Are Paternity Tests Insulting?

[Peter Attis]

Once again, say a woman was cheating and accidently got pregnant. If she didn't want to leave guy 1 for guy 2, she would terminate the pregnancy instead of trying to pass it off as someone else's.

 

Oh, you think that's ACTUALLY how things work in the real world. How cute.

[A O]

Asking for a test in the first place isn't 'relationship behavior.'

Interaction is relationship behavior, asking questions of each other is relationship behavior. The actual question and answer is almost moot! Its how we interact, how we see things, how we approach issues, its how we deal with them that matters. And in the context of this thread, there's some incredibly dysfunctional interaction going on.

 

 

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[blue.iris]

Oh, you think that's ACTUALLY how things work in the real world. How cute.

 

Yes. Unless you hang out with the Jerry Springer crowd.

[Peter Attis]

So the only people who don't have abortions are the Jerry Springer crowd?

 

Oh, the naivete is too much for me!

[donnamaybe]

Yes, there are two people, or more, in a relationship, but I'm not seeing that from you, in regards to this issue. Your stance is, if your partner asks or insists on a test then you'll do it but walk away thereafter. That's not relationship behavior, that's not thinking of the other, that's all about you. This is a sensitive subject for women, for sure, but does it deserve the ultimate act - separation - no. And almost as important, do you even care how your answer affects your partner's feelings? Do you even know that he has any, or are you too wrapped up in your own feelings to notice! Again, this is a sensitive subject, and like you say, there's at least two people involved, but going on some of the reactions here - you wouldn't think that!

 

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If my partner mistrusted me to the point that he asked me to get our child paternity tested, trust me - I would be VERY aware of his feelings. Hence, I would be OUT!

[sophiclover]

I think you could ask the same about divorce proceedings, alimony, child support, marriage even. The fact is that all of those things are 'legal.' What I mean is that the moment you are married you are subject to follow rules and laws in your state/ country. That's why you have to get a license to be married. Paternity testing is now on the books in all government systems. It has guidelines just like alimony, child support etc. I think that once it reached legal status it became status quo. In a while it'll stop being so taboo and people will just accept it as part of the proceedings during divorce.

[donnamaybe]

Interaction is relationship behavior, asking questions of each other is relationship behavior. The actual question and answer is almost moot! Its how we interact, how we see things, how we approach issues, its how we deal with them that matters. And in the context of this thread, there's some incredibly dysfunctional interaction going on.

 

 

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"Dysfunctional interaction?" HA!

 

I would deem not coming to your partner with concerns about their fidelity but, instead, waiting until she is pregnant and then covertly getting your child paternity tested VERY "dysfunctional."

[donnamaybe]

I think you could ask the same about divorce proceedings, alimony, child support, marriage even. The fact is that all of those things are 'legal.' What I mean is that the moment you are married you are subject to follow rules and laws in your state/ country. That's why you have to get a license to be married. Paternity testing is now on the books in all government systems. It has guidelines just like alimony, child support etc. I think that once it reached legal status it became status quo. In a while it'll stop being so taboo and people will just accept it as part of the proceedings during divorce.

 

Ahhh, a BRAND SPANKING NEW "female" poster makes her FIRST post on this thread? Yeah. Um, okay.

[blue.iris]

So the only people who don't have abortions are the Jerry Springer crowd?

 

Oh, the naivete is too much for me!

 

If my response is 'too much' for you, you should perhaps refrain yourself from reading it.

 

AO--interactions may be relationship behavior. There are different kinds. Unwarranted accusations are not a part of a healthy relationship.

[Peter Attis]

Ahhh, a BRAND SPANKING NEW "female" poster makes her FIRST post on this thread? Yeah. Um, okay.

 

I love how any time a female disagrees with rest she's automatically a troll or a guy under a different account.

[threebyfate]

I think you could ask the same about divorce proceedings, alimony, child support, marriage even. The fact is that all of those things are 'legal.' What I mean is that the moment you are married you are subject to follow rules and laws in your state/ country. That's why you have to get a license to be married. Paternity testing is now on the books in all government systems. It has guidelines just like alimony, child support etc. I think that once it reached legal status it became status quo. In a while it'll stop being so taboo and people will just accept it as part of the proceedings during divorce.

This thread isn't about a relationship degenerating to divorce, prior to requesting a paternity test. The opening post talks about requesting a pat test in a happy relationship, with zero reason to do so.

[FryFish]

Women cannot see this from the male perspective because they cannot have doubt as to whether or not it is their baby. They give birth to it, nobody else does.

