have a fulfilling relationship with this distorted way of thinking is beyond me. What a poor view of women. Your wife must be a saint to be putting up with you.

[AverageJoe]

Poor view of women? That kind of happens when the divorce rate is about 52% here in the US. For better or worse, clank, cell door shuts. I am willing to bet it would be much, much higher of a rate if the laws here were not so much in favor of the female. Disgusting.

 

Aweee poor little delicate flowers, arent you? But you hear it all the time from some women how independent they are until it comes to the court system. They sure want the help then, dont they? They stand in front of a court and insist on everything. Do you have dreams? Yeah, I want those too.

 

Oh, boy. Some of you are not going to like what I say next, at all.

 

Men dont fear marriage enough.

 

I have said this before. The more you have to compromise with someone, the more likely you have picked the wrong person.

Seems some people think there is a time when you are supposed to get serious and stop having all that fun. Its time to "grow up"! Why? Many men get into marriage with the thought it will stop the women from having sex with other guys.

Its not an accident you hear the word instituion and commitment along with the word marriage.

 

Why are men so anxious to give up their freedom? With one out of two getting divorced, all the more reason not to make the mistake in the first place. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule but that doesnt make the rule any less valid. If the odds were one and two I would walk out of my front door tomorrow and get killed. I would stay home.

 

Woggle, you are getting quite a bit of crap from some of the women on this board, that is to be expected. Probably why they are here. I dont think you are bitter at all. That is an attack when there is no argument to be made. You get accused of being bitter, however, if you take that word way from the their argument, not much of an argument is left for them.

 

And to the poster that said "give yourself to her". Well, he did that when he said, I do.

There is really no benefit for a man to enter into that contract.

Edited August 31, 2010 by AverageJoe

[Clep]

Poor view of women? That kind of happens when the divorce rate is about 52% here in the US. For better or worse, clank, cell door shuts. I am willing to bet it would be much, much higher of a rate if the laws here were not so much in favor of the female. Disgusting.

 

Aweee poor little delicate flowers, arent you? But you hear it all the time from some women how independent they are until it comes to the court system. They sure want the help then, dont they? They stand in front of a court and insist on everything. Do you have dreams? Yeah, I want those too.

 

Oh, boy. Some of you are not going to like what I say next, at all.

 

Men dont fear marriage enough.

 

I have said this before. The more you have to compromise with someone, the more likely you have picked the wrong person.

Seems some people think there is a time when you are supposed to get serious and stop having all that fun. Its time to "grow up"! Why? Many men get into marriage with the thought it will stop the women from having sex with other guys.

Its not an accident you hear the word instituion and commitment along with the word marriage.

 

Why are men so anxious to give up their freedom? With one out of two getting divorced, all the more reason not to make the mistake in the first place. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule but that doesnt make the rule any less valid. If the odds were one and two I would walk out of my front door tomorrow and get killed. I would stay home.

 

Woggle, you are getting quite a bit of crap from some of the women on this board, that is to be expected. Probably why they are here. I dont think you are bitter at all. That is an attack when there is no argument to be made. You get accused of being bitter, however, if you take that word way from the their argument, not much of an argument is left for them.

 

And to the poster that said "give yourself to her". Well, he did that when he said, I do.

There is really no benefit for a man to enter into that contract.

 

And we are the delicate flowers here? I am not here whining about the opposite sex and blaming them for the downfall of marriages.

 

This is the most pathetic post I might have seen on LS yet. I just sat here and laughed so hard. Thanks. I needed that.

[Woggle]

What I said is true. Look at any group of married women together and you can cut the bitterness and resentment with a knife.

[quankanne]

look at 97 percent of your posts, kid, and we can cut the bitterness with a butterknife ... you keep saying you *want* something different, but you sure as hell keep looking in the garbage bin for it instead of looking up and around ...

 

time to shxt or get off the pot, Woggle. Either commit to making yours a happy marriage or let the poor girl find someone who is willing to take that leap of faith with her. Because at some point, she's going to pick up on all your negative vibes and the stuff you've been kvetching about is going to be self-realized. And it won't be her fault, it'll be yours because you sold yourself (and y'alls love) short simply because you refused to get out of your emotional and mental rut.

[Hot Carl]

What I said is true. Look at any group of married women together and you can cut the bitterness and resentment with a knife.

 

look at 97 percent of your posts, kid, and we can cut the bitterness with a butterknife

 

Pot. Meet kettle.

[quankanne]

yeah ... but I'm an old kettle :laugh:

[Lizzie60]

It depends what you mean by 'happy'... I know quite a few couples who have been together for a long time.. are they happy? not sure.

 

If you define 'happy' as being in the honeymoon phase ALL the time.. (or for years) then.. I don't know any couples like that.

 

Do I think 2 persons can be faithful to one person all their life.. NO, absolutely not..

