sugarmomma Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 http://www.thirdage.com/articles/are-you-addicted-emotional-pain-0 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 thanks sugar momma ill have a read Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 He may not get the message via text but he will get the message when you never contact him again. He does have a gf even if she isn't living in his house. Who do you think he is going to all those restaurants with? He really freaked out at the thought of you coming to his house. If someone I had known and blown for 2-1/2 years didn't want to be seen out in public with me, didn't want me at their home, didn't want me to meet their friends and family, I would be gone in a heartbeat. I would know that this person was just using me like a tampon. I would realize that I have wasted 2-1/2 years of my youth (down the drain) on someone who treats me less than a prostitute. I would immediately clean myself up and hold myself up and find a man who would cherish me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 I know the only logical explanation is that he has a girlfriend, but honestly he really doesnt. He is divorced, his wife left him, and ran off with another man- and i just know he is single by the sort of conversations we have had over the past couple of years and various other things. You are right about the prostitute thing He may not get the message via text but he will get the message when you never contact him again. He does have a gf even if she isn't living in his house. Who do you think he is going to all those restaurants with? He really freaked out at the thought of you coming to his house. If someone I had known and blown for 2-1/2 years didn't want to be seen out in public with me, didn't want me at their home, didn't want me to meet their friends and family, I would be gone in a heartbeat. I would know that this person was just using me like a tampon. I would realize that I have wasted 2-1/2 years of my youth (down the drain) on someone who treats me less than a prostitute. I would immediately clean myself up and hold myself up and find a man who would cherish me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 The reason he doesnt want me to go to his house is because it will "mean something" ie when he said "there is no relationship". All along its been about it being casual, and he thinks that doing things together means there is a relationship. He is really black and white. NO grey areas. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 The reason he doesnt want me to go to his house is because it will "mean something" ie when he said "there is no relationship". All along its been about it being casual, and he thinks that doing things together means there is a relationship. He is really black and white. NO grey areas. That's reason enough to turn your back on him. Are you just looking to engage in a "woe is me" discussion or are you hoping to gain something from all this advice you are getting? If you plan to continue this degrading non-relationship- then I don't see how anyone here can help you. You have to want to help yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 (edited) That's reason enough to turn your back on him. Are you just looking to engage in a "woe is me" discussion or are you hoping to gain something from all this advice you are getting? If you plan to continue this degrading non-relationship- then I don't see how anyone here can help you. You have to want to help yourself. I know what you are saying. No, I am writing here to get strength to STAY AWAY from him. And get power to stay away. Yeah woe is me, i dont need anyone to confirm that. I am just wondering why i have always gone back to him, when he HAS treated me liek this before I am NOT planning to continue this non- relationship. I am trying to concentrate on not contacting him day by day, because in the past i have contacted him and we have resumed as normal. He WILL be expecting me to do this, and i almost feel like i am trying to keep myself from being drawn into that vortex. DLish I have reached the bottom and i dont have anything left to give him, and i cant go back to it. Not allowing me to go to his house is a major insult on a very deep level. Edited May 20, 2010 by mishy Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 The reason he doesnt want me to go to his house is because it will "mean something" ie when he said "there is no relationship". maybe he's running a meth lab out of his house? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I know what you are saying. No, I am writing here to get strength to STAY AWAY from him. And get power to stay away. Yeah woe is me, i dont need anyone to confirm that. I am just wondering why i have always gone back to him, when he HAS treated me liek this before I am NOT planning to continue this non- relationship. I am trying to concentrate on not contacting him day by day, because in the past i have contacted him and we have resumed as normal. He WILL be expecting me to do this, and i almost feel like i am trying to keep myself from being drawn into that vortex. DLish I have reached the bottom and i dont have anything left to give him, and i cant go back to it. Not allowing me to go to his house is a major insult on a very deep level. Okay good. Let me ask you- why do you go back to him despite the fact that he treats you like crap? I can tell you are fearful of having nothing from him- and seem to prefer having anything- even if it's borderline abusive from him. Start with why you think that is the case. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 This situation really isn't about what's going on with him regarding why he treats you the way he does. It doesn't matter if he has a girlfriend or running a meth lab out of his house. The real question is why you settle for so little and accept sex when you know you deserve to be loved and treated with respect? What is it that is so broken in you and your esteem that you allow yourself to be treated with such contempt? I hope and pray that you will extricate yourself from this painful situation because he is not going to stop as long as you 'assume the position'. You are responsible for your pain. NOT him. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 Okay good. Let me ask you- why do you go back to him despite the fact that he treats you like crap? I think its because of how dazzled i was by the physical chemistry. In the looks department "I" think he is out of my league. I just look at him and think wow he is attracted to me? (even if its just sex). I met him online and when i saw his photo for the first time i actually had a physical response- my heart jumped, and i still remember that moment. He is the kind of guy that i could never get in highschool. And although people say i am cute/ pretty, he is still way out of my league. He is an alpha male. Its not that his face is stunningly good looking its the whole sort of charisma he has (in person) and 6 foot two. I just look a him and my stomach jumps. So i guess I go back to him because of that, but also i like the attention, i like the excitement of seeing him. Maybe i just felt "lucky" that a guy like this is paying me attention? I can tell you are fearful of having nothing from him- and seem to prefer having anything- even if it's borderline abusive from him. Start with why you think that is the case. Its scary for me to think i will not see him again. I've just got used to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 I think I thought that if i tried a little bit harder he would eventually like me? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 So what if he's an attractive guy- he's proven he's a douchebag hasn't he? I just hate seeing women actively participate in their own degredation. You need to ignore him for good and make the choice to stop this. I don't understand why you can't believe you deserve better, it's heartbreaking really. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 So what if he's an attractive guy- he's proven he's a douchebag hasn't he? I just hate seeing women actively participate in their own degredation. You need to ignore him for good and make the choice to stop this. I don't understand why you can't believe you deserve better, it's heartbreaking really. I deserve better, thats why i am not responding to his text, and not contacting him at all I am just wondering what to do if he turns up here, as he does come over out of the blue sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I really really think that he is living with someone. You can't be 100% sure that he isn't. Years ago, I had FWB guy who treated me like s$it. Kind of reminds me of this. He wouldn't go out with me or even bother to waste an hour with me having a cup coffee. He just wanted sex. HOWEVER, he had no problem whatsoever with me coming over to his house to ****. After the sex was over, he would pretend that he has somewhere to go so that I wouldn't stay. But still, it was more convinient for him to have me come over. He lived alone. My situation lasted 6 months before I got truly fed up. I was 21 at the time. My point is, things aren't adding up in your case. The only way it would all make sense is if he lives with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I deserve better, thats why i am not responding to his text, and not contacting him at all I am just wondering what to do if he turns up here, as he does come over out of the blue sometimes. Don't open the door. He doesn't allow you into his home, so he has no business turning up at yours. Turn this line around on him: The reason he doesnt want me to go to his house is because it will "mean something" ie when he said "there is no relationship". Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 I really really think that he is living with someone. You can't be 100% sure that he isn't. Years ago, I had FWB guy who treated me like s$it. Kind of reminds me of this. He wouldn't go out with me or even bother to waste an hour with me having a cup coffee. He just wanted sex. HOWEVER, he had no problem whatsoever with me coming over to his house to ****. After the sex was over, he would pretend that he has somewhere to go so that I wouldn't stay. But still, it was more convinient for him to have me come over. He lived alone. My situation lasted 6 months before I got truly fed up. I was 21 at the time. My point is, things aren't adding up in your case. The only way it would all make sense is if he lives with someone. No he really isnt living with someone. He is living with a male flatmate. I know it sounds like he is living with a girlfriend, but honestly if it was the case i would have realised long ago. Yeah the whole thing doesnt make sense, but its not that. he is simply a jerk who thinks that this is how Fwb works Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Mishy, I am curious - how did you two meet and how did FWB start? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 We met on a dating site after talking for a few weeks We kissed the first day we met and it just went from there, like an instant attraction I went into it way too quickly. on all the social networking things liek facebook he also says single i am positive there is no girlfriend/ wife Mishy, I am curious - how did you two meet and how did FWB start? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Maybe he's closet gay? And that's why he won't allow you to his house? You say he has male roommate........... I'm just saying! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Don't open the door. He doesn't allow you into his home, so he has no business turning up at yours. Turn this line around on him: [/b] I agree. Why do you let him come to your house if he won't let you come to his? You should have made him rent a hotel room and then you two would have been on equal grounds. Mishy how old are you? How many more years of your youth are you going to give to a guy who doesn't respect you and more than likely will not marry you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 Maybe he's closet gay? And that's why he won't allow you to his house? You say he has male roommate........... I'm just saying! LOL oh no way, he is so into women its not funny Definately straight, without question.................. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 LOL oh no way, he is so into women its not funny ..... its more like he's so into manipulating women its not funny Link to post Share on other sites
Engadget Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 LOL oh no way, he is so into women its not funny Definately straight, without question.................. Famous last words, and the numerous ellipses suggest you don't really believe it yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 I agree. Why do you let him come to your house if he won't let you come to his? You should have made him rent a hotel room and then you two would have been on equal grounds. Mishy how old are you? How many more years of your youth are you going to give to a guy who doesn't respect you and more than likely will not marry you? I know, i made a huge mistake, not going there sooner, and not demanding i be allowed. We are both in our thirties. As for wasting time, if i didnt make this mistake with him, i would have made it with someone else, either years ago, or in the future. Its been a learning thing and in one way it hasnt been a waste. I doubt he will turn up here again, and im not going to contact him again. It will be a struggle, but after that last text i can see what sort of monster i have created Link to post Share on other sites
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