Blindsidedagainalive Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Imagine you were single and in the same situation. You could request the non-serious boyfriends number, so you can call to verify that he would be okay with you screwing around with her. I am going to take a wild guess, and say that he won't be. What if someone was ****ing your wife......how would you feel? Sometimes jealous boyfriends beat the **** out of the men that **** their girlfriends. Sometimes they kill them. What about your job and the repercussions? What about diseases that you can catch and give to your wife (many cannot be protected by condoms...including herpes). Do you know anything about HPV? My soon to be ex got it from her lover........a rubber doesn't help. She had to get cancer removed from her cervix as a result of her affair. You are playing with a firestorm that you have no idea of the consequences.
norajane Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 She had a family thing come up as she thought she might and won't be available tonight. I left the next move up to her. Maybe there won't be one...So, she's already got you on a leash, ready to run after her if she tugs, and sitting around waiting when she says, "Sit. Stay." And you've placed your marriage, and your wife's well-being, as well as your job in her hands - whatever move she (and her boyfriend) decide to make, right? Way to hand over your balls, dude. Handing over your entire life to someone else, someone else who does not have a track record of making great decisions... Wow. Just wow.
JamesM Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Thanks - this is an addiction. I hadn't thought of it that way. I think if I tell her this, she will understand. We've both gone into it knowing it could end any time and we'll have to live with it. Now I just have to muster up the balls to actually do it No, she knows what she is doing. Telling you that she is a sex addict is like the employee who told me her husband was impotent. (Yes, that really happened to me. No, I wasn't interested. This was about 15 years ago. I never forgot her name. Last year, I noticed her ex-husband died of...diabetes.) It was done with the express purpose of sending me a message. She knows that you will be having second thoughts right now, but she also sees how you look at her and want her. She is sending messages to you while letting you grapple with your conscience. She knows that like a fisherman, she has set the hook and is simply waiting to finish reeling you in. She can see that step by step the two of you are getting together. Bentley.....this woman is luring you in with the sex talk. She's being provocative and coy and making herself available to you and you are falling hook line and sinker. I'm afraid that you aren't going to listen to any of this good advice you are getting. Very true. Men do it to women. Women do it to men. And unless you truly break loose from this addiction of her either because you actually want to or she loses interest in you, then I can guarantee that you do not have the strength anymore to stop this. As long as you have the inner lust for her, then you will not stop this. You will let it go step by step and pretend that you can stop it before it reaches the final step. Addicts...you're all the same. Ever been around addicts? I have. Wake the F up. You have a foot in foggy alien affair addict land. It's not too late. End it now. Right now. Save yourself. You have been warned. I have been down the road you are. While single I was in an addictive relationship. It was more exciting than any relationship I have ever been in. I let it go when I knew the relationship was only an addiction. I have had many situations that could have developed into the addiction of an affair after marriage. So far they have not, and some probably because the OW lost interest thankfully. My point is that you are having these second thoughts and want to stop and hope that someone can convince you enough. Yet inside the last thing you want is to lose this woman. You are consumed by this inner desire and hunger for her that is magnified by the need for secrecy. If this were a woman that you were considering for a serious relationship and she did not work with you and neither of you were married or in a relationship, then I am guessing that logically you would know that she is not good for you. But right now all you can imagine is how exciting that physical consumption of your lust for her will be. And yes, it will be great, but I guarantee that the inner pain that you will have after the lust has been consumed....well, my question to you as it always is to myself is "Will the pain resulting from the affair be worth the pleasure with this woman?" And so far, no one has caused me to say yes no matter how beautiful or sexy the woman. Stop lusting after her. The only way you can break that lust is by making it known to your wife and focusing on her. At this point you can spin it as a lust that has not been realized. In a week or two, you may not be so lucky. Ironically, we all know as you know that nothing we say is a new revelation to you. And while you may think only you know that wonderful feeling inside, I actually can feel what you are feeling having been there before. I also know what kind of pain you will feel after this is all over. As you said in your first post....there is no way this can end in anything good.
You Go Girl Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Just had to have a look-see if he responded again yet... tomorrow is going to be a telling day. This train wreck has me on the edge of my seat.
