do all guy friends secretly want to f*** their female friends??

[tincanman99]

The answer is yes. Whats wrong with having good looking female friends that you want to sleep with? Nothing, really as long you dont act on it. Unless of course she wants you too.

 

That being said, what your friend did was very wrong. Its right on the edge of sexual assault if not sexual assault. When he did this, I assume you told him no. 99% of men would stop as soon as you said no. Apparently this guy doesnt understand this boundary or chooses to ignore it.

 

Its up to you whether you want to file charges or not. Frankly he deserves it.

[butterflysil]

i am really sorry for what happened to you. i had a very similar thing happened to me when i was 18. he was my closest friend back then. i hope you don't judge all your male friends negatively for this. i know that more than likely you will forever question any man's motives for anything. this happened 10 years ago to me and i still question any man long time friend or new man with their motives.

 

as for your question i do feel if at first they made the move to befriend you than yes they probably are interested in you or at least find you sexually attractive. throughout time it just sorta turns into a brother sister bond.

[bolase]

 

If you're both single, then you're usually playing with fire trying to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. Women seem to benefit most from these situations, because they have a man who gives them attention, but they don't have to give him anything in return.

 

Aren't women in a friendship giving a man attention too? And humour and loyalty, expanding his world through her experiences and listening to him, etc? Why is her returned attention less valuable than his? It sounds like you see a man's attention as only equivalent to to a females' sexual attention, as though that's what would make it 'fair'. I dont feel I have to pay a guy back for the time we spend hiking or swimming by anything more than being his friend, and I know they don't think that's unfair.

 

In fact that really rubs me the wrong way.

 

I think most guy and girls who are single and attractive and have some intelligence CAN be friends, not besties though, that would be a bit strange. I am just friends with a guy who I see as equal in every way including values and interests - we just had to 'go there' to realise it wasnt 'on fire' and we keep hanging out as friends, I tried to bring it up once more to see if he was frustrated by it, and he said no I was circling a dead bird.

Edited April 26, 2010 by bolase

[Phateless]

ToThis is a rant....and I feel extremely violated.

 

A long time male friend of mine whom I have not seen for a year was passing through my city yesterday. The majority of the time I have known him either he, I or both of us have been in a relationship with someone else. We have never kissed or even flirted with each other. So, I figured he was not interested in me because I've never had any indication that he was.

 

Last night, he arrives at my house we catch up for a bit then head off for a few drinks. I admit to having one too many drinks and we ended up kissing at the bar. Something that I immediately regret. Not only because I'm not interested in him in that way but also because I've recently met someone that I really like and I'm not that kind of person

After the bar we come to my house and I tell my friend where he can sleep and I go in my room to talk to the guy that I like. Within less than 5 minutes my friend is in my room, I think he eventually gets the hint and leaves. Later, after I'm already asleep he comes back into my room and I'm awoken by him kissing me. I tell him that I want to get some water but he holds my wrists and keeps kissing me and being very rough and pulling my hair. Even though I'm not reciprocating he continues to do this. I could not get out of his grasp and try to run away several times but he kept pulling Me back. He is significantly larger and more muscular than most men.

 

I am really annoyed because I thought we were just friends and with all people you should be able to feel safe around your friends. This was a huge nightmare for me and now I find myself questioning all my platonic male friends. Is this normal? Should I confront my friend? I really feel like he would have raped me if I didn't finally get away. He kept trying to pull off my pants and kept saying stuff like "I want to make you scream " really creepy. To which I responded I'm not going to have sex with you. Ughhh i just feel so blah now.

 

This guy is WAY out of line!! I would consider him no longer your friend, because what he did is not ok, by anybody's standards.

 

In answer to the title of the thread - guys might be attracted to their female friends but that doesn't mean we would ever try to do anything about it. This particular guy is a jerk and I think you should confront him and tell him you were genuinely afraid he would rape you.

 

The second you say the word out loud, it will put him in check.

