alphamale Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 , but after that last text i can see what sort of monster i have created you can only be treated badly if you let people treat you badly Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 Yeah i let it go so far that i create a monster Ok, listen guys, he is not gay, and he does not have a girlfriend or wife. I know that this whole thing doesnt make sense and that there has to be a logical explanation for his behaviour, but believe me when i say that he honestly believes that THIS is how FWB or FB things should operate. Seriously, this is what he believes. Its black and white with him. No emotion (his words) Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 Famous last words, and the numerous ellipses suggest you don't really believe it yourself. no, i was rolling my eyes Link to post Share on other sites
Narf Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 I have been in a similar situtation however, he admitted feelings but still didnt want to date and he would hang out with me in public (actually wanted to come out all the time with my friends but would never invite me out with his...) It lasted 3 years until i stopped it... And damn was that hard. I guess my advice to you is when you start thinking ignoring isnt you! You are a nice girl and it is so out of character and extremly hard... Twist it, think he is making you be something your not! He is making it hard for you to be yourself and the sooner you stop it with him the better you will feel about being yourself... Ultimately you know he will never be what you want him to be, when you feel like talking to him think will his response make me feel used? Make you cry? Make you feel hopeless and lost? Confused? It will be almost impossible at first but with time, you will become yourself again. Stop thinking about what he is thinking and focus on how he makes you feel as a person... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 I have been in a similar situtation however, he admitted feelings but still didnt want to date and he would hang out with me in public (actually wanted to come out all the time with my friends but would never invite me out with his...) It lasted 3 years until i stopped it... And damn was that hard. I guess my advice to you is when you start thinking ignoring isnt you! You are a nice girl and it is so out of character and extremly hard... Twist it, think he is making you be something your not! He is making it hard for you to be yourself and the sooner you stop it with him the better you will feel about being yourself... Ultimately you know he will never be what you want him to be, when you feel like talking to him think will his response make me feel used? Make you cry? Make you feel hopeless and lost? Confused? It will be almost impossible at first but with time, you will become yourself again. Stop thinking about what he is thinking and focus on how he makes you feel as a person... thats weird hat he wouldnt let you meet his friends I know that if i contacted him it would leave me feeling bad. This guy doesnt even know who i am, didnt even give me a chance. He says he "knows me" but really he doesnt know anything. Thats why i feel so cheated. The fact that he wont let me go to his house makes me feel like he thinks im some sort of low life criminal. No one has ever made me feel that way Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Yeah i let it go so far that i create a monster Ok, listen guys, he is not gay, and he does not have a girlfriend or wife. I know that this whole thing doesnt make sense and that there has to be a logical explanation for his behaviour, but believe me when i say that he honestly believes that THIS is how FWB or FB things should operate. Seriously, this is what he believes. Its black and white with him. No emotion (his words) If this is true then you really do need to move on. At least if he had a gf or a w that would be some type of excuse why you couldn't enter his home. That shows you just how little you really do mean to him. Honey, wake up, you deserve sooooooo much better than this. Okay you do not see him as a waste of your time but he is the taking up time that you could have been spending with someone who could really love and respect you and not keep you hidden. He is right about the FWB relationship but it is clear that you want more than that so this is working for you. A FWB is not suppose to have you in tears when you don't hear from him. Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 ...i have done nothing and not responded to him... This is great to hear. By breaking out of the destructive pattern, you are doing such a wonderful thing for yourself. Hang in there, mishy! ((hug)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 If this is true then you really do need to move on. At least if he had a gf or a w that would be some type of excuse why you couldn't enter his home. That shows you just how little you really do mean to him. Honey, wake up, you deserve sooooooo much better than this. Okay you do not see him as a waste of your time but he is the taking up time that you could have been spending with someone who could really love and respect you and not keep you hidden. He is right about the FWB relationship but it is clear that you want more than that so this is working for you. A FWB is not suppose to have you in tears when you don't hear from him. No i dont think he is right about the way he conducts FWB relationships. Usually people who have a FWB do see them socially to some extent. His idea of FWB is nothing short of ridiculous, and pretty much liek prostitution. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Usually people who have a FWB do see them socially to some extent. His idea of FWB is nothing short of ridiculous, and pretty much liek prostitution. Really? I thought FWB meant we can get together and have sex but don't have to date. I wouldn't know because I've never been in one but I thought that is what FWB meant. Then how do you know the difference between FWB and being in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Exactly, a true FWB situation is someone with whom you have zero feelings for, could care less to see them with clothes on, and never want to see them unless sex is involved. Anything short of that, feelings develop on one side and it gets extremely complicated. As much as a tool as this guy is, he played his side in this perfectly. For a FWB to work, both sides need to see the other person as less than human. A walking genitalia. That's it. Unfortunately, one person or both people in FWB's cannot do this and it becomes too complicated and therefore FWB's are fun but a bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 Exactly, a true FWB situation is someone with whom you