What next

[habs53]

Well my wifes eldest son who is 24 just bought 2 copies of fireproof. He gave one to me and is giving one to hims mom. He is going to tell her to watch it for him. He can be such a nice kid when he wants to be.

[trippi1432]

Well my wifes eldest son who is 24 just bought 2 copies of fireproof. He gave one to me and is giving one to hims mom. He is going to tell her to watch it for him. He can be such a nice kid when he wants to be.

 

HABS - I'm a very big fan of Fireproof, my ex's sister brought it up back in September of last year when my ex left and tried to get us to watch it together....he refused of course...but I watched it myself.

 

While we all wish that life could be like a movie...it isn't...but the fundamental lesson in this particular movie is that anything can be overcome in a marriage even if one person is doing the changing.

[habs53]

HABS - I'm a very big fan of Fireproof, my ex's sister brought it up back in September of last year when my ex left and tried to get us to watch it together....he refused of course...but I watched it myself.

 

While we all wish that life could be like a movie...it isn't...but the fundamental lesson in this particular movie is that anything can be overcome in a marriage even if one person is doing the changing.

Well, he feels me growing apart from her as well. He still remembers her just a few months ago ready to spend a fortune on her house to this. He does not think this whole thing is right.

[What_Next]

Well what a difference a night makes. We went tonight to prepare for our weekend trip. It was going well until my wife once again said to our daugther something about her leaving something in "her" bedroom. That set me off to a certain extent. I didn't say much, but I did tell her I'd asked that she NOT say "her" bedroom. I don't know why that stings, but it just does.

 

She went pretty silent and cold, but gradually it got better. When we arrived home she went off to bed. The cold empty space set in and I went for a loop. I suppose I should have left for a bike ride, but I didn't. I brooded and it got worse. I finally went and knocked on "OUR" bedroom door and she came out and we held each other. I was crying like a baby, I just lost it. The worst I've cried since this all started.

 

I don't know where these emotions came from, they just all of a sudden came bursting out. Perhaps it's lack of sleep, or just the immense weight of it all. I don't know. Luckily enough I was able to go into our daugthers room and hug her. That brought comfort.

 

I have to admit, this was the toughest night yet. My heart is on fire, my mind is adrift. I am lost at sea. For the first time since all of this started I asked for my father's help (he was my best friend, and passed 10 years ago. I honestly want his help.

 

I am NOT religious, in fact I haven't attended church since our daugther was baptised, but I am starting to think about returning.

 

Who else out there has went through an emotional night like this? I really need someone to talk me back from the ledge.

[habs53]

Well what a difference a night makes. We went tonight to prepare for our weekend trip. It was going well until my wife once again said to our daugther something about her leaving something in "her" bedroom. That set me off to a certain extent. I didn't say much, but I did tell her I'd asked that she NOT say "her" bedroom. I don't know why that stings, but it just does.

 

She went pretty silent and cold, but gradually it got better. When we arrived home she went off to bed. The cold empty space set in and I went for a loop. I suppose I should have left for a bike ride, but I didn't. I brooded and it got worse. I finally went and knocked on "OUR" bedroom door and she came out and we held each other. I was crying like a baby, I just lost it. The worst I've cried since this all started.

 

I don't know where these emotions came from, they just all of a sudden came bursting out. Perhaps it's lack of sleep, or just the immense weight of it all. I don't know. Luckily enough I was able to go into our daugthers room and hug her. That brought comfort.

 

I have to admit, this was the toughest night yet. My heart is on fire, my mind is adrift. I am lost at sea. For the first time since all of this started I asked for my father's help (he was my best friend, and passed 10 years ago. I honestly want his help.

 

I am NOT religious, in fact I haven't attended church since our daugther was baptised, but I am starting to think about returning.

 

Who else out there has went through an emotional night like this? I really need someone to talk me back from the ledge.