JamesM Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Just had to have a look-see if he responded again yet... tomorrow is going to be a telling day. This train wreck has me on the edge of my seat. If I were a betting man and having been in his position (albeit as a single man with a girl in a relationship), then I would bet he will let it keep going step by step. The question remains....will he fall over the edge? Will he wake up from his trance and realize that this cannot turn out good at all? Will SHE stop this potential madness? Or will they discover that they truly are soul mates? Is this the beginning of the end or is it that "Bridge of Madison County" moment? Hopefully, the writer will return. I agree....I am waiting to see how this turns out.
xxoo Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 . I know it could end up being the end of my job, the end of my marriage. I know I'm setting myself up for a fall, especially if she's not true in what she says, and I end up more committed to the relationship than she is. Right in your first post: She calls herself a sex addict. I'm not sure if that's really true, I think she just has unfounded self confidence issues, rooted with her family. She is telling you who she is, and you make excuses for her. Yes, you are certainly setting yourself up for a fall. You are looking at only her "attributes", and ignoring her flaws. When (not if) this all blows up, her flaws will be painfully clear. Take a hard, honest look and see what drama you are inviting into your life--and your wife's life.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 why has she been engaged several times but never actually gone through with it? this is something I would be a little worried about. don't try to say it like its a good thing.
stillafool Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Fellow LoveShackers, Bentley's OW, (not that it makes a difference) is not some young thing, as many of you have posted, she is only 2 years younger than him.
You Go Girl Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 If I were a betting man and having been in his position (albeit as a single man with a girl in a relationship), then I would bet he will let it keep going step by step. The question remains....will he fall over the edge? Will he wake up from his trance and realize that this cannot turn out good at all? Will SHE stop this potential madness? Or will they discover that they truly are soul mates? Is this the beginning of the end or is it that "Bridge of Madison County" moment? Hopefully, the writer will return. I agree....I am waiting to see how this turns out. I suppose it would be callous to bet, but I'm tempted. He lusts her and damn the torpedoes. uggh! Clint Eastwood in a romantic persona was just so wrong!
Author bentley2110 Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 Wow. Didn't realize how enthralling this would be for everyone.... I was busy most of the day with customers in for a visit, but did have a chance to interact with her, almost all work related. We actually are pretty good at focusing on the work items when we need to. We have a 2 hr meeting scheduled now on Wed. to go over some important items at work. This will be interesting... We have also rescheduled our next rendezvous for Wed. night. We'll both be out of town from Thurs on. I haven't decided what I'm going to tell her or do on Wed night yet... To respond to some comments- No, I don't seem to have the balls to end this yet. I know I should. But part of me (more than just my little man) is overruling right now. We have a very nice thing going right now during the day, she is good at what she does, I am excited to be there, we both are very busy. Plus, i can't stop myself from looking forward to hanging out with her outside of work. My wife is busy, she's been out with friends a lot lately, one of which is a guy friend (gay) who also knows the OW. This is a little weird, and another potential dangerous element, I know. Yes, I continue to step into this in a dangerous way. I appreciate all the warnings, I really do. I wouldn't be here if I didn't know I need advice. But man, this is difficult. I'm not good with my feelings, and they're all screwed up right now. By no means, do I believe this woman is my soulmate. Yet. It's a long shot, I admit. But I really think the jury is still out on that one. I do have a little bit of an "I'll save you" complex. Maybe it's because I don't have any kids, I don't know. But remember I went almost 18 months without pursuing anything with her and vice versa. Nothing happened until we really got to know each other outside of work, albeit through a work function. If it was all about her being hot, and I was a complete douchebag cheater, this would have happened a long time ago. Doesn't mean any of that is not true, but... Yes, I doubted my marriage before she was hired, before we started whatever it is that we're doing. I feel like my connection with my wife is unique, but that maybe we would both be happier romantically with someone else. My wife was a virgin before she met me 10 years ago (this is amazing, I know, but i do believe it to be true). I know she has questioned our sexual relationship, she has every right to. We are close friends, but sometimes I feel like we would make better best friends than spouses. We have made dual bad decisions in our life at times, moved when we shouldn't have, were too lazy at times, etc... It's just all so comfortable not to try too hard in life with her. But, this isn't necessarily the best situation to be in with a wife, in my opinion. She doesn't really challenge me intellectually, but she does have a great sense of humor, and we have fun together. Yes, I love her, but sometimes (for a long time), I've questioned what exactly this love really is. Tomorrow is another day, doubt anything will develop of interest. Wednesday will be telling. I will be deep in thought over the next couple of days. Any further advice is appreciated. Even if I don't always follow it. I'm interested to hear more from the guy who has had a similar situation with a woman that reported to him....