 

My parents are still together.. over 60 years now.. are they happy.. I guess they are fairly happy now.. my father cheated on my mother.. she never cheated on him.. I know another couple who have been married for over 65 years.. they are 92 and 91.. still together.. are they happy.. I guess so.. but he cheated on her most of his younger life.. Most couples who have been together for over 20+ years.. have been unfaithful.. (mainly the husband)...

 

I'm sure many people know many couples who are fairly happy.. because they are comfortable in their life.. they become best friends.. have a family together.. etc.. but in most cases, there was cheating involved..

[Stung]

I know couples who have been together a long time without cheating, whether because they were perfectly monogamous or because they were open to threesomes and respected the boundaries they set up.

 

I also know longtime couples who went through major rocky patches such as infidelity, alcholism, bankruptcy, went into counseling, struggled with each other and alongside each other, and came out the other side committed and content.

 

My dad cheated on my mom when I was young, they separated briefly and almost divorced--BUT they have gone through thirty years of marriage together since then. They went into therapy and worked on themselves and their marriage, they chose to stay together. Now thirty years later they are both retired and they travel the world together, living their dream. Last year they went to Macchu Picchu, the Amazon River and the Galapagos, this year they just got back from six weeks camping around in Canada, and they're planning a trip to Tahiti, I admit I'm totally jealous . They are good friends, they have a lot of common interests, they enjoy their life together and spending time with their grandkids. They take classes when they're not traveling, sometimes together, sometimes pursuing different interests. They totally still have sex and my mom still grabs my dad's ass when she thinks nobody is looking. Sure, they're not honeymooners, but most of the time they're pretty happy, and while I hope my own marriage isn't tested by infidelity I do hope my husband and I are that content with each other when we're that age. I know a lot of similar marital stories, not all beds of roses but overall pretty successful, I'd say.

 

My favorite totally true story of marital romance: ten years ago I spent a couple years working with Alzheimer's patients, and my favorite patient was a man in his 90s, retired from the Merchant Marines, who would tell me stories he still remembered about his life. He couldn't always remember where he was, but he usually remembered me and called me Songbird. He told me about his wife, always with a wink, joked about how she was a real lady but such a tiger in the sack. Once he cried when he told me about how she had grieved when their son died, another time that his biggest regret was that he had been unfaithful once when he was overseas. He said his wife was the greatest thing that had ever happened to him. She was in her 80s and completely blind and they lived together in a cottage on their daughter's property and went dancing at the senior center every Saturday night. I met his "tiger" wife once, she was a tiny sweet birdlike thing, they were adorable together. I watched them dance together, he twirled her very gently, her face was always turned towards him in total trust. They were facing her blindness, his mental decline, age and sickness and pain, and had lived through infidelity and the death of a child together--and they were still in love. It was quite touching. I still think of them often.

 

And yeah, I'm pretty sure I can recognize signs of a truly bad relationship, I've been around the block a few times and of course I do see those as well. There's no shortage of dysfunction and misery in the world, but dysfunction and misery is not the only thing I look for and believe in.

[Woggle]

Woggle, I don't know where you hang out, but you need a serious change of scenery!

 

My H and I have been married 3 years, each year happier than the last!

 

I have been in many places and it is the same story everywhere. The stories Stung told are very touching but they are older couples. Love lived back then but is dead now.

[Mad Max]

It is very possible to be happily married for years. But, men have much more to lose than women in a divorce and that has been shown to be true. I can understand why many men are hesitant to get married and I'm one of them. I would present a pre-nup and if she agrees, great. If not, no marriage.

 

 

Sorry, but the man has much more to lose. In that respect, Woggle is correct. But, if you marry the right person, you shouldn't have a problem, But, the divorce rate is basically flipping a coin. Too much of a chance to get divorced.

[Stung]

I have been in many places and it is the same story everywhere. The stories Stung told are very touching but they are older couples. Love lived back then but is dead now.

 

 

Please.

 

My grandparents were married for sixty plus years and they HATED each other. My grandmother cried on her deathbed because she'd spent her whole life serving a man she despised, she didn't want him to touch her. He was a bad man. They were in separate bedrooms for forty years and quietly drank and smoked and ate themselves to death steeped in misery. So I amend my previous statement, I have very definitely seen one couple who languished in dysfunction and hatred for years, I've seen them right up close and personal.

 

Just last night we got my engagement ring out of the safe I stashed it in while we were on vacation, and my husband put it on my finger and said he would ask me to marry him all over again.

 

YOU YOURSELF say you are in a happy marriage.

 

Love is dead? Everybody all over the world could tell anecdotes all day, one contradicting and one verifying your beliefs, the only ones you would hear or believe would be the verifications.

[Woggle]

Romantic love in our society is a concept that is on it's death bed. Men and women for the most part pretty much hate each other these days.

