SadandConfusedWA Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 MEN SHOULD NOT JOIN DATING SITES. They turn the tables and give women their power to accept and reject at its greatest. You get better women and much easier by just going out into the real world. I have never been so desired and had better pick of men than on the dating sites. Even at 31
Kamille Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 MEN SHOULD NOT JOIN DATING SITES. They turn the tables and give women their power to accept and reject at its greatest. Don't women always have the power to accept and reject?
jamesum Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Don't women always have the power to accept and reject? Yup, but the power is greater on dating sites since even men who are more afraid to approach women in real life are able to flood message all the women. So the competition is much fiercer.
Author shadowplay Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 (edited) I've gotten a total of like 16 messages since joining yesterday afternoon. All the guys seem really impressed with my movie list. One even said I have the best he's ever seen on the site, but he lives in NY so I don't know why he bothered. A few of the guys definitely seem interesting, but I'm scared about meeting anyone in person. Gah. Edited August 8, 2010 by shadowplay
Author shadowplay Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 something just doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense that these guys would be so interested in me given that I'm practically invisible to men in real life. I posted four very clear shots of my face, but I feel like something must be lost (or improved) in the translation from flesh to virtual.
Hot Carl Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 You seem to think you're the only shy person in the world, Shadow. How often in the past week have you seen a guy approach a girl he didn't already know?
Author shadowplay Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 You seem to think you're the only shy person in the world, Shadow. How often in the past week have you seen a guy approach a girl he didn't already know? none. I've only seen that ever happen once outside of a bar/party setting as far back as I can remember. But I rarely get flirted with either, which is what concerns me.
tigressA Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 something just doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense that these guys would be so interested in me given that I'm practically invisible to men in real life. I posted four very clear shots of my face, but I feel like something must be lost (or improved) in the translation from flesh to virtual. I think this has a lot to do with the question that Kamille has asked you in this thread, that you have ignored. It's got to be the vibe you give off in real life. I know I give off an unapproachable vibe most of the time, and this is why I am "invisible" to men. I know for a fact it's not my looks.
Stockalone Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 (edited) something just doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense that these guys would be so interested in me given that I'm practically invisible to men in real life. I posted four very clear shots of my face, but I feel like something must be lost (or improved) in the translation from flesh to virtual. Any minute now, I expect the okcupid site to crash because all the male loveshackers are trying to find your add. Since you are apparently invisible in real life, the only solution can be that you have a magic camera. It can turn an ugly (or not so ugly) duckling into a beautiful swan. You should sell portraits to people, you'll be rich in no time as long as that camera works it's magic. Or, here is a completely crazy, and also shocking thought, there are guys out there who find you attractive. I would think that with online dating, a lot of men are far more likely to approach you than they would be if they would meet you in real life. In real life, you might not give enough opportunities to men to approach you or you might give off that "stay away" vibe someone (Kamille?) had mentioned once. But if you are on a dating site, it makes it okay to approach you and it's easy. Guys can even take their time, a luxury men hardly ever have in real life. The fear of rejection also seems less threatening there than it does in real life. The downside is, a lot of players might be using online dating, because it's very convenient for them. You'll have to be prepared for that too. A few of the guys definitely seem interesting, but I'm scared about meeting anyone in person. Gah. Start talking to some of them and see if one (or more, if that is what you want) seems interesting enough to stand out from the pack and makes you feel comfortable enough to meet him in person. If you are still not sure if you should meet them after getting to know them a bit online, then don't meet them in person. Better safe than sorry. That said, if you are truly not wanting to meet them in person because you are too scared (not because they give you a bad feeling), then online dating might not the right thing for you. Don't become an attention whore who merely enjoys the occasional validation online. Edited August 8, 2010 by Stockalone
a_woman Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 something just doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense that these guys would be so interested in me given that I'm practically invisible to men in real life. I posted four very clear shots of my face, but I feel like something must be lost (or improved) in the translation from flesh to virtual. Because you are new meat on the site. The interest will slow to a steady tricle.
zengirl Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 something just doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense that these guys would be so interested in me given that I'm practically invisible to men in real life. I posted four very clear shots of my face, but I feel like something must be lost (or improved) in the translation from flesh to virtual. In real life, you don't walk around with a sign on you saying, "I'm single and looking. Ask me out!"
Author shadowplay Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 two guys I had previously favorited before I uploaded pics (without letting them know), just messaged me. It's so weird to get any form of male attention.
