After a Good First Date

[The Non-Student]

So, I had a nice date last night. I was going to wait and see if the guy asks me out again, but my friend advised me to just send a quick text or email to let him know that I had fun. Is it best to wait to see if he contacts me, or would a "I had a great time" message be appreciated?

[elow_IN _LOve]

Contact him, not much but just let him know, your interested.

[Star Gazer]

I'm a big fan of the follow-up text the next day, something to the extent of: "Had a great time! Thanks again for dinner, it was delish! :)"

 

And then wait.

 

Past two dates I've been on I didn't even have to do that, as I received the guy's own version of said text by the time I got home.

[Stung]

I definitely think SOMEBODY should text or communicate in some way shortly after a good first date. I absolutely hate the 'make 'em wait' school of thought, it's clear manipulation.

 

If you like him, there's no reason not to shoot a little acknowledgement of that his way. Don't gush, don't send him a dozen texts, but a simple 'that was fun' is never out of order and costs you nothing.

[Mad Max]

If he asked you out initially, it's your responsibility to initiate a second date, not his.

[AverageJoe]

The problem with a quick txt or email to say you enjoyed yourself, is this. Many, many times a woman thinks the guy is obligated to respond to said txt or email. Thats just not the case, for whatever reason, it doesnt really matter why.

 

Then when that txt or email isnt immediatly responded to, that can possibly cause her imagination to go wild with unreasonable thoughts.

 

I am not a big fan of it myself for that reason and others.

[Star Gazer]

If he asked you out initially, it's your responsibility to initiate a second date, not his.

 

WRONG. Second date should still be his. He knows she's interested with the f/u text.

[Mad Max]

WRONG. Second date should still be his. He knows she's interested with the f/u text.

 

 

No, I'm right. It's part of common courtesy. Whoever asks pays and whoever was asked out initially is responsible for initiating the second date.

[AverageJoe]

No, I'm right. It's part of common courtesy. Whoever asks pays and whoever was asked out initially is responsible for initiating the second date.

 

Shouldnt be paying for a date to begin with.

[kalikula]

No, I'm right. It's part of common courtesy. Whoever asks pays and whoever was asked out initially is responsible for initiating the second date.

 

I disagree... You can text him but you should wait for him to ask you out again.

[melodymatters]

Uh...No Max, you are NOT right. Maybe after a few dates she could invite him to something, but the first is a bit of a "test" to see if both parties feel there is potential. She sends a text indicating that she is interested, now he doesn't have to worry about rejection, but can also go the other route if HE is not interested and no harm no foul on either side.

 

And average joe, yeah, I d think it is a sign of disinterest if a guy didn't text me back within the day. NOBODY is that busy and we ALL know the excited tingly feeling we get when someone we like contacts us, why on earth would an interested party NOT text back ???????

[Mad Max]

Uh...No Max, you are NOT right. Maybe after a few dates she could invite him to something, but the first is a bit of a "test" to see if both parties feel there is potential. She sends a text indicating that she is interested, now he doesn't have to worry about rejection, but can also go the other route if HE is not interested and no harm no foul on either side.

 

 

Sorry, but that's not how I was raised. If I initiate a first date and the girl doesn't initiate a second one, I'm going to assume she's not interested enough to see me again. It's not my responsibility to keep initiating dates. Sorry, but I'm not wrong.

[Star Gazer]

No, I'm right. It's part of common courtesy. Whoever asks pays and whoever was asked out initially is responsible for initiating the second date.

 

Wrong again. Dude should be initiating the first three dates or so. It's called courting. The guy is the one who does the courting. After that, the gal evens it up.

[Mad Max]

Wrong again. Dude should be initiating the first three dates or so. It's called courting. The guy is the one who does the courting. After that, the gal evens it up.

 

 

No. I will not pursue a girl without an equal effort on her part. Seems like too many people lack common courtesy. This is 2010. Courting is not solely up to the man anymore.

 

 

Funny how you ignored the part about whoever pays first.

[Star Gazer]

Sorry, but that's not how I was raised. If I initiate a first date and the girl doesn't initiate a second one, I'm going to assume she's not interested enough to see me again. It's not my responsibility to keep initiating dates. Sorry, but I'm not wrong.

 

To "keep" initiating dates? You did it ONE time. At four dates I wouldn't blame you for walking, but after only one?? Tsk, tsk.

 

I imagine you're not going to be able to develop a relationship with anyone if you continue thinking this way, as you'll rarely, if ever, have a second date! If she makes her interest clear, she's right there on a silver platter just waiting for you BE A MAN and ask. Why wouldn't you?

 

Women do NOT like to feel like they're chasing a guy or doing the courting for him, but if you put her in the position of having to ask in the first few dates, you're doing just that. Making her feel uneasy. She may ask because she gets tired of waiting, but you're shooting yourself in the foot if you do that.

