Mike B. Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Honestly if a woman didn't have a car it would be a deal breaker for me. How's she supposed to get around and come see me and what not. Should I have to pick her up 24/7. No Yes, you should if you can and she is worth it. OP, you need a car. You are simply not going to make it far on the dating scene using the bus.
Pfiend101 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I'm not anyone's baby sitter. I would most likely build a resentment and the relationship would fail.
Disillusioned Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 The only city in North America that a guy can get away with not owning a vehicle is New York. Agreed. I've never even had to go to NYC to know that owning a car is kind of a pain there because there are so few places to park it. OTOH don't even think of dating in L.A. without a car. This city is just too damn big and spread-out. Like Cheech Marin said in Born In East L.A., "try to get around L.A. without a car, honey, you'll end up with feet like Donald Duck." As for what kind of car, well... that's a different kettle of fish.
kalikula Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I'd never date someone without a car again. Chances are that we live far enough apart that we'll need transportation to see each other... Even in town we're likely to be 15 min apart by car, hours by walking. SO I end up doing ALL the driving. I don't like to ask for gas money from someone I'm dating. If we wanna go somewhere else (movies, another town, etc). we need a car... (The public transportation system here is just ok but veryy slow). To me it's really important and I most likely wouldn't date a guy who didn't own a vehicle (Vespas do not count).
Alma Mobley Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 It's not important if you live where public transportation is ubiquitous and catching or calling a cab is fairly easy and keeping your car would either create a nightmare for parking or mean paying a fortune to keep it in a garage. Otherwise, yes, it's probably important.
Gallaxia Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I don't own a car at the moment, I did, but I sold it to afford a holiday which I'm going on next month. You do not need a car, it's percisely the attitudes shown here which has led to Americans being very large and fat. What? People are fat b/c of McDonalds, Wendy's, Burger King, TGI Fridays, Chili's, Applebees, Ruby Tuesdays, Sonic, Krispy Kreme, Baja Fresh, Chipotle, Cosi, Starbucks, etc., etc. Not because they drive everwhere. I have yet to see an empty parking lot during peak gym hours.
counterman Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I don't think you NEED a car if public transport can adequately get you to places. But, from the girls I have spoken to, they expect they guys they date to have one. I like using it because it gives me that freedom and luxury. It's more of a comfort thing. I wouldn't drive a girl around all the time though. If she hasn't learnt how to drive yet, then she better because I won't be around to drive her all the time.
Lady vs Panda Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Living metropolitan no longer requires personal vehicles. IDK about San Diego, specifically, however. Neither my gentleman caller nor I own cars, too much hassle in our urban area. We use the subway, cabs, bicycles when the weather's balmy. Zipcar for a longer trip. Google Zipcar.
kalikula Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 I don't own a car at the moment, I did, but I sold it to afford a holiday which I'm going on next month. You do not need a car, it's percisely the attitudes shown here which has led to Americans being very large and fat. It's more geography than attitudes... Many places here, you just need a car. Of course it depends on where you live. If I wanted to go to the grocery store it would be a 2 hour walk there and a 2 hour walk back... There is very little public transportation here... The nearest bus is like 10 miles away. You'll be fine if you happen to meet someone who lives pretty close to you or whatever, apparently public transportation is good there. I see it as: Since I have a car and I use it, I would expect him to have a car as well. If I lived in an area that didn't require a car and I didn't have one, I wouldn't care if he had one.
