do all guy friends secretly want to f*** their female friends??

[xRJ85x]

Outside of those relationships, I've noticed that some guys stopped being "friends" with me after I started seriously dating again. They just dropped off the face of the earth. Maybe I'm naive, but I was a bit surprised and hurt! I had a lot of fun shooting the **** and having fun with some of these people. For them to completely abandon me just because my vagina isn't up for grabs doesn't seem right to me.

 

That's probably how I'm going to feel should the situation I'm in with my friend go completely south. The problem is, if you turn us down, we may say "Yea...well, it hurts, but I don't wanna lose you as a friend completely," but the truth is we can't control our feelings, so we're still hurt that much that we couldn't bear to see the sight of someone else possibly making you happy, and worse off, if we know that we can make you happier than that guy. As far as how that feeling works, for some guys it's different. If it's a sex situation, it's probably because the thought of some other guy in bed with you is enough to rip their guts out, simply because it's the alpha male instinct of defense (why did this other guy get with her and I didn't?), which personally I think is bull****, and just means you haven't gotten any in a while. If it's a love situation, then it's because of what I stated just before about our love for you versus another guy, coupled with sex-situation. If you were hurt by it, it probably means they meant more to you than you thought while you were hanging out with them. Doesn't get anymore right than "You don't know what you've got until it's gone."

[Kaplan]

IMO (in response to the OP), *most* is a pretty reliable answer.

 

Yeah, after seeing everybody's responses, "most" sounds about right.

 

But that doesn't mean all guys are like that. Some of us are capable of being friends with girls without wanting to hump them.

 

You guys are perverts.

[Phateless]

Before I moved to another state, we used to hang out together, whether it was just us or with other friends or with his girlfriend. We still share hobbies even at a distance. We'll exchange art we're working on and give each other feedback. And we talk.

 

That sounds like a good friendship.

 

This is what I don't get. When I've had guy friends make it clear they're not interested, I didn't stay friends with them in hope that they would magically fall in love with me some day. That's just so ridiculous to me. I said okay, dealt with it, moved on, and found some other guy to crush on, all while developing an actual friendship with the guy I originally liked.

 

You're well-adjusted and have decent social skills. This happens a lot to guys who have no social skills and cling to the one opportunity they thought they had. They think "she seemed interested at one point, maybe I can turn it around." They don't realize she was never interested.

 

It's not giving someone false hope to tell them "no, I don't want a relationship with you but friendship is okay." If the other person can't handle that, it's on them to end the friendship.

 

I completely agree, it is on them. A lot of these guys think that by continuing to hang out after knowing he likes her that maybe she'll come around. They have no other opportunities so they keep pining. If a girl friendzones me I consider it my responsibility to get over it. I didn't know that when I was a bit younger.

 

So I guess I have a handful of relationships that weren't cool to maintain. But now they are, I guess. How does that work?

 

It works because they probably got over their feelings, which is fine. Good for them.

 

He's a poor dumb bastard, but it's her fault?

 

It's his fault for pining, but she's being obstinate by insisting that he's fine with things. He isn't and she knows it, but she likes the attention and doesn't truly care about what he wants.

 

Honestly, it's his problem if he can't get over her and is still pining away, hoping that one day she'll realize how much she loves him or some other cliche bs.

 

I completely agree with this, and ever since I took ownership of my own role in the "friend zone" I haven't had a problem with it since.

 

That's absurd. If you can't handle it, it's up to you to say "I don't want to be friends with you anymore because I have feelings for you."

 

I've done that several times, only I never said anything to the girl. I just disappeared until I was ready to hang out without developing feelings. One girl took me several attempts, but now I'm genuinely over it. I like having her as a friend, but when I had feelings for her, hanging out was torture, and emotionally bad for me.

 

Like I said, ever since I made it my responsibility to either break out of the friend zone or get over it, I haven't been stuck there again. The trick is learning that there are other opportunities. In the past I wondered how I would ever meet another girl.

[EasyHeart]

I did not really believe this as I have always maintained that I can be friends with men-as a matter of fact, I think they make better friends than women...but it always ends up with me being accused as a tease or having lead them on, etc.etc. I was of the belief that unless that guy declares his intentions to me , he just wants to be friends-no matter if he has invited me for coffee or dinner.

 

Outside of those relationships, I've noticed that some guys stopped being "friends" with me after I started seriously dating again. They just dropped off the face of the earth. Maybe I'm naive, but I was a bit surprised and hurt! I had a lot of fun shooting the **** and having fun with some of these people. For them to completely abandon me just because my vagina isn't up for grabs doesn't seem right to me.

