zengirl Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Proceed with caution Shadow. I have just discovered that the guy I have been seeing for the past month (and was really excited about) has a live in girlfriend I met him on OKCupid. Girl from work knows him. My gut told me that something felt off about that guy I hope someone will be alerting the live-in girl to his profile then. Not saying she has to know about you, perse, but someone ought to send the girl a link!
zengirl Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 so there's this guy who seems really interesting who messaged me and I just responded to. Only thing is he's 35, divorced and has a 6 year old kid. Bad idea? Do you like 6 year old kids and men that age? I don't think that means he's a jerk. I wouldn't date him, 'cause I'm not ready to be a step-mom, and that's also just too old for me, but that's a personal thing. Divorced isn't a big deal to me. I've dated divorced fellows and they were no more or less broken, on average, than those who hadn't been divorced.
Author shadowplay Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Thanks. Luckily, the more time I spent with him, the less I liked him. It was becoming obvious that there wasn't much there past the physical. Yeah, that's the sense I got from the descriptions of your first two dates. Well, at least you found out that you weren't blowing something good.
Author shadowplay Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Also, this should give you more confidence in your intuition for future decisions.
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Yeah, that's the sense I got from the descriptions of your first two dates. Well, at least you found out that you weren't blowing something good. Yeah, I don't even feel a little hurt - I was about done with him before I found out. I got bored of the physical stuff and didn't connect with him on any other level. As for the guy with kid, I think you should have an open mind and keep talking and possibly meet him. I hope you don't chicken out of actually meeting the guys (it is a LOT less scary than it seems) - I couldn't bear to meet anyone for the first few months on the site - but once I started.... It is a really good practice, confidence boost and learning curve. I learned a lot about myself and what I do and don't like. It is also weird how different guys will bring out different sides of you.
Author shadowplay Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Maybe I should tighten the lower end of my age range. I listed it as 22 to 35, but I should probably change it to 24 to 35. Right now I'm messaging back and forth with this 22-year-old who seems pretty interested in me. He's really cute, smart, has lots in common with me. His age is a problem, though. The only reason I'm not immediately dismissing him because of age is he seems pretty mature. He also emphasizes the fact that he usually relates better to older people in his profile, for whatever that's worth. I know people can think they're mature and not be, so who knows. Is it worth meeting up with him, or is this setting myself up for trouble down the line?
zengirl Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Maybe I should tighten the lower end of my age range. I listed it as 22 to 35, but I should probably change it to 24 to 35. Right now I'm messaging back and forth with this 22-year-old who seems pretty interested in me. He's really cute, smart, has lots in common with me. His age is a problem, though. The only reason I'm not immediately dismissing him because of age is he seems pretty mature. He also emphasizes the fact that he usually relates better to older people in his profile, for whatever that's worth. I know people can think they're mature and not be, so who knows. Is it worth meeting up with him, or is this setting myself up for trouble down the line? How old are you? I forget. I used to have a sort of pig-headed idea about not dating any fellow younger than me, but I use 22 now. (I'm 25.) I don't go any younger, just 'cause that's college-time, but I'd keep that as my bottom limit for awhile. Generally, I think less than 10 years in either direction is within reason, though 31-22 would be stretching that pretty thin. I don't really dig people who emphasize they relate better to people of a different age group, though. . . it's the whole stating it that weirds me out. Like when people call themselves "Young at heart" or "Old souls."
Author shadowplay Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 A guy just messaged me with this as his opening line: "you have some truly strange expressions in your photos. Having trouble posing for the webcam, eh?" This is supposed to be charming. Jeez...some guys are such tools. Instant delete.
Hot Carl Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Maybe I'll start up an account and find your profile and send more charming messages than that. Not sure. I really don't want to have to deal with the deluge of interest from all the women. That's a heavy burden.
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 A guy just messaged me with this as his opening line: "you have some truly strange expressions in your photos. Having trouble posing for the webcam, eh?" This is supposed to be charming. Jeez...some guys are such tools. Instant delete. He is trying to "neg" you. I agree with instant delete
kdark Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 A guy just messaged me with this as his opening line: "you have some truly strange expressions in your photos. Having trouble posing for the webcam, eh?" This is supposed to be charming. Jeez...some guys are such tools. Instant delete. He is probably trying to send you a message that isn't like all the others... Online dating is rough for guys. Trying to come up with an original opener when the woman you are messaging gets 30 messages a day is tough. My ex said she loved zombie movies, and I thought it would be original to ask her if she had read the Zombie survival guide book. But after we started dating, she told me she had heard that many times before... Luckily she thought I was hot, so she read my profile, and then responded like it wasn't something she heard all the time.
Author shadowplay Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 They've slowed down a bit, but I can't keep up. There are a handful of interesting guys who have emailed me and I'd like to get to know better, but I don't have the time to write long messages to all of them. It's frustrating. I'm a slow writer.
Brady_to_Moss Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I am on Match.com...well not checking it anymore...and i had 1...yes 1 girl trow me a message first..in 8 months....1....and i sent out hundreds...success rate was 3.5%....online dating FTL...rather be single and have money..than spend it on these stupid sites.
Author shadowplay Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 (edited) i'm regularly messaging back and forth with three guys right now. All of the messages are longish, but I'm frustrated because as of yet none of them have asked me on a date. What gives...? These were all dudes who messaged me first. I don't want to have long drawn out online conversations with somebody I might not click with in person. Yes, I believe the guy should do the asking, so I'm not going there. Edited August 11, 2010 by shadowplay
Author shadowplay Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 OK, I'm going to give them all another day or two, at which point no more messaging.
Brady_to_Moss Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 i'm regularly messaging back and forth with three guys right now. All of the messages are longish, but I'm frustrated because as of yet none of them have asked me on a date. What gives...? These were all dudes who messaged me first. I don't want to have long drawn out online conversations with somebody I might not click with in person. Yes, I believe the guy should do the asking, so I'm not going there. They are just trying to get to know you and feel you out...jesus rush much? I wonder when they are going to marry you!?
Trimmer Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 so there's this guy who seems really interesting who messaged me and I just responded to. Only thing is he's 35, divorced and has a 6 year old kid. Bad idea? I bet the kid has seen "Sleepless In Seattle" and it's him that's messaging you on his dad's account.
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