 

I have plenty of hot female friends, and some of them I would hook up with if they seemed to be interested, but I respect them all enough not to try when they clearly aren't interested. I dance salsa, so I'm used to female FRIENDS flirting, cuddling, and basically acting kind of interested when I know they don't mean it. I enjoy being close with my female friends and I would never violate their trust by pushing for a hookup. They would have to make it pretty obvious to me before I would dare to cross the friendship boundary.

 

Cut this guy out of your life. He messed up, bigtime.

Edited April 26, 2010 by Phateless

[sweetjasmine]

Aren't women in a friendship giving a man attention too? And humour and loyalty, expanding his world through her experiences and listening to him, etc? Why is her returned attention less valuable than his? It sounds like you see a man's attention as only equivalent to to a females' sexual attention, as though that's what would make it 'fair'. I dont feel I have to pay a guy back for the time we spend hiking or swimming by anything more than being his friend, and I know they don't think that's unfair.

 

In fact that really rubs me the wrong way.

 

Take up the perspective that women are only good for sex and nothing else, and re-read that post. It'll suddenly make perfect sense.

[xRJ85x]

To answer the original question, no.

[Phateless]

If you're both single, then you're usually playing with fire trying to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. Women seem to benefit most from these situations, because they have a man who gives them attention, but they don't have to give him anything in return.

 

This is more referring to women who enjoy the attention of male "friends" who are interested in them but have no intention of dating these guys, stringing them along because they like being desired.

 

Take up the perspective that women are only good for sex and nothing else, and re-read that post. It'll suddenly make perfect sense.

 

I don't think this post is meant to imply that women are only good for sex, I think it's referring to women who hang out with guys who they know are interested but don't return the feelings.

 

Does that make sense? Can we all stand down now and not be so eager to find something to offend us?

[sweetjasmine]

I don't think this post is meant to imply that women are only good for sex, I think it's referring to women who hang out with guys who they know are interested but don't return the feelings.

 

So how exactly is that stringing someone along?

 

One of my best friends was interested in me when we first met, but I didn't want to date him. Five years later, we're still close friends. I never said, "Oh, well...maaaaybe..." I made it clear I wasn't interested, and he dealt with it like an adult. Does that mean I've been "stringing him along" for five years? Even though we've both had other relationships and are happy with the people we're with? Should I have cut him out of my life since I wasn't going to f- him? Or should I miss out on a wonderful friendship because of some stupid idea that it's wrong for women to be friends with men who they don't have feelings for?

 

And, yes, his post implies that women are only good for sex because he said a woman is getting attention from a male friend but the male isn't getting anything out of the friendship. That clearly suggests that a woman's friendship isn't worth anything unless there's sex involved.

[BobSacamento]

That is such a weak thing to do. Blame a woman for stringing you along because you can't get over it? That is not what a man does.

 

A gentleman doesn't blame a woman for anything.

[TheBigQuestion]

So how exactly is that stringing someone along?

 

One of my best friends was interested in me when we first met, but I didn't want to date him. Five years later, we're still close friends. I never said, "Oh, well...maaaaybe..." I made it clear I wasn't interested, and he dealt with it like an adult. Does that mean I've been "stringing him along" for five years? Even though we've both had other relationships and are happy with the people we're with? Should I have cut him out of my life since I wasn't going to f- him? Or should I miss out on a wonderful friendship because of some stupid idea that it's wrong for women to be friends with men who they don't have feelings for?

 

And, yes, his post implies that women are only good for sex because he said a woman is getting attention from a male friend but the male isn't getting anything out of the friendship. That clearly suggests that a woman's friendship isn't worth anything unless there's sex involved.

 

Just because you didn't string this guy along doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.

[Phateless]

So how exactly is that stringing someone along?

 

One of my best friends was interested in me when we first met, but I didn't want to date him. Five years later, we're still close friends. I never said, "Oh, well...maaaaybe..." I made it clear I wasn't interested, and he dealt with it like an adult. Does that mean I've been "stringing him along" for five years? Even though we've both had other relationships and are happy with the people we're with? Should I have cut him out of my life since I wasn't going to f- him? Or should I miss out on a wonderful friendship because of some stupid idea that it's wrong for women to be friends with men who they don't have feelings for?