 

I have went through this. I went for a drive in my car to cry. Came home and sat on my sons bed who was gone to stay with him mom. Cryed again. Hugged the cat because he was all that was left that night. Yes and cryed again. All i could feel was my heart had been ripped out. Something i had no control of and this was driving me crazy with emotion. Next morning went to my doctor and got some medication. You know, i do feel somewhat better. I still do have my lonely moments. I come here and read stuff. I only wish there was a live way to talk to people on here. Someone that could listen right away.

[Windsurf66]

Just wondering, the bedroom, is mainly for sleep and sex right. She needs space, hence you moved to your cell downstairs. But you could give her the space by only going to the bedroom for sleep/sex and try to stay out of it at other times?

 

So what is the space that she needs? The bed is not big enough for 2 person? Or she is just keeping you out of the bedroom on the pretext of space, but actually she is just avoiding sex. But the lack of intimacy is a good indication on where the relationship is heading. 2 months without intimacy, is too long. I think she has either checked out of the marriage, or in the process of checking out.

 

Is she just buying time and stringing you along? I believe, if she refused you into the bedroom and no sex for 2 months, she has more or less decided to separate, just buying time using the pretext of space.

 

She said I love you on the phone, how come she denies you the intimacy. Does she mean ILY,BNILWY? Be careful

[What_Next]

Habs53, thank you for reply. It was good to read someone else has been there. Of course I knew better and many many men have been where I am right now. I've avoided any thought of meds, but I approaching my breaking point. I also wish there was some way to connect to others on LS that have been there.

 

Windsurf66, I agree with your reply. It has been too long, but she has made it clear, until she can come to terms with me sleeping in the same bedroom there will be no sexual contact. I have adjusted to that. I also have the fear that she has checked out. Or perhaps I have checked out?

 

I also understand your point with respect to what she said on the phone. I am locked into this place. If I leave it's personal bankruptcy for us both, no way around it.

 

I am lost, I need help. I need a way out of the fog. I just don't know what way is up.

[Windsurf66]

Habs53, thank you for reply. It was good to read someone else has been there. Of course I knew better and many many men have been where I am right now. I've avoided any thought of meds, but I approaching my breaking point. I also wish there was some way to connect to others on LS that have been there.

 

Windsurf66, I agree with your reply. It has been too long, but she has made it clear, until she can come to terms with me sleeping in the same bedroom there will be no sexual contact. I have adjusted to that. I also have the fear that she has checked out. Or perhaps I have checked out?

 

I also understand your point with respect to what she said on the phone. I am locked into this place. If I leave it's personal bankruptcy for us both, no way around it.

 

I am lost, I need help. I need a way out of the fog. I just don't know what way is up.

 

Hi,

What is it that she cannot come to terms with a husband sleeping in the same bedroom? Unless she no longer sees you as her husband. Are you both quarreling everyday? I am sorry tha I am trying to decipher her words, and see what she is really thinking, because my gut feel after reading all your post, is that she is buying time.

 

It is too late for me to say this, but my stand is, as long as a couple is still husband and wife, and divorce has not been filed, they will stay together in the same house, same bedroom. I read some stories about some spouse trying to drive the other out of the house, out of the bedroom etc, but I just think this is very disrespectful and it simply drives the couple further apart. My gut feel for such cases is that the marriage is already gone and the spouse is just buying time.

 

This thing about need space, is bullsh*t to me; it means I need space/privacy to start plotting my exit and/or explore with others. if you wish to strengthen the marriage, you don't create a few months of "space" between you and your spouse which will just drive the marriage further apart, but should in fact be closer together to build on the marriage? Just my opinion

[Windsurf66]

I am locked into this place. If I leave it's personal bankruptcy for us both, no way around it.

 

I am lost, I need help. I need a way out of the fog. I just don't know what way is up.

 

Sorry i missed this. I think you have to think carefully, whether you are prepared to divorce (short term pain but more painful) or remain status quo (less painful but long term pain).