Ann_Igma Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Yes, I doubted my marriage before she was hired, before we started whatever it is that we're doing. I feel like my connection with my wife is unique, but that maybe we would both be happier romantically with someone else. My wife was a virgin before she met me 10 years ago (this is amazing, I know, but i do believe it to be true). I know she has questioned our sexual relationship, she has every right to. We are close friends, but sometimes I feel like we would make better best friends than spouses. We have made dual bad decisions in our life at times, moved when we shouldn't have, were too lazy at times, etc... It's just all so comfortable not to try too hard in life with her. But, this isn't necessarily the best situation to be in with a wife, in my opinion. She doesn't really challenge me intellectually, but she does have a great sense of humor, and we have fun together. Yes, I love her, but sometimes (for a long time), I've questioned what exactly this love really is. If you love or care about your wife in ANY way, *please* just have the decency to end things with her before you do anything further with this woman in your office. You have no idea how much pain and destruction you are going to bring to your wife's world if she ever finds out about all of this - does she really deserve that? When I found out about my husband's EA, I came scarily close to ending my life. I had well over 10 times the LD50 (lethal dose in 50% of the population) of a certain poison ready to go in a glass, and that liquid was about 2cm from my lips before I came to my senses. It sounds way out there, I know; but the point is THAT is how destructive the news can be, and THAT is how much hurt your affair can cause. There is a very recent post on here from a BS who is, from what I have read, just seems an extraordinary person overall and very together, and yet over 2 years later, she's still experiencing pain from her H's affair. The pain you will cause is THAT powerful. If there is potential for your office subordinate to be so much more, then surely you both will be able to wait until you've set your wife free? Sure, ending your marriage with her will cause her pain, but it will be NOTHING compared to the pain you'll cause her if she finds out about your affair. Who knows how long you'll be able to get away with it, or how far you'll be able to go, before your wife does find out. But unless she *really* wants to be in denial, she WILL find out. When she does find out, it's going to be one of the most painful experiences she's ever had in her life. Do you really want to do that to your wife?
RedDevil66 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 You know what is truly baffling, how a man who comes on LS and who talks about his affair is LAMBASTED by the same people who comfort and encourage other women who are doing the same thing!!! Newflash: what he is doing is just as wrong as LS's OW! Sure is ironic! Dude, you're walking down a crazy road, but like someone said, nothing is going to stop you. You need to feel this pain before you realize how unhealthy this is
aeh Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 You want to hear more from a guy who's been in a similar position with a girl from work? Well, my H was in a similar position. He had a yearlong affair with a subordinate from work. As it turns out, the company had to let her go during their affair. Then, he became scared to end it not knowing what repurcussions there would be. I discovered the A and it broke my heart into a million little pieces. It is almost a year later. I have had a revenge A. Every time a handsome man looks at me I wonder, "would he have done this to me?" I am still devastated. Absolutely shattered. There is nothing, not even deaths of close family members, that even comes close to the pain that I have felt. I will never look at my H the same way. My H tells me that he lost so much for what little he got. I could go on and on.
