gamma1 Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 There is absolutely no way I'd date a man without a car. Public transportation is fine where I live, but I have a car- and I don't want to be the only one responsible for driving if I am dating someone. I have dated a guy that didn't have a car, and guess who drove everywhere we went? I was so annoyed after a couple of months of always having to drive everywhere. It's not shallow to want to date a guy that has his own vehicle, it's a reasonable expectation. I wouldn't entertain the idea of dating someone without a vehicle again. Depends on the city but to be honest, I live in NYC and it is a huge turn off to date someone without a car. Don't tell me you "drive" because you got a license, because you are not driving my car! I dated someone that didn't have a car and he expected to be picked up at all times and on top asked for favors to drive him around and even asked if he can use my car. Getdafackouttahere! HELL TO THE NO! The problem with these men is they were spoiled brats, not that they didn't own a car. Why lump in every non car owner with them because of one bad experience? Driving is a nightmare in some of the biggest cities and parking can be hundreds a month. If you go somewhere, it could be another $20 just to park. The total cost of owning a car can be over $10,000 a year in some places. You can esily get to tons of interesting places within a short walk or ride on a bus or train or cab in one of these giant cities. If you are going somewhere a little further out, there's options like Zipcar.
Ingenue Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 The problem with these men is they were spoiled brats, not that they didn't own a car. Why lump in every non car owner with them because of one bad experience? This is absolutely true. We shouldn't equate not owning a vehicle with people who are users. Just because the man doesn't own a car, doesn't axiomatically mean he's going to start relying on every person to drive him around. If you don't want to be the sole driver, don't agree to do it. There are a number of reasons why people choose not to own a vehicle. They can range from financial considerations to environmental and ethical ones. Some of my non-car owning friends are some of the most responsible people I know. I don't think anything less of them just because they don't have a car.
Gallaxia Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 (edited) True. Less the "spoiled brats" thingie. This is absolutely true. We shouldn't equate not owning a vehicle with people who are users. Just because the man doesn't own a car, doesn't axiomatically mean he's going to start relying on every person to drive him around. If you don't want to be the sole driver, don't agree to do it. There are a number of reasons why people choose not to own a vehicle. They can range from financial considerations to environmental and ethical ones. Some of my non-car owning friends are some of the most responsible people I know. I don't think anything less of them just because they don't have a car. Yeah. The two ideas of being car-less & being a user are completely separate. The only thing that binds them together is the miscellaneous person involved. Edited July 18, 2010 by Gallaxia
Kaileah Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I personally find dating a man with a car to be easier for many factors - my ideal date is somewhere out of town... generally not serviced by PT - being of Asian descent, my parents are very... vocal in their perceptions and thoughts about who I'm seeing, and according to their culture, if a guy doesn't own a car, they'll nag me until my hair falls out from stress (personal experience) - I drive a lot for work, so it's nice to kick back in the passenger seat and have someone else concentrate on getting us from A to B without other people listening in on the conversation - We both keep very random hours, so PT is generally not an option. - I like to surprise him with a picnic basket or a wine down by the beach and am not a huge fan of lugging extra items around on PT. - Time - relying on public transport means practically having a curfew, unless I want to catch a cab, which I don't, as our cab drivers here are atrocious! And then of course there are the other uses for him having a car that aren't necessarily transport related So, from a personal perspective, I would find dating a man without a car a major factor, but that's just me.
Author Raderick Posted July 19, 2010 Author Posted July 19, 2010 What you're describing is a situation in which you were being taking advantage of and being used.No one enjoys that regardless of the circumstances. I don't like to impose upon people...So,I would never ask a date/girlfriend to pick me up here or drop me off there...Never. Never.Even if she offered I would refuse. I'm glad that you have a job that allows you to own & maintain a vehicle.Not everyone is that lucky. ^^^ Gets it. I HATE asking people for rides. The only reason why I would get a ride is to go hang out with other friends, and then I offer to pay for part of the gas (usually $5). I live only two blocks from the grocery store and merely walking distance to many restaurants and other stores. I find my way around one way or another without having to call up anyone and asking for a ride. Getting a car would have to mean cutting off a good portion of my expenses due to financial reasons, and I simply cannot afford the overall cost at this point. I totally understand the reasons explained in this thread, but if a woman cannot respect and understand why I don't own one, then it's not a woman I will want to be with in the first place.
