USMCHokie Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 ::feverish hoping that I'll be the next person whose ex calls:: Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 congrats aerogurl!!!, let me ask you something, when you were dating the other guy, did you ever tell your ex you didn't love him anymore? or that you guys were not going to get back together? I never told my ex I didn't love him anymore, and in fact I told him when we broke up that I'd probably never love someone as much as I loved him ever again. Of course, when we broke up, he told me he didn't love me over a text, which I could see through as plain as day. So I remember I told him to call me and tell me and he never would, then like two days after we broke up he called me and told me I was right and that the reason he couldn't just call me and tell me he didn't love me because it hurt him too much but he felt he had to lie to me so that so I could move on. Anyway, I did tell him that was it, the final straw and I wasn't coming back ever again. And in my head I was determined to never come back, except I couldn't get him out of my mind. I mean it was crazy. I remember being at work and they would play this certain song he sang to me when we were in the car together one time and for the first two verses all I could hear was his voice singing it. But yeah, I did tell him I was moving on for good and to show I was serious I started dating other people and managed to get a new boyfriend about a month after we broke up, which he didn't like. That was what actually led to us going NC, because anytime I brought up my new boyfriend he would get angry with me although we had agreed to be just friends. But now I'm rambling, so I'll just stop, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
sheithappens Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 thats awesome, how long did you last with the new guy? sorry for being nosey lol, Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 thats awesome, how long did you last with the new guy? sorry for being nosey lol, Lol, no it's ok. I lasted almost 4 months with the new guy, but I was still in love with my ex the whole time. I was happy with him, but not as happy as I knew I could be, but I made the best of it. After awhile though, it was like my heart finally stepped up to the plate and basically said "you know this isn't right. You need to break up with him and move on either by being single for awhile or seeing if your ex feels the same way as you do still". And so I listened to my heart and here I am now, happy as can be. Link to post Share on other sites
sheithappens Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 thats awesome , I am sort of in a similar situation, but the opposite of your position, I dumped her , went to go get her back a couple of days later, she was hurt, we were together for five years, she started dating people and became exclusive with some guy that I know, they have been together since november and she was trying to talk to me from november to december , then i told her i was going to move on since she was still with that guy, now she hardly speaks to me Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 thats awesome , I am sort of in a similar situation, but the opposite of your position, I dumped her , went to go get her back a couple of days later, she was hurt, we were together for five years, she started dating people and became exclusive with some guy that I know, they have been together since november and she was trying to talk to me from november to december , then i told her i was going to move on since she was still with that guy, now she hardly speaks to me You made the right decision in moving on. The way I look at it, if she were really serious about trying to work things out she'd tell the guy she was exclusive with that she needed to end things because she still wasn't over you. That's what I did, I cut off things with my new guy, and then started talking to my ex on a more extensive basis. Link to post Share on other sites
Oh Moe Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Yeah, I had an ex-fiancée try and come back once. I won't bore you with the details, but the short of it was this: she discovered that the guy she left me for wasn't quite as advertised (she wanted a "bad boy" - she got a drug dealing, abusive punk of a man. A true bad boy!). She realized that she made a bad decision and wanted me to come in and save her and her kid (who was conceived two weeks after she left me for him) from this guy, but I wasn't interested. She lost all of the spark and ambition that I fell in love with, while I, on the other hand, started riding and partying and had stories about crazy parties and wild rides. I mean, play Iggy Pop's Lust for Life with the volume at 11 - that's how I felt. Life was good for me and I wasn't interested in giving it all up to be the white knight to the girl who did more than just break my heart - she completely crushed it. It was cathartic for me, though. She was always "the one that got away", and getting to see her again and seeing that she wasn't who I fell in love with anymore only confirmed that things really did work out for the best. After that, I stopped wondering "what if...". Last I heard, she moved up north and married some guy. Wow if any have read my past post in short this is was my ex. except she already had three kids when I met her. She also called and wanted me to save her day and by that time I said Na. Her new BF is a punk druggie who now runs from me like a girl. LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kristinabopp Posted January 25, 2010 Author Share Posted January 25, 2010 usmchokie: the song is nice. sometimes, i dont like listening to music, because when i do, im just daydreaming and it takes me out of reality. haha! im so weird but thats how i am. but hey, dont lose hope though, you know, since the break up, i NEVER stop praying. and a little tiny part of my heart is hoping. i didnt loose hope,but i minimize thinking about it.like, in order for me not to think bout stuff is reading LS and watching MOVIE in laptop, chatting. thats all. but now i dont know if he will call back again.. AEROGURL:IM JUST SOOOOO JEALOUS OF YOU! I DONT KNOW BOUT ME, I DONT KNOW IF HE WILL CALL ME BACK AGAIN. BUT I THINK HE WILL NEVER CALL ME BACK AGAIN. AFTER WHAT I SAID, I DOUBT HE WILL CALL BACK.! EEEHHH! i told him i love him so much that when i went out w./ a guy i felt like im cheating on him and i felt nasty so i told the guy not to call back anymore. idk idk idk. im so freaking out right now. my mind/heart is like hoping again. my heart loves him and i wanna follow my heart, but i dont want to get hurt again though... im so stressed about this! ahh! Link to post Share on other sites