Blindsidedagainalive Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 If you have no intention of listening? Seriously, we have warned you of the most horrendous consequences. If it was all about her being hot, and I was a complete douchebag cheater, this would have happened a long time ago. This is a cop out. You are still married. Whether you cheat in the first year or the 20th year. What more do you want to hear? How terrible this can affect you or your wife....will that stop you? If you really want to pursue this girl in work......fine. Your wife doesn't intellectually stimulate you ....or whatever excuse you choose. Simple tell your wife what you want to do and request a divorce. It's not rocket science.........be a man......tell wife......serve her papers.
norajane Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Yes, I doubted my marriage before she was hired, before we started whatever it is that we're doing. I feel like my connection with my wife is unique, but that maybe we would both be happier romantically with someone else. My wife was a virgin before she met me 10 years ago (this is amazing, I know, but i do believe it to be true). I know she has questioned our sexual relationship, she has every right to. We are close friends, but sometimes I feel like we would make better best friends than spouses. We have made dual bad decisions in our life at times, moved when we shouldn't have, were too lazy at times, etc... It's just all so comfortable not to try too hard in life with her. But, this isn't necessarily the best situation to be in with a wife, in my opinion. She doesn't really challenge me intellectually, but she does have a great sense of humor, and we have fun together. Yes, I love her, but sometimes (for a long time), I've questioned what exactly this love really is. So you've lost all respect for your wife, to the point that you would abandon common decency and set her up for the kind of trauma that will impact her for the rest of her life, including her ability to trust any man, ever? Is that the kind of love you have for her? Is that what that unique connection allows you to do? Just throw her ass in the fire, and to hell with what happens to her mentally and emotionally after that? Does the acronym POS mean anything to you?
bananalaffytaffy Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 (edited) Well, you obviously have no respect for your wife, so I won't try to berate you out of an affair. You are only listening to what you want to hear. Perhaps you are too arrogant to consider that you might get caught. So... I will try to appeal to you this way... I had a friend that was rather high up in a well known company. He was married and had an affair with his married colleague. He thought they had a "connection", but they also had an "understanding". She fell in love, decided she wanted more. He refused. She filed a sexual harassment claim. He was fired and unable to find work in his industry. His wife divorced him, took him to the cleaners, and he had to move overseas to find work. Ya think it was worth it??? Edited May 4, 2010 by bananalaffytaffy
CarrieT Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Yes, I doubted my marriage before she was hired, before we started whatever it is that we're doing. I feel like my connection with my wife is unique, but that maybe we would both be happier romantically with someone else. My wife was a virgin before she met me 10 years ago (this is amazing, I know, but i do believe it to be true). I know she has questioned our sexual relationship, she has every right to. We are close friends, but sometimes I feel like we would make better best friends than spouses. We have made dual bad decisions in our life at times, moved when we shouldn't have, were too lazy at times, etc... It's just all so comfortable not to try too hard in life with her. But, this isn't necessarily the best situation to be in with a wife, in my opinion. She doesn't really challenge me intellectually, but she does have a great sense of humor, and we have fun together. Yes, I love her, but sometimes (for a long time), I've questioned what exactly this love really is. Oh, jeez -- we've never heard THIS before have we, people? "My wife is really my best friend..." You know what, Bentley? People SHARE their innermost thoughts with their best friends, don't they? They don't lie and deceive with their best friends. This is the OLDEST excuse for an affair, "We have grown apart..." blah-blah-blah And don't project your thoughts and beliefs about your marriage upon your wife. You obviously have no clue if she believes you would be romantically involved with anyone else or in what capacity she has questioned your sexual relationship. If you did, you would not be in this situation.
