Wife messing with my head

[jerseyboy]

Holy F'k!!!

 

Your hopefully soon to be ex is an evil cunt.

 

Dont even ever speak to her again. Shes emasculated you enough with no remorse.

 

She is not like most women bro. You could throw a stone and do way better. Dont let feelings of habit, body chemistry (ie attachment), and insecurity fool you otherwise.

 

Wow

 

No offense bro, but you need to get some therapy. That you would allow any woman to treat you this way is insane. And you seem like the type where this is going to carry over into a new relationsip.

 

And in the future you need to learn to man up. Yeah **** hurts, but rub some dirt in it and keep moving. Pain is not an excuse to be a bitch

[WinterPain]

Holy F'k!!!

 

Your hopefully soon to be ex is an evil cunt.

 

Dont even ever speak to her again. Shes emasculated you enough with no remorse.

 

She is not like most women bro. You could throw a stone and do way better. Dont let feelings of habit, body chemistry (ie attachment), and insecurity fool you otherwise.

 

Wow

 

No offense bro, but you need to get some therapy. That you would allow any woman to treat you this way is insane. And you seem like the type where this is going to carry over into a new relationsip.

 

And in the future you need to learn to man up. Yeah **** hurts, but rub some dirt in it and keep moving. Pain is not an excuse to be a bitch

 

The thing is, I know that at a conscious level. I'm probably no different from a crackhead who knows he shouldn't take a hit of the pipe, but feels compelled to do it anyways.

 

I'm profoundly embarassed at how low I've let myself go to be with her. Like I said earlier, I feel "damaged" somehow now, like if I had some kind of PTSD or something.

 

As much as I hate to admit it, If I still feel this messed up in 6 months, I will have to schedule time with a counselor.

[freestyle]

Hey Winter.........

 

Glad to hear you're hanging in there.

 

A classic symptom of people who have been emotionally abused is to beat

themselves up for allowing it to happen. Please, don't do the abuser's work for them.

 

I doubt there's a single poster here who hasn't embarassed themselves

in one way or another to keep love from slipping away.

 

You were a man in love. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately, you were deceived, and manipulated. That's all on her. That's her character flaws. (understatement of the century, in this case)

 

 

What I'm hoping for you, is that with each and every passing day, you will get just a little bit stronger, and the Svengali hold she's had over you will lessen. It won't happen overnight, but try to visualize, every day, yourself

getting stronger, and feeling your own center again.

 

There was another poster here who had a method for bringing herself back to the present reality when she got tempted to contact her AP. She wore a rubberband around her wrist, and snapped it (Hard!) whenever she found herself reaching for the phone, or thinking about him too much.

She said that after a couple days of that, (and a stinging wrist) she was

able to keep herself from obssessing. Maybe this would work for you?

[mem11363]

WP,

As you have realized, falling in love releases comparable endorphins to opiates/amphetamines.

 

Intense exercise is a weak substitute - but it is a sub. Have you tried that?

 

Do you realize that just like a crackhead you will get over your withdrawal faster if you have zero exposure?

 

Are you planning to change your phone number?

 

Can you sub your current place and move somewhere new so she doesn't even know where you live?

 

 

 

The thing is, I know that at a conscious level. I'm probably no different from a crackhead who knows he shouldn't take a hit of the pipe, but feels compelled to do it anyways.

 

I'm profoundly embarassed at how low I've let myself go to be with her. Like I said earlier, I feel "damaged" somehow now, like if I had some kind of PTSD or something.

 

As much as I hate to admit it, If I still feel this messed up in 6 months, I will have to schedule time with a counselor.

[HarmonyHope]

After I accepted, I started to get paranoid that maybe this was a ruse to make me get caught having sex with her so my wife can claim adultery .. of course that's ridiculous, but you guys do have me thinking abiout the other part. I doubt my wife has much to gain from an assault charge given that she's in a rented place and we have no kids. But still, I'm playing that one safe.

 

It's smart to be "paranoid". I used to work with a woman who pulled some really heinous crap. While married and cheating on her H, she took out a bunch of credit cards in her H's name and charged them up (she forged his signature on the application). Just before the divorce, she transferred the balances back to the cards he knew about and closed the ones he didn't know about. Presto - he got stuck with her debt. But that's nothing.

 

She cooked up false child abuse charges against her H (which she was able to easily do with her job at the time) and whittled his visitation down to pretty much nothing. If he pisses her off, he's under threat of losing his son entirely. I had no idea she was so crazy. She made up these elaborate lies about how her H put a gun to her head and other crazy stuff that in retrospect I can see now were total fabrications. We all felt so sorry for her and she had us all going, believing her tale of woe. Only later when she showed her true colors did the rest come out.