 

It doesnt matter how much a guy trusts and loves his girl, he can never be absolutely certain that it IS HIS baby. He can only hope that it is.... or get a paternity test.

 

The women in this thread that are calling it a deal breaker are simply selfish and unwilling to share the "piece of mind" that they inherently have as they can only give birth to their own offspring.

[FryFish]

Once again, say a woman was cheating and accidently got pregnant. If she didn't want to leave guy 1 for guy 2, she would terminate the pregnancy instead of trying to pass it off as someone else's.

This is laugh out loud naive.

[donnamaybe]

I love how any time a female disagrees with rest she's automatically a troll or a guy under a different account.

 

Um, no. Not "any time." A brand new so-called female poster makes her very first post in THIS thread. Very suspect.

 

Now, see, THIS is an example were suspicion is warranted.

[Peter Attis]

Yeah, because it's SO unbelievable that a woman was looking through a thread, and decided to join to post in it.

[donnamaybe]

Yeah, because it's SO unbelievable that a woman was looking through a thread, and decided to join to post in it.

 

Are you intentionally obtuse? Gawd, I sure hope so.

 

I said her VERY FIRST POST EVER! WAY too much of a coincidence.

[blue.iris]

This is laugh out loud naive.

 

Because?

 

9 months of carrying a child and then going through excruciating labor and then having to raise another person for at least 18 years isn't something 'fun' when it's unwanted. Why would a woman go through all that trouble in the first place?

[FryFish]

Because?

Because it happens to 3 percent of "fathers"... That is why.

 

9 months of carrying a child and then going through excruciating labor and then having to raise another person for at least 18 years isn't something 'fun' when it's unwanted. Why would a woman go through all that trouble in the first place?

irrelevant.

[A O]

If my partner mistrusted me to the point that he asked me to get our child paternity tested, trust me - I would be VERY aware of his feelings. Hence, I would be OUT!

That's not the point. Your actions, how you'd deal with this situation if it were real, how they say more about you than the relationship - that's the point.

 

AO--interactions may be relationship behavior. There are different kinds. Unwarranted accusations are not a part of a healthy relationship.

They don't need to be accusations! They can simply be concerns. Interesting isn't, how we see things - this means this to 'a' and something else entirely to 'b'. Lets talk about it rather than rendering it as a no go area.

 

The opening post talks about requesting a pat test in a happy relationship, with zero reason to do so.

Clearly not zero reason to someone. And if it were a happy relationship, then it'll whether this storm easily enough.

 

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[blue.iris]

Because it happens to 3 percent of "fathers"... That is why.

 

irrelevant.

 

Where did you get this statistic? Hopefully it isn't from Jerry Springer. You shouldn't believe it if it is.

 

It's not irrelevant. If someone's smart enough to cheat without the partner finding out, they are smart enough to cover their tracks well.

[donnamaybe]

That's not the point. Your actions, how you'd deal with this situation if it were real, how they say more about you than the relationship - that's the point.

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The test results would tell him what I thought he already knew about me. His demand that our child be tested would tell me what he REALLY thought of me.

 

OUT!

[Art_Critic]

The women in this thread that are calling it a deal breaker are simply selfish and unwilling to share the "piece of mind" that they inherently have as they can only give birth to their own offspring.

 

Have you ever had a child FF ?

 

When my wife was pregnant I had plenty of piece of mind.. as much as she did..

 

I think you have created this piece of mind crap to try and further or bolster your argument...

[Peter Attis]

Are you intentionally obtuse? Gawd, I sure hope so.

 

I said her VERY FIRST POST EVER! WAY too much of a coincidence.

 

Are YOU?

 

The only reason it's "WAY too much a coincidence :rolleyes:" is because she doesn't agree with you. If she did, you wouldn't have batted an eyelash.

[A O]

The test results would tell him what I thought he already knew about me. His demand that our child be tested would tell me what he REALLY thought of me. OUT!

Would you ever care to ask why donna, why he may want the test or do you simply act on what you think, what you assume this is all about and forever take things from there?

 

I think you have created this piece of mind crap to try and further or bolster your argument...

No - piece of mind - is a beautiful state that most of us strive to achieve or give.

 

 

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[donnamaybe]

Are YOU?

 

The only reason it's "WAY too much a coincidence :rolleyes:" is because she doesn't agree with you. If she did, you wouldn't have batted an eyelash.

 

Nope. Sorry. I always wonder when someone comes into the middle of a thread and places their very first post, regardless what they have to say.

 

Normally, when someone is seeking out a new message board, they have an issue they want to deal with.

 

I know what's going on. Another sock puppet.