[zengirl]

These are older women who have not been brainwashed by feminism to hate men. Many younger women probably view them as stepford wives. I bet I can go outside right now and pick the average woman wearing a wedding and get her to cheat in a heartbeat. I wouldn't but I bet I could.

 

I know plenty of older women who are much more feminist -- well, more vocal about it, because they actually endured discrimination that was mostly over by the time I came around, at least in the educated circles in which I travel -- than I. They are still happily married. They don't hate men. They marched for rights and everything, but that has little to do with their husbands. . . who also support similar ideals. One really has little to do with the other; perhaps it has become a convenient excuse for certain people to be difficult, but everyone finds excuses. Are you using your trust issues as an excuse to be difficult?

 

look at 97 percent of your posts, kid, and we can cut the bitterness with a butterknife ... you keep saying you *want* something different, but you sure as hell keep looking in the garbage bin for it instead of looking up and around ...

 

Exactly. You find what you seek.

 

Sorry, but the man has much more to lose. In that respect, Woggle is correct. But, if you marry the right person, you shouldn't have a problem, But, the divorce rate is basically flipping a coin. Too much of a chance to get divorced.

 

If you see it as flipping a coin, it will be. I don't see it as luck at all, personally. It's choice + actions. I suppose this depends on how much you think you shape your life and are responsible for it.

 

As for prenups, I think some people have limiting ideas about them and money in general. BUT I also think more people should have some kind of them (I think we should use more short-term prenups as a society, though, like expiring after a decade or once kids are involved). When my Mom re-married, she and my Stepdad kept finances separate for many years and only slowly integrated them and totally merged everything. Now they are completely committed, merged, and there is no existing prenup -- but this is after almost 17 years of marriage. I like the way they did it. They retained their self-sufficiency and only merged all financial assets over time because it was pretty much an expression of how they felt about the relationship. Even today, they could both support themselves.

 

They are more together than apart, though, financially and otherwise----to me, that seems healthy. Some aspect of marriage IS financial. I used to think I wanted a total prenup to separate myself financially forever and ever and keep myself "safe" but, really, you cannot have a true partnership without joining some finances, and that means permanently (if you can take them back if the partnership fails, they are not really joint). So complete prenups limit the ability to really have a partner. That's fine if it suits what people need from their marriages.

 

At any rate, it's usually the person who makes the most money -- regardless of gender -- who loses most in a divorce. More men happen to make more money.

[AverageJoe]

I am not here whining about the opposite sex and blaming them for the downfall of marriages.

I dont recall saying that.

I am not whinning, I am Warning. Everything posted here can be avoided.

.

This is the most pathetic post I might have seen on LS yet. I just sat here and laughed so hard. Thanks. I needed that.

 

Its a public service, and I appreciate your brevity.

 

Unlike Woggles view I dont hate women, I love women. I just dont give them the key to my place. There is really no benefit for a man to do that.

 

I am also a little shocked today, there was actually a little bit of zen, in the latter part of Zen's post.

[mem11363]

I have never cheated. Honeymoon phase about half of our 21 years - MORE honeymoon phase years in the second half of the marriage so the trend line is good. The other half - most of those years the sex was good (at least I can say that with certainty for me) but the tension level was a too high.

 

For instance the last 6 months have definitely been a honeymoon period :)

 

But then W is unusual - she really gets guys. No pretend bull**** of "I didn't know sex was THAT important to you".

 

It depends what you mean by 'happy'... I know quite a few couples who have been together for a long time.. are they happy? not sure.

 

If you define 'happy' as being in the honeymoon phase ALL the time.. (or for years) then.. I don't know any couples like that.

 

Do I think 2 persons can be faithful to one person all their life.. NO, absolutely not..

 

My parents are still together.. over 60 years now.. are they happy.. I guess they are fairly happy now.. my father cheated on my mother.. she never cheated on him.. I know another couple who have been married for over 65 years.. they are 92 and 91.. still together.. are they happy.. I guess so.. but he cheated on her most of his younger life.. Most couples who have been together for over 20+ years.. have been unfaithful.. (mainly the husband)...

 

I'm sure many people know many couples who are fairly happy.. because they are comfortable in their life.. they become best friends.. have a family together.. etc.. but in most cases, there was cheating involved..

Edited September 1, 2010 by mem11363

[Stung]

Saddest part of this thread: Woggle wants stories of successful happy relationships, but the happy people who haven't been together very long don't count because they're still honeymooning, and the happy people who have been together a long time don't count because they're from a previous generation.

[threebyfate]

It doesn't matter what anyone says since Woggle can read female minds or intuits that they're all unhappy in relationships. If he met my mother, she would intuit some thoughts into his mind with her super mind control powers.

[Hot Carl]

yeah ... but I'm an old kettle :laugh:

 

The kettle is all the women. The pot is Woggle. I was agreeing with you. I was afraid you'd take it that way. Should have been more clear about who I think the bonehead is (not you).