 

Since you cannot sell the house and have to live together, one option is to remain married on current status quo until you can sell the house, then divorce. Its just like you are separated but living under the same roof. But you have to check out emotionally yourself, else you would suffer mentally and emotionally. Can you check out?

 

Option 2 is to put your foot down once and for all, and give her at the most 1 more week to come to a decision. She has been buying too much time. Either she resumes the marriage or divorce. She cannot expect to have the security of a marriage (i.e. house, kids, family to fall back on, money) but yet live her life like a single in the house. This is cake-eating behavior.

 

By the way, why are you lock in to the house?

[Gunny376]

Of the top fifty most stressful events ~ the lost of a spouse through tops the list, followed by divorced, followed by the lost of a child ~ the lost of a close relative, (parent, sibling, child)

 

I'm sure and certain that the level of stress varies from individual to individual.

 

I was forced into seeking professional help by my boss ~ either that or lose my job (I was heavily self medicating with drinking and was going in half hung over to work the second shift 3-11)

 

I work in a lab, and when you work in a lab you deal with extremely small numbers ~ where a little means a lot a lot can mean a little (I know it takes a while to wrap that one around your head. But there's a big difference between 1.2 and .12 and in the work that I do ppm (parts per million come into play)

 

With that said ~ as I've already told you I went and saw a psychologist. I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

 

I got put on AD (Antidepressants) and anxiety drugs. I've been on them since April and I cannot even begin to tell you the difference they've made in my life and I've done a 180 since having taken them ~ and this is from a guy that doesn't want to take any kind of medication unless absolutely necessary ~ not even over the counter medication.

 

I see Dr. "W" once a month, and the first month after starting the Med's ~ he smiled knowingly the difference in my outlook, perspective, attitude.

 

I was going through life (and have been for quite some number of years) hating life and most people in it. Now my attitude, perspective and outlook has done a 180. I'm more positive, smile more, more out-going, more sociable, more quick to laugh.

 

My work performance has improved ten fold, I make fewer if any mistakes, I'm more cooperative. I used to butt heads with the guys out in the plant.

 

The way my boss and co-workers has changed and done a 180 turn. I sleep better and sounder. I worry less ~ in fact I don't worry about anything ~ that in itself was a 180 in that I use to worry and be anxious over any and everything.

 

Your going through one of the most stressful events of your life ~ and you need to do something to get it and yourself under control.

 

The meds that I'm on were prescribed to me in consultation between my PCP (Primary Care Provider / MD) and my psychologist. And the dosage is being monitored and adjusted accordingly.

 

My insurance provider normally authorizes 8 out-patient visits with a or other mental health provider?

 

Get this? They've authorized 22 of them (because of the PTSD)

 

My psychologist and I are at somewhat of impasse because its hard for me to speak about and discuss with him what caused the PTSD.

 

No mutual point of reference and relevance ~ it would be like a woman attempting to describe to a man what its like giving child birth (And yea, I've already heard the Bill Cosby explanation of such)

 

If you truly want to save your marriage ~ get your happy self to see your MD and perhaps a psychologist (recommended) and get on some AD's and anxiety drugs.

 

They don't make you "high" nor low ~ the ones I'm on make me "balanced" mentally, emotionally and physiologically. And they very much do so.

 

Which my psychologist Dr. "W" said was there purpose.

 

My first visit with him after starting the meds was, "Your overall general anxiety and anger is gone isn't it?"

 

And he was right? It was.

 

In so far as the communication thing goes ~ you've got to understand that men and women's brain's are literally hard wired differently ~ especially when it come to communication.

 

Your typical woman uses four to six thousand words a day compared to your typical man's two to three thousand words per day.

 

Native Americans in the northern parts of Canada and Alaska have over 26 different descriptions of the English word "white"

 

African Americans have several different words to describe the word "Black"

 

Have you ever noticed that women have a much greater sense of smell, taste, larger eyes than men ~ and men's obsession with sports? Read the book "Why Men Don't Have A Clue And Women Need A New Pair Of Shoes" and you will have a better understanding.