Stung Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I really don't know any women...I'm just making observations based on anecdotal evidence.I'm sure that for certain type of women this doesn't factor into who they decide to date or not date. But they represent a very small minority. I think the reason some men are concerned with "types" of cars is related to the belief that with a higher status of vehicle...one becomes more desireable in the eyes of women.It is a strongly held belief by many many men. Compability,kindess,empathy...decent guy... etc.All that's fine and good.. But if you don't have a car ? Good Bye !! I understand that & I understand why many women feel that way. Out of curiosity, since you say yourself you don't know any women, how on earth have you reached your conclusions? How can you feel so comfortable that you have arrived at a conclusion about what the overwhelming majority of women think and feel? Not saying you're necessarily completely wrong, just that the world is a bigger and more varied place than any of us have experience and knowledge of all by ourselves, particularly if we're hampered by not actually knowing one of half the population. For the record you can put me in the 'very small minority' of women who have dated men without cars before and who don't particularly care what kind of car my partner drives. Apparently it's just me and Zengirl.
Stung Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 ^^^ Gets it. I HATE asking people for rides. The only reason why I would get a ride is to go hang out with other friends, and then I offer to pay for part of the gas (usually $5). I live only two blocks from the grocery store and merely walking distance to many restaurants and other stores. I find my way around one way or another without having to call up anyone and asking for a ride. Getting a car would have to mean cutting off a good portion of my expenses due to financial reasons, and I simply cannot afford the overall cost at this point. I totally understand the reasons explained in this thread, but if a woman cannot respect and understand why I don't own one, then it's not a woman I will want to be with in the first place. So, you have your answer already and you seem to feel strongly about it. Sounds reasonable enough to me, though I have only been to SD once and know little about it's transit system--it's certainly not rural, you'll have options. Give it a go, anyway, and see how it works as a filtering mechanism for women. Maybe you'll find it helps you locate the open-minded public-transportation granola goddess of your dreams, maybe you'll find it's a pain in the ass dating without personal wheels, who knows. The weather's good there, get a bicycle.
TheWatcher Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Out of curiosity, since you say yourself you don't know any women, how on earth have you reached your conclusions? How can you feel so comfortable that you have arrived at a conclusion about what the overwhelming majority of women think and feel? Not saying you're necessarily completely wrong, just that the world is a bigger and more varied place than any of us have experience and knowledge of all by ourselves, particularly if we're hampered by not actually knowing one of half the population. For the record you can put me in the 'very small minority' of women who have dated men without cars before and who don't particularly care what kind of car my partner drives. Apparently it's just me and Zengirl. Stung....I was making myassumptions/conclusions based on anecdotal evidence.True not the best way to come to a conclusion but we're all guilty of it ...to some degree. It's kind of sad & regrettable but some men will disqualify themselves from dating because they don't own a vehicle.As silly & trivial as it may seem...they feel that they are undateable because of it. BTW...Great point about the world being a much bigger & varied place than any of us have experienced....insightful
homersheineken Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 In terms of dating,It is VERY important for a man to own a vehicle.It is a symbol of status & mobility that plays some part in some women's decision of whether a man is worthy or dateable.Whether or not a woman owns a car does not factor into the avg guy's decision on whether or not to pursue a relationship. The only city in North America that a guy can get away with not owning a vehicle is New York. Not True. I live in Chicago and it's not necessary at all. The only time I need to use it is when I visit my family out at the end of civilization.
stace79 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I think it depends on the girl and your effort. We don't have great public transp where I live, so if a guy said we were going to hop on the bus, I'd be pretty disappointed. Also, it would be a pain if you were unable to meet me somewhere for a movie or dinner or whatever. At the same time, there are probably plenty of women who are environmentally conscious who would find it admirable that you opt not to own a vehicle. It might be possible to get everywhere you need to go on public transp. I can imagine it would be a pain if it started raining though. I don't think you are wrong or right for not owning a car, and I don't think you are incapable of dating without one. I just think you should be up front about it, and yes, there are some women who wouldn't want to deal with the hassle. But there might be another woman out there just like you, trying to save money and live financially soundly, who would think you are her soul mate. haha
Stung Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Stung....I was making myassumptions/conclusions based on anecdotal evidence.True not the best way to come to a conclusion but we're all guilty of it ...to some degree. It's kind of sad & regrettable but some men will disqualify themselves from dating because they don't own a vehicle.As silly & trivial as it may seem...they feel that they are undateable because of it. BTW...Great point about the world being a much bigger & varied place than any of us have experienced....insightful Indeed we all see life and 'truth' through our own filter of experience and the anecdotes we have picked up from our friends, through our reading, from the media...however I think too many of us lose sight of the fact that we self-select, automatically straining what anecdotes ever reach us in the first place, through our choices of friends, media, the things and places and people we are exposed or attracted to. There are so many different truths and realities out there. My own reality is pretty far removed from that of many of the more frustrated people on this board and it saddens me that they often seem to have blinders on, claiming that I or some of the others with views and experiences closer to my own somehow don't live in 'the real world'. My version of the world is real too and it has it's own fair share of ugliness, it's just different from what many here insist is the general truth the world over. It may well be the truth that in one location, with one political and cultural climate and set of physical circumstances, that a man may be virtually 'undateable' if he has no car. It may be that that man just need to look a little harder and consider options he automatically categorizes as 'beneath' him. But it's also a truth that if he saves up some cash, packs his bags and hops on the train, he can start a new life in a new location, culture, and set of physical circumstances where his lack of wheels won't matter as much or could even be the norm. Of course he could find himself virtually undateable there for some other reason, who knows.