Wallace1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 (edited) Being roughly the same age as you, and having lived in San Diego until late 2008, I'd second the idea of looking up ZipCar. From my experience, the Trolley was a non factor based on where I lived and worked, but I took buses to avoid driving my car to go out on weekends. I don't know what neighborhoods you hangout in, but I found some of the women around town to be quite superficial in certain areas, and quite the opposite in others. My guess is that it'll be a deal breaker for some, but others won't care. San Diego is NOT like SF, NYC, or DC as far as Public Transport, but it all depends on what you are interested in. Someone hanging out downtown most of the time or with activities that are generally accessible by bus wouldn't need a car necessarily, but there are MANY activities around the city you'd need a car or a ride to get to. If you are interested in simply dating, it probably won't be an issue, but a long term relationship may be a different story. Edited July 16, 2010 by Wallace1
Stung Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Oh, third motion for checking into Zipcar. I don't really like driving and lived in an area where having a car is often more a pain in the a** than anything, so I did trains and Zipcar for a while and really liked it. It seems like a more environmentally sound option, as well. I only went back to owning a car of my own when I had kids/carseats to deal with.
gamma1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 If a man doesn't own a car, I have some trouble thinking that he is responsible or even capable of caring for himself. I understand this situation that you have just described, but it's a sign of adulthood / responsibility. I knew a guy who did not have a car and he was in his 40s, he turned out to be a real loser in just about every aspect of his life. Also, people will see you as a user - you always need a ride, and they will resent having to pick you up / drop you off all the time. I would recommend that if you REALLY need to, rent a car for a one time event. But, save up for a car. Not a sports car, but a modest sedan is fine. That's not necessarily the case and it's quite a jump to assume someone who doesn't own a car is irresponsible. A lot depends on where you live of course. A small rural town is far different than NYC.
WithOrWithoutYou Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 (edited) I think it depends somewhat on the culture of where you live (for example, in New York City, no, it probably isn't necessary since everyone takes taxi cabs everywhere anyway). This may also be true for parts of Europe, where public transportation and/or walking are more the social norm. In most other places, however, I think you need a car if you plan on dating (I've been to San Diego, and I would include it in that list of places where a car is needed for dating). Nothing like asking out a pretty girl you like, then when she says "pick me up at 7?", getting out your bus schedule, fumbling for a route that works, and then explaining that to her (along with offering to cover her $1.75 for bus fare). Not... Good... Yes, it probably should not matter, and for some it won't, but for most, I think it probably will. It's not so much that it should matter, and I'm not saying that people are overly materialistic in a general sense, but there are certain basics that most people have come to associate with security/self-sufficiency/call it what you like in American culture. A decent place to live, a job, and a car, are probably the big 3. Women do notice those things. It doesn't make them bad people, it just reflects what they have come to expect from a guy based upon life experience. That said, there are always exceptions. I have known some guys who have no job, are control freaks, are not good looking, and live off of their smokin' hot gainfully employed girlfriends, who eventually end up buying them a car, paying the rent and supporting them. As always, it takes all kinds, so I can't say that the bus thing definitely won't work for you. Edited July 17, 2010 by WithOrWithoutYou
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I resent the hell out of the notion that I could be undateable because I don't have a car. (most consensus here is stating it represents status and adult responsibility....BULLcrap of the highest order. Shallow dealbreaker if I ever heard one) I use a bicycle to work, around, and thus I am doing about 5000% more than any girl or guy to help our planet, and riding keeps me very lean and in shape health wise. If I had a car, I wouldn't get an easy 30-60 mins of exercise a day, thus potentially be less thin and healthy. Then there is the financial strain. I would prefer and think it a nicer guesture to rent a limo for special nights out, than to have a car burning all my cash and the fossil fuels we will need in the next 100 years. I don't believe in man-made global warming, but I also think no one has a definitive answer on the subject so better to be safe than sorry.
zengirl Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I don't think its an issue in and of itself -- not having a car. I definitely get it. If you can get around well enough to hold down a job, do all the things you need to do, etc, then I get why you wouldn't want a car. I'm living abroad and have no car here, but I could never do that at home (I'm from Florida, where my car still lives). I hate cars, driving, and wish I could live without one at home, but it just isn't feasible. The issue is going to be logistics. You'll only be able to date people you can meet through public transportation, at the times its available. From my perspective, I'd never let a guy drive my car (unless we were uber-serious and long-term), nor would I do a vastly unequal amount of driving to make the relationship happen, but that's because I hate driving myself. I'd never take money for gas. That'd feel weird. I'd just not date the guy if it were that kind of an issue. But, if the guy lived close enough or PT was good enough, I'd never think twice about it. And then, yeah, some girls are going to be worried about the money/status implications. Some people are shallow about shallow, silly things, in both genders. It happens.