 

Point is - you should watch out for you, she sure as hell is not. It isn't worth putting yourself at risk to be nice to her. Change the locks on your apartment if you haven't already.

[Jerseyboy.]

The thing is, I know that at a conscious level. I'm probably no different from a crackhead who knows he shouldn't take a hit of the pipe, but feels compelled to do it anyways.

 

I'm profoundly embarassed at how low I've let myself go to be with her. Like I said earlier, I feel "damaged" somehow now, like if I had some kind of PTSD or something.

 

As much as I hate to admit it, If I still feel this messed up in 6 months, I will have to schedule time with a counselor.

 

 

Bro I know its hard

 

There isn t aperson ehre who hasnt been through it. It seems horrific, like youll never feel this way again, the pain is unbearable

 

But its a healing pain. What this bitch has done to you is unconscionable.

 

In the end count yourself fortunate to be rid of ehr.

[WinterPain]

Just a quick update. I had dinner with a mutual friend of ours. She invited me over for dinner because she heard what was going on and was concerned for me. I had a great time, maybe had a glass of wine too many, but no harm done.

 

I tried to keep off the subject of my W even though she wanted to know if I was ok. I told her I was 100% fine (I lied). I'm reciprocating and she's coming over for dinner to my place this Saturday.

 

On the other front, my W left me a note in my mailbox I guess sometime on Sunday asking me to please call her (she left a lipstick print on the letter). I haven't called yet.

[Virgo1982]

A lipstick print? Anyway, good for you. You have made awesome progress. Keep up the good work.

[Owl]

Simple advice for you...

 

If you have no intent or desire to reconcile (and I see nothing wrong with feeling that way)...then tell her that, point blank, up front.

 

Take her little lipstick note, write a 2 letter response on it, initial it, and put it in her mailbox.

 

"NO" is simple enough to understand.

 

Tell her point blank that you're done with her, and done with what she's done to you.

 

And take ACTIVE measures to remove her from your life.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Dude the lipstick is all games, used to manipulate you and have you rushing back with your head in your arse.

 

Trust me mayn, your better off if you just ignore her. That mutual friend, now she sounds...interesting.

 

Is she attracted to her? Do you get a vibe from her. I tell you when a man gets divorced, a good man especially alot of women tend to want him for some reason.

[theflagal]

So sorry to hear about your situation. You need to get your head together. If you own that house with her get some boxes and get over there and get her out NOW. Why on earth did you leave? You did nothing wrong. Let her BF take care of her housing needs since he is taking care of everything else. Have respect for yourself. This piece of garbage is just that and needs to be tossed out to the curb.

 

Be kind to yourself - all of this is about her sick world don't be a part of it any longer. Rid yourself of this garbage once and for all. Never look back. She is a dog. Do only good things for yourself. Having any contact with this pig is not going to help you. Let your attorney handle everything. Be smart.....

[TaraMaiden]

Just a quick update. I had dinner with a mutual friend of ours. She invited me over for dinner because she heard what was going on and was concerned for me. I had a great time, maybe had a glass of wine too many, but no harm done.

 

I tried to keep off the subject of my W even though she wanted to know if I was ok. I told her I was 100% fine (I lied). I'm reciprocating and she's coming over for dinner to my place this Saturday.

 

On the other front, my W left me a note in my mailbox I guess sometime on Sunday asking me to please call her (she left a lipstick print on the letter). I haven't called yet.

 

And don't.

Don't call, don't respond, don't take the bait.

Hold out just another week. That will take you to the 16th, right?

The day the D papers get served?

Brace yourself for a barrage of holy cr*a*p.....

 

I have a feeling these cutsey little lipstick kisses are going to come to an abrupt halt then.....

[Culthbert]

Winterpain,

 

I think you are getting great advice here. I came across your thread last Friday, and I'm encouraged by how far you've come since you first posted. (I'm not a regular poster here - yet - but I've spent a lot of time at another marriage board, from where I remember 2long and Owl.)

 

I love to see people reconcile and I love to see "Wayward Spouses" redeem themselves. However, I also recognize a distinction between individuals who make a mistake and get sucked into a situation beyond their control, and those who coldly calculate their moves and know what they are doing. I believe the former are redeemable, the latter are not, and I suspect your wife is in the latter category.

