Close to having an affair at work - I'm her Boss

[jnj express]

What you need to do---is to sit down with your wife, and start COMMUNICATING.----Nobody ever said mge., was easy---it is very hard work, and you gave all the reasons, why it is so hard----BUT if your mge is to make it (and that is where you should be spending your time) then the 2 of you must COMMUNICATE.

 

Instead of thinking about ways to get with the OW---spend the time thinking of ways to make your mge., exciting. Go out on dates, get away for weekends, get involved in hobbies together, do charity work together---DO THINGS, AND COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR WIFE--EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO FORCE HER----you might just be surprised at her response.

[jerrytodd]

Glad you came back and have not started the physical affair yet. That is great news.

 

The transition to happily ever after with your co-worker will be difficult to impossible, even if she is the "one". Your transition will always have a stain with you, her, your friends and co-workers if you dont end your marriage first.

 

And the fact that you do seem concerned about divorce as a poor solution is very positive as well. The possibility of the affair becoming real is allowing you to defer the hard discussion that the two of you need.

 

I am encouraging you, based on my own experience and my previous post, to tell your future AP that you need a hiatus in your EA for the foreseeable future. She will not leave you if there is something unique and real there and will respect you more.

 

After you do that you will be able to have those difficult discussions with your wife. You will be amazed at how your eyes open to the great things your wife offers you now, the piddling little irritants will be seen to be simply that and tell her everything that you expect out of a marriage and ask what she wants.

 

I know it is tough but on a scale of 1-1000 the fixing our marriage discussion is at a 5. The divorce discussion you will have if you dont do this is at 100 and the "I just got caught at work having an affair with a girl who reports to me" is a 10,000!!.

 

Bentley your marriage may not work or be salvageable. But it is worth the effort to try.

 

Best of luck.

[stillafool]

=bentley2110;She's spending quite a bit more time with her work friends, i lose track of her for a couple hours at a time, this has happened more than once now, in fact, right now it's happening. I know you won't believe me, but I know she's keeping something from me. I'm trying not to jump to conclusions, I have no reason to suspect an A on her end, just stating facts.

 

I think you should bring the OW up to your wife. You may be surprised. She may be in love with someone else and is feeling the same way you are. Not happy but not sure whether to divorce. You have said your wife is more like a sister or friend and you don't see that changing. What is the purpose of staying together if you both want to be with other people?

[Dexter Morgan]

This is bad, I know it is.

 

She's only slightly younger (couple of years), and reports directly to me. I am in a marriage of 5 years, no kids, and pretty bored with it all.

 

then set your wife free from you, get a divorce and never get married again.

 

 

She has a boyfriend, she says its not serious.

 

thats what all cheaters say. you think she'd reel you in if she said she was absolutely in love with him?

 

and if it isn't serious, what is she doing with him and why is he considered her boyfriend?

 

 

Now the last 6 weeks or so, there is definitely a line that has been crossed. We have had 3 secret dates here at home, and have kissed, but nothing else.

 

there is no "nothing else". no mitigation please.

 

 

My wife is also a professional person, we both spend long hours at work. We have reached a point where neither of us is really investing a whole lot to keep it exciting, it's gotten stale. I think she would agree.

 

 

so rather than talk to her about it, or set her free, you simply want to screw around. Man up and do what you KNOW needs to be done.....divorce.

 

 

 

The woman at work is amazing. We have much in common, with our background, families, etc... I look forward to spending time alone with her now and talking about thing unrelated to work. I think about her all the time. She says she really wants to see me, but knows she shouldn't.

 

and this whole time you two are carrying on with each other, let me guess......she still has the boyfriend on the side right?

 

 

 

She says that it is unusual for her to have someone like her for her personality, conversation, and not just for the way she looks. She has been engaged multiple times, but never married

 

engaged multiple times? can you say RED FLAG?

 

 

I know what I should do - put a stop to it, focus on our jobs, be her boss at work, pay attention to wife, improve my marriage.

 

 

no, you need to set your wife free from you. there isn't any working on the marriage and you know it. You really think you are the type of guy that can handle having sex with the same woman for so many years? You think you won't be pining for this "gorgeous" woman or wanting a little strange since you jump ship when you are bored?

 

 

But, I can't seem to make myself do that. I can't get past thinking that this girl may be someone I will regret passing by.

 

so don't let her pass you by and don't keep your wife for your own selfish reasons out of fear of the unknown. Your fear of the unknown isn't your wife's problem. Its yours.

 

So divorce, and take your chances as to whether this "sex addict" woman will be faithful to you like she is currently being faithful to her boyfriend:rolleyes:

 

 

I have fantasized about adjusting our careers so that we could move to another state together and start a life - I have a second home with my wife that I'm sure I would end up in if that went bad.

 

well there you go, you have it made...no kids, 2nd home....set your wife free from you.

 

 

 

Not to mention all the inappropriate professional outcomes this could generate.

 

you are already engaging in inappropriate professional outcomes. At least if you aren't married it would be a little better no?

 

But then again, a guy at my employer got fired for having an affair with a subordinate. And she got to keep her job due to possible harrassment charges should could file against them...consent or no consent, if they would have fired her too.

 

 

 

We work for a rather small company, not too much formal policy, HR, etc..., but I fear for both our jobs if it went bad.

 

her job would be fine. if she was fired for messing around with you, she could sue the company....however you would be justifiably fired from a legal standpoint.

 

so again, do your wife a favor.....set her free.