TheWatcher Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 (edited) And then, yeah, some girls are going to be worried about the money/status implications. Some people are shallow about shallow, silly things, in both genders. It happens. I think that most not some women would be worried about the status implications.Some will flat out not date a guy who's doesn't have a car; It's a huge deal-breaker & red flag to some.No woman wants to be the only one in her group whose guy doesn't own a car;& then we get into what type of car. However, I do agree with you when you write about shallow things in both genders. The only city in North America that a man can get away with not owning a vehicle & not be judged for it is ...New York.Many men feel that they are undateable because they do not own one. Not owning a vehicle is an impediment for any man who is trying to date...he will be judged very harshly if he does not own one;(especially by a certain age).However for women not owning a car doesn't make her any less or more attractive in the dating world. Edited July 18, 2010 by TheWatcher
zengirl Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I think that most not some women would be worried about the status implications. Some will flat out not date a guy who's doesn't have a car; It's a huge deal-breaker & red flag to some. No woman wants to be the only one in her group whose guy doesn't own a car; & then we get into what type of car. I know very few women who'd worry about the status implications. Might be the kind of women you know. Meet some Buddhists, vegetarians, etc! Even in Orlando, I know a couple men and women (educated, young professionals) who don't have cars, and you really need one in Orlando. I know one guy who works downtown, is a successful graphic artist with his own company, has a gorgeous girlfriend, and bikes everywhere because he's Buddhist, vegan, and environmentally conscious. If you can afford to live and work downtown, and you are already dating someone (can find someone like-minded), I suppose it can be done even in the car-happiest of cities. Orlando is definitely car-happy, and the PT is horrendous. I couldn't do it in Orlando. Not without a lot of pre-planning (a house, a job right nearby, and a spouse already, probably, because if you're dating around, you want to get places). So I'll just drive my fuel-efficient vehicle when I get home and hope for the best. As far as what kind of car, I always thought that was a guy thing. I've never met women who really talked about "types" of cars, except for environmentally-conscious people who don't like gas guzzlers (I might judge someone by that, I guess, depending on why they have it---particularly expensive gas guzzlers, I hate). I'm constantly turned off by men who discuss what type of car they have/want and act like it's some important status thing. I've been on quite a few first dates with guys like that, who thought their BMW said something interesting about them. It didn't. (Now, I did have a boyfriend who had a really unique car he put together himself, re-built from the ground up, and I found that interesting, because he was truly interested in and passionate about it, and it was important to him on a more interesting level.)
D-Lish Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 There is absolutely no way I'd date a man without a car. Public transportation is fine where I live, but I have a car- and I don't want to be the only one responsible for driving if I am dating someone. I have dated a guy that didn't have a car, and guess who drove everywhere we went? I was so annoyed after a couple of months of always having to drive everywhere. It's not shallow to want to date a guy that has his own vehicle, it's a reasonable expectation. I wouldn't entertain the idea of dating someone without a vehicle again.
gamma1 Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 The only city in North America that a man can get away with not owning a vehicle & not be judged for it is ...New York.Many men feel that they are undateable because they do not own one. I'd say NYC is the only city where you could live anywhere in the entire city and not own a car without some inconvenience. There are also a small handful of large cities where you can live in large parts of them and can get around easily without a car. These areas usually correspond to where parking is extremely expensive.