 

Start connecting the dots. . . .

[Jersey Shortie]

There seems to be this ideaology in this thread that the only point to befriend a woman is if you think you are going to get something sexual from her. It's kind of disappointing to hear that women are basically only a pair of breasts and vagina to alot of men apparently.

 

It also makes me wonder how this plays into relationships. When you have a relationship with a guy and he has female friends, is he crapping on his gf because he still wants to bang his female friends and entertains them or hangs out with them?

[sweetjasmine]

I completely agree, it is on them. A lot of these guys think that by continuing to hang out after knowing he likes her that maybe she'll come around. They have no other opportunities so they keep pining. If a girl friendzones me I consider it my responsibility to get over it. I didn't know that when I was a bit younger.

 

Often people have no other opportunities because they're too stuck on that one person to go looking for someone else. Learning how to let go of someone who's unavailable/doesn't want you is important.

 

It's his fault for pining, but she's being obstinate by insisting that he's fine with things. He isn't and she knows it, but she likes the attention and doesn't truly care about what he wants.

 

That's not necessarily the case, though. Maybe she doesn't know it.

 

I've done that several times, only I never said anything to the girl. I just disappeared until I was ready to hang out without developing feelings. One girl took me several attempts, but now I'm genuinely over it. I like having her as a friend, but when I had feelings for her, hanging out was torture, and emotionally bad for me.

 

And that makes sense to me. There's no point in hanging out with someone if it's making you feel terrible. My point is just that (a) not everyone is going to feel terrible about staying friends and hanging out with someone who doesn't reciprocate romantic feelings and (b) some people in some situations can get over their feelings and develop a solid friendship with the other person.

 

Like I said, ever since I made it my responsibility to either break out of the friend zone or get over it, I haven't been stuck there again. The trick is learning that there are other opportunities. In the past I wondered how I would ever meet another girl.

 

Yeah, basically. There are other people in the world who will want you, and people who can't give you a relationship can still offer you friendship.

 

It also makes me wonder how this plays into relationships. When you have a relationship with a guy and he has female friends, is he crapping on his gf because he still wants to bang his female friends and entertains them or hangs out with them?

 

Heh, no kidding. I better go psycho on my SO because he has female friends since according to this thread he must secretly want to f- every single one of them, even the unattractive ones who he turned down for dates years ago. No more female friendships allowed! :laugh:

[Phateless]

Often people have no other opportunities because they're too stuck on that one person to go looking for someone else. Learning how to let go of someone who's unavailable/doesn't want you is important.

 

That's partially their fault and partially the fault of the person who is enabling them.

 

That's not necessarily the case, though. Maybe she doesn't know it.

 

My ex knew it. She talked about it with both guys and I talked about it with her. Everybody knew what was going on. She's just immature.

 

And that makes sense to me. There's no point in hanging out with someone if it's making you feel terrible. My point is just that (a) not everyone is going to feel terrible about staying friends and hanging out with someone who doesn't reciprocate romantic feelings and (b) some people in some situations can get over their feelings and develop a solid friendship with the other person.

 

Hanging out with someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings is toxic over time. Always.

 

Eventually you can become true friends, but you need to get over the person first, and you can't do that while still spending time with them.

 

Yeah, basically. There are other people in the world who will want you, and people who can't give you a relationship can still offer you friendship.

 

They can, if you're ok with just friends.

 

Heh, no kidding. I better go psycho on my SO because he has female friends since according to this thread he must secretly want to f- every single one of them, even the unattractive ones who he turned down for dates years ago. No more female friendships allowed! :laugh:

 

lol, no need for that.

[Engadget]

The vast majority do, yes. There are exceptions of course, but most guys wouldn't be friends with girls if there wasn't some sort of attraction. It's just the way of the world.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I have a few very good platonic guy friends that act like brothers to me more than anything.

 

Outside of those relationships, I've noticed that some guys stopped being "friends" with me after I started seriously dating again. They just dropped off the face of the earth. Maybe I'm naive, but I was a bit surprised and hurt! I had a lot of fun shooting the **** and having fun with some of these people. For them to completely abandon me just because my vagina isn't up for grabs doesn't seem right to me.

 

I was totally surprised to hear some of your guys responses about how you'd bone your gal friends if they asked. It makes me wonder about my SO and all the guys I'm still friends with...

 

Rarrg~! Also, I feel for the OP and her situation. Abuse is the worst--especially when it comes from someone you trusted.