 

I think that based on the way she has manipulated you throughout, especially the cold way she laughed at you when you begged her to not go away with the Other Man, that she is not good marriage material, and for that reason I agree with most of the others and think you should remove yourself from her, permanently, because I think the likelihood of her continuing to abuse you is high. From another angle, considering how low you sunk while in the midst of this ordeal, I think divorcing her is important for you to regain your own self-respect. Given the short length of your marriage and the fact that you don't have kids, I think you're in a good position to get away from her and start over again, and hopefully find a healthy relationship with someone who loves you, treats you well, and draws out the best of you.

 

Seems to me that's the way you are headed already.

 

I think Owl's advice about returning the letter with the word "NO" is good, for two reasons. Firstly, you let her know it is over (even though the message may not sink in right away). Secondly, I think it would be good for *you* to write "NO" on it and return it to her. You'd be taking back some control over the situation, and that would help drive home the fact that you are not powerless.

 

For what it's worth, I completely understand how you felt and how you sank so low. I think your main mistake was keeping the situation to yourself for so long, and I am glad that you reached out to get help. I really don't believe that people were meant to face this kind of situation alone.

 

Stay strong!

[hopesndreams]

Don't rush into another relationship to replace who and what you had. When one is stomped and trampled on, it's human nature to rush into another R to fill a void and feel better about oneself. This type of relationship can never last. It's called a rebound and someone will get terribly hurt. Be on your own for a bit, get your head straight and your emotions in check. Find happiness from within first and only then would you be ready for someone else to be in your life.

[Culthbert]

I agree with hopesndreams - there is time later for finding someone new, right now you should concentrate on ending this relationship and healing from your ordeal.

 

You've been through the wringer, and you know you're a mess right now. Give some time to recovering your own sense of self worth before you jump in with somebody new.

[cody5]

I have an idea. You can get a little action (no reason you should have to be celibate just because your wife is a cunt), show who's in control, and humiliate her all at the same time.

 

Call her up. Tell her you are sorry for not calling her, but you need to sort things out. You're still confused, but could really use a BJ to clear your mind. Go to her, immediately unzip, release in her mouth, zip up and tell her you'll call again when you need to clear your head again. Turn around and LEAVE.

 

Be strong and you will OWN her.

 

F'in bitch.

[freestyle]

I have an idea. You can get a little action (no reason you should have to be celibate just because your wife is a cunt), show who's in control, and humiliate her all at the same time.

 

Call her up. Tell her you are sorry for not calling her, but you need to sort things out. You're still confused, but could really use a BJ to clear your mind. Go to her, immediately unzip, release in her mouth, zip up and tell her you'll call again when you need to clear your head again. Turn around and LEAVE.

 

Be strong and you will OWN her.

 

F'in bitch.

 

She does deserve to be treated that way,....except................

 

Except there's every chance she would use that against him, something along the lines of a fabricated assault charge.

 

She's like a venemous snake............nothing he should be poking at with a stick...................

[TaraMaiden]

Sorry to be blunt, but Cody's advice is puerile and frankly extremely immature.

 

Stick with Cobalt....

and continuing the military tone, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

But on alert. I don't mean see her, contact her or write to her. Don't speak to her at all.... but be watchful and just pay attention.

Always always know this, forefront in your mind:

She has ulterior motives.

She doesn't love you. She has no affection for you, neither has she ever respected you.

She's always put herself first.

And she's following that same pattern now.

 

Everything we have told you has come to pass.

 

Keep at it, stick with us, and hang in there.

You haven't faced the furious flak, yet......

[WinterPain]

Thanks for your encouragement. It's helping me alot. It's hard to not go to there knowing that I could have wild sex with her again. To be in her arms again. But yes, I'm resisting. I haven't called her, and I won't.

 

As to the other lady, we're on friendly terms, it's waaay to early to be thinking anything else at this point. She's very attractive, and so if something did develop, I wouldn't mind. Might even help me get over my W more easily. But then again, I wouldn't want to "use" her that way.

[cody5]

Hey Cobalt. How about a diversionary tactic? She got used to him being weak and pitiful (no offense, Winter). Now with the No Contact, he's showing some strength and backbone. Do you think she'll know he's up to something? I think the papers are going to be served on the 16th? That gives her plenty of time for a surprise pre emptive strike. I think he should throw her off-guard. Send a long email detailing his feelings, how he is inwardly seeking solice, searching his soull for the right answers. No, it's too soon to see you (his dick will get in the way), but give me a little more time to think this through....

 

Then BAM. Papers served. What do you all think?