TheWatcher Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 (edited) I know very few women who'd worry about the status implications. Might be the kind of women you know. Meet some Buddhists, vegetarians, etc! I really don't know any women...I'm just making observations based on anecdotal evidence.I'm sure that for certain type of women this doesn't factor into who they decide to date or not date. But they represent a very small minority. As far as what kind of car, I always thought that was a guy thing. I've never met women who really talked about "types" of cars, I think the reason some men are concerned with "types" of cars is related to the belief that with a higher status of vehicle...one becomes more desireable in the eyes of women.It is a strongly held belief by many many men. It's not shallow to want to date a guy that has his own vehicle, it's a reasonable expectation. I wouldn't entertain the idea of dating someone without a vehicle again. DLish..You represent the overwhelming majority of N.American women who would not under any circumstances date a guy without a vehicle.Personally,not having one is one of the many reasons I cannot date.Again,no woman wants to be sole member of her group...whose guy doesn't have a car. Compability,kindess,empathy...decent guy... etc.All that's fine and good.. But if you don't have a car ? Good Bye !! I understand that & I understand why many women feel that way. Edited July 18, 2010 by TheWatcher
D-Lish Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 DLish..You represent the overwhelming majority of N.American women who would not under any circumstances date a guy without a vehicle.Personally,not having one is one of the many reasons I cannot date.Again,no woman wants to be sole member of her group...whose guy doesn't have a car. Compability,kindess,empathy...decent guy... etc.All that's fine and good.. But if you don't have a car ? Good Bye !! I understand that & I understand why many women feel that way. What I represent is a woman that has a job that affords me the opportunity to own a vehicle. When I dated a guy that didn't have one, I had to drive everywhere. I'd pick him up for dates, I'd abstain from drinking because I always had to drive. If we ever wanted to go anywhere or do anything beyond walking distance of our places- it was me that had to do the driving. That was a huge pain in the a$$ for me. It got to the point where he felt comfortable with the routine of me dropping him off at work in the morning (1/2 hour out of my way to my own job), even though it meant I was getting up an hour earlier than normal so I could get him to his job and head to mine. Do I feel bad for resenting that? No- it took its toll on me. If I have a car and the guy I am dating doesn't, it means I am going to be doing an awful lot of driving and accomodating.
zengirl Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 What I represent is a woman that has a job that affords me the opportunity to own a vehicle. When I dated a guy that didn't have one, I had to drive everywhere. I'd pick him up for dates, I'd abstain from drinking because I always had to drive. If we ever wanted to go anywhere or do anything beyond walking distance of our places- it was me that had to do the driving. That was a huge pain in the a$$ for me. See, I totally get that. That's a logistics issue, not a status issue, as I mentioned, though. We really do need to make cities with better logistics to get around car-less. (Truly car-less, like you can in NYC or so many places abroad.)
Feelin Frisky Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 If you're gonna take a girl on a date you need a car Unless you live in Manhatan NYC. You just hail cabs and since you live there and hopefully are seeiing someone who lives here, the total cab bill for a year is still less than what you'd pay for gas, parking, insurance and maintenance. That's the one place I've lived where cars don't make sense. You can do most anything there day or night and just chalk off the cab money. Once ya get into the burroughs or burbs, a car is a must have.
Mimolicious Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Depends on the city but to be honest, I live in NYC and it is a huge turn off to date someone without a car. Don't tell me you "drive" because you got a license, because you are not driving my car! I dated someone that didn't have a car and he expected to be picked up at all times and on top asked for favors to drive him around and even asked if he can use my car. Getdafackouttahere! HELL TO THE NO!
TheWatcher Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 What I represent is a woman that has a job that affords me the opportunity to own a vehicle. When I dated a guy that didn't have one, I had to drive everywhere. I'd pick him up for dates, I'd abstain from drinking because I always had to drive. What you're describing is a situation in which you were being taking advantage of and being used.No one enjoys that regardless of the circumstances. I don't like to impose upon people...So,I would never ask a date/girlfriend to pick me up here or drop me off there...Never. Never.Even if she offered I would refuse. What I represent is a woman that has a job that affords me the opportunity to own a vehicle. I'm glad that you have a job that allows you to own & maintain a vehicle.Not everyone is that lucky.
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