DontWorryBHappy Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 AHHHHHHH RM that's amazing!!!!!!!!!!! I've been following your story for around a month now and to see it end up like this is incredible . GREAT job talking over your past issues and working together to prevent them in the future. I can hear your happiness through all of your recent posts.... And yes, I DID notice that even before she told you she wanted to come back, the tone of your posts sounded more confident and at ease with your life in general. I'm just beginning to start actually healing myself too. You've done well my friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted April 22, 2010 Author Share Posted April 22, 2010 AHHHHHHH RM that's amazing!!!!!!!!!!! I've been following your story for around a month now and to see it end up like this is incredible . GREAT job talking over your past issues and working together to prevent them in the future. I can hear your happiness through all of your recent posts.... And yes, I DID notice that even before she told you she wanted to come back, the tone of your posts sounded more confident and at ease with your life in general. I'm just beginning to start actually healing myself too. You've done well my friend! I'm very careful to say that it's "ended up" like this. This isn't the result of anything, it's just part of the pattern of my life. It's what's happening. I haven't won anything. In order to continually be happy, I need to continue to grow and evolve as a person. Something I quit doing 7 or 8 years ago. Something I only recently rededicated my life to doing. If I can do that, and reach my goals, and she can continue to reach for hers, then we will continue to be relevant to each other in a vital way. That's my most ardent wish... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted April 26, 2010 Author Share Posted April 26, 2010 Weekend update~ Friday we met at her school mid afternoon, where she gave me a microdermabrasion facial and LED lights on my face. I swear I look 5 years younger! Haha it was pretty fun and also cool to have her work on me. She's so professional and pleasant while working, I just know she's going to do very well when she starts working. She also introduced me to her friends at school, and 2 of her teachers. Or, I should say, they all came out to introduce themselves. It was really pretty great for me to have them all come out and be interested to meet me... showed me that they have heard a lot about her and I and took an interest in seeing what it was all about LOL. After, we went to the gym and had a really tough workout, then back to her place where I cooked chicken marsala for us and her dad. Then we watched a movie and made love <3... On Saturday, we slept in til 10:30, then I made our picnic lunch (italian sandwiches, fruit and popcorn) and we headed to the park, ate and walked around the track. Then we went to a pottery painting place and spent almost 3 hours painting. I painted a mug for my mom for mothers day (LOL) and she painted a piggy bank. It was very chill and relaxed and very fun. Then we BBQ'd dinner, ate, relaxed, then got sexy and went out to a club. Had a few drinks, were going to dance but ran into some of her HS friends. I hit it off with a couple of them right off the bat and we all hung out and had a great time. I drove her home and layed up in bed w her as she was hiccupping and laughing but also had the spins. We snuggled and then slept til about noon on Sunday. Woke up, had some reallllly great sex, then got our lazy asses up and went out shopping and to a movie. Had dinner, and then I headed home. I have a busy week coming up. I have to write some blurbs for our company website, finalize a presentation for the first week in May, practice it, and also make some customer calls in Boston this week. In addition, I'm enrolling in painting classes and also plan on drawing a bit this week. And of course, hitting the gym most everyday. Hope you guys are doing well, too. Sorry I don't get on here much but my life has been pretty positive and I find myself dwelling online very infrequently. I'm still here for anyone that wants to talk. Later peeps. Link to post Share on other sites
DontWorryBHappy Posted April 26, 2010 Share Posted April 26, 2010 Amazing RM! I for one REALLY appreciate your updates... it's great to see some positive vibes floating around loveshack . The thing I am most pleased to see is how busy you are keeping your own personal life outside of her, the way you always said you would whether she was in your life or not. Awesome Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 Thanks gurl I worked out soooo friggin' hard today. I'm starting to really look and feel good! I believe I'll be at my best this summer for the first time in several years... really looking forward to that! Had counseling today also. I talked about the process of re-introducing my Ex as my GF again to my family. Some people know but some very important people do not. I've held off in order to ascertain how well things are actually going with a few weeks perspective. It's clear I need to respectfully engage certain people and apprise them of what's been going on in my life. Haven't drawn in a few days, and I'm really tired right now, so hopefully I'll find time tomorrow to do that. I did read a few chapters of a Vonnegut book and watched some of the Bruins playoff game... I noticed this thread gets far less views and comments now that it's become pretty positive. I recognize that this site is a haven for people who are suffering and that they look for like-minded people. I'm not sure if I should continue with the updates, but I probably will for a while for my own benefit. They may come further apart, though. Link to post Share on other sites