have zero feelings for, could care less to see them with clothes on, and never want to see them unless sex is involved. Anything short of that, feelings develop on one side and it gets extremely complicated. As much as a tool as this guy is, he played his side in this perfectly. For a FWB to work, both sides need to see the other person as less than human. A walking genitalia. That's it. Unfortunately, one person or both people in FWB's cannot do this and it becomes too complicated and therefore FWB's are fun but a bad idea. Seriously after 2 and a half years you would expect to go out for coffee or go out in public or at LEAST be allowed at the other persons place when you have let them come to yours for so long. I have heard of FWB that do a lot more than we did. He was VERY extreme. He didnt even realise that the sex would be better (for the female) if i was allowed to get to know him a bit more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 I still haven't texted back and its been 72 hours. But I am starting to imagine that he is going to turn up here sometime and say he is sorry or make some amends. Maybe not even say sorry- i guess more what i am imagining is that he turns up here. Someone bring me back to reality please, because I know he isnt going to bother doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 Be proud of yourself for not texting back. Good job!!! Somehow you need to give up hope. This is the best outcome! You didn't text back and he hasn't contacted you. It's over and now you can begin to grieve and let go, heal and get on with your life. This guy is/was SO unhealthy for you, Mishy. He's done alot of damage to you. But, let's just say he does show up at your door. What do you do, and how do you react? What do you say to him? Do you slam the door in his face? Do you let him in? Tell him to F-Off, or go away, I don't want you in my life anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 Be proud of yourself for not texting back. Good job!!! Somehow you need to give up hope. This is the best outcome! You didn't text back and he hasn't contacted you. It's over and now you can begin to grieve and let go, heal and get on with your life. This guy is/was SO unhealthy for you, Mishy. He's done alot of damage to you. But, let's just say he does show up at your door. What do you do, and how do you react? What do you say to him? Do you slam the door in his face? Do you let him in? Tell him to F-Off, or go away, I don't want you in my life anymore? The thing is that I am always the contactor. So the fact that he hasnt contacted me since his last text really means nothing. Thats nothing unusual. He definately doesnt like it when i dont reply though. Its only happened once or twice, and that time he turned up at my door at midnight saying "why havent you replied to my email!" I think it was about 4 days later or something But anyway, the thing is that he will probably not even be thinking anythings wrong and just that im a bit anygry and will get over it in a few days and that iw ill contact him next week or something, and ask him over. Seriously thats what he will be expecting, because thats what I have always done. I havent got a clue what i would do if he turned up. He might not have the nerve to anyway Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 I would hope you wouldn't answer the door if he turned up at your door. Or, I would hope that you would say "Don't ever come to my house without contacting me first and now that you are here don't ever come back" and shut the door. If you let him in, have sex, he leaves don't expect anything more than you got because that's all it is is sex. If you break down and let him in don't complain that he won't let you in his house because he is playing his part in the FWB correct and you will have to adjust your attitude. I hope you continue as you are with the NC so you can get over this guy. The next time don't settle for a FWB relationship because it is obvious that is not what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 I would hope you wouldn't answer the door if he turned up at your door. Or, I would hope that you would say "Don't ever come to my house without contacting me first and now that you are here don't ever come back" and shut the door. If you let him in, have sex, he leaves don't expect anything more than you got because that's all it is is sex. If you break down and let him in don't complain that he won't let you in his house because he is playing his part in the FWB correct and you will have to adjust your attitude. I hope you continue as you are with the NC so you can get over this guy. The next time don't settle for a FWB relationship because it is obvious that is not what you want. I don't believe he is playing it correctly. I think it is inhumane, cruel and downright mean. Perhaps if i had only known him a short time, then maybe it would be acceptable. But after shagging me for two and a half years, and i am still not allowed over- i just think its, you know what? I cannot even find the words for it. I dont think he would dare come over. He will be on to his next victim. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 So mishy, I think you are in need of a long overdued vacation. Or maybe a small trip out of town. Just remove yourself from this situation. No matter how attached you think you are to him, just remember how badly he has treated you for these last two years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 24, 2010 Author Share Posted May 24, 2010 yes thats right its still hard not to text, but i havent and its been FIVE DAYS Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 yes thats right its still hard not to text, but i havent and its been FIVE DAYS good job keep going! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 24, 2010 Author Share Posted May 24, 2010 its so hard not to text- i keep thinking of things i want to say worried im going to relapse Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 Mishy, how old are you? (sorry if you have already answered this question). Not sure if you work or have any savings, but do something nice for yourself. Take a short trip, get your hair done, buy a nice piece of clothing or jewlery, go and see a movie. YOU should treat youself well. Well done on not contacting that *********, lame, cruel piece of $hit. You are showing him and yourself just how strong you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 24, 2010 Author Share Posted May 24, 2010 I am 30s, own my own home, have savings and am self employed im ok, its just every day that goes by and i dont hear anything from him either, it just rubs salt in the wound but yeah still struggling not to send a message Link to post Share on other sites
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