 

And, yes, his post implies that women are only good for sex because he said a woman is getting attention from a male friend but the male isn't getting anything out of the friendship. That clearly suggests that a woman's friendship isn't worth anything unless there's sex involved.

 

Personally, I wouldn't hang out often with a girl who I know likes me if I don't return the feelings. Why? Because it's awkward, unless you like the attention. It's also completely unfair to her.

 

If one person wants a relationship and the other person only wants friends, that's not really a true friendship.

 

If a guy knows the girl isn't interested and hangs out with her anyway, then that's his own fault for wasting his time.

[sweetjasmine]

Personally, I wouldn't hang out often with a girl who I know likes me if I don't return the feelings. Why? Because it's awkward, unless you like the attention. It's also completely unfair to her.

 

There wasn't anything awkward about my friendship with this person. Or my other friendships where one of us had feelings for the other but it wasn't reciprocated. One slightly awkward moment of "I'm not interested" followed by a regular friendship.

 

Honestly, I don't see what's so difficult about it. In cases where I've been the one who wanted more, I just got over it and enjoyed their company as friends.

 

If one person wants a relationship and the other person only wants friends, that's not really a true friendship.

 

That's absurd.

[sweetjasmine]

Just because you didn't string this guy along doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.

 

I'll ask again: so how exactly do you string someone along? How can it be stringing someone along if you've made it clear you're not interested?

[Yamaha]

One of my best friends was interested in me when we first met, but I didn't want to date him. Five years later, we're still close friends. I never said, "Oh, well...maaaaybe..." I made it clear I wasn't interested, and he dealt with it like an adult. Does that mean I've been "stringing him along" for five years? Even though we've both had other relationships and are happy with the people we're with? Should I have cut him out of my life since I wasn't going to f- him? Or should I miss out on a wonderful friendship because of some stupid idea that it's wrong for women to be friends with men who they don't have feelings for?

 

 

And what do you guys do when you hang out together? Do you have activities you both enjoy ( bowling, fishing ect. ) or is it just a talking friendship? I would be friends if we are interested in activities but if it is just a talking friendship then I would pass.

[bolase]

Personally, I wouldn't hang out often with a girl who I know likes me if I don't return the feelings. Why? Because it's awkward, unless you like the attention. It's also completely unfair to her.

 

If one person wants a relationship and the other person only wants friends, that's not really a true friendship.

 

If a guy knows the girl isn't interested and hangs out with her anyway, then that's his own fault for wasting his time.

 

 

As another poster suggested, unless you are seriously in love with her, there is such a thing as being mature enough to get past it, if you get on well with someone you can't have. Why not be her friend and keep it in your pants. Maybe it's an ego thing.

 

I have male friends who I'm attracted to, but either haven't made any moves on me and aren't going to, or have someone already, and I still love them as friends. It doesn't really matter, I have other romantic options and I like having male AND female friends!

[Pfiend101]

I'll ask again: so how exactly do you string someone along? How can it be stringing someone along if you've made it clear you're not interested?

By still hanging out with them you are giving them false hope. Hanging out with them may also relieve some of your guilt for not wanting to go out with them.

[Phateless]

As another poster suggested, unless you are seriously in love with her, there is such a thing as being mature enough to get past it, if you get on well with someone you can't have. Why not be her friend and keep it in your pants. Maybe it's an ego thing.

 

I have male friends who I'm attracted to, but either haven't made any moves on me and aren't going to, or have someone already, and I still love them as friends. It doesn't really matter, I have other romantic options and I like having male AND female friends!

 

There is a BIG difference between attraction and romantic interest. I have plenty of female friends with whom I share a mutual attraction, but we're both ok with friends only. No big deal. I agree that keeping it in my pants is an option, because I like having friends.

 

I'm talking about situations where one person seriously wants to date the other, but it's not mutual. That's where it's not cool to maintain a friendship.