 

Winter. Look at how long this thread is. You have a lot of people rooting for you. We're all living vicariously through you. Don't let us down. Stay strong.

[betrayed2]

I would drop this woman immediately, she no longer loves you and gets off on the fact that your still head over heels for her. You deserve better. I don't need to go into a long explanation, i think you realize it and are just too scared.

 

BTW, you are 100% accurate, you are ADDICTED to her, you will go through withdrawl but you will feel so much healthier when you rediscover yourself and your dignity. Good luck.

[Culthbert]

Winter, after reading Cobalt's posts, this thought occurred to me.

 

I think you would be well served to keep your distance from the mutual friend until everything is done.

 

Is she a friend of your wife? Are you sure she has your best interests at heart?

 

She could be passing information back to your wife. Even if not, if your wife finds out about her, she could turn the tables and claim YOU are the adulterous one.

 

Best to wait until after everything is finalized.

[freestyle]

Winter, after reading Cobalt's posts, this thought occurred to me.

 

I think you would be well served to keep your distance from the mutual friend until everything is done.

 

Is she a friend of your wife? Are you sure she has your best interests at heart?

 

She could be passing information back to your wife. Even if not, if your wife finds out about her, she could turn the tables and claim YOU are the adulterous one.

 

Best to wait until after everything is finalized.

 

 

Good point, Cuthbert. I've had the same scenario running through my head, and i even thought about writing another warning post, but I was wondering if it was too paranoid.

 

Winter, you're best off playing your cards extremely close to your chest right now. If the woman you had dinner with is a mutual friend to you and your STBXW, the possibility does exist that there's some form of collusion

going on. I certainly hope I'm wrong, but there are women who will play games like that on behalf of a friend.(I know, I'm a woman myself, I know the type:sick:)

 

Of course this could be entirely off base, but if the new women does have your best interests in mind, she will okay with waiting til the fallout is finally over.

[Chrome Barracuda]

WP could definitely find out what her intentions are by giving her false information. That way if she's in contact with the stbx you'll know it by letting her know that information was false. and she's in collusion.

 

So then you'd know.

[WinterPain]

Ok here's an update. I was hesitating to post anything because I came so close to messing up. But may as well tell you all ..

 

Last week Saturday I had my Japanese friend come over (let's call her K) and we had a fine time. We did not get intimate at all, but she made quite a few hints at the idea of us getting closer. She stayed until 3:30 AM

 

On Sunday, I get a blocked call which I picked up and it was my W. She said she absolutely had to speak with me and that it was of some crucial imoportance, but she wouldn't elaborate on the phone. She suggested we meet for lunch at this little Italian place not too far from my old house. I figured it would be safe given that it's in a fancy mall area with lots of people. There were so many people at the mall, that I wounf up having to park my car over a 5 minute walk away.

 

When I finally arrive, she's already there, and she looks absolutely amazing. She obviously put alot of effort into that: all the men in the place couldn't take their eyes off of her. So we start with the small talk before lunch arrived and continued all through until dessert came. I asked he what was so important that we had to talk. She replied that she had dumped the other guy weeks ago and that she had time to think things over and that she wanted me back. She wants to start a family. She apolgized profusely and told me she realized how much she hurt me and how she wanted to go to counseling to be a better person and to heal our marriage.

 

I admit that I was hearing exactly what I wanted to hear. That plus her looking ike she did plus a glass of wine and I was enjoying the moment. But I told her that I was angry. I was angry with what she did and how easily she did it. I asked her what the hell she was thinking. She got very meek and said she had no explanation. We went on like that for awhile. In fact the lunch crowd had long gone.

 

So I told her I needed time to think about things and that I would get back to her once I had some clarity. I did this to buy time knowing that within a few days she was getting D papers served. As we walked out, she offered to drive me to my car which was far away. I accepted.

 

As we're driving she drives out of the lot and towards our old place. I shake my head and ask her what she's doing. She smiles and says "I'm going to jump your bones". We get to the place and I tell her we are NOT having sex. No way. But she started acting frantically and was literally tearing my clothes off. But being in the place where the OM and her used to make love completely put me off. I didn't want to go anywhere near the bed. She then pulled me to the couch and I started to go along with it. But I was unable to "perform". The whole idea of being there was a complete turnoff. She then tried everything to get me aroused, but to no avail.

 

To make a long story short, she drove me back and begged me to give us a chance. As shaken up as I was about my limpness, I think she was more upset by what it meant. I said that I would think about it all and so on. But tomorrow she gets served.