Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 You would think 10 years to deal with it would be enough;) You're right though.
LoveLace Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 1 in 3 people have it...yes that's right. We call them "cold sores". All it takes is to kiss someone, then go down on someone, and there you go. Or vice versa of course. It's not a very hard thing to contract at all...unfortunately. Anyway, point is too bad that we freak out about it when it's really as common as the common cold...literally. It's just that outbreaks are different from person to person in severity and frequency. Not saying it isn't a big deal because of course it is. It's just too bad that those who have it have to face such judgement or rejection because of it, I would freak out a billion times more about syphillis or AIDS...just because Herpes can't kill you but other crap can. I'd put up with a virus that visits once in a while over something that kills me any day...but of course I understand why a person looks out for themselves and vows to stay clear of it.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Ya, it is a matter of choice, I understand that. I am "Lucky" in that I get visited by the H once or twice a year at most and it is very minor. But I would be amiss if I didn't share the information.
carhill Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Question: Is your attraction style more of 'immediate' with strangers or 'growth' with men you know casually? Do you have any/many platonic male friends?
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Honestly, usually immediate....but as of the last year or so I have been trying to be more gradual. I don't have any platonic male friends either.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 So when I was 22 years old I was in a terrible relationship with an older abusive man. While we were together he cheated on me and gave me genital herpes. When I confronted him about it later, he said, "I figure I probably gave it to you." Nice huh? Now I'm 32 years old and I get outbreaks once every year or so. I'm lucky I have mild outbreaks. I am forthcoming about this to potential partners. It has varied as to when I tell them, some I have told right before becoming intimate (literally) and some I have told right away. Of course, what I deal with is the rejection associated with revealing this information. Today I was talking with this guy I am interested in and we were talking about secrets. He asked if I had any secrets and I said, "One," to which he responded, "Do tell," and I told him. He was initially silent and then asked me how often I have outbreaks. I told him and then he said that it was okay and that he still wanted me. We continued to converse and he said he will call me later today. Of course after telling him I felt vulnerable and now I'm scared that he won't call and was just trying to be nice about it. I could like him and it scares me he'll reject me because of it. It's not my freakin fault I have this!!!! I thought I was in a monogamous relationship and was left with this. How do I cope with the rejection? Man this was sounding so matter-of-fact and mature for so much of the way during this read. Then I got to the end and saw your uncertainty and dismay. You looked absolutely fantastic when I was envisioning someone who is strong and aspiring to be stronger while dealing with the present and the future while not bothering to question the past. Had YOU been immoral back there and rendered yourself with herpes, then it would be one thing, but if your own conscience is clear that way, then show THAT element of your being as you move through life in a mature manner where you understand that there will simply be some prospects who will balk at your honorable disclosure. The immoral part would be when you don't tell a prospect and then, eventually, have to learn that you gave herpes to another just like somebody once gave it to you.
Knittress Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I always tell people I'm involved with that I have a history of cold sores, and that even though I know the signs of an impending outbreak there's still a risk of transmission - even with no symptoms. That tends to freak some people out a little bit, just because I'm more informed and upfront than average! Weird. I have friends who have genital herpes and it hasn't stopped them from having full and adventurous love lives.
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Thanks all. Ya, being mature about it helps. I tell partners because that's the right thing to do.
LoveLace Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Doesn't some huge percentage of the population have the herpes virus? EDIT: Just looked it up - 20% apparently I'm surprised if it isn't more...I wonder if this is genital herpes only. Because the virus is so easily spread, orally anyway, even just from kissing or drinking after someone. Everyone I know has had cold sores in their life...it's part of the herpes zoster family which includes chicken pox and shingles. And we know how contagious those are, herpes is no different but a much more harmless version of those.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Doesn't some huge percentage of the population have the herpes virus? EDIT: Just looked it up - 20% apparently Um, the number is more like 75% - 80% of all humans have some form of the Herpes virus - usually oral herpes which causes cold sores, and which can be transmitted to the genitals via oral sex.
LoveLace Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Um, the number is more like 75% - 80% of all humans have some form of the Herpes virus - usually oral herpes which causes cold sores, and which can be transmitted to the genitals via oral sex. That sounds more like it, in nursing school we were told 1 in 3 people..
Author Loquacious Miss L. Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 Wow. I didn't know that! Doesn't make me feel that bad then.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 That sounds more like it, in nursing school we were told 1 in 3 people.. That was probably specific to genital herpes (type #2)
InceptorsRule Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Actually when men get it, shouldn't it be called himpes, instead of herpes?
asters101 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 i admire your honesty and at least you didnt become bitter about you predicament. i really feel for you. just be strong and try to treat you cold sores. i know of this product that has really worked for me. Herbivir HERBIVIR Medseurope
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Thanks all. Ya, being mature about it helps. I tell partners because that's the right thing to do. And doing the right thing is what makes you a good person. You know at some point a guy is going to like you enough that he won't care... or maybe he has it too. Bottom line... think of it as an easy way to weed out guys who are not that interested.
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