[Cobra_X]

Wrong again. Dude should be initiating the first three dates or so. It's called courting. The guy is the one who does the courting. After that, the gal evens it up.

 

What do you mean by "even it up"?

 

Also... do you email these rules to the guy before the date?

 

I don't think it's important regarding who asks what of whom. It's only important that your on the same page.

[Star Gazer]

No. I will not pursue a girl without an equal effort on her part. Seems like too many people lack common courtesy. This is 2010. Courting is not solely up to the man anymore.

 

Sorry, but it is. Men are wired one way, women another. You want us to have testosterone and behave like hunters? I really don't think you do.

 

Funny how you ignored the part about whoever pays first.

 

I didn't ignore it. It was irrelevant. Whomever pays has nothing to do with who initiates the next date.

 

You're a tit-for-tat guy, I get it. You probably expect your dates to put out too, just because you bought them a meal.

[AverageJoe]

And average joe, yeah, I d think it is a sign of disinterest if a guy didn't text me back within the day.

You make my point for me. But you see it as disinterest, who said he was not interested? It wasnt him.

 

NOBODY is that busy and we ALL know the excited tingly feeling we get when someone we like contacts us, why on earth would an interested party NOT text back ????

 

Its not a matter of being busy, sometimes I am, sure. I am not obligated to respond to anyones txt, even a dates, im just not. Want to avoid that feeling? Just dont do it.

[melodymatters]

Word, Star ! Well between Joe's philosophy and Max's, looks like they'll be single for a while !

 

You don't have to like the system, but it's the way it is. Ingrained in the primitive parts of our brains. Just like you likely aren't attracted to overweight, slovenly drug addicts. It is what it is.

[Star Gazer]

What do you mean by "even it up"?

 

C'mon. Don't act like you don't know what I'm referring to. After a few dates, th woman can begin initiating the invitations and paying for the dates. But the first few are on him.

 

Also... do you email these rules to the guy before the date?

 

99% of the men I date are real men and know how to treat a lady. So I've never had to remind them of dating etiquette.

[Mad Max]

To "keep" initiating dates? You did it ONE time. At four dates I wouldn't blame you for walking, but after only one?? Tsk, tsk.

 

 

Doesn't matter if it's 1 or 100. You need to put in an equal amount of effort to be taken seriously. Why would any respectable guy be a sucker for such a thing?

 

 

I imagine you're not going to be able to develop a relationship with anyone if you continue thinking this way, as you'll rarely, if ever, have a second date! If she makes her interest clear, she's right there on a silver platter just waiting for you BE A MAN and ask. Why wouldn't you?

 

 

I've been in relationships before. Never had a problem. I was a man by initiating the first date. If she's interested, she needs to initiate the second date. It's called common courtesy. I don't believe in this 80/20 BS.

 

 

Women do NOT like to feel like they're chasing a guy or doing the courting for him, but if you put her in the position of having to ask in the first few dates, you're doing just that. Making her feel uneasy. She may ask because she gets tired of waiting, but you're shooting yourself in the foot if you do that.

 

 

And men don't like to feel as if the woman is not putting in an equal amount of effort, which is exactly what you're advocating. A relationship is supposed to be 50/50. What you're promoting is manipulation.

[melodymatters]

You make my point for me. But you see it as disinterest, who said he was not interested? It wasnt him.

 

 

Its not a matter of being busy, sometimes I am, sure. I am not obligated to respond to anyones txt, even a dates, im just not. Want to avoid that feeling? Just dont do it.

 

 

So seriously, if YOU had a great date with a wman you found extremely interesting and attractive, and she texted you, you would NOT text her back ASAP ?

 

Why not ?????

[Mad Max]

Sorry, but it is. Men are wired one way, women another. You want us to have testosterone and behave like hunters? I really don't think you do.

 

 

If woen are "wired" that way, then no woman would ever ask a man out or pursue a man. Again, you are wrong. It is not instinct or wiring. It is social conditioning.

 

 

You're a tit-for-tat guy, I get it. You probably expect your dates to put out too, just because you bought them a meal.

 

 

Show me where I said that.

[Star Gazer]

Its not a matter of being busy, sometimes I am, sure. I am not obligated to respond to anyones txt, even a dates, im just not. Want to avoid that feeling? Just dont do it.

 

No one is obligated to do anything. But what you do, and more importantly, what you don't do, in the dating context, speaks volumes.

 

Not responding to a text is one. Not asking for a second date is another.

 

If I send a text to a guy after a date telling him I had a great time (CODE: "I will say yes if you ask for a 2nd date!!) and get no response, that tells me a lot more than not sending a text and still not getting a response. It's really a nail in the coffin, as there's really no excuse to not respond to a text, particularly one like that. It takes all of 5 seconds.

[The Non-Student]

Hey everyone! Lots of strong opinions here. I texted him "Thanks, had fun" etc and within an hour, I had not one but TWO date invitations for next week. I like this guy!