 

By still hanging out with them you are giving them false hope. Hanging out with them may also relieve some of your guilt for not wanting to go out with them.

 

Yes, this person understood what I meant.

 

My ex-gf practically made a career out of this. Guy after guy "friend" while we were together. One of them she's still "friends" with and is probably still pining for her, the poor dumb bastard. I almost want to explain it to him so that he has SOME hope of finding a girl who actually likes him beyond the favors he always does for her. And what favors does she do for him? Hang out with him and tell her about her problems with whoever she's dating at the time.

 

The other guy "friend" she would hang out with all the time, until she eventually dumped me to be with him. But he was never her friend, he was just hanging around until she was available, just like another poster said.

 

Attraction is perfectly acceptable, we're all adults, but if one person has feelings for the other and they're not reciprocated, being friends isn't fair.

Edited April 27, 2010 by Phateless

[sweetjasmine]

And what do you guys do when you hang out together? Do you have activities you both enjoy ( bowling, fishing ect. ) or is it just a talking friendship? I would be friends if we are interested in activities but if it is just a talking friendship then I would pass.

 

Before I moved to another state, we used to hang out together, whether it was just us or with other friends or with his girlfriend. We still share hobbies even at a distance. We'll exchange art we're working on and give each other feedback. And we talk.

 

By still hanging out with them you are giving them false hope. Hanging out with them may also relieve some of your guilt for not wanting to go out with them.

 

This is what I don't get. When I've had guy friends make it clear they're not interested, I didn't stay friends with them in hope that they would magically fall in love with me some day. That's just so ridiculous to me. I said okay, dealt with it, moved on, and found some other guy to crush on, all while developing an actual friendship with the guy I originally liked.

 

It's not giving someone false hope to tell them "no, I don't want a relationship with you but friendship is okay." If the other person can't handle that, it's on them to end the friendship.

 

I'm talking about situations where one person seriously wants to date the other, but it's not mutual. That's where it's not cool to maintain a friendship.

 

So I guess I have a handful of relationships that weren't cool to maintain. But now they are, I guess. How does that work?

 

My ex-gf practically made a career out of this. Guy after guy "friend" while we were together. One of them she's still "friends" with and is probably still pining for her, the poor dumb bastard.

 

He's a poor dumb bastard, but it's her fault?

 

Honestly, it's his problem if he can't get over her and is still pining away, hoping that one day she'll realize how much she loves him or some other cliche bs.

 

Attraction is perfectly acceptable, we're all adults, but if one person has feelings for the other and they're not reciprocated, being friends isn't fair.

 

That's absurd. If you can't handle it, it's up to you to say "I don't want to be friends with you anymore because I have feelings for you."

[tami-chan]

DO all guy friends secretly want to f*** their female friends?

 

I did not really believe this as I have always maintained that I can be friends with men-as a matter of fact, I think they make better friends than women...but it always ends up with me being accused as a tease or having lead them on, etc.etc. I was of the belief that unless that guy declares his intentions to me , he just wants to be friends-no matter if he has invited me for coffee or dinner.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

ToThis is a rant....and I feel extremely violated.

 

A long time male friend of mine whom I have not seen for a year was passing through my city yesterday. The majority of the time I have known him either he, I or both of us have been in a relationship with someone else. We have never kissed or even flirted with each other. So, I figured he was not interested in me because I've never had any indication that he was.

 

Last night, he arrives at my house we catch up for a bit then head off for a few drinks. I admit to having one too many drinks and we ended up kissing at the bar. Something that I immediately regret. Not only because I'm not interested in him in that way but also because I've recently met someone that I really like and I'm not that kind of person

After the bar we come to my house and I tell my friend where he can sleep and I go in my room to talk to the guy that I like. Within less than 5 minutes my friend is in my room, I think he eventually gets the hint and leaves. Later, after I'm already asleep he comes back into my room and I'm awoken by him kissing me. I tell him that I want to get some water but he holds my wrists and keeps kissing me and being very rough and pulling my hair. Even though I'm not reciprocating he continues to do this. I could not get out of his grasp and try to run away several times but he kept pulling Me back. He is significantly larger and more muscular than most men.