 

 

 

This sounds very sincere, and I sense that you are an attractive girl with good *energy* all around you. Given that it may take quite some time for you to see/collect enough personal experiences to where you are ready to resign yourself to this reality.

 

In brief, yes, your guy friends are mostly in-line for your affections, and it is the good ones who are dropping off the face of the earth at such point as when you become attached. (the others would inspire you to cheat on your boyfriend if possible)

[Phateless]

This sounds very sincere, and I sense that you are an attractive girl with good *energy* all around you. Given that it may take quite some time for you to see/collect enough personal experiences to where you are ready to resign yourself to this reality.

 

In brief, yes, your guy friends are mostly in-line for your affections, and it is the good ones who are dropping off the face of the earth at such point as when you become attached. (the others would inspire you to cheat on your boyfriend if possible)

 

I think PHYSICALLY most of your guy friends want to sleep with you, but that doesn't mean they would ever try for it.

 

I have plenty of female friends with whom there is obvious attraction, but I respect the boundary because I genuinely enjoy the friendship and don't have deeper feelings.

 

The issue is when there are deeper feelings posing as friendship. That's a messy situation.

[MrNate]

The vast majority do, yes. There are exceptions of course, but most guys wouldn't be friends with girls if there wasn't some sort of attraction. It's just the way of the world.

 

Definitely. There's a reason men and women exist. At the very core, it has nothing to do with friendships, and a lot more to do with mating.

[MissJoness]

The vast majority do, yes. There are exceptions of course, but most guys wouldn't be friends with girls if there wasn't some sort of attraction. It's just the way of the world.

so if a guy doesn't want to be friends with me its because i'm not really all that pretty?

 

i rarely make guy friends why is that? i'm not attractive enough to hold their interest?

[MrNate]

so if a guy doesn't want to be friends with me its because i'm not really all that pretty?

 

i rarely make guy friends why is that? i'm not attractive enough to hold their interest?

 

I won't even lie to you but yeah, it's not always the case, but most times, it is. A lot of women I know who are very attractive have TONS of guy friends. No lie. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that a lot of those guys are not friends with her just because she SOLELY has a good personality.

[phineas]

so if a guy doesn't want to be friends with me its because i'm not really all that pretty?

 

i rarely make guy friends why is that? i'm not attractive enough to hold their interest?

 

Do you try to make your guy friends pay for stuff?

[MissJoness]

Do you try to make your guy friends pay for stuff?

i never make any guy friends so i can't answer that

[DadofTwoGirls]

Yes..men can be 'just friends' to women...just ask any adultress.

[MissJoness]

I won't even lie to you but yeah, it's not always the case, but most times, it is. A lot of women I know who are very attractive have TONS of guy friends. No lie. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that a lot of those guys are not friends with her just because she SOLELY has a good personality.

I'm not sure how true that is

 

the women I see who have a lot of male friends are usually the ones who are kinda dominant/masculine in personality and like to do guy things. some seem very butch. like queen latifah. rapper da brat types. men can keep those type of women around as friends because they are not a threat to potential girlfriend/wives/love interests.

[MrNate]

I'm not sure how true that is

 

the women I see who have a lot of male friends are usually the ones who are kinda dominant/masculine in personality and like to do guy things. some seem very butch. like queen latifah. rapper da brat types. men can keep those type of women around as friends because they are not a threat to potential girlfriend/wives/love interests.

 

Really? I see more of the opposite. While I'm sure those masculine women have a lot of guy friends, that's small compared to the amount of guy friends gorgeous women have. I don't think it's coincidental.

[MissJoness]

Really? I see more of the opposite. While I'm sure those masculine women have a lot of guy friends, that's small compared to the amount of guy friends gorgeous women have. I don't think it's coincidental.

you're talking about facebook/myspace where anybody with half naked shots of them, can have a lot of guy friends. most of these guys aren't even real friends. just dudes dropping buy to see pics of them.

 

in the real world no guy is going to form a friendship with a girl that he secretely really wants to bang but never will. most of them will make it known what they want and if they dont get it they stop talking to the girl.

Edited May 11, 2010 by MissJoness

[Hooligan Harry]

ToThis is a rant....and I feel extremely violated.

 

A long time male friend of mine whom I have not seen for a year was passing through my city yesterday. The majority of the time I have known him either he, I or both of us have been in a relationship with someone else. We have never kissed or even flirted with each other. So, I figured he was not interested in me because I've never had any indication that he was.