 

In so far as cross-gender communication read "Gender Speak" and "You Just Don't Understand"

 

Women tend to use 'indirect" language while men tend to use "direct' language (Useful in hunting Woolly Mammoths), while large eyes, hearing, and sense of smell is more useful in gathering fruits and vegetables?

 

Since doing so is a collaborative ~ group effort? Verbally communicating in doing such ~ leads to? More verbal communication.

 

Which is why women don't just talk ~ and as men say "jabber on" but disuss in great detail every little detail of this that and the other.

 

In the newspaper cartoon, Lo and Hi ~ the mother asked the GF to go with her own her daily walk. To which the son responds, "She's a waitress she walks twenty mile a day!"

 

The GF says she would love to.

 

The son turns to his father and says ~ "They're going to talk about me aren't they!"

 

Which is why women go to the Lady's room in pairs!

[wrencn]

What_Next, we are in the same boat. We have to live together for financial reasons and it seems we are going to be in this situation for a while. At first I thought it was for the best but now I'm realizing that this is going to be so much harder than if we were apart. I have really rough nights but my youngest son sleeps in the bed with me, so when I get the overwhelming urge to go and crawl on the couch with my husband I hug my son instead.

 

I'm with Gunny- see someone about meds. Why suffer needlessly? I got to the point where my anxiety was so bad I thought I was going to die or be so out of my mind I might have hurt myself (without wanting to). I'm doing much better now, but it still hurts and I still feel all the emotions, just not nearly as intense.

 

Once I post enough for messaging privileges you can talk to me all you need I am lucky that I had plenty of people to lean on when this first happened. I even had someone I could call at 4 a.m. when the worst pain would set in. (((HUGS)))

[tojaz]

Well what a difference a night makes. We went tonight to prepare for our weekend trip. It was going well until my wife once again said to our daugther something about her leaving something in "her" bedroom. That set me off to a certain extent. I didn't say much, but I did tell her I'd asked that she NOT say "her" bedroom. I don't know why that stings, but it just does.

 

She went pretty silent and cold, but gradually it got better. When we arrived home she went off to bed. The cold empty space set in and I went for a loop. I suppose I should have left for a bike ride, but I didn't. I brooded and it got worse. I finally went and knocked on "OUR" bedroom door and she came out and we held each other. I was crying like a baby, I just lost it. The worst I've cried since this all started.

 

I don't know where these emotions came from, they just all of a sudden came bursting out. Perhaps it's lack of sleep, or just the immense weight of it all. I don't know. Luckily enough I was able to go into our daugthers room and hug her. That brought comfort.

 

I have to admit, this was the toughest night yet. My heart is on fire, my mind is adrift. I am lost at sea. For the first time since all of this started I asked for my father's help (he was my best friend, and passed 10 years ago. I honestly want his help.

 

I am NOT religious, in fact I haven't attended church since our daugther was baptised, but I am starting to think about returning.

 

Who else out there has went through an emotional night like this? I really need someone to talk me back from the ledge.

 

Just one? Hell I went through whole weeks like that! To be honest W_N I honestly strongly considered the easy way out over it. It falls under being strong enough to be weak and letting the emotions run their course. I like Gunnys analogies "The storms of life" and "The healing fire" Thats very much what it is, but every storm ends and every fire goes out.

 

Positive note, look who was there for you when it hit! That says something. My wife was done and when I turned to her.... she turned her back. Yours didn't though, keep that in mind.

 

Sorry i missed this. I think you have to think carefully, whether you are prepared to divorce (short term pain but more painful) or remain status quo (less painful but long term pain).

 

Since you cannot sell the house and have to live together, one option is to remain married on current status quo until you can sell the house, then divorce. Its just like you are separated but living under the same roof. But you have to check out emotionally yourself, else you would suffer mentally and emotionally. Can you check out?