monkeymaid Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 not to say i told you so, but ..i told you so. gjdm no doubts bro.none. i got your back summer is coming keep up on the shred! Link to post Share on other sites
cp3_panda Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 i dont think so much that people are not looking at this thread because it has become positive. If anything, people want to look at this thread for a bit of hope that most people are clinging on to. But people aren't checking this thread anymore due to the lack of updates. Anyways, I can only assume that things are working out for the better for u and ur gf?? let us know im interested. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 I am still watching the thread, but I am just looking for little ideas and things, trying to work out my own boundaries in my relationship. It's hard with a baby. Often on LS people get pretty attracted to the drama and it latches their relationship co-dependency, wanting to help those in need. If you are doing well, then it doesn't latch as many people on here. I hope that things continue to go well for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 not to say i told you so, but ..i told you so. gjdm no doubts bro.none. i got your back summer is coming keep up on the shred! I got this box of girl scout cookies sitting on my counter for the last week. Started calling my name... but no, I won't break. Hahaha time for some tilapia and rice Link to post Share on other sites
Fouts Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 I noticed this thread gets far less views and comments now that it's become pretty positive. I recognize that this site is a haven for people who are suffering and that they look for like-minded people. I'm not sure if I should continue with the updates, but I probably will for a while for my own benefit. They may come further apart, though. RM, now don't you go gettin' all negative Hey, I'm one that will always be against advising someone to go back, as I did you. It doesn't mean I don't want it to work out for them, I just know how hard the next crash and burn can be. Every reconciliation has it's honeymoon period, I hope yours can push through that and last. I truly hope the best for you, that you can be the 1 in 100 that makes it happen, as I'm sure most everyone else on here does. Just because they aren't posting or viewing as much, doesn't mean they aren't in your corner. Keep it updated once in awhile, even if it's only every month or two. I only view recent posts, so when I see your thread pop up, I read it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 RM, now don't you go gettin' all negative Hey, I'm one that will always be against advising someone to go back, as I did you. It doesn't mean I don't want it to work out for them, I just know how hard the next crash and burn can be. Every reconciliation has it's honeymoon period, I hope yours can push through that and last. I truly hope the best for you, that you can be the 1 in 100 that makes it happen, as I'm sure most everyone else on here does. Just because they aren't posting or viewing as much, doesn't mean they aren't in your corner. Keep it updated once in awhile, even if it's only every month or two. I only view recent posts, so when I see your thread pop up, I read it I hope so, too! Thanks Fouts! Link to post Share on other sites
DontWorryBHappy Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 RM iz da man. Even if this didn't work out he'd still come out just fine - strong guy right here! Always rooting for you man!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 I've been reading a few of the new cats, and some of the regulars postings the last few days. I'd like to remind you all of some of the things that were pointed out to me, that helped me quite a bit. - You don't contact your Ex. If you do, you go back to NC immediately. It's like dieting, waking up at 3AM after the 3rd week of fish and rice and raiding the 7-11 and eating your way through the hot dogs that have been spinning for a week, the chocolate doughnuts, a Snickers ice cream bar, coupla cupcakes and maybe a Reeses or 7. Ok, so that's me. But after you eat that sh*t, you can choose to sleep it off and then diet hard again. Rededicate yourself to your effort. Same thing with NC. Stay with it, because it allows you to: - Prioritize yourself. We all cry about how badly we are treated by our exes. Then we continue on to treat ourselves in a manner not much better. It's understandable, but the ONLY cure is to push through it and hold on to the belief that you are worth it as your mantra. You gotta get out and push the limits of your abilities. You gotta live at the edge of your fear (thanks MM and find your purpose again. Nobody will do this for you. Your ex will not help you better yourself. But he/she may notice the changes. By that time, it's irrelevant. You've got the ball rolling... Link to post Share on other sites