Mimolicious Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 (edited) I'm fortunate to live in one of the finest countries in the world, where everything is pretty close together and public transport isn't outdated. Even when I had a car in Berlin I found it easier to commute via trains and bus. I understand that because of America's vast size that not every area will be as up to date as others, that's unfortunate and a car is definitely needed. I wouldn't call it not every area being "up-to-date". There are Urban, Suburban and Rural areas. Each with different structures for the population. Mass transit is not as essential or in high demand in a town where there is more land than population. The only city in North America that a guy can get away with not owning a vehicle is New York. Not true. NYC is not the only Urban city in the United States. The problem with these men is they were spoiled brats, not that they didn't own a car. Why lump in every non car owner with them because of one bad experience? Then there are a lot of car-less "spoiled brats users" out there. People eventually get comfortable. Even if it didn't start that way. Even the eco-friendly ones... Edited July 20, 2010 by Mimolicious
Mimolicious Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Out of curiosity, since you say yourself you don't know any women, how on earth have you reached your conclusions? How can you feel so comfortable that you have arrived at a conclusion about what the overwhelming majority of women think and feel? Not saying you're necessarily completely wrong, just that the world is a bigger and more varied place than any of us have experience and knowledge of all by ourselves, particularly if we're hampered by not actually knowing one of half the population. For the record you can put me in the 'very small minority' of women who have dated men without cars before and who don't particularly care what kind of car my partner drives. Apparently it's just me and Zengirl. The "kind" was never a question. I wonder, do you have a car? I've dated men who didn't own a car... they started to get comfortable and assumed that we were always rolling in my car. Many 'sober' dates for me! I don't drink and drive and I don't let a man drive my car either. He does one stupid manouver on it, there goes a lean on my property and business. No thanks! I am not up for the liability lawsuit. I rather prevent than to lament.
Mimolicious Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Indeed we all see life and 'truth' through our own filter of experience and the anecdotes we have picked up from our friends, through our reading, from the media...however I think too many of us lose sight of the fact that we self-select, automatically straining what anecdotes ever reach us in the first place, through our choices of friends, media, the things and places and people we are exposed or attracted to. There are so many different truths and realities out there. My own reality is pretty far removed from that of many of the more frustrated people on this board and it saddens me that they often seem to have blinders on, claiming that I or some of the others with views and experiences closer to my own somehow don't live in 'the real world'. My version of the world is real too and it has it's own fair share of ugliness, it's just different from what many here insist is the general truth the world over. It may well be the truth that in one location, with one political and cultural climate and set of physical circumstances, that a man may be virtually 'undateable' if he has no car. It may be that that man just need to look a little harder and consider options he automatically categorizes as 'beneath' him. But it's also a truth that if he saves up some cash, packs his bags and hops on the train, he can start a new life in a new location, culture, and set of physical circumstances where his lack of wheels won't matter as much or could even be the norm. Of course he could find himself virtually undateable there for some other reason, who knows. Sums up to everyone has choices, selection- Prerogative. Don't mean they are wrong or right from one to the other. Everyone is different and so is their taste. To each its own, can't change the world.