 

Option 2 is to put your foot down once and for all, and give her at the most 1 more week to come to a decision. She has been buying too much time. Either she resumes the marriage or divorce. She cannot expect to have the security of a marriage (i.e. house, kids, family to fall back on, money) but yet live her life like a single in the house. This is cake-eating behavior.

 

By the way, why are you lock in to the house?

 

DISAGREE! Look back at what she has responded to W_N. In reading your thread I can see that, while your financials are a concern, they come second to saving your marriage. The alpha dominant male BS is not right for every situation and a good marriage should never be about dominance or making demands. For now what your doing is getting positive response and your learning. Obviously you have to keep the possibility of post D financial concerns in your head so you can protect yourself, and by all means prepare for the worst the best you can. She is still actively engaged in working on the marriage and your current course of action is what has brought that about.

 

TOJAZ

[habs53]

Well actually, i was at my worst when my wife was still living with me. She didnt mind me still sleeping in the bed but i chose the couch. After she dropped the bomb i wanted her to leave right away. She wanted no counsilling, nothing. It was impossibe for me to act normal around her. I know the right thing to do would have been to support her. But how can you support somebody that is packing boxes in front of you and your child. This went on for 3 weeks. I started to recover about a week after she left. Not fully by any means but enough to start a plan for myself. Make myself better, and get a grip on my emotions. I am starting to feel better about myself, and this is really attractive to other females maybe even my wife. Who knows.

[habs53]

OP,

 

bankruptcy sucks, I would never advise it if there's an alternative.

 

BUT--it's not the end of the world by any means.

 

Psychologically, you feel "trapped." You need to create some choices for yourself.

 

You DO have the choice to file personal b/r if that's what's needed to get out of the house (although maybe not, could you do a short sale?)

 

You definitely should NOT be excluded from the marital bedroom. If someone feels they need to live in the basement, it should be your wife, because it's her choice not to live as true man and wife.

 

No, that bedroom isn't "her" bedroom, it's YOURS.

 

Dump her stuff out of it and take it back. Tell her she can come back into it and sleep WITH you or not, that's her choice; but if she chooses to sleep with you, there WILL be sex.

 

If she doesn't like that, she can go sleep in the basement.

 

You cant' make her love you. But you CAN generate some self-respect.

 

And you MUST. Regardless of what happens with your marriage, your house, your finances, or that b*tch who happens to be living under the same roof with you right now.

I agree with this 100 percent. Showing a backbone will actually probably attract his wife. Although mentally this is very hard to do while still living with her.

[What_Next]

Wow, what an outpouring of responses. Thank you very much everyone. From the bottom of my heart thank you all.

 

I'll try to answer some questions and make some comments. First we don't own the house, we rent. The bottom line is that while we have a reasonable combined income (over 100K) we have a lot of bills and we have made some bad decisions. We have a very high montly lease on our truck and we have some expensive toys (trailer etc). Within 2 years the lease is up on the truck and other things will change. That will drastically change our finanical picture. Together we make headway each month, but if we seperate it'd be BAD, very bad.

 

My mother also lives with us, and we'd have to be sure to get her involved with the process as it effects her. Not a major concern, but a factor.

 

Gunny, I have read countless posts of yours and I do respect your opinion. Medication, I have been back and forth over it. I just cannot do it. I have a STRONG fear of addiction to medication. My father was horribly addicted to many medications before he died. Right now I am still self medicating with alcohol and it doesn't help matters, but it does allow me to sleep. I am working on trying to be happy Gunny, it's hard but I am working on it.

 

Tojaz, as usual you are the voice of reason. You're right she was there. I think if she wasn't last night I am not sure what would have happened.

 

Wrencn you let me know when you can PM and I'll take you up on your offer, the more people I have around me to give me strength the more likely I am to make it through this.