DontWorryBHappy Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Any advice on how to heal after an epic **** up? Not sure if you read my log lately... but I ended up going up to my ex's school for a student preview day thing (because I'm probably going there in August). long story short he'd get distant, show affection, get distant again... we ended up making out about 3 different times then sleeping together... I left a letter for him and by the time I got home I was blocked from his facebook. I think I've probably ****ed up worse than anyone else here. Yup. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 Any advice on how to heal after an epic **** up? Not sure if you read my log lately... but I ended up going up to my ex's school for a student preview day thing (because I'm probably going there in August). long story short he'd get distant, show affection, get distant again... we ended up making out about 3 different times then sleeping together... I left a letter for him and by the time I got home I was blocked from his facebook. I think I've probably ****ed up worse than anyone else here. Yup. Wait...what?! I gotta go back and read this. BRB. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 I'll respond here since you asked here. First, I see a lot of self doubt and wish washiness. A ton of "Oh my did I do the right thing, how will HE RESPOND" and "Will this affect HIS ACTIONS". You can guess what I'm gonna say about that. Basically, you need to concern yourself juuuusssst about ZERO with your Ex's response to your actions. There is absolutely no healthy correlation between him and how you choose to cope with this grief, and move on with your life. He forfeited his involvement in your affairs when he broke up. So you've made some errors. You aren't the first person in history to sleep with her/his Ex, and you won't be the last. But you need, right now, to quit thinking in terms of how he will respond to your actions, and instead solely focus on your own actions repercussions on YOURSELF. Let him go. Completely. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeymad Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 Hey RM Keep posting. It will help you, if nothing else, and others may stumble on it if it's fresh. Of course most won't post, as they have no advice to give someone who made it to the penultimate destination most of us long for but never see. Kinda like someone died and saw God face to face, then came back to life. Not exactly a common ground most people have to have a conversation. Most people only saw jesus' face in a piece of toast. And for chrissake's, don't sit here and look at how many "views" your thread has ya dang egomaniac don't worry, you probably still have the posting record. I think the trophy is being made right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 Hey RM Keep posting. It will help you, if nothing else, and others may stumble on it if it's fresh. Of course most won't post, as they have no advice to give someone who made it to the penultimate destination most of us long for but never see. Kinda like someone died and saw God face to face, then came back to life. Not exactly a common ground most people have to have a conversation. Most people only saw jesus' face in a piece of toast. And for chrissake's, don't sit here and look at how many "views" your thread has ya dang egomaniac don't worry, you probably still have the posting record. I think the trophy is being made right now. Ahhahaha... busted! Spent the weekend at GF's... Friday stopped in at her school and picked her up for lunch. 3 of her girlfriends from school came too, which was pretty funny to see them all interact... Friday after school and work, we were at the gym and got a call that her nana broke her ankle. She's 77 and in the last year has deteriorated quite a bit mentally and physically. We picked her up and brought her to her Dad's place, then to the hospital. We helped take care of her all weekend, cooking and cleaning and my GF had to help her bathe and go to the bathroom It was good to see her take care of someone though... she showed a lot of care and love and energy to see that her nana was comfortable. We even got a smile and a joke out of her last night over dinner. Hopefully she makes a recovery, but at this age and stage of life it's a real tossup right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted May 10, 2010 Author Share Posted May 10, 2010 Wattup kids? Phewww I'm exhausted. Drove to NYC on Thursday, gave two presentations, one on Friday and then visited with a customer. Then drove home and battled traffic and met up with the girly. We hung out and had dinner, then decided to go out for a few drinks. Had a great time and slept in til noon on Saturday. Saturday we finally got up, then went and test drove some cars as my current lease is up in 6 weeks. Then we had lunch/dinner and ran into my friend and his wife at the restaurant and made plans to go play Lazer Tag next weekend Stayed in on Saturday night and enjoyed down time, then today visited with my Mom, cooked her food and gave her some gifts. Then we went to the gym together, then out shopping. Another successful weekend sans any fighting or difficulty. Only problem is that I miss her as soon as she leaves. Heading into Boston for work tomorrow, then a bit of a weird workweek as associates from the UK are coming in to travel with me. Should be fun, we'll see! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 Wattup kids? Phewww I'm exhausted. Drove to NYC on Thursday, gave two presentations, one on Friday and then visited with a customer. Then drove home and battled traffic and met up with the girly. We hung out and had dinner, then decided to go out for a few drinks. Had a great time and slept in til noon on Saturday. Saturday we finally got up, then went and test drove some cars as my current lease is up in 6 weeks. Then we had lunch/dinner and ran into my friend and his wife at the restaurant and made plans to go play Lazer Tag next weekend Stayed in on Saturday night and enjoyed down time, then today visited with my Mom, cooked her food and gave her some gifts. Then we went to the gym together, then out shopping. Another successful weekend sans any fighting or difficulty. Only problem is that I miss her as soon as she leaves. Heading into Boston for work tomorrow, then a bit of a weird workweek as associates from the UK are coming in to travel with me. Should be fun, we'll see! Have fun, lazer tag is awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
ALombard Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 Hey RM, Reading your log is helping me. I'm in the same boat you WERE in. My girl of 5 years dumped me 2 weeks ago and 3 days later started dating a new guy. I've tried to stay NC but I either find myself texting her or her calling or texting me. I'm pretty lost right now but seeing how things went for you cheer me up. I'm not saying I'm going to go NC to get her back (she's left me and started dating another guy right away 3 times in less than 2 years). But seeing how you handled the break up and actually started focusing on yourself really gives me a kick in the ass. I know I have to stop talking to her now and not reply to any phone calls, texts, or FB messages. All I've done for the last 2 weeks is beg for her back and apologize a lot. So thank you for the inspiration to finally get my life back together and focus on making MYSELF happy again. Link to post Share on other sites
cp3_panda Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 i agree. RM's blog is true inspiration for people to not only pursue NC in a chance for reconciliation but also to simply get over their exes. To that end, I thank you RM. I have successfully gotten over my ex :> Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted May 11, 2010 Author Share Posted May 11, 2010 Yeaaaahhhh bitchessss! Glad to hear that, Panda. The defining moment for me was when I "turned the corner" and found myself becoming happier day by day WITHOUT her in my life. It was then that I knew my happiness had nothing to do with whether or not I reconciled, or even spoke to my then ex. Life update: Got a job offer today from a company that is tempting. I currently work with my parents and 2 other associates in a small business. I'm supposed to take over the business but there's been no solid guideline for that happening at this point. The job offer is lucrative, but something is telling me to pass. I'll have a phone consultation this evening and hopefully will get a better understanding of the position being offered. More life updates: Consolidating some debts and cleaning up my finances. Also turning in the BMW and picking up a Honda Crosstour, which will cut costs by $2700/yr. Just paid off student loan number 2 and one more that will be done in 6 months. And scaling back on therapy sessions to twice a month because I find myself sitting there smiling and silent more than wanting to talk, since I'm fairly happy all around right now. Cliffnotes: cleaning up financial mess from last 3 yrs of life. Smiling more. Giving up BMW's after 9 years of blissful driving. Link to post Share on other sites
Bolts Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 keep it up.... finally took a real vacation to a tropical island this last week... and even though i still find myself thinking of her everyday, and dreaming of her at night... I have started feeling better (3 months broken up, 1 month REAL nc, and she of course has a new bf for a month now... grrr) returned home to find myself slipped back to day one again... dont know... So i looked your thread back up for inspiration and guidance. Your helping more people than you can possibly know. Thank you, and keep it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted May 25, 2010 Author Share Posted May 25, 2010 Hey all, I find myself so much more busy in a relationship than I was while single. I literally keep a day planner to be able to make appointments and plan outings with my GF. Things continue to go well. We spend a lot of time on weekends and some during the weeks as well. Last week she had State boards, a large test and 2 job interviews. I helped her prepare for all of them with great success! She got a 94 on the test, passed the boards and GOT the job! We celebrated with chinese food and a lot of drinks, then watched the Celtics playoff game at her brother's place. I'm headed out to buy a new car today. I'm getting the Honda Crosstour after 9 years of BMW's. First step in rebuilding my empire, cheaper car. LOL. Enjoy the day everyone. Supposed to be 90 degrees here! Link to post Share on other sites
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