Stung Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 (edited) The "kind" was never a question. Yes, it was. I think that most not some women would be worried about the status implications.Some will flat out not date a guy who's doesn't have a car; It's a huge deal-breaker & red flag to some.No woman wants to be the only one in her group whose guy doesn't own a car;& then we get into what type of car. However, I do agree with you when you write about shallow things in both genders. As far as what kind of car, I always thought that was a guy thing. I've never met women who really talked about "types" of cars, except for environmentally-conscious people who don't like gas guzzlers (I might judge someone by that, I guess, depending on why they have it---particularly expensive gas guzzlers, I hate). I'm constantly turned off by men who discuss what type of car they have/want and act like it's some important status thing. I've been on quite a few first dates with guys like that, who thought their BMW said something interesting about them. It didn't. I think the reason some men are concerned with "types" of cars is related to the belief that with a higher status of vehicle...one becomes more desireable in the eyes of women.It is a strongly held belief by many many men. I wonder, do you have a car? Yes, I do. But when I was single and childless, I didn't always. Oh, third motion for checking into Zipcar. I don't really like driving and lived in an area where having a car is often more a pain in the a** than anything, so I did trains and Zipcar for a while and really liked it. It seems like a more environmentally sound option, as well. I only went back to owning a car of my own when I had kids/carseats to deal with. Edited July 20, 2010 by Stung quote misfire
D-Lish Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 What you're describing is a situation in which you were being taking advantage of and being used.No one enjoys that regardless of the circumstances. I don't like to impose upon people...So,I would never ask a date/girlfriend to pick me up here or drop me off there...Never. Never.Even if she offered I would refuse. I'm glad that you have a job that allows you to own & maintain a vehicle.Not everyone is that lucky. Well, I don't consider myself "lucky", I work very hard for my money. The last 2 guys I dated didn't own a vehicle. Keep in mind guys- I am 40 years old, so my perspective might be a little different than someone in their early 20's. I could care less about what kind of car a guy drives- that's irrelevant. It is tough to date someone when you have to do all the driving though. It's not about being shallow, I tried it twice, and found it incredibly tiresome.
Cracker Jack Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I fully understand your reasons, D-Lish. Man, I wish I weren't so afraid of driving. That sucks.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Well, I don't consider myself "lucky", I work very hard for my money. The last 2 guys I dated didn't own a vehicle. Keep in mind guys- I am 40 years old, so my perspective might be a little different than someone in their early 20's. I could care less about what kind of car a guy drives- that's irrelevant. It is tough to date someone when you have to do all the driving though. It's not about being shallow, I tried it twice, and found it incredibly tiresome. I've never mentioned this before... at least on this site, but my most recent GF... 1.5yrs decided to cheat on me with a guy who is 46 and has no car. We don't live in a heavily urban area like NY. Honestly... I'm still trying to process that.
BobSacamento Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 A man should have a car. Without one you are just unreliable and annoying.
D-Lish Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I've never mentioned this before... at least on this site, but my most recent GF... 1.5yrs decided to cheat on me with a guy who is 46 and has no car. We don't live in a heavily urban area like NY. Honestly... I'm still trying to process that. Wow UF, sounds like you dodged a bullet with her! I am just offering a different perspective on why a woman might not be open to dating a guy without a car. I can at least say I have tried it, and it just didn't work out for me.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Wow UF, sounds like you dodged a bullet with her! I am just offering a different perspective on why a woman might not be open to dating a guy without a car. I can at least say I have tried it, and it just didn't work out for me. You know... that was my first thought too... that I really just dodged a bullet, but to be honest, it feels like I got hit pretty square. Funny thing is that on New Years I drove them both around... and just trusted. In my head I thought the guy was such a loser that it wasn't possible... Ugh... I don't think I want to talk about it. I'm sorry I brought it up.
D-Lish Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 You know... that was my first thought too... that I really just dodged a bullet, but to be honest, it feels like I got hit pretty square. Funny thing is that on New Years I drove them both around... and just trusted. In my head I thought the guy was such a loser that it wasn't possible... Ugh... I don't think I want to talk about it. I'm sorry I brought it up. Okay, we won't talk about it:) (but you did dodge a bullet my friend). Hey- if you need a pick me up- there's a farting thread that might take your mind off things.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Okay, we won't talk about it:) (but you did dodge a bullet my friend). Hey- if you need a pick me up- there's a farting thread that might take your mind off things. Thanks D! That really is a funny thread. I wish there were more of them.
Mimolicious Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 @ Stung. The OP never mentioned about the "kind' of car. You did, but you're not the OP and I wasn't ref only to your comment. Sorry. D-Lish- I am with you Sistah. It is annoying. LOL!
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