 

In retrospect it was a combination of lack of sleep, stress and the fact that today I brought my 11 year old (I bring her to school EVERY day) to her last day at grade 5. She is growing up, of course I know that. The emotion of it all just got the better of me.

 

I've already spoken to my wfie twice today about other issues. Nothing negative, just positive. I had something happen to me at work that I wanted to tell her about and we spoke about our child. She was cheery and upbeat, as was I.

 

Wellbelieveit, she is actively engaged in trying to save our marriage, maybe not to the same degree that I am, but then again I feel as though I should shoulder the larger share of the blame for it getting this far. She is a complex woman.

 

We'll see how this weekend goes I suppose. I will have to channel my inner Gunny and my inner Tojaz again at some point I am sure. I just need the strength to do so. Perhaps meds this weekend wouldn't be a bad idea after all (or maybe a bag of weed ).

 

Thanks again everyone. If anyone has anything else they would like to add please do so. This thread and LS in general has helped me a great deal.

[What_Next]

I see I missed a few responses. I won't take back our room, in fact she already has offered to let me sleep in it. I declined. If I asked she'd give it up in a hearbeat. She just is just unable to sleep in the same room with me right now. That is her right to have that emotion. I cannot take that from her.

 

As for sleeping with each other, well that's another matter all together. I cannot force that on her, nor will I. Nor will I give any ultimatums right now. That would result in a divorce, no question.

 

She needs some more time to process her emotions and to learn to feel safe and secure with me. I will give her that.

[wrencn]

I see I missed a few responses. I won't take back our room, in fact she already has offered to let me sleep in it. I declined. If I asked she'd give it up in a hearbeat. She just is just unable to sleep in the same room with me right now. That is her right to have that emotion. I cannot take that from her.

 

As for sleeping with each other, well that's another matter all together. I cannot force that on her, nor will I. Nor will I give any ultimatums right now. That would result in a divorce, no question.

 

She needs some more time to process her emotions and to learn to feel safe and secure with me. I will give her that.

 

Wise decision. I hope you have a great weekend Try to get out and do something on your own or with the kids. I'm taking mine to the beach tomorrow. Wish me luck lol!

[What_Next]

wrencn I wish you the BEST of luck. I am sure I will get some time to spend with our child this weekend. I always do when we are out as a family. I am both looking forward to this weekend and afraid of it at the same time. However, if I keep a positive attitude I'll be fine.

 

I resolved last night to try and focus more on our child. To continue to nurture her though this ordeal as best I can. I will keep that promise to myself.

[2ndthymearound]

I have had many, many nights, days, whatever like this! I feel like I am going to lose my mind!!! I also am not religious but I did look into some books and I am closer to God now. One non-religious book that I read and that helped me a ton is, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, In Love". I gave it to my husband to read. Hope he does!

[What_Next]

I will look into that book, thanks for the pointer. Today has been a good day. However, I believe that you are often the cause and/or solution to a good day or a bad day. Mentally I was much better prepared for today.

 

Last night while terrible, was necessary. I re-focused me. Perhaps I needed a kick in the a__. Or perhpas my brain was telling me it needed some downtime... Not sure.

[tojaz]

Wrencn you let me know when you can PM and I'll take you up on your offer, the more people I have around me to give me strength the more likely I am to make it through this.

If memory serves its 1 month and 50 posts to be established, so W_N you should be set for PM on the 1st I'm adding you to my contacts so you can hit me up whenever you like. Wrencn, better get to postin!

 

 

We'll see how this weekend goes I suppose. I will have to channel my inner Gunny and my inner Tojaz again at some point I am sure. I just need the strength to do so. Perhaps meds this weekend wouldn't be a bad idea after all (or maybe a bag of weed ).

Word of warning, me and Gunny have often found ourselves on opposite sides of the fence. LOL, wouldn't want you to develop a split personality!

(You know i love ya though Guns!)

