alclarkey Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Have you seen him on web-cam? Can you be sure you're not talking to some fat hairy slob pretending to be a male model?
Simon Attwood Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I'd like to say "I don't understand why a person would do this", but I do. We have 2 very important needs that are not often complimentary; intimacy and security. One involves letting someone in to a vulnerable place, and the other involves keeping people out of vulnerable places. The attraction of intimacy over the internet is that it appeals to both needs; you've got your security, your wall, it's the internet and you can turn it off any time you want so you are in control. And you've got your intimacy in a way that maintains security. Where this could break down is if you send naked pictures of yourself; you can never be sure how they will be used or who will end up seeing them. You lose the control. you have to ask yourself if you are prepared to give up that security. Imagine seeing a guy in the street regularly, you find him attractive, you pluck up the courage to talk to him one day, and then the next day you walk up to him in a long coat, drop the coat and you are naked underneath, in the middle of the street. How would you feel?
O'Malley Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Have you seen him on web-cam? Can you be sure you're not talking to some fat hairy slob pretending to be a male model? This is what I would be worrying about as well. Has this guy offered to meet up with you, or actually talked on the phone? 1.5 hours is not far at all and you could meet halfway.
LisaLee Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) It sounds to me like you think this guy is extremely attractive so you are trying to cut through all the crap and make him more interested with the one thing most guys are very keen on: sex. No offense, but this reeks of desperation. Send him the pics, be prepared for the consequences.... one being you plastered over the internet, the second him thinking less of you. Edited August 22, 2010 by LisaLee
Art_Critic Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 the second him thinking less of you. This.. Unless it is an agreed to and a mutual deal then it is only spurned out of desperation.. IMO When those types of things have happened to me back in the day.. I just shook my head and blocked/deleted them..
Jilly Bean Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Shadow, you're a funny girl. If you are feeling little exhibitionist, put them up on Craigslist or the like. That way you get your thrills, plenty of men (and women, I suppose) can write you with comments, and you get to control the whole thing. Oh, also, there are plenty of amateur nude posting sites you can try as well.
dispatch3d Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Do not send him naked pictures. This is a flag for many many guys. Serious enough that you jepordize everything by doing it. Figure out another way to get together with him.
Art_Critic Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 If a man sends a picture of his penis to some woman online he doesn't know and it is uninvited it is viewed by the girl as a dumb and desperate move and almost 100% of the time the girl will never speak to him again. How is that any different if the girl sends the naked pics ? .. it isn't.
Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 If a man sends a picture of his penis to some woman online he doesn't know and it is uninvited it is viewed by the girl as a dumb and desperate move and almost 100% of the time the girl will never speak to him again. How is that any different if the girl sends the naked pics ? .. it isn't. It isn't any different, Art. Well, with a guy you can also add in "pervert" (ha!), which for some reason wouldn't apply to a woman.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Art, no offense, but you admit to online dating, pics sending "way back in the day." Things and attitudes have changed now. Shadow is what, 2 generations younger than you are? I am not saying that I support this, but sexting is rampant and the "norm" these days. Not so many women and men think the way you do, in absolutes regarding the subject. I am in no way saying I support "sexting" and "naked pics"....but with other things with new generations....attitudes and beliefs change over the years..........just because you say that guys view naked pic sending as desperate...you are not speaking for all guys, especially ones 2 generations younger than you are......No offense... And again, I do not have an opinion on the topic either way as I date guys in 35 to 45 (my own age range) so generally it's different for me, but I do accept that the younger generations are changing rapidly.