 

I am really annoyed because I thought we were just friends and with all people you should be able to feel safe around your friends. This was a huge nightmare for me and now I find myself questioning all my platonic male friends. Is this normal? Should I confront my friend? I really feel like he would have raped me if I didn't finally get away. He kept trying to pull off my pants and kept saying stuff like "I want to make you scream " really creepy. To which I responded I'm not going to have sex with you. Ughhh i just feel so blah now.

 

 

Ignoring the fact that you were sexually assaulted, women should know that men simply do not do the "friends with women who are not in the workplace, or at the little league games, etc." thing. Men are almost exclusively "IN LINE" for your affection if indeed they are voluntarily hanging anywhere around you.

 

Some will tell you otherwise (just to be allowed to remain in line, or where they believe they are in line) and some here will tell you otherwise (for not knowing any better, and not wanting to admit reality).

[xRJ85x]

So how exactly is that stringing someone along?

 

One of my best friends was interested in me when we first met, but I didn't want to date him. Five years later, we're still close friends. I never said, "Oh, well...maaaaybe..." I made it clear I wasn't interested, and he dealt with it like an adult. Does that mean I've been "stringing him along" for five years? Even though we've both had other relationships and are happy with the people we're with? Should I have cut him out of my life since I wasn't going to f- him? Or should I miss out on a wonderful friendship because of some stupid idea that it's wrong for women to be friends with men who they don't have feelings for?

 

No, it means that he obviously wasn't that interested.

[carhill]

IMO (in response to the OP), *most* is a pretty reliable answer.

 

I'm a firm believer that men and women can be platonic friends, but such friendship requires a mutually supportive and healthy interest and care, including support of the friend's respective relationships or the pursuit thereof. IME, that dynamic is fairly rare, and has only happened to myself a few times in my life, meaning only a few women remained 'friends' after they realized I wasn't 'attracted' to them, regardless of how they might feel. I've seen a lot of situational (whether purposeful or accidental) ego feeds amongst the 'friend' dynamic. The rare exceptions have made for great memories and wonderful friends and I value them greatly.

[MrNate]

DO all guy friends secretly want to f*** their female friends?

 

I did not really believe this as I have always maintained that I can be friends with men-as a matter of fact, I think they make better friends than women...but it always ends up with me being accused as a tease or having lead them on, etc.etc. I was of the belief that unless that guy declares his intentions to me , he just wants to be friends-no matter if he has invited me for coffee or dinner.

 

That should show you something. Typically most of them will be attracted to you to some degree. Just because a guy doesn't declare his intentions, (because most won't), doesn't meant they aren't attracted to you. A lot of times they will be your friend because they're attracted to you but don't see it going anywhere. So there's some level of sexual tension.

 

That's why beautiful women have so many facebook/myspace 'friends'.

 

I also believe that men and women weren't created to just be friends. But that's another topic.

[Dido]

I have a few very good platonic guy friends that act like brothers to me more than anything.

 

Outside of those relationships, I've noticed that some guys stopped being "friends" with me after I started seriously dating again. They just dropped off the face of the earth. Maybe I'm naive, but I was a bit surprised and hurt! I had a lot of fun shooting the **** and having fun with some of these people. For them to completely abandon me just because my vagina isn't up for grabs doesn't seem right to me.

 

I was totally surprised to hear some of your guys responses about how you'd bone your gal friends if they asked. It makes me wonder about my SO and all the guys I'm still friends with...

 

Rarrg~! Also, I feel for the OP and her situation. Abuse is the worst--especially when it comes from someone you trusted.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

To be fair it sounds like you got drunk and led him on a bit I don't know how drunk he was but that got his hopes up! still thats no excuse for how far he took things.

 

Just a side note prob wasn't a good idea to bring him home after kissing him but again hes clearly 97% to blame for things.

 

.