ohlala147 Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Hi there, I just wanted to let you know my story because I would never have believed this would happen. So, my ex broke up with me now over a year ago. One night, he busted into tears and said we weren't a good team. Well, after my last breakup, I read this book called "It's called a breakup because it's broken". This guy who wrote it gives very good, if very harsh advice. Namely, it's broken, and the other person was just recognized it first and got the balls to say it. It's broken and it's never gonna happen. Maybe he thinks about you from time to time, but mostly he's relieved it's over. You must do absolute no contact for at least 3 months. So, although it hurt terribly, I followed his advice to the letter. I NEVER spoke with him again for months. I immediately de-friended him from all my social networks and all my friends. I was absolutely iron clad in nc. A week or two later, I got a "dear John" letter with my keys (special delievery adn I know he padi extra for delivery confirmation!) I read it, but it didn't contain the info I wanted, which would have been wanting to get back together. So I didn't respond at all. I can't tell you how hard this was, how much it hurt, how much i wanted to reach out and how much I cried over this. But still, I knew there was no other way. So, months go by. I figured we'd never speak again. Then slowly, after months, we would send a text on holidays. It was always very bare bones, like "Happy election day" and nothing else. Weeks would pass by between these. After about 6-7 months, he sent this long email asking to hang out. I responded but I didn't refer to his question at all. Another month goes by, he writes me about another event. Again, I did not address his question at all. Slowly we start chatting on gchat. Then New Years came and we met up. We had a great time and I looked fabulous. Next weekend, he invites me out again (with friends). Again, we have a great time. Now we are chatting every day and it really seems like something is a brewin, although I'm not toally sure what. Bottom line is that I NEVER would have expected this turn of events. I thought it was totally done. I highly recommend absolute nc. It's the only possible way to turn things around and even then it's unlikely. But it might work, it has for me so far.... (knock on wood) Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Bottom line is that I NEVER would have expected this turn of events. I thought it was totally done. I highly recommend absolute nc. It's the only possible way to turn things around and even then it's unlikely. But it might work, it has for me so far.... (knock on wood) I gotta agree with you ohlala. I did absolutely NC for 4 months. My ex blocked me on FB though, so I didn't have to unfriend him. I stopped texting him completely, even when he got mad because he kept texting me for about a week and I'd never respond. I also basically decided that he probably had moved on and lived my life like he had. I knew if he really wanted me back though, I'd have to eventually tell him I was single since I knew he'd never try and get me back when he knew I had a boyfriend. So one quick "happy new years" text turned into this. Yep NC is the way to go! Also kristinabopp, if you really love him and he tells you the three things you need to hear before even contemplating a second chance (1. I want only YOU 2. I made a BIG mistake and 3. I'll do ANYTHING to have you back) then why not give it a go if he comes back? It's better to look back on your life and say "glad that's over" than to keep wondering "what if". Because it's the "what ifs" that really get to you in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kristinabopp Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 AEROGURL. your right, but thats only IF HE CALLS BACK.. when we were talking we keep saying i miss you and i told him i love you so much, and you know i always forgive you. OMG!damn!i cant believe i said those! i was expressing all my feelings for him. whilehe was crying. eh!ill give him time.. its up to him. but aerogurl, i will never stop being jealous at you!hahaha! i feel happy for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kristinabopp Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 ohlala! GOOD LUCK! let us know how it goes, alright? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 AEROGURL. your right, but thats only IF HE CALLS BACK.. when we were talking we keep saying i miss you and i told him i love you so much, and you know i always forgive you. OMG!damn!i cant believe i said those! i was expressing all my feelings for him. whilehe was crying. eh!ill give him time.. its up to him. but aerogurl, i will never stop being jealous at you!hahaha! i feel happy for you! You have to keep in mind that in any sort of reconciliation, the two of you have to approach it as a completely new relationship...you have to hold back all the emotions from your past...there are obviously issues and problems that plagued the broken relationship, and they must be resolved before a successful second chance can happen...and you can't let your emotions cloud your mind... Until both of you can set aside your emotions (can he do anything except cry....? ), it will be hard to really make it work again...I know it doesn't sound all that romantic, but you have to approach it rationally...something didn't work before, so the two of you have to sit down, communicate, and figure out what went wrong and how to fix it...otherwise, the relationship will fail like it did before... Kristina, the point is that you can't get all emotional...as hard as it is...it just means you're not ready... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kristinabopp Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 he cried while saying that he still loves me and misses me so bad. i just said all my feelings because its hard to keep it. well, whatever, its up to him. i will just wait and focus on myself for now.. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 he cried while saying that he still loves me and misses me so bad. i just said all my feelings because its hard to keep it. well, whatever, its up to him. i will just wait and focus on myself for now.. Good idea. And now I can see how he'd get emotional while saying that to you...I'm positive I would break down into tears if I just saw my ex in person, let alone say anything to her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kristinabopp Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 of course we will all get emotional.. oh wow!i didnt know u live in washington dc!! Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 of course we will all get emotional.. oh wow!i didnt know u live in washington dc!! Yep...well, Alexandria, but it's close enough... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kristinabopp Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 awesome.damn i miss dc. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 You have to keep in mind that in any sort of reconciliation, the two of you have to approach it as a completely new relationship...you have to hold back all the emotions from your past...there are obviously issues and problems that plagued the broken relationship, and they must be resolved before a successful second chance can happen...and you can't let your emotions cloud your mind... Until both of you can set aside your emotions (can he do anything except cry....? ), it will be hard to really make it work again...I know it doesn't sound all that romantic, but you have to approach it rationally...something didn't work before, so the two of you have to sit down, communicate, and figure out what went wrong and how to fix it...otherwise, the relationship will fail like it did before... Kristina, the point is that you can't get all emotional...as hard as it is...it just means you're not ready... Agreed USMCHokie, hence why my ex and I haven't just jumped back into being in a relationship yet. We both decided that we should take things slow although he does throw the "I miss you so much" in there every so often. But we're taking our time to start from scratch I guess you could say. He knows I still love him, and he still loves me, so it can be hard to hold back on telling him how I feel, but I know that's the only way this will work. Like my best friend told me, when you break up with someone you have to start from scratch. You can't just start from where you left off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kristinabopp Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 it just depends.. some people like starting from where you guys left, some people likes to start from the scratch. i know a lot of people who have gone through this.. i think, its up to each others decision, just because we all got dumped doesnt mean all of us are going to be the same in the end, it doesnt mean we have to copy each others decision by telling this or doing that. we just have to follow our heart and see what happens. if it works then great! if not then who knows?maybe in the future you will end up w/ the same guy/girl? we cant tell whos gonna be with us in the future. we will never know.. Link to post Share on other sites
Clep Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Well my son's father and the absolute love of my life just told me today he wants me back. I knew he was going to want me back based upon the circumstances of the part. He left for eight months and then returned missing me and our son. He left again for ten months and left again for another ten months. He found out his issues and went to rehab, where I thought everything would be good enough to be able to hit a counselor and work on things. He relapsed once and left again as his new sponsor and aa friends told him that was the only way and that there is no way he could love me as I was surely just an obsession. I always knew the day would come where he would realize the retarded thing he did giving up his family, but life goes on now. I wonder how I will feel next week. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kristinabopp Posted January 27, 2010 Author Share Posted January 27, 2010 CLEP: wow he got so many chances and just ruined it all. ur such a forgiving person. someday, i hope my ex come back too. i can only hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Clep Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 CLEP: wow he got so many chances and just ruined it all. ur such a forgiving person. someday, i hope my ex come back too. i can only hope. I wouldn't sit and wait for him though if I were you. Have fun, move on with life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kristinabopp Posted January 29, 2010 Author Share Posted January 29, 2010 i know.. im trying.. but its really bothering me so bad. everyday im depressed, everyday since the break up i cant stop crying. every day is hell. i dont even wanna live anymore knowing that hes not with me.. but oh well, well see until when can i survive this. Link to post Share on other sites
Clep Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 i know.. im trying.. but its really bothering me so bad. everyday im depressed, everyday since the break up i cant stop crying. every day is hell. i dont even wanna live anymore knowing that hes not with me.. but oh well, well see until when can i survive this. I found it helpful to read lots of self help books and look at myself instead of at him. I learned lots about detachment and co dependency. That was the most helpful of all the things I tried. I also looked into how I was parented, and how it helped shape my perceptions today so I could understand how losing another could cripple me so badly. It worked great, and today I can lose anyone and go on with life. I still feel sorrow, but not to the point that it is hard to cope at all. Hope all is going well with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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