 

Last night, he arrives at my house we catch up for a bit then head off for a few drinks. I admit to having one too many drinks and we ended up kissing at the bar. Something that I immediately regret. Not only because I'm not interested in him in that way but also because I've recently met someone that I really like and I'm not that kind of person

After the bar we come to my house and I tell my friend where he can sleep and I go in my room to talk to the guy that I like. Within less than 5 minutes my friend is in my room, I think he eventually gets the hint and leaves. Later, after I'm already asleep he comes back into my room and I'm awoken by him kissing me. I tell him that I want to get some water but he holds my wrists and keeps kissing me and being very rough and pulling my hair. Even though I'm not reciprocating he continues to do this. I could not get out of his grasp and try to run away several times but he kept pulling Me back. He is significantly larger and more muscular than most men.

 

I am really annoyed because I thought we were just friends and with all people you should be able to feel safe around your friends. This was a huge nightmare for me and now I find myself questioning all my platonic male friends. Is this normal? Should I confront my friend? I really feel like he would have raped me if I didn't finally get away. He kept trying to pull off my pants and kept saying stuff like "I want to make you scream " really creepy. To which I responded I'm not going to have sex with you. Ughhh i just feel so blah now.

 

You should feel terrible. Especially since you are trying to pull out the victim card here after you acted like a tramp.

 

So even though you have an interest in another man, you go out with this "friend" where you end up drinking too much which leads to you kissing him. So after you have now created the impression that you like him in that way, you then take him BACK HOME. Think about this rationally if you can for just a second.

 

So this guy not only thinks you are sexually attracted to him, the fact that he is in your house means that he would be under the impression you actually want to **** him.

 

Not only do you kiss this guy and take him home, you phone the "guy you really like" straight away and act as if it was just another simple night out? You just LOOOOVVVVEEE the attention dont you?

 

I would not be surprised if you slept with this "rapist" and you are now trying to create some emotional justification for it by telling the world he forced himself onto you and you walked away from it.

 

He is better off without you. You are not a friend and you never were. You simply liked the attention he gave you even though you probably knew that he fancied you. You abused his friendship by taking advantage of him and leading him down the garden path for nothing but your own ego.

 

Grow up, an start taking some responsibility for your actions

[Samari]

you're talking about facebook/myspace where anybody with half naked shots of them, can have a lot of guy friends. most of these guys aren't even real friends. just dudes dropping buy to see pics of them.

 

in the real world no guy is going to form a friendship with a girl that he secretely really wants to bang but never will. most of them will make it known what they want and if they dont get it they stop talking to the girl.

Facebook and Myspace have nothing to do with it. Gorgeous women are going to have more male friends. Men are going to befriend (or at least attempt to) attractive girls. It's as simple as that. Those girls men want to get to know.

[counterman]

Say if guys friends do want to sleep with their female friends. What if you're dating a girl who has lots of guy friends? Do you dump her only if the line gets crossed or is having a lot of guy friends a friend flag?

[carhill]

Do you dump her only if the line gets crossed or is having a lot of guy friends a friend flag?

 

If I noted *healthy* friendships with *both* genders, the fact of having friends of both genders would not be a 'red flag' to me. Having strong friendships of both genders is a byproduct of a long life and perhaps more prevalent as one ages. If, however, I didn't see strong *female* friendships but, rather, only *male* friendships in a potential mate, I would see that as an emotional vampirism red flag, using sex as the lure. That's a hard-won life lesson.

[counterman]

If I noted *healthy* friendships with *both* genders, the fact of having friends of both genders would not be a 'red flag' to me. Having strong friendships of both genders is a byproduct of a long life and perhaps more prevalent as one ages. If, however, I didn't see strong *female* friendships but, rather, only *male* friendships in a potential mate, I would see that as an emotional vampirism red flag, using sex as the lure. That's a hard-won life lesson.

 

What if her closest friends are males? It's a difficult position to be in because she has been friends with them before she meets you. I have a female friend who has mostly close guy friends and even she admits she has problems committing to a relationship. I know she isn't sleeping with any of us or anything along that nature.

 

The sentences in bold are duly noted.

[carhill]

I've had only negative experiences with such females in my life. That doesn't mean they're 'bad', but rather bad for me. Like I said, emotional vampires. If your blood isn't tasty to them, then maybe you'll get a pass. The upside is they can use the other orbiters to satisfy the needs they aren't getting satisfied by you, so you get the fruits and the orbiters get the poisons.

 

TBH, I don't know one healthy marriage of any length where the woman has a lot of male friends, proportionate to her total group of friends. I'm confident there are some out there. I just don't know them.

 

If you're just dating and have no interest in being married, no worries. Enjoy. A question to ask yourself is would *she* have a problem with you having a lot of female friends. Real good question to ask. Telling...