jerrytodd Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I'm interested to hear more from the guy who has had a similar situation with a woman that reported to him.... Guess that's me. IF everything had worked out as planned with my ex then I dont know if I would give you any reason based on my experience to not do what you are planning on doing. But it sure didnt end in the fairy tale ending. I am devastated emotionally and it could have been so much worse if we were caught. If you get caught at work or by your wife then a lot of SH*t will happen that I didnt have to deal with since we escaped without disclosure. So think of the embarrassment and the hurt to your wife which no matter what, she doesnt deserve. You are hearing about that from the other posters in spades so I wont expand on that. We were not caught but were suspected by her H and our co-workers. The situation with her hubby was brutal but since my ex was so insensitive she just blew it off and continued on. Our work situation was tough but not impossible, she was a good performer but the "teachers pet/affair partner" feeling got to her after a while. I was giving perfectly fair performance reviews for her and was a cheerleader in the company to get her into a different area so that we could come out of the closet in our relationship after some time with her not reporting to me. When I gave her a promotion ahead of some others in my dept it was tough on her and me. There were lots of whispers in the company and in my industry where I am prominent it was there as well. If I had been exposed it could have not only impacted my current job (fired for sure) but my industry integrity would have been shot so getting another job would have been challenging. She was confronted by coworkers with the rumours, denied them, but was so deeply hurt that she was being judged on her relationship with me not her talents, which like your future AP, are legitimately good. So you need to be very very sure you will not get caught if you want to proceed. And that will be tough to guarantee. I hope you are a very convincing liar because you will be doing this for almost half of your conversations for the forseeable future. And I am not saying that in a bad way, just as advice. The situation to either end or repair your marriage is very personal and I can give you advice based on my experience (which is not a stellar success given my separation) but I would prefer that you PM me on that when you can. Your M certainly doesnt sound perfect/great but you have fun, etc. If she is also kind, etc that is a lot to hold on to and build on. At your age there is room for growth and repair if you are totally honest about the things that are keeping you from being happy. Know also that the happiness is likely things you are doing to yourself, not what she is or isnt giving you. I liked this link on how to make the decision to stay or go in your M. Wish I had seen it before: http://www.flatrock.org.nz/topics/relationships/too_good_to_leave.htm As to your possible AP, it is so similar to my situation. I dont know if you've had a chance to look at narcissistic personality disorders but I highly recommend it. It is a PD that is almost impossible to live with long term and you are dreaming of that situation. Mine was not a SA in her description but she used sex as an anesthetic and she sounds similar to yours. If I had made it to the end of the line with my ex I would have insisted in some counselling (she herself thinks she needs it). Given your future AP's previous relationships and likely infidelity can you imagine the possible life time of being with your future AP as a couple and checking her emails, texts, cell records, putting key loggers on your computer, and never, ever letting her out of your sight, because that is what you are facing and you will see that shortly as soon as you are her partner. I didnt see that until 2 years into my 3 yr relationship and stupidly I still fought to keep it and I am hurt now BECAUSE THE LITTLE MAN IS THINKING FOR ME... ..because the sex with my ex was the best ever. Here is the analogy. Imagine that you thought spaghetti was egg noodles and ketchup. Then you had real spaghetti and said "Now I know what everyone is talking about". If I have had sex 3,000 times in my life the times with my ex were 195 of the top 200 times. Sex addicts rule. Except they are not a sustainable thing. Hence the true nature of the "fog" everyone is talking to you about, IMO. Your future AP is the issue I have the most red flags about for you candidly. Getting caught by your wife or at work or burning in hell for your decision will be how you act and feel. I am just telling you she is a mirror image of mine and leaving a marriage for her is a bad, bad idea for a long term future. She will not change for you. You will hurt and hurt and hurt. And if/when things do go bad, what are you going to do at work? Fire her for dumping you? You cant. Can you live with her boffing the guy down the hall and see her everyday after your relationship ends? How would you ever treat her fairly as an employee? Mine is leaving voluntarily simply because she knows she treated me unfairly and her decision to end our romantic relationship meant ending all relationships. She knows that I could not ever deal with her being around everyday as my subordinate and have any real career anymore at our company. What if yours decides to stay after she breaks your heart by sleeping with your co-worker? Bentley if I could replay it I would have fully left my wife first then start up with my ex with my eyes wide open and some pretty heavy boundaries set for my ex. The boundaries would be around not being sensitive when she was hurting me and stopping the activity (see my posts about her extra curricular activities). We would not plan for a long term future until I was certain she and I could live with the boundaries. Work just complicates the two bigger issues - your marriage and the red flags I see about her. Trust me, Personality Disorder does not have an ugly face - until it turns on you. Mine was the most beautiful girl I ever saw. Until I emerged from the fog. In short, if such a thing is possible now, a normal relationship with a direct report is pretty damned awkward but adding an affair on top of that has been pretty damned crazy.