 

I see I missed a few responses. I won't take back our room, in fact she already has offered to let me sleep in it. I declined. If I asked she'd give it up in a hearbeat. She just is just unable to sleep in the same room with me right now. That is her right to have that emotion. I cannot take that from her.

 

As for sleeping with each other, well that's another matter all together. I cannot force that on her, nor will I. Nor will I give any ultimatums right now. That would result in a divorce, no question.

 

She needs some more time to process her emotions and to learn to feel safe and secure with me. I will give her that.

 

You my friend are in a great mindset and that can be the hardest part going through this. It is very easy for people to forget that it isn't a war they are going through even though it feels like one. Always remember that you love the person on the other end.

 

TOJAZ

[Gunny376]

Gunny, I have read countless posts of yours and I do respect your opinion. Medication, I have been back and forth over it. I just cannot do it. I have a STRONG fear of addiction to medication. My father was horribly addicted to many medications before he died. Right now I am still self medicating with alcohol and it doesn't help matters, but it does allow me to sleep. I am working on trying to be happy Gunny, it's hard but I am working on it.

 

Your speaking to a guy that wouldn't even take pain killers when I broke my foot!

 

 

I don't even take Tylenol unless I have to ~ and back in the day at Parris Island? Due to the stress I used to eat them like they were M&M's! 28-29 years hold laying in bed with cheast pains, and half golf ball growths on my head?

 

STRESS!

 

Lost a wife and family because of such?

 

Lost a couple of jobs because of drinking to get some sleep ~ otherwise?

 

I'd go days without sleep.

 

Not just one or two ~ but four ore five if not six!

 

Hyperattenives ~ Hyperattention ~ Instuitionalised?

[habs53]

Hang in there guy, you doing fine

Edited June 28, 2010 by habs53

[What_Next]

Well we are back home, time for an update. First, Tojaz, no worries and that you and Gunny are not one in the same. I've learnt to draw strength from many of the members of LS.

 

Anyway, Friday was a good day, we had fun, we enjoyed our time together and then things sort of fell to pieces on Friday night very late. We had an argument, but nothing too bad. On Saturday morning we moved on and then had a FANTASTIC family day. We spent the day as a family. I had resolved on Thursday night to ensure that our daughter is a priority. I kep that promise and gave her my all.

 

I had such a great day. Towards the end of the day I became emotional and cried a bit, but wearing sunglasses I was able to keep it mostly to myself. My wife noticed and asked me a few times what was up. I think it was the realization of our child's approaching adulthood that hit me (she is 11).

 

Anyway, my wife and I spent a bit of quality time on the evening on Saturday and she eventually went to bed. We joked (about our disagreement on Friday night) and generally had fun.

 

We slept seperately, but early in the morning I decided to go to our bedroom and ask her if I could crawl in the bed with her. She agreed and we slept off and on very late. We had a late breakfast together and enjoyed the rest of our day.

 

Throughout the day I did ask her that if I wanted could I take our bedroom tonight. She said sure, no problem. In the end I told her she could keep "our bedroom" tonight. I am 100% sure that if I wanted it she would have agreed.

 

My sexual frustration came bubbling to the surface a few times over the weekend, but I tried to keep it in check. I did hug her, kiss her on the shoulder etc this weekend a lot, she for the most part took them but was very cold. My next resolve is to stop that behavior (Tojaz, chime in here please). Just to see what reaction she gives.

 

We have our next MC tomorrow night. We are both uneasy about it. However, for the first time in a LONG time I can honestly say we HAVE made progress and we both are in a good head space.

[Gunny376]

First, Tojaz, no worries and that you and Gunny are not one in the same. I've learnt to draw strength from many of the members of LS.

 

I'm just amazed that you could compare Tojaz and I as being even polar oppossities? Let alone alike?

 

Not that I don't agree with a lot of what Tojas says ~ I would dared to think that he has a lot to disagree with what I have to say?

 

Just because of age differences and life experiences?