TouchedByViolet Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Art, no offense, but you admit to online dating, pics sending "way back in the day." Things and attitudes have changed now. Shadow is what, 2 generations younger than you are? I am not saying that I support this, but sexting is rampant and the "norm" these days. Not so many women and men think the way you do, in absolutes regarding the subject. I am in no way saying I support "sexting" and "naked pics"....but with other things with new generations....attitudes and beliefs change over the years..........just because you say that guys view naked pic sending as desperate...you are not speaking for all guys, especially ones 2 generations younger than you are......No offense... And again, I do not have an opinion on the topic either way as I date guys in 35 to 45 (my own age range) so generally it's different for me, but I do accept that the younger generations are changing rapidly. I strongly disagree. As a 23 yearold male getting naked pictures from a girl I have never met and only chatted with briefly is a deal breaker. It is desperate, slutty, and strange. Most sexting and such happens between people in a relationship, not between strangers. I feel your post sets a incorrect precedent for this generation you speak of. I have seen women do some so crazy things to impress a good looking guy. 9 times out of 10 it involves sluttyness, just like shadow is thinking about.
Art_Critic Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) Art, no offense, but you admit to online dating, pics sending "way back in the day." Actually if you read what I wrote I never said I have ever sent any pics.. I have never sent naked pics of myself ever to anybody online. I have however received naked pics from women online while they were trying to get my attention and while you think it was way back it was only 4-5 years ago I was online dating and I doubt sending naked pics has changed in the way of perception in that time.. Each time I blocked and deleted those contacts.. and stop saying that no offense shiot.. when people say that crap they have all intention of trying to offend..not that you did offend me but it just makes your post worthy of not reading. Edited August 22, 2010 by Art_Critic
hoping2heal Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 So.... there's this guy I've been corresponding with on OKC. He's extremely hot, smart and interesting, but he lives about 1.5 hours away, and not in a location that I ever go near. It seems unlikely that we'll meet in person given the distance. Or maybe we will at some point, I don't know. For some reason I have a slight urge to send him naked pictures. It seems like it would be fun. I guess I"m just sex deprived and increasingly horny. I'm kind of hoping he'll send me some of him in return. But if I did would that basically eliminate any possibility that we could ever have an actual relationship, if we found some way to make the distance thing work? Our messages so far have had substance (talking about our shared interests in cognitive psychology and painting), but they've also been pretty flirty. As a guy how would you take it if a girl do this? Would you no longer see her as potential gf material? I don't know. Am I losing my mind?? I'm going to sound harsh here but I think you've got be a total idiot to ever text naked pics of yourself. I can't count the times I've not intentionally seen a naked girl passed around - and not even an ex gf - just a "hey look at this girl!" With the trends of technology the odds that the photos you send actually remaining with the person sent to are very slim. Secondly, I think you will come off as easy and never be taken seriously by any man as a girlfriend if you start sending nudes to men who you aren't even involved with.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I really meant no offense. You categorically stated that sending naked pics was desperate. Actually if you read what I wrote I never said I have ever sent any pics.. I have never sent naked pics of myself ever to anybody online. I have however received naked pics from women online while they were trying to get my attention and while you think it was way back it was only 4-5 years ago I was online dating and I doubt sending naked pics has changed in the way of perception in that time.. Each time I blocked and deleted those contacts.. and stop saying that no offense shiot.. when people say that crap they have all intention of trying to offend..not that you did offend me but it just makes your post worthy of not reading.
Author shadowplay Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 Yeah, the stuff about him sending the photos to other people wasn't something I really considered...partly because I was going to crop out my face. But still, you guys are right that it's probably too risky. Aside from that valid point, some of you are really uptight! I don't think sending naked photos implies desperation (no matter how the guy perceives it). It's just fun, and honestly turns me on a little. But I've decided against it.
Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I don't see how sending naked pictures of yourself to someone you've never met and don't know in order to get his attention could be seen as anything but desperate. Do you feel that what you have to offer thus far (attractive pictures, stimulating/intelligent conversation, etc.) isn't enough to keep his attention??