Cinnamon2000 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Why can't you just do the right thing and tell your wife what's been going on and instead, you CHOOSE to continue to cheat and make a fool out of your wife?
MadMission Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Bently, Bring your W up to speed on these latest developments in her M and the changes which have occured in her H's mind and heart. She has a right to know the truth about YOU and the M. Then SHE can make informed decisions about what SHE wants. That's right...WHAT SHE WANTS. Cause, it's NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. Her life is important, too. And, right now, it's not what she thinks it is. Everyday that goes by, is another day you make a fool out of her and make a mockery of the M. It's cruel. Tell her what's going on. Be honest. Let her make her own choices regarding her participation in your love triangle...rather than tricking her into it. Give her all the information to make educated decisions for herself and her life.
norajane Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 My wife is busy, she's been out with friends a lot lately, one of which is a guy friend (gay) who also knows the OW. FABULOUS - a mutual friend of your wife and OW! You WILL get caught. Have no doubt about that. Whether it's someone from work, or this mutual friend, or you yourself making one too many odd comments or lies, or one of those friends you've been confiding in who mess up one of your alibis one night...you WILL get caught.
JamesM Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I don't want to get into the details of my past relationships, but the addictive one was with a girl who was in a committed relationship...and she worked for me. Not good. If I had been in a relationship or had been married, I can only imagine how complicated it would have been. You may think you are deciding this rationally and not simply following the little head, but IMO it is worse than that. You are simply basing this all on the feelings that this gives you. Your marriage is boring and this potential secret affair is exciting. Go with it and see what happens. My only request is that you post here all that happens so your story can be used by others whether it be for good or for bad.
whichwayisup Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Why is it Ok for you to go and cheat, be selfish and keep this from your wife? Maybe, just maybe she's just as bored and unhappy as you are and would jump at the chance of having an open marriage. Sex, no strings, with someone else. Or, tell your wife how feel, you love her but aren't attracted to her and love her as a bestfriend, not a wife. Let HER decide what she wants too. My guess is, your wife is going to find out, you'll realize what you have with the OW is fun, fantasy/lust and you got caught up in the excitement of someone new who really turned you on. And, you'll regret it deeply. Just think of this, if you get sick, is your OW going to take you to the hospital? Sit with you, deal with the Dr's, hold your hand? My guess is no. Anyway, I hope at the end of the day if you choose to continue this, when it blows up in your face you OWN it all. don't blame your wife. Be a man, face the heat and be accountable for your actions and accept the consquences. oh those consquences are going to be high. You have ALOT to lose, but the blinders are on, you're very unwilling to stop this trainwreck from happening. I hope soon you stop and think. Because I KNOW if/when you get busted you're going to feel so bad and wish that you had listened to everyone on here.
jnj express Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 What is the matter with ALL of you posters----You got your big tip off about this guy in his post a few above this in which he stated, " WOW I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW ENTHRALLING THIS WAS FOR ALL OF YOU",--- Come on --this guy is a DRAMA QUEEN----He just wants to be the center of all this attention. He has known all along what to do, what the repercussions would be, yet he just keeps on taking you all along for his ride. He knows this, he knows that---he won't make a decision. He wants to know why they don't have kids----give me a break---they don't have kids cuz they both work long, long, long hours, and their mge. has taken a back seat to their work. What is sad is this guys innocent wife is gonna pay the price no matter what, cuz this DRAMA QUEEN wants the excitement of the A.---The hiding, the lying, the deceit---it's all a big game to him. What to do about work, what not to do---- This denegrates all the honest people who come here due to the pain they are in, or about to be in. This whole thing is just a big game of escapades for this guy. He knows what is right, what is wrong, he knows what decisions he needs to make, and all of you know he knows----Time to end this drama. Either get a divorce, or work on your mge. Based on what you choose you know what has to be done!!!!!!
Author bentley2110 Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 guess that's me i will pm you. but im done posting. wish i could delete this thread now. everyone, thanks for most of your comments. helped me put this in perspective. some of you are quite cruel, though. But im sure many of you have every right to be, and for that i apologize for angering you and bringing up such painful emotions.
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