Green Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Yup, but the power is greater on dating sites since even men who are more afraid to approach women in real life are able to flood message all the women. So the competition is much fiercer. Basicaly its like you said women get more power on a dating site. If you just talk to women IRL you are already ahead of the step where a woman gets to decide if you meet her or not.
Author shadowplay Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 WTF!! My ex is on there . He came up in a quickmatch search, and he apparently joined 5 days ago. Those emoticons ^ are a pretty good description of my reaction. I can't decide whether I'm amused or annoyed, or some combination of both. I guess what annoys me is recently when we spoke he mentioned that he's not interested in dating anyone right now, or for awhile, because of all his issues he needs to sort out. Sure... There's nothing wrong with him dating, but it pisses me off that he basically deceived me. Also, his profile is as lame as he is, and we're only 59% compatible.
Author shadowplay Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Oh man. I guess I am pretty upset to see him there. I mean I know he's going to date, but I just don't want it all in my face, you know?
bayouboi Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I'm terrified. Literally within a minute, I already have a few messages. I'm scared. I'm just sure that I must look better in photos than in real life (given how rarely I get attention irl), and I'll be a disappointment to any guy who meets me in person. I don't know if I have the guts to meet a guy in person. Eeek. where's tha link?
Kamille Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 (edited) In real life, you don't walk around with a sign on you saying, "I'm single and looking. Ask me out!" Exactly! Shadow, you mentioned a few times that going to meet some of these men makes you nervous. You say it's because you probably don't come off the same in person as you do on your profile. 1) What, according to you, is the biggest difference between a profile and a real life interaction? 2) My dad used to say, back when I was looking for a job and getting discouraged at not finding jobs in spite of going on interviews, that every interview was practice for the next interview. He would recommend that at every interview, I pick something I wanted to practice-perform-excell at. For instance, I would pick: at this interview, I want to feel comfortable. Once I felt I had mastered that, I would say: at this interview, I want to wow the interviewer with my knowledge of the field. I suggest you approach meeting these guys the same way. Pick angles into it and focus on practicing those. Being comfortable, coming out of your shell, mastering good conversations, not putting to much emphasis on whether or not the other person likes you - but figuring out if you like them instead. Break it down to what makes sense to you, and then pick ONE thing that you think is the most important. The first time you go meet one of these guys, practice that one thing. I'm hoping this will get you to start opening up to the men you date. Learn to be comfortable, to open yourself to others and to express yourself with confidence. Edited August 9, 2010 by Kamille
Green Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 is it just me or does this thread disapoint in the fact that we don't get to see what all the fuss is about? I just want to point out that this scenario would only ever happen to a girl or famouse guy.
zengirl Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 WTF!! My ex is on there . He came up in a quickmatch search, and he apparently joined 5 days ago. Those emoticons ^ are a pretty good description of my reaction. I can't decide whether I'm amused or annoyed, or some combination of both. I guess what annoys me is recently when we spoke he mentioned that he's not interested in dating anyone right now, or for awhile, because of all his issues he needs to sort out. Sure... There's nothing wrong with him dating, but it pisses me off that he basically deceived me. Also, his profile is as lame as he is, and we're only 59% compatible. Eh, plenty of people deceive themselves. Why worry about it? He's been gone and he's no more gone if he's trolling OKCupid. Being pissed off about anything is only going to impact you. Man, anger is a poison. Let go of that stuff. How on Earth did you see a 59% Match anyway? I never see Match numbers that low.
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Proceed with caution Shadow. I have just discovered that the guy I have been seeing for the past month (and was really excited about) has a live in girlfriend I met him on OKCupid. Girl from work knows him. My gut told me that something felt off about that guy
Author shadowplay Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Proceed with caution Shadow. I have just discovered that the guy I have been seeing for the past month (and was really excited about) has a live in girlfriend I met him on OKCupid. Girl from work knows him. My gut told me that something felt off about that guy :sick: Ugh, I knew it! So much for the naysayers. I'm sorry.
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 :sick: Ugh, I knew it! So much for the naysayers. I'm sorry. Thanks. Luckily, the more time I spent with him, the less I liked him. It was becoming obvious that there wasn't much there past the physical.
Author shadowplay Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 so there's this guy who seems really interesting who messaged me and I just responded to. Only thing is he's 35, divorced and has a 6 year old kid. Bad idea?
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