Author shadowplay Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 I don't see how sending naked pictures of yourself to someone you've never met and don't know in order to get his attention could be seen as anything but desperate. Do you feel that what you have to offer thus far (attractive pictures, stimulating/intelligent conversation, etc.) isn't enough to keep his attention?? Eh, I don't really see it that way
Citizen Erased Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Yeah, the stuff about him sending the photos to other people wasn't something I really considered...partly because I was going to crop out my face. But still, you guys are right that it's probably too risky. Aside from that valid point, some of you are really uptight! I don't think sending naked photos implies desperation (no matter how the guy perceives it). It's just fun, and honestly turns me on a little. But I've decided against it. It's not about being uptight. I did this with my own boyfriend (now ex) and he ended up showing half his soccer team and coach. And this wasn't that long ago. Luckily I had a slamming body at the time but still. You never know who will see them.
dispatch3d Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Yeah, the stuff about him sending the photos to other people wasn't something I really considered...partly because I was going to crop out my face. But still, you guys are right that it's probably too risky. Aside from that valid point, some of you are really uptight! I don't think sending naked photos implies desperation (no matter how the guy perceives it). It's just fun, and honestly turns me on a little. But I've decided against it. I agree they are uptight. That said I wouldn't send them cause for many guys this is a red flag.
Art_Critic Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) You categorically stated that sending naked pics was desperate. I'll go on the record and say that sending naked pictures to someone that you DO NOT KNOW can be considered and most likely will be considered desperate.. IMO it is desperate.. Besides the voyeur side of it why on earth would a woman who has good self esteem do something like that ? By the way.. a man sending pictures of his genitalia to a woman he doesn't know can very well be breaking the law if that person is underage.. and so can a woman be breaking the law.. Now sending pictures to someone you are dating or you know or if you are in a relationship with them.. that is different. and you did mean to offend me when you started attacking my age.. for crips sake.. By the way..TouchedByViolet's post talks about how the younger crowd see's it Edited August 28, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Stockalone Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) Aside from that valid point, some of you are really uptight! I don't think sending naked photos implies desperation (no matter how the guy perceives it). It's just fun, and honestly turns me on a little. But I've decided against it. Granted, if you think they are uptight, you might not click with those men personality wise. But uptight or not, I am convinced you made the right choice. Most men would consider it to be a sign of desperation or some other negative trait. If it really does turn you on and it is about the thrill/excitement, you might consider Jilly's idea. That's less risky than sending naked pictures to potential dates. However, I don't think that is a great idea either, especially with your BDD. I know you'd get a lot of positive feedback, but what if some people would say something negative about your body? Edited August 22, 2010 by Stockalone
LisaLee Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Aside from that valid point, some of you are really uptight! I don't think sending naked photos implies desperation (no matter how the guy perceives it). It's just fun, and honestly turns me on a little. Sure it's fun and sexy, when it's sent to someone you are in a relationship with. I've sent dozens of naked shots to my SO, not to Joe Schmo that I met via a dating site and have only had brief chats with. In that case it's desperation, pure and simple. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, well then...
stellaluna Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Its never private. all my buddies send me pics of girls they have gotten from the net. Lots of girls do it they just send pics without thinking about who will see them. If a buddy gets a pic on his phone he shows all of us. Dont be one of those girls shadow because you seem too nice for that.
hoping2heal Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Besides the voyeur side of it why on earth would a woman who has good self esteem do something like that ? Exactly. No self respecting woman with good self esteem would text naked pictures or herself to a man she doesn't know. Women know it, men know it. It has nothing to do with being uptight. You will attract the type of men you set your bait for. Any man worth being in a serious relationship with is not looking for a woman who passes out nude texts "because it turns her on".
nat_nat Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I have done sexting with a guy recently, and honestly it's such great fun! I did it at a time when I felt quite unhappy and low in my life, and it was a real confidence booster. BUT, you say you really like this guy so I wouldn't recommend sending pics to a guy that you might possibly want to date. I know that the one I was sending pics to just wants to have sex with me and that's all, and I'm fine with that because I don't see him as partner material either. Plus he lives 5 hours away so there's no way there could be any implications from sending them, but 1.5 hours really isn't far and possibly risky?! But I'd say you could go for it if your conversations turn a bit dirtier, I certainly wouldn't send one now if you're having intelligent conversation. Be prepared though if you do send any, I think it will always make a guy you don't know well think differently of you. Good Luck!
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